When it comes to genitals, the United Kingdom is not as united as you’d think. According to various sexual studies, 35% of women in the UK “never” have sex. Normally we’d blame this on pasty skin and too much fish, chips, and pints of bitter, but researcher types are saying that porn is responsible for a decrease in male desire—at least the desire to knock off the same old chick when they could fulfill their sexual desires with all kinds of readily available filth online. (Step your game up, ladies!)

Think that’s a crazy correlation? Keep reading to check out some others wild theories that have linked porn to everything from marital bliss to stemming crime…

THEORY: PORN IS WORSE THAN CRACK
COMPLEX SAYS: In 2004, a group of professors from various American universities gave a speech to a Senate Commerce subcommittee on the ills of viewing pornography online. They claimed the effects of porn are worse than drugs because the images remain in your mind forever, and users can get drugs out of their system. Talk about crackpot theories, comparing getting rocks off to crack rocks? F to the O to the H, my dudes.

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THEORY: VIEWING PORN LOWERS YOUR LIFE EXPECTANCY
COMPLEX SAYS: A British study from 2003 found that men between the ages of 20 to 40 year had higher mortality rates from viewing pornographic sites. We’re sure they verified this by sorting through the secret stashes of porn these guys took with them in their coffins.

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THEORY: INTERNET PORN REDUCES SEX CRIMES
COMPLEX SAYS: American Economics professor Steven Landsburg wrote a column for Slate in 2006 where he argued that internet porn reduces rape and other sex crimes. He even threw shots at studies that are based in laboratories claiming subjects are way more comfortable watching porn in the comfort of their own humble abodes than in a lab full of dudes. Depending on which way you swing, you can’t really argue with that. Good work, Teach!

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THEORY: PORN IS FREE SPEECH
COMPLEX SAYS: In 2007, Law and Political Science professor Andrew Koppelman of Northwestern University wrote a piece exploring if pornography is protected under the first amendment. There’s been debate since art, film and literature is protected, and porn under certain circumstances can be any of those three things. Beats anything we learned in school. Way to take a stand, my man.

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THEORY: PORN OBJECTIFIES AND DEHUMANIZES WOMEN
COMPLEX SAYS: The classic argument of women being objectified and dehumanized in pornography was addressed in a speech called “Pornography Happens To Women” by feminist Andrea Dworkin back in 1993. Pfft. That’s not what Sasha Grey has to say. You know, when her mouth isn’t full of co-stars.

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THEORY: PORN HELPS MARRIAGES
COMPLEX SAYS: In 2004, Aussie Alan McKee found that porn is largely beneficial because it may be helping married couples connect sexually and stimulate the thunder from down under again. The Australian government had beef with him, claiming that McKee had only polled online porn viewers largely in favor in porn. Um, what the fuck else is the Internet for?

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THEORY: “ART” IMITATES LIFE
COMPLEX SAYS: A 2000 study found that prostitutes are increasingly being asked to perform sexual acts seen in porn flicks. It’s a dog eat dog world out there, and pimp philosophers like Snoop Dogg remind us that a ho’s only concerns should be working hard, and bringing it back to daddy.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE SEX POSTS…

We’re not saying everyone has had luck finding theirs, but we’ve met one or two G-spots along the way, and we’re not so sure about filing them alongside Chupacabras and Heterosexual Republican Senators in the “Intriguing Yet Fictional Concepts” department. But that’s what the study says, so until it’s debunked by the next study that comes along, we’re calling it a done deal. This isn’t the first time a prevailing sexual attitude was ultimately proven false—oh, no, friends, it is not. And we’re going to let you in on a few others…

FEMALE HYSTERIA
• Women craaaaazy, and it’s all because of their weird inferior anatomies. With all that plumbing and hormones and whatnot, it’s no wonder girls be trippin’. You know what would help that mental instability? Having a doctor bring them to “hysterical paroxysm” with a crude turn-of-the-(20th)-century vibrator!

