Complex Blog » Salma Hayek

Wifey or Trifey: Salma Hayek

prubin — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 19:44:00 +0000

Our Super Two’s Day and Ultimate Archive alumna Salma Hayek got married over the weekend to some billionaire, and while we’re happy for her, we also mourn the loss of being able to wife her up ourselves.

Or would we simply trife her? Or would we simply be content to just stalk her innocuously, satisfying ourselves with a glimpse of her most trife-tastic frame? Regardless of the reality (in which we would do our best, only to have her chuckle maternally and pat our heads before we grabbed one of her breasts, made a honking sound and ran for our lives), this is our house—and so it’s our prerogative to decide for ourselves. Ergo: wifey or trifey? You be the judge, but first consult our copious and curvaceous evidence…

WIFEY: She’ll Pause for a Cause
Hayek testified before the U.S. Senate Committee in 2005 in support the Violence Against Women Act. Wait, does that mean we can’t beat? We’re here all weeks, folks. Please direct your outrage to deeznuts@complex.com.

TRIFEY: Prince Got Next
The Purple One featured a track on his latest Target-only album (”Valentina”) that was dedicated to her. And as confident we are in our own bedroom-bully status, something tells us that if that pencil-mustachioed woodland elf had his freaky way with her, she’d turn into some sort of Paisley Park zombie, no Wendy and Lisa. (Side note: we realize this photo has nothing to do with Prince. But who would you really rather look at?)

CLICK NEXT TO SEE MORE EVIDENCE & VOTE!

Worldwide Wednesday: The 9 Hottest Mexican Women

donniek — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 20:16:15 +0000

Two news stories involving Mexican women piqued our interest yesterday: 1) A Mexican pop diva is suing TV Azteca for allegedly defaming her reputation; and 2) Mexican police arrested a woman in possession of more guns than T.I., including an anti-aircraft machine gun(!). So of course, we immediately started thinking of possible posts…a look at corruption at Spanish-speaking networks? An investigative report on how Mexican drug cartels are outgunning the military? Or, maybe—the hottest women in Mexico? Ding. Ding.

Just so you know, we didn’t go Maxim on you and fill our list with vaguely Mexican celebs like, say, Jessica Alba. Nope, we dug deep to find the most authentic hot chicks repping the tricolor. Consider this an early celebration of Cinco de Mayo: We present the 9 hottest women of Mexico…

#9. MAITE PERRONI
CLAIM TO FAME: We’d like to cast the 26-year-old singer/actress in the next Bond flick. The role? Culo…Culo Diabolical.

CLICK NEXT TO SEE MORE SEXY MEXICAN WOMEN!

The Ultimate Archive: Salma Hayek’s Hottest Pics

jerwin — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 19:57:26 +0000

Holy gazongas Batman, it’s Friday! Yezzir (or ma’am, if that’s your twist), it’s the end of the week, which means one thing: time for another Complex Ultimate Archive. This week we present Salma Hayek, an intelligent, mature, high-minded woman that we’d like to do a bunch of unintelligent, immature, low-brow things with. So while you’re watching the college basketball contests, sit back and enjoy Salma’s hottest moments. It won’t be disappointing (unlike your totally fracked bracket)…

CAMPARI CALENDAR, 2007

KEEP CLICKING TO SEE SALMA’S HOTTEST PICS

Shorty Is A Ten! A Guide To Complex’s Favorite Short Women

jerwin — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 22:34:56 +0000

The 13th season of “America’s Next Top Model” pops off this evening, and the theme this time around is “short girls” (is it just us or is the fragmentation of reality television starting to look more and more like the porn industry every day?). It seems that Tyra Banks was being approached on the street with short chicks “asking and begging” her to let them get on the show. And as the people behind Tyra’s musical career can attest, if you beg enough for something (no matter how crazy it sounds), you can usually make it happen.

Truth is though, you don’t have to beg us to check out short women'and we’re not just talking about the high school girls we buy Special Brews for every Friday. “America’s Next Top Model” put their limit at 5′7″, but that’s “model” short; we’ve put our cap at 5′5″ (sorry, Megan Fox and your fine-ass 5′6″ ass). Have a bias against altitude-deficient chicks? Check our list of the 10 Hottest Short Women and get your mind right.

