PEOPLE OF WAL-MART
Pitch: A group of people who shop at Wal-Mart ironically while on road trips take their detached snobbery to the next level by photographing people who shop at Wal-Mart because the retail behemoth shut down every other affordable option in town. Sample dialogue: “Lookit that guy who got diabetes because fatty foods are cheap and plentiful! Hey buddy, crippling poverty called; IT WANTS ITS MULLET BACK! *high fives*”

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GARFIELD MINUS GARFIELD
Pitch: Jon Cryer walks around talking to the walls. Budget: one hidden camera. Cheapest show evar.

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SNACKS AND SHIT
Pitch: Hip-hop scholars, i.e., the two guys who start punching people in the face whenever “Jump Around” comes on at their frat parties–laugh and laugh and laugh about rappers who say the darnedest things. Special appearances by celebrity hip-hop purists Kendra Wilkinson and Kevin Federline.

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POST SECRET
Pitch: Anonymous people admit their deepest fears and most shameful confessions. Narrated by no one, since the only people self-absorbed enough to—wait, no, Tyra Banks just called. She’ll do it.

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LAST NIGHT’S PARTY
Pitch: National Geographic correspondent Lisa Ling takes the L train into Williamsburg (or the F to the LES, depending) and walks around with a cameraman filming people who are really really really fucking extra. That’s it. Guaranteed ratings gold, people.

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KANYE UNIVERSECITY
Pitch: Like Charlie’s Angels, except Charlie is really Kanye West sitting around on uncomfortable furniture that his friends told him about, and the Angels are bony French models who can only say “where are you, Yeezy?”

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STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE
Pitch: Hosted by Ryan Seacrest and Elisabeth Hasselbeck, it’s a lighthearted exposé about what grafted devils like to do when they’re in their native habitat. It’s hilarious because it’s true! ONLY white people eat organic food! ONLY white people ride bikes! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA DO YOU GET IT WHITE PEOPLE ARE SO LAME THERE ARE YOU HAPPY IS THAT SELF-DEPRECATING ENOUGH GET AWAY FROM ME MUD PEOPLE!

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CUTE OVERLOAD
Pitch: Widdle kitties and widdle puppy dogs fall asweep in the cwaziest pwaces, set to the strains of ’80s pop tunes so that chubby housewives can relive their high-school days and distract themselves from their stultifying depression in one fell swoop.

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F MY LIFE
Pitch: A sitcom featuring affable twentysomethings trading i-swear-this-is-true stories of humiliating oneupsmanship. AKA “This Never Happened, But Could You Imagine If It Did? Wowzers!”

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HOT CHICKS WITH DOUCHEBAGS
Pitch: Wait a second, this already exists. Thank you, Viacom, for taking a joke about how desperate shitty networks are scraping the bottom of the barrel and making it reality.

These days blogs are like G-Shocks, everyone’s got one. Some are good, some are bad. Some are hilariously bad. We recently came across one that fell close to the latter: The Aaron Reid Experience. If the name sounds familiar, you must have caught his episode of MTV’s My Super Sweet Sixteen where he had the 40/40 club filled with complete strangers. If it doesn’t, allow us to introduce you.

Aaron Reid is the 19-year old son of famed record executive L.A. Reid (TLC, Usher, Outkast, Def Jam'big money). His blog is exactly what you would expect from a kid who grew up around rap stars, Bentley drops and iced out watch bezels. It chronicles his “lifestyle,” which includes photos of trips to various islands, celebrity encounters, plans for the future and, of course, videos of Aaron being Aaron.

Then there’s the other stuff: the bragging, the thoughtless thought posts, the odd advice columns. We don’t mean to pick on the young dude, and we have the utmost respect for his pops’ accomplishments, but at 19, A.R. should really know better. So before he continues along this path to Ridicule Road, we thought we’d lend a hand and impart some knowledge on the young blogger, and to bloggers everywhere, about what not to do with their personal blogs. Pay attention.

DON’T BRAG ABOUT THINGS YOU DON’T DESERVE DURING A RECESSION

• It’s a recession, everybody’s broke. It’d be in your best interest not floss all the stuff your wealthy pops bought you while your classmates are down the hall praying for that Pell grant to come through and cashing in cans left over from drunken weekends. Just ask your boy Soulja, stick-up kids aren’t playing these days.

IF YOU OWN A MAC BOOK AND ARE BORED. NEVER EVER EVER DO THIS

• We get it, you have a lot of fitteds and like to dress up like Kanye, Usher, Jay-Z, T.I, John Legend (WTF?) Rick Ross, and whoever else you’re lip-synching to. A video like this will get you clowned harder than inaugural Complex Ball Boy Of The Week, Sean Kingston.

NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR THOUGHTS, UNLESS YOU HAVE CONTRIBUTED SOMETHING TO SOCIETY.

• And by contributing something to society, we don’t mean curating your lil homie Diggy Simmons‘ blog. We know it’s your personal blog, but at least try to offer up something better than your boycotting of Ovaltine because the can is ugly. Especially if you claim your life is on some “Good Life” shit. Come on, B. Also, refrain, at all costs, from taking contemplative photo’s of yourself in bed. Not a good look. Ever.

DON’T ADVISE PEOPLE ON HOW TO BE SOMETHING YOU’RE NOT

• Just because you got your Cameron Crowe on and met a bunch of ‘em, doesn’t make you a rock star. You’re about as famous as Nefu Da Don. Who? Exactly. Therefore you can’t tell people how to be rock stars when you’re not even, almost famous.

YOUR DAD’S ACCOMPLISHMENTS AREN’T YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

• It’s one thing to be proud of your fam and all, but parading your successful father’s possessions around as if you somehow helped him attain them is weaker. It’s sort of like how Rod Stewert’s son got on Celebrity Rehab just because he’s Rod Stewart’s son. Shit’s disgusting. Call us when you actually get that “first hit” you’ve been talking about. With any luck, you could be the 2009 Chilly Tee.