In the film, Wilson plays Robert “Fish” Fishman, whose Vesuvius band mates sell him out to become millionaire rock stars. He only gets back in the game years later when recruited to play skins for his nephew’s high school garage band, A.D.D. Although the band name sounds like some really cool, fucked up kids who would snort Ritalin and gang slay the female bassist (Emma Stone), the music is actually sweet-ass emo pop. The film even clowns Wilson for living the rock dream of booze and broads when they eventually succeed (for the record, no man is ever too old to “overindulge” in both). Another thing that doesn’t rock is the strain Josh Gad puts on Jonah Hill’s bozack with his performance as Fish’s awkward, heavyset nephew.

Some would say The Rocker is in the vein of This Is Spinal Tap and School of Rock, but Ayo! says it’s in the vein of Ayo!’s hairy nuts. Skip it and check out these five things Ayo! assures you actually do rock hard…

Jim Henson’s Fraggle Rock

Crack.

Bad tit jobs.

Ayo!’s van

Your mom in Ayo!’s van

The film follows Fish, a regular guy who was the original drummer for world-famous hair metal band Vesuvius before they blew up. He’s still bitter, but after his nephew asks him to fill in for a missing member in his high school band at prom, Fish gets a second chance at superstardom. Expect some funny flashback scenes of Rainn in full spandex & hairspray mode. The movie hits theatres on August 1st, so watch the first trailer after the jump.