5. LYNN SWANN (4:08)
• Upset by the Oakland Raiders’ (literal) strong-arm tactics, the Steelers’ complained of George Atkinson’s “criminal” acts. Uh, dude, it’s football.

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4. ANQUAN BOLDIN
• One of the favorite WR hissy fit types is the my-team’s-doing-fine-but-I’ma-be-a-bitch conniption, and here the Cardinals’ Anquan Boldin gives a prime example, whining to his offensive coordinator during a key moment in the game that would send his team to the Super Bowl. Boldin reportedly didn’t even stay around for his squad’s victory celebration.

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3. KELLEN WINSLOW JR.
• Although technically a tight end, Winslow is the son of a wide receiver, and thereby infected with the WR Hissy Fit malaise. Here he seems to suffer from a similar real world-football disconnect as Lynn Swann.

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2. CHAD OCHO CINCO
• Ocho Cinco’s had more meltdowns than we care to remember, but his “4-1″ fit was particularly memorable. By now Chad knows that as a Bengal, 4-1 is cause for a celebration, not tears.

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1. TERRELL OWENS
•T.O. hissy fit? Um, which one?

But just because Roddick had cause to water up a little doesn’t mean every blubbering athlete gets a pass. There’s a long, sordid (and soaking) history of sports figures turning on the waterworks, and we’ve identified three distinct genres. So, dial up the waa-mbulance, and read on to see The History of Crying in Sports…

CRYING AFTER A LOSS

WHO: Cristiano Ronaldo
REASON FOR THE TEARS: One of sport’s most flamboyant athletes, Cristiano Ronaldo isn’t afraid to cry. The star forward broke down after Portugal lost to Greece in the 2004 Euro Cup.

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WHO: Terrell Owens
REASON FOR THE TEARS: After losing to the Giants in the 2008 playoffs, Terrell Owens started to bawl behind his stunna shades. Let’s see if Owens ends up sobbing over the Bills.

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WHO: Adam Morrison
REASON FOR THE TEARS: Although he’s a big bad small forward for the Lakers now, Morrison tried to hide his tears by flopping face first on the court after Morrison’s Gonzaga lost to UCLA in the 2006 NCAA Tournament.

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WHO: Roger Federer
REASON FOR THE TEARS: When he’s not busy making Roddick cry, Federer sheds some eye lube of his own. The Wimbledon champ cried after losing to Rafael Nadal in this year’s Australian Open.

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WHO: Brandt Snedeker
REASON FOR THE TEARS: This big golfing baby pouted after being eliminated from the 2008 Masters. What a heart-breaker.

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WHO: Derek Fisher
REASON FOR THE TEARS: After the Spurs knocked the Lakers out of the 2003 NBA Finals, Fisher’s eyes begin to well-up. Rumor has it Kobe gave him a deep tissue massage in the locker room to cheer him up.

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INJURED BODIES AND EGOS

WHO: Glen Davis
REASON FOR THE TEARS: Glen “Big Baby” Davis earned his nickname when KG chewed him out after the Celtics gave up a huge lead against Portland in a 2008 game.

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WHO: Jim Mora
REASON FOR THE TEARS: Colts Head Coach Jim Mora broke in to tears during a press conference when a reporter suggested he should consider stepping down.

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WHO: Dwyane Wade
REASON FOR THE TEARS: After dislocating his left shoulder during a 2007 game against the Houston Rockets, Wade showed off his sad face—quivering lip and all—as he was taken off the court in a wheelchair.

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WHO: Marion Jones
REASON FOR THE TEARS: Olympic Gold Medalist, Marion Jones, streams tears of “great shame,” as she admits to using steroids and lying to investigators.

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WHO: Nancy Kerrigan
REASON FOR THE TEARS: After “some man hit her,” in the kneecap with a pipe, Kerrigan understandably shed tears (until she realized her life was still better than Tanya Harding’s).

