As a reminder to Tom and the rest of the world why Gisele shouldn’t get impregnated, we went through the trouble to compile a list of her hottest photos. And man, there were almost too many to handle. Just keep your hands on the table as you click through The Hottest Gisele Bundchen Pics of All Time…

AMERICAN PHOTO 1, 2008

KEEP CLICKING NEXT TO SEE MORE HOT PICS OF GISELE

Yesterday the league approved four new rule changes, including a brand new “Tom Brady Rule” (not to be confused with the one made up on the spot for him a few years ago) that prohibits defenders who have been knocked to the ground from lunging at quarterbacks (meanwhile Bengal fans ask where’s their “Carson Palmer Rule”). But before all you hating-ass haters start thinking TB’s getting some kind of preferential treatment, know that he’s not the first athlete to have the game changed for him. Peep our guide to the 10 Plays and Players That Sparked Sports Rule Changes…

THE PUNCH, 1977

• After L.A. Laker Kermit Washington’s infamous right hook to Houston Rocket Rudy Tomjanovich’s jaw on December 9, 1977, the NBA mandated that any player throwing a punch be expelled from that game and, at minimum, be suspended for his team’s next contest. Not that that’s stopped about half the NBA from taking swipes at each other since.

THE AVERY RULE, 2008

• During last year’s NHL playoffs, the New York Rangers’ Sean “Sloppy Seconds” Avery camped out in front of New Jersey Devils’ goalie Martin Brodeur and proceeded to throw a hissy fit in an effort to distract him during a NY power play (it worked). The very next day the NHL enacted a new rule essentially banning players from repeating Avery’s 11-year-old-on-four-dozen-pixie-sticks routine. Although they are apparently allowed to repeat his hockey-player-on-[INSERT CANADIAN ACTRESS' NAME HERE] routine.

THE TRENT TUCKER RULE, 1990

• With 1/10th of a second left to play in a tie ball game between the Knicks and Bulls on MLK Day 1990, New York guard Tucker caught an inbounds pass and heaved a nothing-but-net three-pointer to win the game. The Bulls protested, but the play stood. The rule was subsequently changed to allow only tip ins on plays where fewer than 3/10ths of a second remained on the clock. Gaining a more than adequate matter of revenge, the Bulls would dominate their rivalry with the Knicks through the ’90s.

BOB GIBSON, 1968

• The pitcher who put the b’s, a’s, d’s and s’s in “badass” so thoroughly dominated the National League in 1968 that Major League Baseball lowered the pitching mound before the ‘69 season. He then put the “so” and “what?” in “so what?” and proceeded to mow down the NL again in ‘69.

EDDIE GAEDEL, 1951

• Gimmick-loving St. Louis Browns owner Bill Veeck signed the 3′7″ Gaedel in August of ‘51, and filed the 26-year-old dwarf’s contract with the league on a Friday afternoon, knowing that it would not be examined until the following Monday. Gaedel appeared as a pinch hitter in a game against the Detroit Tigers that Sunday, August 19, and walked on four pitches prior to being removed for a pinch runner. Gaedel’s contract was voided the following day and the American League started examining new player contracts a little more regularly. (Incidentally, Gaedel suffered from a bad case of being typecast, started drinking, and died at age 36 after getting beaten up in a barroom brawl. So all’s well that ends well.)

THE ROY WILLIAMS-HORSE COLLAR RULE, 2004

• The Cowboys safety tackled Terrell Owens by the back of his jersey in a December, 2004 game, breaking the wide receiver’s ankle. The next year, so-called “horse collar” tackles were banned; amazingly enough, pony cuff, goat hem, flea inseam and various other animal-tailoring takedowns are still legal.

THE HOLY ROLLER, 1978

• About to be tackled during the waning moments of a Chargers-Raiders game, Oakland QB Ken Stabler waived his right to the tuck rule and fumbled the ball forward. It was subsequently batted and kicked by various Raiders before Oakland tight end Dave Casper landed on it in the end zone, scoring the winning touchdown. The league later disallowed the offense from advancing a fumble in the last two minutes of each half, leaving the current tally for disputed calls involving the Raiders at Silver and Black: 1; everybody else: 15,476.

THE LEW ALCINDOR RULE, 1967

• In an attempt to reign in the dominance of Lew Alcindor, college basketball banned the dunk after the 1967 season. Alcindor later changed his name to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar because pork is a dirty meat; the NCAA later changed their rule because it was really fucking dumb.

LENNY RANDLE, 1981

• While playing third base for the Seattle Mariners, Randle attempted to blow a slowly hit ball into foul territory. MLB later enacted a rule preventing players from changing the path of batted balls even if they didn’t actually touch them. Of course Randle was already famous for punching his manager, so he was something of a trailblazer on a couple of fronts.

THE MARTIN BRODEUR RULE, 2005

• Prior to the 2005-06 season, the NHL instituted a rule prohibiting goalies from handling the puck behind the goal line, except in a trapezoidal box behind the net. The rule was meant to stymie Devils’ netminder Marty Brodeur and his propensity for taking the puck on long walks and reading it James Patterson novels, thereby making hockey just that much more inscrutable for casual fans.