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CATHERINE THE GREAT’S HORSEPLAY
• As the story goes, the Russian empress died in 1796 while having a horse lowered onto her for equine sexytime. This is definitively not true, though the episode later lived on as part of the hook for Big Pun’s “Still Not a Player.”

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BLUE BALLS
• True? Possibly. We can only say that we’ve never experienced them, though that could also be due to your moms being an extremely considerate lover.

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NYMPHOMANIACS RUNNING RAMPANT
• While a number of neurological conditions can lead to hypersexual behavior, the idea of actual “nymphos” (which were talked about in middle school along with “morphodites” as sexual curiosities), who are ZOMG HORNY 24/7, doesn’t exactly exist. There is, however, something called Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome (or, hilariously, Restless Genital Syndrome), which is a potentially debilitating condition that can leave women housebound. It also only seems to affect middle-aged women who you really do not want to imagine having dozens of knee-buckling orgasms for no reason at all.

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MASTURBATION DESTROYS THE YOUNG
• John Harvey Kellogg, who you might know from, oh, CORN FLAKES, was a big believer in the idea that a good wank would turn a young person into a criminal, an invalid, or a plain fucking insane person. His 1877 book Plain facts for old and young: embracing the natural history and hygiene of organic life (really, that’s its name) was full of gems like “After long abuse of the sexual organs, and in many cases after a short course of sin, the whole system becomes deteriorated; digestion is impaired; the muscles are weakened; the circulation is unbalanced; the nerves are irritable, the brain — especially the back and lower portion of it — is congested; the skin is torpid; the bowels are inactive and the general health is deranged in almost every particular. ” Oh, and he advocated rubbing acid on the clitoris and using a penile harness like the one above to prevent people from pleasuring themselves. He was also a big fan of enemas, and we’re guessing wasn’t all that much fun at a party.

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PENILE ENLARGEMENT? THAT’S UNPOSSIBLE!
• Medical orthodoxy says you can’t make your joint bigger, despite what the Prolixus commercials on Sirius radio are telling you. But there’s a huge online community of guys out who swear they’ve done it–with exercises, not pills. If Barry Bond’s head can get that big, who’s to say anything is impossible?

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OYSTERS AS AN APHRODISIAC
• Do we believe it because they resemble a vagina, only without the sharp gnashing teeth? Very possibly, but the briny bivalves contain no substances that correlate to increased sex drive in women, as is commonly reported. Except maybe the odd pearl here and there. Because WOMEN ARE MATERIALISTIC HOOERS.

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FEMALE EJACULATION
• We’ve seen it, we’ve even caused it, but scientists still can’t seem to agree. Is it urine? Does it contain actual prostate fluid? And for the love of God, does it stain sheets?

• CLICK HERE TO SEE MORE COMPLEX SEX POSTS
• CLICK HERE TO SEE MORE COMPLEX GIRLS POSTS

The best part of a recession is you can “project” just about anything, an idea that comes in handy when you’re trying to pitch your part of the world to tourists and magazine editors. At a recent press conference to promote Australian tourism, futurologist (yeah we know) Ian Yeoman stated, “Robotics will become important, because you’re going to have labor shortages in the future…Even robot “prostitutes” that would not pass on diseases such as HIV could make an appearance.”

Sounds good to us. Hey Ian: below is our list of top ten robot women we’d like to have sex with. If you can work on getting these made real, we’ll book our tickets. Just let us know when the ladies are ready and we’ll be there with a 10-page cover story, thanks…

MARIA FROM METROPOLIS
Maria is a classic robot, and this movie dates back to 1921. The remake of this film will have her dropping a few inches off of that robot waistline (and adding a few up top), but for the 1920s, this was one hot piece of clunking scrap metal.

