Jamie Shupak is the Emmy-nominated traffic reporter for NY1, the Big Apple cable network that’s the end-all and be-all on all things Gotham for New Yorkers. She’s also a beautiful, single woman navigating New York’s treacherous dating scene after the painful breakup of a 10-year relationship. In her weekly column she’ll share her war stories and offer her advice and admonitions.
"I’m going to lose weight!"
"I’m going to respond to emails quicker!"
Sure you are.
"I’m going to spend less time on Facebook and more time face-to-face with friends!"
Yadda, yadda, yadda.
Like most people, as the clock struck midnight on January 1st you made all sorts of wishful promises to yourself about the year ahead. I’m not saying any of those are bad ideas. They’re all great in theory, if not in execution, so long as you, well, execute.
But why start the New Year beating yourself up for not following through on crazy lifestyle changes? Instead, resolve to do better with the ladies. A few simple tweaks to your dating style could have huge payoff.
NO MORE T.U.I.
I don’t just mean drugs and alcohol. I mean no texting under the influence of anything—anger, heartache, even elation. Don’t do anything in the heat of the moment, after any mood-changing event, that you’ll regret. Seriously, put the phone down. No, put it away! Nothing good will come from this.
Remember my text-capade last New Year’s Eve? How could we forget? It was printed in the New York Times for goodness sake. I’m glad it was though, so we could all learn together that like drinking and driving, drinking and texting don’t mix.
TAKE WHAT YOU WANT
I hear from guys all the time who say that a woman is too pretty or too successful, too this or too that, and so on, so forth. I’m sick of hearing that. If you want her, go get her. Don't talk yourself out of taking action; act.
Say goodbye to the Shy Guy of 2011, and say hello to the Brave Man of 2012. In the most sincere, direct way, tell her how you feel. Tell her you’d love to take her out. Tell her you’d love to get to know her better. (Without being creepy) tell her she’s beautiful.
Carpe diem! But a word of caution, if I may: there exists a necessary tension between that and the ability to…
I know the temptation is there to (for lack of a better word) pounce on a woman when you find one you like, but you should do all in your animalistic power to resist that urge. Instead, believe in the evolution of a relationship. You have to (and should want to) win her every single day. Keep showing her, and don’t give up, no matter how long it takes. If she’s smart (and you want a smart woman) she will eventually realize she needs you in her life.
Have faith in her; let it happen.
Once you have her in your solar system, keep her in orbit by continuing to be that same gentleman. Don't rush the relationship; she’s not going anywhere. This may take an extraordinary amount of patience. Not every woman is going to know she likes you after the first date. Give her time.
I hate to sound like your mom, but if it is meant to be, it will be. When the time is right, she will be yours. Believe in that and be careful not to let your nerves get the best of you. Putting the pressure on and doing too much too soon will only frighten her. (More on that next week.)
DON’T STRING HER ALONG
If after this time—or at any time—you realize that she is not for you, then let her go. Stringing someone along is dishonest and mean. Don’t be that guy.
If you’re actually trying to decide if you’re into her, or if there is potential for a long-term relationship, then by all means. Otherwise, say buh-bye.
Open your mind, open your heart, and open your calendar to new dates; meet new women in new places and take them on new kinds of fun adventures.
If you always go for drinks on a first date, why not take her bowling? If you always go to the movies on a third date, why not go to a jazz bar instead?
Open yourself up to new friends, new activities, and hobbies. You never know who or what will lead you to that next love affair.
To truly embrace the clichéd "New Year, New You," you have to let go of everything that hasn’t worked for you in the past. Let go of the negativity. Let go of past mistakes. Let go of that picture in your head of the woman you’ve always seen yourself dating and go for someone outside your normal realm.
Let go of the pressure you put on yourself—and others project onto you—to find “the one.” You may be surprised. Perhaps 2012 will bring the woman who naturally inspires all that weight loss, better emailing, and less Facebook-ing.
Next Week: You’re Just Too Into Her