*BONUS FUTURE RULE CHANGE*

KERLON AND THE SEAL DRIBBLE

• Honestly, we love this guy, but they’re going to have to outlaw his Sea World act before somebody clubs his ass to death, Canadian pelt-hunter style.

Special thanks to the SSSL for research assistance!

Read on to see the greatest sports moments for haters (in calendar order)…

LOSER: DUKE AND UNC
LOSS: Second-round and Final Four defeats (respectively) for the white-boy basketball saviors.
WHY IT FEELS SO GOOD: Because ice beasts have no right to be on the hardwood with the original man, unless they’re exported straight from the caves like Andrei Kirilenko!
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LOSER: NIKE
LOSS: Losing face at the Olympics. Nike boy Michael “Birdman” Phelps rocked a Speedo LZR suit while in the pool, Usain Bolt and his Pumas embarrassed Nike’s track stars, and the Swoosh’s biggest Chinese sponsored athlete (hurdler Liu Xang) pulled out of competition with an injury.
WHY IT FEELS SO GOOD: Because Reebok took a big enough L with their “Dan and Dave” debacle in ‘92, and it’s about time the Microsoft of athletic companies got some loser on their face.
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LOSER: YANKEES
LOSS: Despite a MLB record $209 million payroll, the Evil Empire finished third in the AL East, missing the playoffs for the first time since the 1994 strike.
WHY IT FEELS SO GOOD: Because by handing out bloated contracts without regard for talent or clubhouse chemistry, they’ve heartily sodomized the idea of parity in baseball. Attention CC Sabathia and AJ Burnett: Randy Johnson and Carl Pavano still need two overvalued pitchers for their golf foursome. Which will promptly disband due to wrist injuries, obesity, and Old-Time Prospector Temper Disorder.
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LOSER: KIMBO SLICE
LOSS: After a long loud ride on the hype machine beating up tomato cans for fun and profit, the backyard brawler got blasted in 14 seconds by Seth Petruzelli. Who? Exactly.
WHY IT FEELS SO GOOD: Because a when a sheisty MMA league takes a puncher and try to sell him as the second coming of Royce Gracie, it rubs some people the wrong way. Dicks.
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LOSER: NOTRE DAME
LOSS: Following up last year’s 3-9 record by going 6-6. Actually, 7-6 if you count the Sheraton Hawaii Bowl'aka the Free Vacation Bowl'which of course a .500 team is unquestionably qualified to play in.
WHY IT FEELS SO GOOD: Because college teams shouldn’t have network deals. Mediocre but overpaid? They’re the Jay Leno of collegiate sports!
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LOSER: SEAN AVERY
LOSS: Indefinite suspension after referring to his ex-girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert as sloppy seconds
WHY IT FEELS SO GOOD: Because the guy’s a goalie-screening, fight-dodging, flopping prima donna. But don’t take our word for it. This guy’s got the evidence.
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LOSER: BRETT FAVRE
LOSS: Coming out of retirement to guilt the Packers into taking him back, then going to the Jets and missing the playoffs thanks to nine interceptions (and two TDs) in his last five games.
WHY IT FEELS SO GOOD: Mostly because we hate his Wrangler ads. Oooooh, salt of the earth! Fuck outta here.
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LOSER: DALLAS COWBOYS
LOSS: The worst defeat in twenty years…to mortal enemies the Eagles…to knock them out of playoff contention. Hee.
WHY IT FEELS SO GOOD: Hard to say. Is it their megalomaniacal cracka-ass owner Jerry Jones, their saggy pudendum of a coach Wade Phillips, Paul Bunyan’s stunt double Jason Witten, oldest living Gerber baby Terrell Owens, their penchant for signing thug fantasist fuck-ups, or Joe Simpson’s London Bridge partner Tony Romo?
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LOSER: NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS
LOSS: Three the hard way, you miserable sons of bitches. First was the hubris-crushing Super Bowl loss to the Giants, then the ACL-crushing loss of Tom Brady, then the soul-crushing loss of going to the playoffs thanks to a byzantine series of divisional tiebreakers (Dolphins and Ravens, drinks on us!).
WHY IT FEELS SO GOOD: Because we hate the Patriots. We hate smug-ass golden boy Brady and his surprisingly competent stand-in Matt Cassel, we hate Bill Belichek and his sleeveless sweatshirts (no hobo), we hate Tedy Bruschi and his inspirational return from a stroke, we hate injured part-time gargoyle Laurence Maroney, we hate Randy Moss and his incongruous local-TV weatherman voice, we hate white-power icon Wes Welker, we just hate them all. Fuck you all sideways with a goalpost. Except you, Deltha O’Neal. You’re so terrible that it’s always fun watching you get pwned.

If taking pleasure in seeing Patriots QB Tom Brady go down with a knee injury 20 minutes into New England’s first game of the 2008 season makes us assholes, well, toss our salad. The GQ cover boy is probably a decent dude, but he’s also the face of coach Bill Belichick’s evil empire and he’s banging Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen, so screw him with a spiral staircase (make sure it’s rusty). And while you’re at it, check out five other sports injuries that put a smile on our face.

Click here to start the celebration…