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Worldwide Wednesday: The 9 Hottest Texan Women

jerwin — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 22:21:55 +0000

Yeah, it ain’t a country, but a lot of Texans wanna secede and a lot of the rest of us wouldn’t mind if they did, so there you go. Worldwide Wednesday: Texas Edition.

The Lone Star State’s on our mind this week for a couple reasons. One, the habitually slept on Friday Night Lights with Minka Kelly (above) starts its third season on Friday, and two, next Tuesday the state gets its village idiot back from Washington. To celebrate these two developments, we present the hottest women in that hot state’s history.

Click here to see who the 9 hottest Texan women are.

5 Things Hurricane Ike Should Mess With In Texas

Bradley — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 22:00:02 +0000

Be warned: Hurricane Ike is coming full force and is expected to smack into Texas as a category 4 storm over the next couple of days. To put things in perspective, Katrina hit New Orleans as a category 3. This is serious, and we definitely feel for everyone down there.

It is Texas, though. While we hope that the innocent bystanders stay safe, there are a few things about the state that, if they happened to be whisked away and we never saw them again, it wouldn’t be so bad. So cheer up there, Texans! This storm might destroy all of your earthly posessions, but in doing so, it could also get rid of these things that have been holding your state back…

HUMMER OWNERS

The H3 is like a regular car, but anyone pushing an O.G. Hummer is looking at 8-10 miles per gallon. Thanks for completely effing the rest of the nation, Hummer fans. Texas is known for an absurd amount of Hummer owners, and even their ass-injecting steroid citizen Roger Clemens pushes one that was actually stolen a few years back. The Rocket eventually got it back, and then probably drove it to court where he proceeded to lie his fucking head off to Congress.

COWBOYS FANS

Um… you guys put your faith behind Tony Romo? Jeez. Not only did your dude share a hole with John Mayer, he shits the bed in crunch time. Not to mention your owner has had more facelifts than Jocelyn Wildenstein. If you were fans of just your cheerleaders, we’d keep you from termination. But you’re not, so you gotta go.

SOUTH BY SOUTHWEST

Oy vey. As if Brooklyn wasn’t bad enough, we have to export our skinny jeans, facial hair, shitty emo music and girls that look hot only after some free SoCo down to your hood every spring. No one wants to promote destruction, but if a couple music venues in Austin got whacked and the festival got cancelled, it wouldn’t be the worst. Nah mean?

CHAPS

The amount of times that these things have been awesome is grossly outweighed by the amount of times that they have been completely, inappropriately, not. So Ike, go for it. Take out the Chaps store over there at the end of main street. See if you can’t knock out the distributor as well.

FAT

Just sayin’. You guys are better than this. We hope.

SXSW For Everyone MIA

treats — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 21:30:20 +0000

Being outside of the music bubble blows. But with a handy dandy RSS feed we refuse to leave you out in the cold on this week’s SXSW music convention. Here are five ways to still be a part of the festivities:

5. Ustream.tv has photos and recaps, featuring today’s post with the Geico Caveman.

4. Pitchfork Media has a complete list of every event.

3. NPR streams live perfomances everyday. Good times…good times.

2. IFC interviews Kal Penn, John Cho, and Neil Patrick Harris for Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay and a few other filmmakers show their work. No stems, no sticks.

1. Ice Cube teams with Microsoft Silverlight to broadcast his performance this Saturday in Austin, TX.