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WHO: Miguel Tejada
REASON FOR THE TEARS: Houston Astros Shortstop, Miguel Tejada, became weepy during a press conference admitting steroid use and lying to congress. Not as surprising as some other confessions.

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HALL OF FAME RETIRING

WHO: Mike Schmidt
REASON FOR THE TEARS: The Phillies’ Hall-of-Famer couldn’t keep it together when he announced the end of his 17-year tenure at third base.

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WHO: Brett Favre
REASON FOR THE TEARS: A few months before signing with the Jets, Favre began crying during a press conference do announce his “official retirement.” Be sure to bring extra Kleenex when he retires (again) next year.

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BONUS: MARK CUBAN CRYING

WHO: Mark Cuban
REASON FOR THE TEARS: Cuban gets a bit emotional during Nowitzki’s MVP speech. To call this speech bizarre would be an understatement.

Yesterday came the news that Detroit had elected a new mayor, former Pistons star and NBA Hall of Famer Dave Bing (Bing’s replacing D-Town’s “Hip-Hop Mayor” Kwame Kilpatrick, who kept it a little too real and landed himself in the bing). Bing’s not even the first former NBA star to be elected mayor in the past year; former Suns All-Star Kevin Johnson was tapped to run his hometown of Sacramento last fall.

But why limit potential athlete-mayors to their hometowns or the cities where they played? We’ve selected five off-the-beaten path cities and assigned them to the pro athletes we think would be their best chief executives…

Tipp City, Ohio: Alex Rodriguez
• This town of fewer than 10,000 people might be a bit small for a big timer like A-Rod, but at least he won’t have that many people to tell which pitch is coming.

Genoa, Nevada: Terrell Owens
• Genoa (pop. 252) is even smaller than Tipp City, but somebody’s gotta lead the “Home of the Candy Dance.”

Portland, Oregon: Ronnie Lott
• The former Niners safety who once had a pinky amputated so he could keep playing seems like a perfect fit for “Stumptown.”

Sumner, Missouri: Brett Favre
• “The Wild Goose Capital of the World” deserves Favre, the wild-goose-chase-leading quarterback who’s the NFL’s all-time leader in touchdowns thrown, yards and fake retirements.

State College, Pennsylvania: Danica Patrick
• We’ve always wanted to visit Danica’s Happy Valley.

If you’re not the a hockey fan, you might have missed Alex Ovechkin’s celebration last night after scoring his 50th goal of the season (is that a lot? Sounds like a lot.). He threw his stick down on the ice, pretended it was too hot to pick back up; standard stuff, really. The only problem was that he’s a Washington Capital, and he did this in Tampa in front of Lightning fans, so all the Floridians who care about artificial ice got their panties in a twist about it.

We don’t care either way, we just like seeing athletes be disrespectful–which is why we pulled some of the all-time great instances together for all the rest of you who don’t spend their Thursday night watching Caps-Lightning games. Least surprising news ever: Terrell Owens appears in more than one clip…

Alexander Ovechkin’s Hot Stick

Randy Moss’ Moon Over My Hammy Lambeau Field

T.O.’s Double Stellar Eclipse

The Patriots’ Boston Teabag Party in San Diego

Although the video is unclear, the Patriots ended the Charges season in 2007, and then danced on the Chargers logo at midfield. Not cool.

Anquan Boldin’s Facial Disgracial in KC

T.O. Mocketh the Ravens: “Nevermore!”

Yeah, yeah, it’ll be good for him to get out of the national spotlight for a season to get his mind right, and he’ll undoubtedly be the superstar on the team, but after giving it some thought, we came up with a couple sure-fire reasons why T.O.’s time in Buffalo may not be his happiest…

THE BILLS SUCK

• Despite his stats'69 passes caught for 1052 yards and 10 touchdowns last year'we’d be surprised if T.O. will be able to get the Bills (who have went 7-9 three years in a row) to play a game past week 17.