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AIKO from JAPAN
This thing is real! An inventor named Le Trung, who has never had a real girlfriend, built this, and it does cleaning, makes drinks and reads newspaper headlines. Homie has spent about $21,000 so far and is still improving it. Would we smash even though we know his tiny inventor wang has been up in there? Maybe if we got some hardcore cleaner and went to work…

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LISA (KELLY LeBROCK) from WEIRD SCIENCE
When Kelly LeBrock popped out of that closet, we were all psyched—robot titties! And then we realized that it was 1985, we were 3 years old, and John Hughes didn’t put nudity in his movies. Oh well, there is always the remake. Wait, is she a robot or a real girl or a hologram or just CGI? Whatever, we’re on it regardless.

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T-X (KRISTANNA LOKEN) from TERMINATOR 3
So she can throw you across the room. Worth it. This woman is effing hot, and if her fantastical off-set robot personality is anything like her real-life sex machine, you’re looking at one of the most awesome robot-love situations of all time here folks.

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CAMERON (SUMMER GLAU) from THE SARAH CONNON CHRONICLES
Terminator (and it’s shitty spinoffs) have this whole robot thing down. Why create male robots at all? It’s not like they’re gonna have robot penis for the ladies. Or maybe they will, but still. Hey engineers in the year 2050: just make hot robot chicks, OK?

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KAY-EM 14 (LISA RYDER) from JASON X
Another robot/sex machine. Granted, if we were stuck on a floating space craft and Jason was going after us we’d do our last rights with the blonde chick, but she’s not a robot, and that wouldn’t make any sense in this post.

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PRIS (DARYL HANNAH) from BLADE RUNNER
Daryl Hannah has always seemed a bit weird looking to us, but the robot stuff is kind of kinky, and here it works. Enough makeup on anything and we’re pretty much there.

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THE FEMBOTS from AUSTIN POWERS
Um. Of course. All at once please.

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JAPANESE RUNWAY ROBOT from JAPAN
This thing kind of makes us laugh, and the thought of having sex with it seems painful—bang bang clunk clunk. In reality, we’d rather watch movies and fantasize about fake robots then succumb to the reality of a rounded steel crotch, but f it. We’ll try anything 3 or 4 times.

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THE ROBOT MODELS from THE SURROGATES POSTERS
Again, all of them at once please. Just don’t pinch the sensitive part, thanks.

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Yesterday, The Courier-Journal of Louisville reported that Rick Pitino, the University of Louisville’s men’s basketball coach, told police, who were investigating rape charges against him, that he’d had consensual restaurant sex with and paid $3,000 for an abortion for his accuser, Karen Cunagin Sypher. The pretty blond, who’s married to the university’s equipment manager, accused Pitino, a married Catholic, of sexually assaulting her after she was charged with trying to blackmail him for $10 million. Scandalous! Sacrilegious sex, sure. But in the sanctity of a restaurant?! Our taste buds tingle from the shame of it all!

Actually, considering that the basic male needs are sex, food, water, sex, shelter, and sex, it makes perfect sense that Pitino got it poppin’ at Louisville’s Porcini Restaurant. With a name like that, you’d think they’d enjoyed a really classy dining and extramarital smash-off experience, but given all the subsequent drama, perhaps Sypher took offense because it wasn’t fancy enough for a respectable lady such as her. With that in mind, Complex breaks down other restaurants that might be good for an eat and beat. Bon appetit!

RED LOBSTER
FOOD: The scent of your impropriety will easily be mistaken for the catch of the day. Get it? It smells fishy—just like your chick!
CLEANLINESS: There’s always the possibility that someone walks out with crust-acean on their clothes, but that’s why they give you bibs.
SHAME FACTOR: Minimal, as long as your lobster tail doesn’t come with a side of crabs.

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IN-N-OUT BURGER
FOOD: We’re not completely clear on the In-N-Out’s “secret menu,” but we’re pretty sure if you order a “Double Meat Protein Style” for your chick, they provide you with a stock boy and Wet Wipes.
CLEANLINESS: A bit greasy, but then so are you.
SHAME FACTOR: Chicks may be embarrassed by getting popped off in a fast food restaurant. That’s why they invented the drive-thru. In. And. Out.

