But until that happens, we’ve dug deep into the most fecund veins of crackaness–the South, country music, intoxication, lack of teeth, and unskilled labor–to run down the ten redneckest shows we could find.

Grab your banjo, there’s good pickins ahead…

And we’re not saying that it’s a shitty business decision on par with signing Aztek to Roc La Familia, but we sincerely hope that Hov doesn’t regret this like some of these other rapper-endorsed products we’ve seen in the past…

RAP SNACKS

After a storied history of pumping out the diddyopedopest snax like Dirt McGirt Sour Cream & Onion and Murphy Lee Red Hot Riplets (what the MSG-laden fuck is a riplet?), Lil Romeo bought the line and promptly cut out every non-Romeo rapper except, for reasons we can’t understand, Yung Joc. And if you’ve never tasted a Yung Joc Honey Dew Flavored Cheese Curl…then you’re probably better off, actually.

SON DOOBIE, PORN KING

Before G-Unit, before Lil Jon, before Snoop and his bullshit AVN award, there was Soul Assassins all-star Son Doobie (of Funkdoobiest), merging hip-hop with porn. Of course, there was also the fact that he actually got buck naked and piped broads on film. The funk’s on you!

50 CENT: BLOOD IN THE SAND

Of all the games that didn’t need a sequel featuring a rapper buckin’ fools in the Middle East, 50 Cent Bulletproof might just be number one. Well, no one told Activision'and this November, they’re about to be NERVOOOOUSSSSS!

BIRDMAN LUGZ

Is there a sneaker out there that can outwack the Game Hurricanes? Yes, this one.

VOKAL

From the mind of Nelly'straight to the racks of TJ Maxx! Whether you’re a methadone patient on the go or just a Berlin high-school punk with bad skin, trust Vokal to clothe you in hot shit.

BONUS: ALFONSO RIBEIRO’S BREAKIN’ AND POPPIN’

Is Carlton Banks actually a rapper? Does it really fucking matter?