Nobody could have argued that Mary-Louise Parker had wifey status a few years ago—she was a hot and experienced woman (read: cougar) with a legit acting career who stayed free of tabloid fuckery. We felt for her (but secretly celebrated) when Billy Crudup left her pregnant and lonely in 2004, and the following year we fell in love with her portrayal on Weeds of a single mother struggling to survive in the streets (of the burbs). Through it all, we kept hoping the real-life Mary-Louise would finally get a chance to settle down with someone special…like us.
Then she started showing her nips in practically every episode and we started to wonder if MLP had let her new role get to her head. Has her wifey appeal gone up in smoke? In honor of the premiere of the fifth season of Weeds tonight, we decided to take a good long look at its leading lady. See the evidence and vote below…
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Last night The Hills concluded its season with Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt’s wedding, which was a sad day for Heidi fans. Not only is she off the market, but we won’t be able to see her every night at 10 p.m until the fall. Oh, but wait! We will be able to see her at 8 p.m. on Mondays in her new show I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!, premiering tonight on NBC.
The show is a reality competition that puts a gang of second-rate famous people in a jungle in a survival-of-the-fittest type setting. Yawn. Sure Heidi “officially” got married on The Hills last night, but nothing lasts forever, especially when you’re dealing with a character like SPratt the Ghost. Would you put a ring on it? Read on to see the evidence and vote on whether she’s a wifey or a trifey…
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Does Sasha Grey get the ring or just the pearl necklace?
We’ve never really thought of Sasha Grey as wifey material. Maybe it’s those 150-plus movies she’s made where guys with elephantitis of the dong degrade her for money. Yes, it’s difficult to imagine a porn star as our boo, but ever since we saw her in a real acting role, playing a prostitute in Steven Soderbergh’s art film The Girlfriend Experience, we’ve wondered if she might actually be someone worth showing the ring too (and we’re not even talking about the one that keeps us fully engorged).
Granted, playing a high class whore isn’t that big a stretch for Sasha, but at least she didn’t get choked out by any monster cocks. It’s a step in the right direction, so Complex is willing to give her a shot or two (and a chance to vie for the title of wifey!). Check out the arguments for both sides and help us decide if Sasha Grey deserves to walk the aisle in an off-white gown…
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The biggest gossip news over the weekend was that Swizz Beatz confirmed that he’s indeed dating Alicia Keys, after steadily denying it for the past few months. Not only did Swizzy say the two are a pair, he even said that he’s in love with Alicia (awww!).
And really what’s not to love? She’s hot, talented and classy. She’s so much of a triple threat we put her on our cover a little while ago. But no one, no one is the perfect girl, and we’re sure Swizzy’s ex-wife to be Mashonda has a different view of A. Keys, so we’ve put the Hell’s Kitchen-raised hottie through our ultimate test. Check out the evidence and cast your vote on whether Alicia is a wifey or a trifey. Showtime!
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Natalie Portman—homemaker or home-wrecker?
Until recently, there would have been no doubt in our minds that Natalie Portman is wifey material. She’s a smoking hot Harvard grad who makes good money acting and has both a sense of humor and a genuine concern about sociopolitical issues. Then we heard those trife-licious rumors that our Israeli dream girl is the reason Sean Penn and his wife Robin Wright are getting divorced with two kids in the balance. Deep thinkers that we are here at Complex, we had to sit and reevaluate Natty P on some scholarly shit. Check out the evidence, then help us decide if she gets the ring or the fling…
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After four years of what seemed to be matrimonial bliss, Nas and his seven month pregnant wife Kelis are calling it quits. Yup, the coolest couple since Treach and Pepa is no more. There have been rumors of Nas being overly aggressive and stepping out on her, but we’re not sure—we’ll leave the rumor mongering to the experts.
But now that Kelis is back on the market, it’s time for us to assess her viability as a wifey, or a trifey. So you know the deal, we present the evidence, you be the judge. Is the former Mrs. Jones worth putting a ring on, or should you get your Dr. Knockboot on and trife Ms. Bossy out? Read on for the evidence and to cast your vote…
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Our Super Two’s Day and Ultimate Archive alumna Salma Hayek got married over the weekend to some billionaire, and while we’re happy for her, we also mourn the loss of being able to wife her up ourselves.
Or would we simply trife her? Or would we simply be content to just stalk her innocuously, satisfying ourselves with a glimpse of her most trife-tastic frame? Regardless of the reality (in which we would do our best, only to have her chuckle maternally and pat our heads before we grabbed one of her breasts, made a honking sound and ran for our lives), this is our house—and so it’s our prerogative to decide for ourselves. Ergo: wifey or trifey? You be the judge, but first consult our copious and curvaceous evidence…
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By now you’ve surely become acquainted with the infamous “Asian Hipster Grifter,” Ms. Kari Ferrell. Hmmm, let’s see…a promiscuous Korean chick bedding, then bilking, a bunch of unwitting cool guys? This shit’s hitting just a little too close to home.
So—after we all deleted her contact from our BlackBerries—we decided to take a closer look at this cunningly cunty con artist. On first (and second, and 1,000th) glance, Kari appears to be the absolute definition of a trifey…but then again, could she just be misunderstood? Is she secretly a wifey in disguise? We present our case below, and then you can vote for yourself…
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Should we wife Cassie or not? Can we sleep on her it?
Two-time Complex cover model Cassie keeps it right and keeps it tight. We of course refer to the right side of her head, which she recently shaved for either self-expression or, according to rapper and celebrity hairstyle expert Fabolous, cheap publicity. The look isn’t for everyone, and neither is Cassie. Word on the gossiping-ass streets is that she and her boyfriend, entertainment mogul Sean “Diddy” Combs, are crazy in love and may soon marry.
Personally, Complex would hate to have her legally off the market, but if Puff makes her happy, damn him, er, so be it. But before dude pops the question, we had to put our homegirl to the wifey/trifey test to see if she really is marriage material. Here’s to hoping she’s not—until she realizes she’s meant to be with us, that is. Hit the jump to read the wife/trife evidence and to cast your vote…
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Apparently there’s some sort of college basketball contest going on this evening, but since real men watch whatever the fuck they wanna watch on TV, we’re gonna be tuning in to MTV for the premiere of the fifth season of The Hills.
That’s right, the now three-year-old reality schlock-u-drama has officially graduated from guilty pleasure to full-tilt anthropological fascination for us: Where else can we examine such an incredible collection of trifeys in their native element? This season we’ll be focusing our attention on Audrina Patridge, the brunette BFF-usurper who’ll be leaving after this installment to start her own show. Who knows, we might even wife her. Check out the evidence below and vote in this edition of our weekly Wifey/Trifey Showdown.
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