#10. HILARY DUFF
• Claim to fame: Actress/singer; dater of various douchebags
• Height: 5′2″
• By the numbers: 1.1 Hilary Duffs=1 Hillary Clinton

#9. LUCY LIU
• Claim to fame: Actress (Kill Bill, the hot third of the Charlie’s Angels remakes)
• Height: 5′3″
• By the numbers: 1.37 Lucy Lius=1 Lew Alcindor

#8. ADRIENNE BAILON
• Claim to fame: Cheetah Girl; 3LWer; MTV host; Complex homie
• Height: 4′11″
• By the numbers: .047 seconds: time it takes a cheetah to run 4′11″

CLICK NEXT TO SEE MORE HOT SHORT WOMEN

Amazon’s Kindle 2: The iPod Of Books?

prubin — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 21:00:38 +0000

This morning, dozens of socially awkward tech writers brought their juice boxes and sunscreen to a press conference in New York City, where Amazon honcho and denim enthusiast Jeff Bezos introduced the company’s much-ballyhooed successor to their Kindle electronic book reader gadget thing.

From the looks of things, we’re gonna go ahead and say that this is the biggest leap forward for one-handed reading since Penthouse Forum. Not only is the thing just better looking, but it boasts a slew of improvements and innovations that make it clear that Amazon’s going for an iPod-like gamechanger. Learn about the new features after the jizzump…

SIZE
• Electronics and porn have long enjoyed an inverse relationship: size matters, just in opposite directions. And the new Kindle obeys the law of technological shrinkery, slimming down to .36 inches thick. That’s thinner than an iPhone, let alone a book. Hell, it’s thinner than most magazines'even in this day and age. What, you didn’t know? It’s cold out here, player! Ad pages done dried up like Cloris Leachman’s lunchbucket.

POWER
• As before, the Kindle 2 can download books (and automatically updated magazine/newspaper/blog subscriptions) over its wireless EVDO connection. Even if you leave the wireless on around the clock, you’ll be able to read for four days between charges (the thing lasts for two weeks with wireless off).

NAVIGATION
• Hamfisted morons liked to complain that they found it difficult to use the old Kindle without accidentally “turning pages” with their monstrous fleshy hands. The new edition avoids the curse of the lobster people by making page-turning buttons flex inward, and adds a five-way controller for improved navigation within texts.

SHARPNESS
• 16 shades of gray on the hi-res screen means it’s closer to reading paper than…well, paper, we guess. Except that’s kinda impossible, so let’s just call it a wash.

SPEED READING
• When you’re just trying to forget the soul-deadening humorlessness of Vibe’s 20 Questions, all you want to is to get the page behind you as quickly as possible'thankfully, the new Kindle turns pages 20 percent faster, to save you money on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder therapy.

STORAGE
• 2GB of internal storage means you can save shelf space in your horribly cramped NYC apartment; Kindle 2 holds up to 1500 books. Probably more if you’re dumb.

TEXT-TO-SPEECH
• A new experimental “Read to Me” option lets the Kindle 2 read out loud anything in it’s library. We’re currently scouring the internet for a Salma Hayek voice patch; it’ll go perfectly with our Latina lesbian erotica collection.

Salma Hayek Gave Us A Reason Two Celebrate

Joe — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 22:09:45 +0000

Twos day on a Friday? Sure, as long as it's Salma. [LINK]

T-Shirt designers on the come-up, here's a quick reminder to get your creation for the Knux, before the contest wraps up. [LINK]

Mighty Healthy collaborated with DVS and Huf on a dope runner. [LINK]

We offered some potential career choices for the Kimbo Slice. [LINK]

And From The Complex Network:

Bastardly: Whitney Port has been all over NYC filming her new reality show. Can't wait. [LINK]

Nice Kicks: adidas is dropping some head-turners this winter season. [LINK]

Nah Right: After a night of speculation, Fatty Joe lets everyone know he's cool with Jay-Z. [LINK]

Das Gamer: Cliff Bleszinski speaks on reenacting the miller lite catfight with Ted Price. [LINK]

On Smash: Don't you dare start wearing purses. Please. [LINK]

Daily Drop: Vans released 4 new colorways of the TNT. Cop 'em now. [LINK]

Super Two’s Day: Salma Hayek

Bradley — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 20:34:29 +0000

After losing a bizarre bet on German TV show Wetten dass..? last Saturday, two-riffic actressSalma Hayek agreed to put on a traditional “dirndl” dress and dance around with her boobies crackalactatin’ all over the place. This of course resulted in the “wardrobe malfunction” that all of primetime Germany (and bloggers) were hoping for. Even the asexual Karl Lagerfeld was turned on (we’d tell you why he was there but we don’t speak German).

It’s moments like this that make us truly appreciate Salma. So it’s only right that we devote this week’s installment of “Super Two’s Day” to Miss Hayek’s breast moments. Check out our top 5 below…

Click on the boobs to see full-size photo.

#5: FRIDA TOPLESS SCENE (2002)

#4: SCREEN ACTORS GUILD AWARDS (2003)

#3: ACADEMY AWARDS (2005)

#2: CAMPARI CALENDAR (2007)

#1: UGLY BETTY ELEVATOR SCENE (2006)