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CHILI’S
FOOD: Eat this stuff and we assure you the sex will be hot and heavy.
CLEANLINESS: That’s on you. Literally. Your burbling bowels apologize.
SHAME FACTOR: OK, we admit that a smash session here probably won’t sit right with you. Kinda like the Terlingua Chili.

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ROSCOE’S HOUSE OF CHICKEN AND WAFFLES
FOOD: Hey, these zany bastards mix poultry and breakfast sweets! Who are they to judge you for putting in work in a restroom?
CLEANLINESS: With all that syrup around, nobody’s going to assume that sticky icky on their table is dried splashoff. Go nuts.
SHAME FACTOR: Strange things happen at Roscoe’s. It starts with mixing chicken and waffles and ends with a stick of butter and a circus midget. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

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BENIHANA: THE JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE
FOOD: All dishes, prepared in an awesome spectacle by Benihana’s artist chefs, come with a side order of performance anxiety for you.
CLEANLINESS: Despite the theatrical slicing and dicing, Benihana’s chefs manage to keep things tidy. Try to keep your “onion volcano” from erupting all over the place.
SHAME FACTOR: Significant, if you allow your chef to show you up, working magic with his big-ass Ginsu. Get your dull knife game on point quick!

You know those people that never stop talking about all the apps on their iPhone? Well, these are the ones they downloaded on the down low. Is that a touch-screen mobile device in your pocket or are you just excited to hit the jump? Sigh, just keep reading to check our guide to the 5 sleaziest iPhone applications…

TITLE: MyVibe
DEVELOPER: Sawhorse Enterprises
PRICE: Free
• We’re not mad at the idea of ladies stimulating themselves while they tweet with us, but the company’s suggestion to use this makeshift vibrator “when the kids are watching TV—and not you” is a little fucked up.

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TITLE: Passion
DEVELOPER: Chris Alvarez
PRICE: $4.99
• Lay your iPhone on the bed while having intercourse and get graded on your performance. Get scores like the one above and your girl will probably let your roommate smash while you’re at work.

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TITLE: rubMyClit
DEVELOPER: Creative Commons
PRICE: Free Web App (rubmyclit.ratethatthing.com)
• Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but real clitorises feel nothing like your iPhone screen.

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TITLE: iWet T-Shirts
DEVELOPER: Synapse
PRICE: $0.99
• Yo, why the hell does she have a bra on under that t-shirt? We wanna see the two’s!

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TITLE: Pocket Pick-Up Guide
DEVELOPER: Phantom Particle
PRICE: $1.99
• No T&A here, but any guy using this app to pick up chicks is the definition of sleazy. Instead, tell her you have the MyVibe app on deck and want her opinion.

Over the weekend we read the news that a 29-year-old Michigan man was arrested for “receiving dome sexual favors from a vacuum” at a car wash. A car wash vacuum, huh? Very inventive! We’ll just have to add that to our growing list of inanimate objects that desperate men have sex with.

Click here to see our list of man’s favorite inanimate sex objects…

But that’s not really the point, is it? Porn stars ternt sangas are by no means new; music is usually the second item on an adult performer’s bucket list, just after “appear on Howard Stern” and just before “guest star on Two and A Half Men.” That being said, are you really surprised that we went out and scoured the internets for some of these incredible vocal stylings? Didn’t think so. Check out our round-up of musical porn stars.

Click Here To Give Your Ears A Full-Body Freakin’…

Which, if you ask us, is a good thing. There’s just something about a set of fangs and an insatiable appetite for man’s most vital fluid that ratchets up the sexy.

If you don’t believe us, peep some of our favorite female vampire moments…

Veronica Rayne and her partner promise a varied menu, as well as a number of booths dedicated to their close friends in the industry. Come with us for a sneak peek at the who the booths are named after, as well as some menu suggestions from their ever-helpful friends at Complex.

To browse the menu we curated click here…

Our new slogan is obvious. But Janine wouldn’t be the first adult actress to find herself behind bars'take a walk down mammary lane with us, won’t you?

