Complex Blog » Scientology http://www.complex.com/blogs Buy. Collect. Obsess. The original buyer's guide for men. Fri, 20 Nov 2009 22:35:53 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 en hourly 1 Wifey Or Trifey: Katie Holmes http://www.complex.com/blogs/2009/03/02/wifey-or-trifey-katie-holmes/ http://www.complex.com/blogs/2009/03/02/wifey-or-trifey-katie-holmes/#comments Mon, 02 Mar 2009 21:20:45 +0000 justinm http://www.complex.com/blogs/2009/03/02/wifey-or-trifey-katie-holmes/ katie_3.jpg
Katie Holmes can be wifed, as long as Xenu is present to watch over the ceremony.

High Priestess of the Church of Scientology Katie Holmes is shedding pounds, and sadly they’re not the 115 pounds that are her tiny lunatic husband, Tom Cruise. Holmes has appeared gaunt recently, as noted by the highly respected physician gossipmongers at Fox News here. The exact cause of her dramatic weight loss is not known. Is she crying out for help, having realized she’s trapped in a cult and married to a cult leader? Is she attempting to flush evil thetans out of her bodily temple? Is she getting set to star in The Machinist II: The Regurgitation?

Holmes is one half of the craziest couple in Hollywood but that doesn’t necessarily mean her coconut is cracked. Perhaps Cruise is just so crazy he makes her look 7:30 too? Maybe there’s still a workable wifey underneath all the insanity? Read the arguments as Complex puts Holmes to the wifey/trifey test and vote to decide if she’s a lost cause or a prize find…

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WIFEY?
Holmes never had “birthing hips,” but her body is capable of reproducing. OK, maybe not in it’s current skeletal state. It’s not like we’d actually want to make a fire with those sticks anyway.

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TRIFEY?
Tom Cruise is 16 years older and several inches shorter than Holmes is. We’re not saying that his millions or his power in the alternate universe of Scientology seduced her, but hey, we’d bang him for that kind of security…What? Dude gets points on the back end!

]]> http://www.complex.com/blogs/2009/03/02/wifey-or-trifey-katie-holmes/feed/ 0 Tom Cruise’s Medical Marijuana Stash http://www.complex.com/blogs/2008/04/04/tom-cruises-medical-marijuana-stash/ http://www.complex.com/blogs/2008/04/04/tom-cruises-medical-marijuana-stash/#comments Fri, 04 Apr 2008 22:16:57 +0000 bfred http://www.complex.com/blogs/2008/04/04/tom-cruises-medical-marijuana-stash/ tomcruise_chronic2.jpg
It’s only a matter of time until we hear a rap song called “I’m On That Tom Cruise.” Apparently the actor is pissed off about a strain of weed stocked in California’s legal cannabis clubs called “Tom Cruise Purple.” His lawyers are considering taking action because the medicine is sold with a label that shows a picture of Cruise’s crazy ass laughing hysterically. According to one “enthusiast,” “I heard it’s the kind of pot that makes you hallucinate.”

If they end up having to change the name, we would like to suggest “Scientology Sticky.” We hear the shit is so good you’ll feel like you’re talking to Xenu!

[Rush & Malloy]

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