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5 Real-Life Evil Kids Who Need to Be Punished

dscott — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 21:35:52 +0000

The Orphan, a horror movie about an adoption gone wrong, hits theaters today. And while we here at Complex love the kids (not in a R. Kelly or Woody Allen way or anything) we have no tolerance for children that act up and act out.

We were raised in a time when we caught a quick back hand if we stepped out of line. Ah, the good ol’ days. But while Hollywood loves making movies about disgruntled adolescents, we find the craziest kids are found outside of Hollywood, and, for some reason, on YouTube. Keep reading to see 5 of the worst behaved children in the world, and be thankful none of them belong to you…

KID: Great White Nightmare.
EVIL OFFENSE: Use of the N-bomb…amongst other things.
PUNISHMENT WE’D INSTITUTE:Five years as Remy Ma’s personal assistant with duties including, manicures, pedicures, eyebrow and Brazilian waxing, as well as the reading of Papoose’s sexually tinged love letters.

KID: Broad Street Bully
EVIL OFFENSE: Berating his mother for a glass of chocolate milk.
PUNISHMENT WE’D INSTITUTE: Having to drink Rick Ross’s chocolate milk. Ayo!

KID: Marlboro Tyke
EVIL OFFENSE: Underage smoking.
PUNISHMENT WE’D INSTITUTE: For this one, we believe the blame falls upon the parents’ shoulders. Therefore, we’d nub their fingers and put a hole in their trachea.

KID: Fat Kid with PMS.
EVIL OFFENSE: Domestic abuse against his mother. And by domestic abuse, we mean slapping his mom across the face on live television.
PUNISHMENT WE’D INSTITUTE: Noah obviously needs all types of help: he needs to join a fat camp, he needs some sort of father figure, he needs to learn how to slap better—we sentence him to five months on tour with Chris Brown.

KID: Latarian Milton
EVIL OFFENSE: Doing hoodrat things with his friends.
PUNISHMENT WE’D INSTITUTE: This kid’s alright with us. Yo, Latarian, we got some spots opening up for fall internships here at the ‘Plex. Holla!

Wake N’ Watch: The Alchemist & Oh No “Under Siege”

bfred — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 12:00:27 +0000

Now this is how you make a video. In “Under Siege,” two of Cali’s dopest producer/rappers travel back in time to the 1992 LA Riots, where they play gun-toting local newscasters (look for cameos from Evidence and Scott Caan spliced into the old school footage). Alchemist’s new album Chemical Warfare drops on July 7, but this joint is actually the first taste of the upcoming album by GANGRENE, a group comprised of Al and Stones Throw’s Oh No.

[OnSMASH via Nah Right]

South Park’s YouTube Celebrity Showdown

bfred — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 16:21:56 +0000

Last night on South Park (watch the full episode here), Cartman, Stan, Kyle and Kenny convince Butters to star in a viral internet video so they can all make a billion dollars. Once it blows up and they get mentioned on the national news, they visit the Colorado Department of Internet Money to collect their “theoretical dollars.” While they’re in the D.I.M. waiting room, they run into the cream of the crop of YouTube superstars, who end up in a brawl to the death. Chocolate Rain, the Laughing Baby, Tron Guy'the whole gang’s there. With all due respect to the I.C.’s, these are the internets icons. Watch the scene, Butters’ video and the original blockbuster viral videos that inspired the episode after the jump.

Watch the “Department of Internet Money” scene:
NOW, MEET THE REAL YOUTUBE SUPERSTARS:

1. Chocolate Rain a.k.a. Tay Zonday

2. Tron Guy

3. Numa Numa

4. Star Wars Kid

5. Cute Sneezing Panda

6. Dramatic Look Prairie Dog

7. Chris Crocker

8. Chinese Kids Lip Syncing Backstreet Boys

9. Laughing Baby

10. Afro Ninja

And last but not least, Butters’ video, “What What In The Butt”:

50 Cent’s Marketing Plan

treats — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 19:00:47 +0000

In the illustrious words of Riley from The Boondocks, “When they start hatin', that's when you know you shining.” Fiddy's on top right now. His plan to sling his latest mixtape is truly rap on steroids. With This50.com taking the reigns of G-Unit Radio, he's basically re-doing what he did with “The Massacre Special Edition.” Hey, he's making lemonade out of that lemon of “Curtis.” “Return of the Bodysnatchers” is arguably 50's best mixtape to date. Every song is a banger. He's already shot videos for three out of twelve songs'a measly start'compared to the 21 videos shot for “The Massacre Special Edtion.” Marketing like that is as American gangster as it gets. Beat that.