Click here to see which porn stars have been locked up…

The idea of devoting 90 seconds of our lives on the internet to watch these two make out and have sex posing naked reminds us of the great sex scandals and sluts that American Idol has given us over the years, so we’ve compiled the best below.

Jessica Sierra

This one is really a class act. After placing tenth (f’ing terrible), the girl went on to travel around the world playing concerts, leak a hardcore sex tape, wind up on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew and make a complete ass of herself as a coke-addled hussy. Awww, an American tragedy.

Antonella Barba

Every guy loves a trashy Jersey girl, and while you can just type “ass-to-ass Jersey girl” into Google, sometimes it’s way more fun to see someone from TV without their clothes on. When Antonella Barba’s nudie pics leaked while she was singing on the show, ratings skyrocketed, and the Idol judges abandoned their previous policy of kicking contestants off for shitty singing.

Olivia Mojica

Olivia Mojica, a top 24 contestant on Season Two of “American Idol,” may be just ok at singing, but she’s awesome at sex. Her sex tape leaked to the good old “i” net a little while back, and it’s worth heading over to Megarotic or other smut sites for . She was already off the show when this leaked, so no big deal, unless you’re her parents. Sigh.

Paula Abdul

Paula Abdul might have boned one of the American Idol contestants. This would be really bad if she was a teacher and one of the dudes was 10, but it’s Hollywood. This stuff happens all the time right? Abdul rarely knows what the fuck she’s doing, and dude just wanted to get his pony-pet by a washed up A-lister. If anything we feel bad for him. Check the bonus video of what post coitus might have been like. Wow.

The announcement means that the titty-slipping queen will be joining the slew of other fly celebrity chicks who have tried to capitalize on their sex appeal by dropping “intimates.”

Click here to see our other favorite celebrity lingerie lines…

No one can really prepare for the emotional rollercoaster that comes with leaving your lady. But if you’ve seen cautionary tales like Fatal Attraction with Glen Close'the O.G. of crazy-ass G.F.’s'then you might be more prepared when they go balls to the wall. Check out these other psycho exes and watch your back…

LARA FLYNN-BOYLE IN WAYNE’S WORLD

FATAL ATTRACTION FACTOR:

Wayne dubbed her “Psycho Hose Beast,” but Laura Flynn-Boyle’s character Stacey just didn’t know how to take a hint. Sure, the gun rack gift was a little freaky, but after watching her fall through a skylight and ride a bike into a parked car at full speed, it became clear that the only person Stacey was capable of hurting was herself.

DEMI MOORE IN DISCLOSURE

FATAL ATTRACTION FACTOR:

Regardless of what human resources says, everyone fucks their co-workers. But we had to stay away from the company ink for months after watching this corporate thriller where Demi Moore sues her rival executive/ex-boyfriend Michael Douglas for sexual harassment after she seduces him. That’s why we started taping all our sexual encounters. Strictly for legal purposes.

LYNN WHITFIELD IN A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE

FATAL ATTRACTION FACTOR:

Playboy Martin Lawrence got a wake up call when he started treating Lynn’s character Brandi like any other jump-off. This movie is proof that saying “I love you” to get in those panties will only end with you being half-dead at the bottom of your swimming pool. But Martin had fair warning'when a women confesses that she murdered her last husband, for God’s sake, please believe her.

UMA THURMAN IN MY SUPER EX-GIRLFRIEND

FATAL ATTRACTION FACTOR:

As long as you’re armed with a restraining order and a gun, you should be safe from most ex-encounters. Unless your ex happens to be invincible and can fly. Our advice: just start dating a female super villain. That would be a hell of a cat fight.

CAMERON DIAZ IN VANILLA SKY

FATAL ATTRACTION FACTOR:

The thing about crazy people is that sometimes you don’t realize how crazy they are until you’re careening head-first off of a bridge. Unfortunately, it didn’t occur to Tom Cruise that Cameron’s character was 7:30 as fuck until she purposely staged a car crash, turning him into a permanently deformed monster. Next time take the subway.

