5. Statistics Don't Lie
Date: March 2011
City: Los Angeles
It is a statistical fact that there is a positive correlation between the amount of shit a person is carrying and the probability that that shit-laden person is crazy. There are more specific permutations of this theory that involve accounting for the number of plastic bags on a person, the number of plastic bags within those other plastic bags, et cetera. But the foundation of the theory is generically about shit. How much, how crazy.
Of course, the great thing about crazy is that, in the cramped sweaty confines of a subway car, it's more contagious than the flu. Witness the outbreak at the two-minute mark.