10 Ways to Ruin a Wedding

The Toast

As the best man, you've been asked to give a toast at your brother's wedding. You've spent weeks scouring the Internet, stealing ideas, and now it's time to deliver. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. In that room of 120 people, only, say, four give a shit. Make it snappy.

There have been millions of weddings with at least a half dozen toasts at each one. Not to mention the handful of self-aggrandizing tributes shared at the thirty showers, brunches, and parties the couple has been generous enough to throw for themselves. Are any of them famous? Nope. They all bleed into one excruciating, indistinguishable diatribe that separates uninterested guests from the open bar. It forces painful, disingenuous laughter at stuff that isn't funny. Just, not funny at all. Why is everyone laughing?

So, don’t try too hard. Keep it under two minutes. Don’t get too creative. Remember that you're not that funny, jokes aren't your thing, and definitely don’t do this.

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