His recently released album Lessons In Love was originally titled Sex Education, so we decided to put the New Orleans native to the test with some tough questions submitted by our readers. Check out young Lloyd's guidance on topics ranging from how to pick up a chick at the club, to what to do when you've gone soft…

Question 1: “I was in the heat of the moment with my girl and my tool wasn't working properly. How do I avoid this from happening in the future?”

Lloyd: Think happy thoughts. Ice cream on a Sunday at a park. You want to think about…No, no, no. Actually, think macho thoughts. I want you to think about “Welcome To The Jungle!” You want to think about that kind of stuff, you want to think about Mr. T, with his muscles and his chains. And his like ” I pity the fool!” You don't want to be the fool. You want to think about naked girls. Maybe not even the one in front of you. You want to fantasize about your favorite starlet. And imagine that this is the next best thing. And that'll get you through.

Question 2: “What's the best way to convince my girl to be more adventurous in the sack? I've tried everything.”

Lloyd: Maybe you convince her that her favorite nighttime special is coming on'lets say, Larry King Live'and you accidentally auto-tune porn, and leave it on, let it ride. Something is bound to go down.

Question 3: “How do I hint to my girl that she's put on some pounds without being a dick?”

Lloyd: You know, I think the big problem with guys complaining about girls who gain weight is that they sometimes don't watch their weight. And I think that seeing is believing. So maybe you should get your lazy ass in the gym. Bulk up a little bit and then she'll say, “Oh my God, honey you look so good! I'm coming with you!” You know?

Question 4: “When I'm picking up girls, how aggressive is too aggressive? Is Ray-J’s “come here girl!” move the way to go?”

Lloyd: Grabbing is too aggressive. Groping. That usually tends to lead into civil cases, bad publicity, and a big headache that Goody's Headache Powder would never cure. I think the best way to be aggressive without being too aggressive is to get inside the girl's mind through conversation. Stir up her imagination, and then she'll let you know everything that she fantasizes about.

Question 5: “What’s the best way to approach a girl at a bar or a club?”

Lloyd: How? I say “Hey! How you doing? You want to go somewhere a little bit more quiet!??” [Laughs]. And then she says, “What?” I say, “You want to go somewhere else?” She says, “What?” I'll say, “Fuck it. Just give me your number!” No, no actually how I would approach a girl at a club… I'll wait until my song comes on. I cheat, you know. I'll wait until my song comes on, and I say, “Hey? You want to give me a dance to my song?”

Question 6: “My girl is a little too obsessed with Pleasure P from Pretty Ricky, how do I get her mind off him?

Lloyd: You find an article that says he has the worst disease known to mankind. And you blow that shit up on a big-ass poster board. And you stamp it over the refrigerator. I think that the best way to get her mind off Pleasure P is to introduce them to the person. That way she's going to say, “Hey, I really like them in the video, but she's got a funny head in person.” His head is big.

Question 7: “I've been with my girl for six months and it’s been going really well, but I just found out she did a ‘Girls Gone Wild’ taping. What should I do?

Lloyd: Well, I think that's when you go ahead and you say, “Hey honey, I posed for Playgirl last summer as well.” You know? “They made me spread my cheeks.” I didn't tell you about that one either.

Question 8: “My girl recently got approached to take some modeling shots. I'm happy for her, but her head is getting bigger by the day. How do you keep her humble?”

Lloyd: Hmm…how would I do it? I like models. I don't know. I'd sneak into the photographer's laboratory the day before the photos are produced and mustache them. Mustache and sideburn those fuckers out.

Question 9: Sex is on my mind a lot, and I can't focus a lot on daily activities. Is that normal?

Lloyd: All I know is that I think about sex everyday; at least 10 to 20 times a day. At the weirdest times. When I eat, right now at this interview I'm thinking about it, I thought about it in the elevator on the way up. And I think it's something that we all think about quite a great deal. And I also think that there's a big misconception between sex and love. I even question it myself. By having sex, does this mean I'm in love? Does this mean I love this girl? I really love her but how can I show her? Oh, let's have sex! And you know, a lot of times you know it's not love. It's just sex. And when you have it out of the wrong reasons, then you end up with a lot of bad things. Pregnancies, diseases…you know?

