Complex Blog » Tera Patrick

XXXbox 360: A History of Porn Stars in Video Games

prubin — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 18:46:20 +0000

As huge fans of neither Japanese adult videos or import Japanese video games, we were overjoyed to hear that popular AV actress Rio is in the running to be cast in the newest installment of Sega’s Yakuza game series Ryu Ga Gotoku. It wouldn’t be the first time that a carnally-focused performer has shifted their attention from pickles to pixel—video games are usually more permissive than mainstream television or movies as far as being amenable to skin queens (or kings, as the case may sometimes be). To celebrate Rio’s almost-achievement, we pulled together a septet of porn stars who worked their magic in a video game or two. Now pick up them sticks and get slaying!

SUNRISE ADAMS
Game: Backyard Wrestling 2
Character: Herself! Except instead of having rough sex for money, she kicks your ass for the fun of it.
Most Recent Adult Title: Virtual Vivid Girl: Sunrise Adams. We’re glad that came out, so we didn’t have to mention her last movie, Slit Happens. Oops, we just did!

JENNA JAMESON
Game: GTA: Vice City, Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4
Character: Pornstar Candy Suxxx and an unlockable skater named Daisy, respectively. Did we really need that “respectively” in there?
Most Recent Adult Title: Being Jenna. Apparently, doing girls-only titles is a convenient sidestep around that whole “I’m retiring from porn!” thing.

RON JEREMY (sorry, sorry!)
Game: Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude
Character: A fairy who gives Larry tips and advice. Tip #1: Don’t trust a fairy with a nine-inch cock.
Most Recent Adult Title: Gloryhole Confessions. Seriously? Gross.

KIM KARDASHIAN
Game: Facebreaker
Character: Herself! She’ll take shots to the face if you play your cards right.
Most Recent Adult Title: Kim Kardashian, Superstar. Don’t blame us, we’re not the ones who let a munchkin film us giving dome!

TERA PATRICK
Game: Saints Row 2, Backyard Wrestling 2
Character: An microbiologist named, uh, Tera Patrick in the downloadable mission “Ultor Exposed” and herself as a roof-diving wrasslin’ dynamo.
Most Recent Adult Title: Sex In Dangerous Places. Like Even Seinfeld’s house? That dude’ll cut ya.

GINGER LYNN ALLEN
Game: Wing Commander II and Wing Commander Prophecy
Character: Chief Technician Rachel Coriolis
Most Recent Adult Title: Three releases this year–at the age of 46!–including Cougar Club 2, White Mommas, and When Ginger Met Nina. Hopefully, her going rate includes a senior discount.

RIO (nee TINA YUZUKI)
Game: The latest game in the Ryu Ga Gotoku Yakuza franchise
Character: A cabaret hostess, from the sound of things (fingers crossed!)
Most Recent Adult Title: The inexplicably titled Maison S1 Hotel Annex, Come For Shiofuki And Orgies.

Battling It Out

Joe — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 22:48:29 +0000

Tera Patrick and Jenna Jameson tested their spit-game against each other. [LINK]

Politicians have been getting it in with their mistresses for a minute. We asked who had the hottest jumpoff. [LINK]

Madden launched, and we took a look back at the greatest football players in video game history. [LINK]

We took a look at the best of the worst, anti-Asian racism. [LINK]

And From The Complex Network:

Nah Right: Check out behind the scenes footage from T.I's Paper Trail photo shoot. [LINK]

Das Gamer:BioWare Co-Founder Dr. Greg Zeschuck Talks Dragon Age: Origins. [LINK]

Nice Kicks: Converse drops a What If? Pack. [LINK]

On Smash: Curren$y dedicates a track to Brett Favre. [LINK]

Bastardly: Relax, Alicia Sacramone is 20 years old, and it's totally normal to look at her.[LINK]

Porn Star Rap Battle: Tera Patrick Vs. Jenna Jameson

prubin — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 19:13:26 +0000

Long story short: in an interview last week, Tera Patrick talked kinda greasy about Jenna Jameson. Not a full-on insult, just a little sideways chatter. “There's a lot more things I've done than Jenna. I wouldn't say she has a mainstream presence….She has more of a porn look.”

So of course we thought, What if the two porn queens took it to the vocal booth? Both are known for outstanding oral work, so it stands to reason that a rap battle between the two would be an instant classic. So obviously we had to come up with lyrics for this hypothetical battle'check out the verses below then vote on who has the better spit-game…

Jenna’s Verse:

