It may not be “reality TV,” but we don’t see scripting being a problem on this one. A scene or two happening at a tanning salon, fisting pumping of some sort, and a situation (not to be confused with The Situation) involving “hair gel” a la There is Something About Mary—and voila, an AVN Awards juggernaut is born. Finding the right talent to play Snooki, Sammi Sweetheart, Jolie, and J-WOWW, however, will be a much tougher task…which is where we come in (and many men before us as well). It happens that Complex has already done a full and thorough analysis of the guidettes already, but combine that with our vast knowledge of female adult movie stars, you’ve got your casting done. So here it goes…

For the role of J-WOWW
Actress: Eva Angelina
Why : We couldn’t help but notice J-WOWW’s faint resemblance to Emmanuelle Chriqui, but as much as we can dream, Jersey Shore will win an Emmy before the beautiful Entourage star agrees to go full X. So instead, there’s Eva Angelina, whose bionic cans are about as subtle as J-WOWW’s, and is also similarly rumored to be in possession of a vagina that is a rainbow and pasta treasure.

CLICK HERE TO SEE WHO WILL PLAY JOLIE!

We’ve never really thought of Sasha Grey as wifey material. Maybe it’s those 150-plus movies she’s made where guys with elephantitis of the dong degrade her for money. Yes, it’s difficult to imagine a porn star as our boo, but ever since we saw her in a real acting role, playing a prostitute in Steven Soderbergh’s art film The Girlfriend Experience, we’ve wondered if she might actually be someone worth showing the ring too (and we’re not even talking about the one that keeps us fully engorged).

Granted, playing a high class whore isn’t that big a stretch for Sasha, but at least she didn’t get choked out by any monster cocks. It’s a step in the right direction, so Complex is willing to give her a shot or two (and a chance to vie for the title of wifey!). Check out the arguments for both sides and help us decide if Sasha Grey deserves to walk the aisle in an off-white gown…


WIFEY?
Sasha is a serious actress. No really. Even before The Girlfriend Experience, she tackled important issues and put a mirror up to people’s faces. If not for her films, how would we know about the perils of smoking (Throat: A Cautionary Tale), the evils of corporate malfeasance (Face Fucking, Inc.) or the environmental impact of gas guzzling (Cum Fart Cocktails 5)?

TRIFEY?
We’ll accept that she can really act if she ever plays a character who doesn’t have sex for money. Unlike Sasha, when a dude is pinching her nose and making sweet love to her esophagus, we’re not holding our breath. Speaking of which, will Sasha ever be able to produce tears without a dog leash and something to gag on? Meryl Streep she’s not.