Even Shaq likes to laugh at Shaq.
There aren’t many 7′1″, 325 lb. behemoths you can laugh at when they’re in a fighting mood, but NBA funnyman Shaquille O’Neal is one of them. This past weekend, footage of the NBA big man fighting 5′10″, 154-lb. boxer Oscar De La Hoya for his Shaq Vs. television show leaked, and it’s hilarious (one of them is really, really big and the other one’s kinda normal size, you see, and that equals laughter). We doubt that the Golden Boy checked out our posts on Shaq’s greatest emasculations and scariest moments, or he would never have put his pretty little face in such danger. And that’s fine by us, ’cause it’s one more big laugh for us. Now check out the rest of Shaq’s funniest moments.
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NFL mini camps started up not long ago, and the big news over the weekend was Tennessee Titans fullback Lendale White, who showed up 30 pounds lighter than the 265 pounds he played at last year. And rather then credit his physical transformation to cardio work or yoga or marathon sex (or, at the very least, profusely apologizing after failing to deliver marathon sex), he went one better and claimed the he dropped the weight of a small child solely from forgoing tequila.
This raised a couple of questions for us: 1) how much fucking tequila do you DRINK, dude?, and 2) is this the first time someone’s dropped so much weight in a single offseason? The answers are: 1) no idea, and 2) no! In fact, he’s the latest in a long(ish) line of people to lose a good deal of weight in a short time! And we found some more! And are very excited about it! Read on to read the miracle diet tips that have us so excited!
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Stan Van Gundy just learned what it’s like to have Shaq rip your balls off and shove them down your throat.
Shaq is back! Yes, Phoenix Suns center Shaquille O’Neal is playing well after struggling through injuries that made him look like a broken down codger. But more importantly, he’s regained his shit-talking form. His latest shit storm started brewing during Tuesday night’s 111-99 loss to the Magic, when Shaq attempted to draw an offensive foul on Dwight Howard with a highly offensive flop after the Orlando center gave him a light elbow tap. The tomfoolery led Magic coach Stan Van Gundy, who coached Shaq on the Miami Heat, to say that he was shocked by the cheap move and that O’Neal should play like a man.
Never one to let his manhood be challenged, Shaq shot back that his flop reminds “master of panic” Van Gundy of his whole career. This is the press conference version of Shaq power dunking on a rival and hanging on the rim to ensure they get a nice strong whiff of his crotch funk as he teabags them. It’s good to have the big man back in full force. Hopefully he keeps it up and is even able to surpass the hilarity of these six classic emasculations…
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Fe! Fi! Fo! Fum! Don’t make Shaq dunk your head in your ass, son!
If there were a Guinness record given to the world’s largest lethal weapon, it would definitely go to 7′1″, 325-lb. Phoenix Suns center Shaquille O’Neal. The Diesel is a funny, generally amiable dude, but sometimes he simply can’t help squashing the little Smurf people who scurry about his ankles. (And when he’s actually pissed off at them? Well, let’s just say the Big Aristotle doesn’t lash out with oversized philosophy.)
Sunday, during a game against the Detroit Pistons, Shaq was ejected for an assassination attempt flagrant foul on 6′5″, 205-lb. guard Rodney Stuckey while he was flying to the hoop. Shaq insisted that it was not a dirty play, just an honest attempt to block a lay-up, which only further proves the point that he’s one gigantic, scary mufucka. Read on for the five memorable moments when the Diesel Shaqqed that ass up. And, no, we’re not even going to waste a moment on Shaq rapping about the taste of his ass.
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In the long-running feud between NBA stars and former teammates Shaquille O’Neal and Kobe Bryant, most people have sided with the big guy ’cause he’s funny, charismatic, and hasn’t been accused of raping anyone.
Though he’s always seemed like the better guy, it turns out that Shaq may be as big of a sleazebag as Kobe, if not bigger. Last Thursday, his former jumpoff, Alexis Miller (a.k.a. Maryjane, the Atlanta rapper you’ve never heard of), filed a restraining order against him, claiming he’d stalked, threatened, and harassed her after she ended their relationship. The development gives Complex pause and cause to rethink the Shaq Vs. Kobe hate debate. Check out our head-to-head comparison and cast your vote to determine who’s sleazier.
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