There aren’t many 7′1″, 325 lb. behemoths you can laugh at when they’re in a fighting mood, but NBA funnyman Shaquille O’Neal is one of them. This past weekend, footage of the NBA big man fighting 5′10″, 154-lb. boxer Oscar De La Hoya for his Shaq Vs. television show leaked, and it’s hilarious (one of them is really, really big and the other one’s kinda normal size, you see, and that equals laughter). We doubt that the Golden Boy checked out our posts on Shaq’s greatest emasculations and scariest moments, or he would never have put his pretty little face in such danger. And that’s fine by us, ’cause it’s one more big laugh for us. Now check out the rest of Shaq’s funniest moments.

SHAQ DISSES VLADE DIVAC
• Finally we understand why the world needs ringtones.

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SHAQ SNAPS ON A REPORTER
• Shaq gets, Shaq gives, tit for tat.

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SHAQ CRITIQUES CRAIG SAGER’S SUIT
• You know your suit has serious issues when Kazaam is snapping on it.

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SHAQ CALLS THE KINGS QUEENS
• The only thing crowning in Sac-town was Shaq’s foot out of Chris Webber’s ass.

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SHAQ’S KOBE FREESTYLE
• After the Diesel asked Kobe how his ass tastes, that shit was on everybody’s tongue.

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SHAQ’S TACO BELL COMMERCIAL
• Coincidentally, this is what Shaq’s ass actually tastes like.

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SHAQ CURSES ON AIR
• Shaq does give a shit, though. That’s why he later performed CPR on the intimidated reporter after he choked on his own rapidly retracting balls.

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SHAQ DANCES ALL OVER LEBRON JAMES AND DWIGHT HOWARD
• After watching big man and his hips bring da funk, bring da noise, we can only send our deepest sympathies to Mrs. O’Neal’s genitalia.

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SHAQ’S VITAMIN WATER COMMERCIAL
• Even PETA had to admit this commercial was worth five crushed horses having to be euthanized after filming.

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SHAQ PLAYS SCRABBLE
• I think we just Shaqued in our pants from laughing so hard.

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SHAQ GETS RACIST ON YAO MING
• It takes a nation of 1.3 billion to hold Yao back.

This raised a couple of questions for us: 1) how much fucking tequila do you DRINK, dude?, and 2) is this the first time someone’s dropped so much weight in a single offseason? The answers are: 1) no idea, and 2) no! In fact, he’s the latest in a long(ish) line of people to lose a good deal of weight in a short time! And we found some more! And are very excited about it! Read on to read the miracle diet tips that have us so excited!

TURK BRODA
Team: Toronto Maple Leafs
Year: 1949
Circumstances: Leafs owner Conn Smythe was concerned about his star goalie’s girth (ayo!), so he challenged Broda to lose a pound a day for a week.
Pounds Dropped: 7—but in a week? That’s Jessica Simpson numbers.
Miracle Diet: Grapefruit and soft-boiled eggs. AKA “The Wilford Brimley.”

SHAWN KEMP
Year: 2005-6
Team: None
Circumstances: After getting dropped from the Orlando Magic in ’03, getting arrested on drug charges, and ballooning up to 330, the busiest baby daddy in the league took it upon himself to to get in shape for a comeback with the Nuggets.
Pounds Dropped: 75, allegedly, including a difficult-to-believe 11.5% body fat.
Miracle Diet: Crack and unprotected sex! AKA “The Flavor Flav.” No, no, that’s not right. It’s “Strapping weights to your ankles and running hills, and eating oatmeal three times a day,” AKA “The Madonna In Preparation For Her 75th Birthday.”

BRETT MYERS
Team: Philadelphia Phillies
Year: 2008-09
Circumstances: Pitchers are often fat fucks, but not when they’re only 28. Plus, all that extra weight was hampering his wife beatings.
Pounds Dropped: 30
Miracle Diet: Eating well and working out. AKA the “That’s Boring, Now Stop Beating Your Wife.”

SHAQUILLE O’NEAL
Year: 2004-05
Team: Miami Heat
Circumstances: After the Heat got him from the Lakers, team management asked The Big Aristotle to slim it down like his wife slimmed down his bank account.
Pounds Dropped: 40
Miracle Diet: Eating fewer tiny humanoids, AKA “The Cloverfield.”

LENDALE WHITE
Year: 2008-09
Team: Tennessee TItans
Circumstances: White had always been a truck since his USC days, but he’d lost a step and wasn’t doing much for the TItans ground game.
Pounds Dropped: 30
Miracle Diet: Tequila, no mas! AKA “The No Way, Jose.”

Shaq is back! Yes, Phoenix Suns center Shaquille O’Neal is playing well after struggling through injuries that made him look like a broken down codger. But more importantly, he’s regained his shit-talking form. His latest shit storm started brewing during Tuesday night’s 111-99 loss to the Magic, when Shaq attempted to draw an offensive foul on Dwight Howard with a highly offensive flop after the Orlando center gave him a light elbow tap. The tomfoolery led Magic coach Stan Van Gundy, who coached Shaq on the Miami Heat, to say that he was shocked by the cheap move and that O’Neal should play like a man.

Never one to let his manhood be challenged, Shaq shot back that his flop reminds “master of panic” Van Gundy of his whole career. This is the press conference version of Shaq power dunking on a rival and hanging on the rim to ensure they get a nice strong whiff of his crotch funk as he teabags them. It’s good to have the big man back in full force. Hopefully he keeps it up and is even able to surpass the hilarity of these six classic emasculations…

SHAQ GIVES THE SACRAMENTO KINGS A SEX CHANGE

SHAQ-MASCULATION RATING:

• Fast forward to 2:14 to see Shaq ending the war of words between his Los Angeles Lakers and the Sacramento Kings by calling them the Sacramento Queens. (Get it? They’re either women or Sweet ‘N Low!) Personally, we would have made a joke about Sac-town not seeing clearly due to their Arabian goggles.

CLICK NEXT TO SEE SHAQ’s TASTY TREAT FOR KOBE

If there were a Guinness record given to the world’s largest lethal weapon, it would definitely go to 7′1″, 325-lb. Phoenix Suns center Shaquille O’Neal. The Diesel is a funny, generally amiable dude, but sometimes he simply can’t help squashing the little Smurf people who scurry about his ankles. (And when he’s actually pissed off at them? Well, let’s just say the Big Aristotle doesn’t lash out with oversized philosophy.)

Sunday, during a game against the Detroit Pistons, Shaq was ejected for an assassination attempt flagrant foul on 6′5″, 205-lb. guard Rodney Stuckey while he was flying to the hoop. Shaq insisted that it was not a dirty play, just an honest attempt to block a lay-up, which only further proves the point that he’s one gigantic, scary mufucka. Read on for the five memorable moments when the Diesel Shaqqed that ass up. And, no, we’re not even going to waste a moment on Shaq rapping about the taste of his ass.

Click here to see Shaq’s 5 scariest moments.

Though he’s always seemed like the better guy, it turns out that Shaq may be as big of a sleazebag as Kobe, if not bigger. Last Thursday, his former jumpoff, Alexis Miller (a.k.a. Maryjane, the Atlanta rapper you’ve never heard of), filed a restraining order against him, claiming he’d stalked, threatened, and harassed her after she ended their relationship. The development gives Complex pause and cause to rethink the Shaq Vs. Kobe hate debate. Check out our head-to-head comparison and cast your vote to determine who’s sleazier.

Click Here To Start The Analysis…