News flash: pro athletes have it pretty sweet. If regular working stiffs get arrested, act like lazy assholes, or use hate speech, we lose our jobs and aren’t likely to find another one soon. But in the world of sports, it turns out that doing a little yay, a little time in the pen, or cussing out your boss will not only get you another job, but a better one!
This week came the news that running back Larry Johnson had signed with the 7-2, AFC Central-leading Cincinnati Bengals after being released by the 2-7, AFC West cellar-dwelling Kansas City Chiefs, who, despite their woeful performance this year, cashiered the former Pro Bowler for (among other things) Chris Brownin’ broads in the club, dissing Chiefs head coach Todd Haley on Twitter, and using gay slurs to address the media. It turns out though that LJ isn’t the first to make a similar worst to first upgrade based on his own fuckery, as you’ll see with our History of Upward Failing Athletes…
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And starting at point guard for the NBA crazy all-stars…Stephon Marbury!
Assuming that anything posted on Stephon Marbury’s Twitter page is sane and to be believed, twinkle-twinkling Starbury is set to float off into the cosmos of retirement. Monday night, with a lot more ellipses, he posted, “Done. Forever. Blessings. Basketball is just a game. I will say it again. 14 years 250 million. Hold that. I’m good. Thank you jesus for the blessing. Thanks NBA.” The word is that he wants to pursue television and web opportunities, which means we probably haven’t seen the last of his him. Still, his special brand of lunacy won’t be coming to a court near you, so Complex puts ten of his craziest moments up to remember the weirdness that was.
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Paging Captain Knick: we think there’s something in the water at Madison Square Garden, and it ain’t the winning formula. Somewhere (likely his casket) Red Holzman’s rolling over in his grave (again), because yet another Knickerbocker is at the center of a sex scandal.
First things first: at this point the allegations in the sexual harassment lawsuit filed against New York’s belittled center Eddy Curry yesterday are just that'allegations. But they’re totally bizarre, and given the Knicks’ recent history, totally in keeping with the spirit of the team (OK, so the loaded gun and the Cam’ron lyrical references are a new touch). Don’t believe us? Peruse our history of Knicks sex scandals and judge for yourself…
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One way or another, the Knicks will blow up this year!
It’s been a long off-season for the New York Knicks and their number one supporter, Captain Knick (they get considerably longer when you’re eliminated from playoff contention a month into the season). After hiring new General Manager Donnie Walsh and replacing disgraced Coach and Chief Executive Officer of Sexual Harassment and Xenophobia Isiah Thomas with former Phoenix Suns coach Mike D’Antoni, there’s reason to believe something better is in store for the Big Apple.
Look, the preseason hasn’t even begun and already the Knicks are tied for first place! Before they lose a game and the shine wears off, check out five reasons Cappy is amped for the ‘08-’09 season…
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