MARILYN CHAMBERS

Real Name: Marilyn Ann Briggs
Big Break: Behind the Green Door (1972)
Niche: “The 99 and 44/100% Pure Girl”'She was the woman on the Ivory Snow soap box
Career Highlight: Insatiable (1981)
Trivia: She fainted after filming a 45-minute scene in Behind the Green Door

SEKA

Real Name: Dorothiea Hundley
Big Break: Dracula Sucks (1978)
Niche: “The Platinum Princess,” the Marilyn Monroe of porn
Career Highlight: Making 37 movies in 1981
Trivia: Julianne Moore’s character in Boogie Nights was partially based on her.

RHONDA JO PETTY

Real Name: Rhonda Jo Petty
Niche: The hardcore version of Farrah Fawcett
Big Break: Little Orphan Dusty (1978)
Career Highlight: AVN Hall of Fame
Trivia: Born and raised a Mormon (later excommunicated, for reasons we can’t possibly understand)

CANDIDA ROYALLE

Real Name: Candice Royalle
Big Break: Analyst (1975)
Niche: The thinking woman’s porn star'she went on to produce and direct movies aimed at women and couples
Career Highlight: Founding Femme Productions, her company, in 1984
Trivia: Her mother was a professional jazz drummer

SHARON MITCHELL

Real Name: Sharon Mitchell
Big Break: Lisa Meets Mr. Big (1975)
Niche: “vigorous cunnilingus technique” (thank you, Wikipedia!)
Career Highlight: Getting a PhD in human sexuality
Trivia: Started in porn when she was 16–but because she was married at the time, those movies are not considered “underage.”

GLENN CLOSE (FATAL ATTRACTION)
New pussy…not quite worth the hassle of a psycho side piece whose idea of a home cooked meal is boiling your kid’s pet rabbit.

SHARON STONE (BASIC INSTINCT)
She’ll ride you crazily and then, when the gush comes gushing, stab you up with an ice pick. Now that’s cold!

JENNIFER JASON LEIGH (SINGLE WHITE FEMALE)
Those sexy heels that appealed to your foot fetish are considerably less sexy when she stabs you in the eye with them.

PAM GRIER (FOXY BROWN)
Castration'not what you had in mind when you said you wanted to get a nut off.

NATASHA HENSTRIDGE (SPECIES)
This is why you don’t have unprotected sex with an alien: As soon as she gets the seed, she slays you. Fucking aliens never come in peace.

NICOLE KIDMAN (TO DIE FOR)
The power of the P-U-S-S-Y: convincing you to kill a man with mob connections. Seriously, don’t think with your dick if it’s got down syndrome.

LINDA FIORENTINO (THE LAST SEDUCTION)
The p is not free'especially when it’s attached to a thieving-ass wife who’s trying to manipulate you into killing the husband she stole $700K from. That’s why they call it a money shot.

NEVE CAMPBELL (WILD THINGS)
Double-crossing people with a hot, bisexual high school girl is great until the final twist'of poison in your drink, that is.

ELLEN PAGE (HARD CANDY)
What has the world come to when the young girl a pedophile lures back to his house turns out to be the more dangerous predator? You’ve never been so happy to see Chris Hansen.

Co-founded by some guy named Harry Mohney, who calls himself “America’s leading Erotologist” (though there are some of us here at Complex who could give him a run for his money), the museum boasts revolving featured exhibits, a massive permanent collection, and what may possibly be the gift shop on the entire planet. Where else could you buy vintage original ’70s and ’80s porn movie posters like Hot & Saucy Pizza Girls and The Ribald Tales of Canterbury? Our guess is “nowhere.” See some of their offerings up close after the jump.

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Seeing Danity Kane’s Aubrey O’Day locking lips with another female was the moment we’ve been waiting for. The surprise came last night when Aubrella was out and about with socialite/model Lydia Hearst-Shaw at the posh New York nightclub, Butter.

