PEOPLE OF WAL-MART
Pitch: A group of people who shop at Wal-Mart ironically while on road trips take their detached snobbery to the next level by photographing people who shop at Wal-Mart because the retail behemoth shut down every other affordable option in town. Sample dialogue: “Lookit that guy who got diabetes because fatty foods are cheap and plentiful! Hey buddy, crippling poverty called; IT WANTS ITS MULLET BACK! *high fives*”

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GARFIELD MINUS GARFIELD
Pitch: Jon Cryer walks around talking to the walls. Budget: one hidden camera. Cheapest show evar.

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SNACKS AND SHIT
Pitch: Hip-hop scholars, i.e., the two guys who start punching people in the face whenever “Jump Around” comes on at their frat parties–laugh and laugh and laugh about rappers who say the darnedest things. Special appearances by celebrity hip-hop purists Kendra Wilkinson and Kevin Federline.

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POST SECRET
Pitch: Anonymous people admit their deepest fears and most shameful confessions. Narrated by no one, since the only people self-absorbed enough to—wait, no, Tyra Banks just called. She’ll do it.

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LAST NIGHT’S PARTY
Pitch: National Geographic correspondent Lisa Ling takes the L train into Williamsburg (or the F to the LES, depending) and walks around with a cameraman filming people who are really really really fucking extra. That’s it. Guaranteed ratings gold, people.

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KANYE UNIVERSECITY
Pitch: Like Charlie’s Angels, except Charlie is really Kanye West sitting around on uncomfortable furniture that his friends told him about, and the Angels are bony French models who can only say “where are you, Yeezy?”

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STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE
Pitch: Hosted by Ryan Seacrest and Elisabeth Hasselbeck, it’s a lighthearted exposé about what grafted devils like to do when they’re in their native habitat. It’s hilarious because it’s true! ONLY white people eat organic food! ONLY white people ride bikes! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA DO YOU GET IT WHITE PEOPLE ARE SO LAME THERE ARE YOU HAPPY IS THAT SELF-DEPRECATING ENOUGH GET AWAY FROM ME MUD PEOPLE!

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CUTE OVERLOAD
Pitch: Widdle kitties and widdle puppy dogs fall asweep in the cwaziest pwaces, set to the strains of ’80s pop tunes so that chubby housewives can relive their high-school days and distract themselves from their stultifying depression in one fell swoop.

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F MY LIFE
Pitch: A sitcom featuring affable twentysomethings trading i-swear-this-is-true stories of humiliating oneupsmanship. AKA “This Never Happened, But Could You Imagine If It Did? Wowzers!”

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HOT CHICKS WITH DOUCHEBAGS
Pitch: Wait a second, this already exists. Thank you, Viacom, for taking a joke about how desperate shitty networks are scraping the bottom of the barrel and making it reality.

It’s nearly impossible for a white boy with dreads to have credibility ‘pon lock. No matter how many drum circles they drum in, or how many spliffs they spark to heal the nation, some smart-ass like Saturday Night Live comic Andy Samberg will laugh at them and make a hilarious skit about their misguided appropriation of Rastafarian culture.

In honor of all the white dreads who are taking abuse and putting off the eventual haircut and embrace of white privilege on Wall Street, Complex rates the realness of 11 famous dreadlocked white boys. Dread it (especially if you made the list)…

JON FAVREAU IN PCU

BUMBACLOT RATING:

Gutter is the original college campus Trustafarian. Keep chanting down Babylon, bro.

THE PREDATOR

BUMBACLOT RATING:

The alien devil white man can try to mask his true nature with dreads, but we know he’s always out for world domination.

ALBOROSIE

BUMBACLOT RATING:

It’s OK to view white people who have dreads and make reggae music with suspicion, but by the time their locks reach past their ass, they’ve officially got a yard pass. Diddly whoo-ha!

GARY OLDMAN IN TRUE ROMANCE

BUMBACLOT RATING:

The roots of this confused pimp's dreads were so tight that he forgot when White Boy Day is. (It's every day, and if you're white boy you should remember this every time you wake up.)

TARZAN

BUMBACLOT RATING:

OK, we get that a dude who lives in the jungle canopy probably wouldn’t comb his hair much, but what exactly is Disney saying by having this dread move around like a chimp? This animated jumpoff is rated R for racism.

WILLI ONE BLOOD

BUMBACLOT RATING:

His one reggae hit was featured on the soundtrack to Dumb & Dumber, but we remember him best for The Professional, in which he played a very dutty cop.

JOHNNY DEPP IN PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN

BUMBACLOT RATING:

Hey, at least when Captain Jack Sparrow went to the Caribbean he got actual dreads, not just braids with beads in them. Goddamned tourists.

KAMRON FROM 4/5 WHITE RAP GROUP YOUNG BLACK TEENAGERS

BUMBACLOT RATING:

This milky brother is best remembered for a minor role in Kid N Play's House Party 2 (way out of his range playing a white dude who thinks he's black) and making “Tap the Bottle,” a rap song about to drinking forties. He gets mad crazy props for never being lynched by black people. Or white people.

THE TWINS IN THE MATRIX RELOADED

BUMBACLOT RATING:

The Wachowski Brothers’ albino hitmen were the embodiment of a computer virus sent to kill Neo, Morpheus and Trinity. It makes perfect sense'well, except for the fact that dreads are 100 per cent absolutely and positively not for the enslavement of humanity.

ADAM DURITZ FROM COUNTING CROWS

BUMBACLOT RATING:

Can’t really hate on a dude who smashed Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox. Apparently locks really do have magical, mystical powers'even if they’re store bought.

VANILLA ICE

BUMBACLOT RATING:

Instead of trying to regain some street cred with a hockey jersey and white boy dreads for his weeded-out hardcore comeback album, Mind Blowin, the Ice-Man might have done better to just blow his shit loose.

But until that happens, we’ve dug deep into the most fecund veins of crackaness–the South, country music, intoxication, lack of teeth, and unskilled labor–to run down the ten redneckest shows we could find.

Grab your banjo, there’s good pickins ahead…