Our Super Two’s Day and Ultimate Archive alumna Salma Hayek got married over the weekend to some billionaire, and while we’re happy for her, we also mourn the loss of being able to wife her up ourselves.
Or would we simply trife her? Or would we simply be content to just stalk her innocuously, satisfying ourselves with a glimpse of her most trife-tastic frame? Regardless of the reality (in which we would do our best, only to have her chuckle maternally and pat our heads before we grabbed one of her breasts, made a honking sound and ran for our lives), this is our house—and so it’s our prerogative to decide for ourselves. Ergo: wifey or trifey? You be the judge, but first consult our copious and curvaceous evidence…
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Two news stories involving Mexican women piqued our interest yesterday: 1) A Mexican pop diva is suing TV Azteca for allegedly defaming her reputation; and 2) Mexican police arrested a woman in possession of more guns than T.I., including an anti-aircraft machine gun(!). So of course, we immediately started thinking of possible posts…a look at corruption at Spanish-speaking networks? An investigative report on how Mexican drug cartels are outgunning the military? Or, maybe—the hottest women in Mexico? Ding. Ding.
Just so you know, we didn’t go Maxim on you and fill our list with vaguely Mexican celebs like, say, Jessica Alba. Nope, we dug deep to find the most authentic hot chicks repping the tricolor. Consider this an early celebration of Cinco de Mayo: We present the 9 hottest women of Mexico…
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Holy gazongas Batman, it’s Friday! Yezzir (or ma’am, if that’s your twist), it’s the end of the week, which means one thing: time for another Complex Ultimate Archive. This week we present Salma Hayek, an intelligent, mature, high-minded woman that we’d like to do a bunch of unintelligent, immature, low-brow things with. So while you’re watching the college basketball contests, sit back and enjoy Salma’s hottest moments. It won’t be disappointing (unlike your totally fracked bracket)…
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The 13th season of “America’s Next Top Model” pops off this evening, and the theme this time around is “short girls” (is it just us or is the fragmentation of reality television starting to look more and more like the porn industry every day?). It seems that Tyra Banks was being approached on the street with short chicks “asking and begging” her to let them get on the show. And as the people behind Tyra’s musical career can attest, if you beg enough for something (no matter how crazy it sounds), you can usually make it happen.
Truth is though, you don’t have to beg us to check out short women'and we’re not just talking about the high school girls we buy Special Brews for every Friday. “America’s Next Top Model” put their limit at 5′7″, but that’s “model” short; we’ve put our cap at 5′5″ (sorry, Megan Fox and your fine-ass 5′6″ ass). Have a bias against altitude-deficient chicks? Check our list of the 10 Hottest Short Women and get your mind right.
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This morning, dozens of socially awkward tech writers brought their juice boxes and sunscreen to a press conference in New York City, where Amazon honcho and denim enthusiast Jeff Bezos introduced the company’s much-ballyhooed successor to their Kindle electronic book reader gadget thing.
From the looks of things, we’re gonna go ahead and say that this is the biggest leap forward for one-handed reading since Penthouse Forum. Not only is the thing just better looking, but it boasts a slew of improvements and innovations that make it clear that Amazon’s going for an iPod-like gamechanger. Learn about the new features after the jizzump…
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Twos day on a Friday? Sure, as long as it's Salma. [LINK]
T-Shirt designers on the come-up, here's a quick reminder to get your creation for the Knux, before the contest wraps up. [LINK]
Mighty Healthy collaborated with DVS and Huf on a dope runner. [LINK]
We offered some potential career choices for the Kimbo Slice. [LINK]
And From The Complex Network:
Bastardly: Whitney Port has been all over NYC filming her new reality show. Can't wait. [LINK]
Nice Kicks: adidas is dropping some head-turners this winter season. [LINK]
Nah Right: After a night of speculation, Fatty Joe lets everyone know he's cool with Jay-Z. [LINK]
Das Gamer: Cliff Bleszinski speaks on reenacting the miller lite catfight with Ted Price. [LINK]
On Smash: Don't you dare start wearing purses. Please. [LINK]
Daily Drop: Vans released 4 new colorways of the TNT. Cop 'em now. [LINK]
After losing a bizarre bet on German TV show Wetten dass..? last Saturday, two-riffic actressSalma Hayek agreed to put on a traditional “dirndl” dress and dance around with her boobies crackalactatin’ all over the place. This of course resulted in the “wardrobe malfunction” that all of primetime Germany (and bloggers) were hoping for. Even the asexual Karl Lagerfeld was turned on (we’d tell you why he was there but we don’t speak German).
It’s moments like this that make us truly appreciate Salma. So it’s only right that we devote this week’s installment of “Super Two’s Day” to Miss Hayek’s breast moments. Check out our top 5 below…
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