After landmark hook-ups like Denise Richards and Neve Campbell in Wild Things or the 2003 Madonna x Britney Spears x Christina Aguilera collabo, we thought that the trend of famous women locking lips had run its course. But even before the Aubrey/Lydia incident, it was already shaping up to be the year of the faux-lesbian make-out session. Check out our top 5 girl-on-girl moments from 2008 below.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON AND NATALIE PORTMAN

Their movie The Other Boleyn Girl might have been a critical and commercial flop, but these flawless beauties still had us glued to the screen when they kissed for the cameras at the movie’s UK premiere.

MADONNA AND HER BACKUP DANCER

Not that many pop stars are lining up these days to french kiss the Yankees third baseman’s jumpoff, so here’s where the backup dancers come in. Congrats, you just kissed A-Rod’s balls.

PENELOPE CRUZ AND SCARLETT JOHANSSON

Woody Allen put the Spanish bombshell in a dark room with Scarlett and made movie magic by having them make out in his new movie Vicky Cristina Barcelona. What else would you expect from someone who smashes his stepdaughter?

LINDSAY LOHAN AND SAMANTHA RONSON

The power couple normally keeps the PDA on the low like Hov and Beyoncé. That is, until this paparazzi shot helped add fuel to the fire crotch of the rumors about their budding relationship.

KATY PERRY AND WHOOPI GOLDBERG

There’s something terribly wrong in the world when a hot girl like Katy Perry has the number one song in the country with “I Kissed A Girl” and doesn’t kiss any girls in the video, but then smooches Whoopi Goldberg on The View. KP’s the official wanksta of lezzie-inspired pop music.

That’s why we big up Eli Dancy and his company STFree Certifications'the onetime club promoter has issued more than 15,000 “Safe Sex Licenses.” The cards might be all the proof we need to show prospective jumpoffs that we’re not pubically pestilent. Otherwise, we would be forced to assert our cleanliness in some far less efficient ways. See some other possibilities below…

Post results on our bedroom door like Mr. Boston:

Submit to background checks like Steve Gutenberg in Amazon Women on the Moon:

Listen to this insane and possibly borderline-retarded guy:

[STFree via New York Daily News]

Which is why the news that THQ has enlisted Ms. Patrick as a “special producer” and guest character in the upcoming Saint’s Row 2 (360, PS3, PC) video game was met with limited enthusiasm. But Tera’s been broadening her horizons for years'not with like, sculpting or literature, but classy by comparison to porn. After the jump, check out some of Tera’s greatest hits (non-DP ones, that is) and her new SR2 trailer.

TERA DOES FHM

Tera was the first porn star (but the 2,956th slut) to appear on the magazine’s cover. We liked Tera before she got implants, but hey, no complaints here. To paraphrase Cool J, she jingling baby.

TERA DOES AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE

Tera goes deep on a hot dog in this behind-the-scenes clip from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Do we even need a joke?

TERA DOES HOWARD STERN

Stern loves porn stars, and porn stars love the Sybian. Unfortunately, we can only show a SFW teaser of Tera’s ride here. Search out the full version'believe us, it’s well worth your time.

TERA DOES BACKYARD WRESTLING 2

Saint’s Row 2 is actually Tera’s second foray in the video game world; she was a playable character in 2004’s highly forgettable Backyard Wrestling 2. Game sucks, but her virtual moans are pretty cool.

TERA DOES AN EVERLAST VIDEO

This is the video for Everlast’s “I Can’t Move,” probably the only Everlast solo video you’ll ever feel the need to see. Apparently, Tera was dating the ex-House of Pain dude at the time. A few years later, she married some guy that basically looks like his older, wacker doppelgänger. Go figure.

TERA DOES SAINT’S ROW 2

It’ll be impossible to top GTA IV but we like what we’re seeing so far from the Saint’s Row sequel (out this October). After all, you can just never have enough mindlessly violent, sex-filled killfests.