BUFFALO IS A SMALL MEDIA MARKET

• Everywhere T.O. has laid his head after leaving University of Tennessee at Chattanooga'San Francisco, Philadelphia and Dallas'has been a huge media market allowing him to pull off those crazy antics on a national stage. We can’t even remember the last time we saw a Bills game on TV. The big markets also meant local and national media were covering his every move allowing him to do even sillier off the field shit like sit ups in his driveway. And with the average temperature in Buffalo hovering around 45 degrees, we don’t think he’ll be doing any front yard workouts until the off-season.

ANOTHER TEAM, ANOTHER QUARTERBACK

• T.O. has clashed with three of his past three quarterbacks, all of whom were stars in their own right. With Trent Edwards entering his 2nd year as the Bills QB, and being recognized as one of the future stars of the league, will T.O. be able to make Edwards “his quarterback”? Probably not. There’s no doubt that T.O. will be the main option for Edwards, but we can see T.O. airing out the sophomore QB as soon as he hits off Lee Evans over him (pause).

NO REVENGE MATCHES

• T.O. loves returning to his old stomping grounds to face the people he couldn’t stand to play with. It’s even been said that the boo’s and hateful signs drive him to play harder (except in Philly). But now that dude’s on the Bills, T.O. won’t be able to exact his revenge like his used to meaning he won’t be able to do the “Eagle Flap” or spike the Dallas Star when/if he flies into the end zone during a rematch.

BUFFALO HAS NO HOT WOMEN

• We’re not saying there aren’t any dimes to be had in the land where Wendie Malick was born, all we’re saying is you probably won’t catch us doing a Worldwide Wednesday: Buffalo Edition. If you do, find 9 hotties though, please send all pictures to tips@complex.com. Thanks in advance.

Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo is under a lot of pressure lately, and no, this time it’s not because a beastly defense is gang raping him. Last season was cursed by controversy as star receiver Terrell Owens claimed that Romo was conspiring to not throw him balls that he could in turn drop (yes, the same Owens who showed public support for his QB a year earlier by crying when the press criticized Romo for losing yet another playoff game). Such turmoil may have led to the Cowboys getting reamed 44-6 by the Philadelphia Eagles in their final game, putting an exclamation point on a late season collapse.

This week, Romo caught more flak as teammates anonymously bitched that his inconsistent practices affected game day chemistry and Hall of Fame Cowboy Troy Aikman called him out for not taking the biggest job in Texas seriously enough. The ’90s star said that Romo should know that, regardless of whether or not he was prepared for his playoff game, vacationing with Jessica Simpson in Mexico on a bye week last year gave people the perception that he isn’t focused on winning (and that he loves these hos, a definite no-no in professional sports).

As a result of all the cow shit being shoveled on him, Romo spoke to the Dallas Morning News and vowed to be a more active leader next year. Complex has five steps that ‘Mo will have to take to lead the Cowboys to glory.

1. Spend less time sucking face with Jessica Simpson (or whichever blonde tackling dummy he’s replaced her with) and spend more time tonguing down his attention-starved teammates. Romo needs to understand that, like all women, T.O. has needs.

2. Concuss Troy Aikman in the hopes that he’ll retire from broadcasting when he can no longer form simple sentences, remember clichés or reminisce about the D’s ’90s glory days while shitting all over Romo.

3. If T.O. gives him even the slightest problem, replace his usual protein powder with ultra weight gainer. Owens may cry more than usual but there’s no way he’ll draw attention to himself when he’s developed super-sized Texas man tits.

4. Include teammates in his fraternity karaoke sing-alongs. On-field harmony begins with getting together with as many big sweaty dudes can fit in a private room and hitting high notes while doing belly shots off each other.

5. Stop looking like a fresh faced pushover and start looking like a man who has the balls to play under center in Dallas. It’s time Romo grew some real stubble. Brett Favre is proof that the more grizzled you look, the less likely people are to call you out when you display an historic ability to complete passes to the other team.