Bad look in BlackBook, talking so yeasty
I'll wipe my bleached asshole with some T.P.
You can't see me, Queen of Porn, Jenna Jameson
Your last feature had you billed as “that nameless cunt”
I'm such a success, I stopped filming fuck flicks
The only mainstream you know comes out a sucked dick
“Former Ford model” is code for “rusty clunker”
Used-ass ride every dude been in the trunk of
True, you used to be fly, now you look beat up
Lost weight, lost tits, got the DD-cup re-up
Say you natural but that's some bull
We see the Spalding logos on those basketballs
Scary-ass tranny, at least you're a great actress
Who could forget Soul Plane and all those other classics?
Oscar-worthy player, always real and raw
So believable in Tara Patrick AKA Filthy Whore
Your acting career stops at the casting couch
And pretending that you love doing ass to mouth
While you shag your spouse, way to get about something
But Evan's Seinfeld'his dick's about nothing
And nowadays, you only make him semi-hard
He saw better ass in the Oswald prison yard
And he's the only one willing to knock it
Cause you fucked Biohazard and now the pussy's toxic
And you only get more ink than me
When Evan's fucking you while he thinks of me
What's an FHM? I've never heard of it
I've been on Family Guy, all my work's legit
And I did Vice City. You? The 2nd Saint’s Row
My POV, you're bottom bitch from every angle
I'm shitting down your throat like a dump truck
Call it “2 girls, 1 cup,” one star, one slut

Tera’s Verse:

I’m the Queen of the Valley, ma, I’m runnin’ Saints Row
I ride high, you hang low, so I’ma let the brains blow
I got brains, you just blow–takin’ shots? Hi, hater!
All you take is more D’s than a vibrator
I’m queen imperial of spank bank material,
I heard you’re pregnant–gonna name the kid Venereal?
Eggs must be scrambled from the gallons of sperm
You better stay doin’ them Kegels just to carry to term
I lox it down like bagels, make dudes cream for the cheese
You half-man like Sable, lookin’ mean and diseased
Can’t do numbers no more–you just old, washed up,
Ass-out like “2 Girls, 1 Cup”–YUP!
So sad you’re so saggy, vulva look like Richard Nixon
Call you Ticonderoga ’cause you had so many dicks-in
So now you on blast like bukkake, you can’t stop me,
Baby daddy’s the albino retarded version of Rocky
He ain’t Sly, you ain’t slick–no ass, no hips,
Steady lookin’ like a drag queen with them fake-ass lips
And those beach-ball twos ain’t doing nothing for your image
Irrelevant in this business, you the porn Dennis Kucinich
The last time that you was hot was back in 1995,
The little man in the boat, he musta shriveled up and died
So now it’s crossover appeal you goin’ after, please stop it
You look like a canned ham when you hit the red carpets
Trying to take a shot at fame, but Fame be takin’ shots at you
And he brought Billy Danz too–all aboard, choo choo!
Zombie strippers? Listen up: you are not an actor, hon,
I tried to read your book but got the clap by Chapter One
Penicillin did the trick, my pen is illin’ on you, trick
The only way you gainin’ weight is penis fillin’ up your shit
Anorexic-ass heffa, fall back like a recliner
Or TP goes T3 and Schwarzeneggers your vagina…

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Tera Patrick Swallows The Mainstream

donniek — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 18:43:07 +0000

Tera Patrick is something like the LL Cool J of porn'her resume is strong enough to merit G.O.A.T. consideration, but her career is undeniably on the downturn. But what can a porn star do to avoid the inevitable fate of doing sad MILF videos past her prime? Most of their projects that don’t involve having sex on camera are met with about as much excitement as the Todd Smith clothing line.

Which is why the news that THQ has enlisted Ms. Patrick as a “special producer” and guest character in the upcoming Saint’s Row 2 (360, PS3, PC) video game was met with limited enthusiasm. But Tera’s been broadening her horizons for years'not with like, sculpting or literature, but classy by comparison to porn. After the jump, check out some of Tera’s greatest hits (non-DP ones, that is) and her new SR2 trailer.

TERA DOES FHM

Tera was the first porn star (but the 2,956th slut) to appear on the magazine’s cover. We liked Tera before she got implants, but hey, no complaints here. To paraphrase Cool J, she jingling baby.

TERA DOES AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE

Tera goes deep on a hot dog in this behind-the-scenes clip from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Do we even need a joke?

TERA DOES HOWARD STERN

Stern loves porn stars, and porn stars love the Sybian. Unfortunately, we can only show a SFW teaser of Tera’s ride here. Search out the full version'believe us, it’s well worth your time.

TERA DOES BACKYARD WRESTLING 2

Saint’s Row 2 is actually Tera’s second foray in the video game world; she was a playable character in 2004’s highly forgettable Backyard Wrestling 2. Game sucks, but her virtual moans are pretty cool.

TERA DOES AN EVERLAST VIDEO

This is the video for Everlast’s “I Can’t Move,” probably the only Everlast solo video you’ll ever feel the need to see. Apparently, Tera was dating the ex-House of Pain dude at the time. A few years later, she married some guy that basically looks like his older, wacker doppelgÃ¤nger. Go figure.

TERA DOES SAINT’S ROW 2

It’ll be impossible to top GTA IV but we like what we’re seeing so far from the Saint’s Row sequel (out this October). After all, you can just never have enough mindlessly violent, sex-filled killfests.