“They’ve still got Google in China, right? Right?!”
Trade deficit? What trade deficit? China sends us lead paint-laden toys to poison our infants, and we send them crazy professional basketball players to sell cheap shoes and smash their interns. Sounds fair, right?
Over the weekend, the Shanxi Zhongyu Brave Dragons of the Chinese Basketball Association announced that they had signed former Timberwolves, Nets, Suns, Knicks, and Celtics guard Stephon Marbury to a contract for the remainder of this season. It appears to be a “It can’t get any worse” type of sitch for both sides: Marbury hadn’t been picked up by an NBA team since finishing with the Celts last season, and the Brave Dragons have been playing more like Meek Lizards this year, currently 15th in a 17-team league. But who are we kidding, it’s gotta be the shoes, right? Just in case Steph wants a little company, we’ve got five more NBAers who would be a good fit in the land of pandas and smoking toddlers…
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Hennessy might easily be one of the most iconic liquors of our time: Nearly everybody (who’s old and responsible enough, of course) drinks the stuff in some way. Recently, Ron Artest was quoted as saying that he used to have a sip or two during halftime while he was playing for the Bulls. Talk about being a spirited player!
For those who don’t know, John Hennessy started making the cognac in France back in 1765 with deliveries to the United States beginning 29 years later, and musicians, actors, and even political leaders have been sippin’ it ever since. In 1971, Hennessy merged with Moet & Chandon, then subsequently merged with Louis Vuitton to become LVMH (basically everything hip-hop spends their dough on in one group). Let us take a look at how pop culture has respected their conglomerate…
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It sucks to show your ass (figuratively) live on TV—just ask Jay Cutler. But to show your ass (literally) for a national audience? Damn, man, that’s cold! Not to mention—cold!
In Sunday night’s Philadelphia Eagles-Chicago Bears game, Bears wide receiver Devin Hester was the victim of an unfortunate takedown maneuver by Eagles cornerback Dimitri Patterson. Running a slant over the middle, Hester had the back of his uniform pants grabbed by D.P. (ayo!), resulting in a complete Devin moonshot for the world to see. NBC’s commentators didn’t bat an eyelash, but we certainly didn’t miss one of the all-time great pantsings in sports history. But where does it rank in the illustrious history of sports shankings? We’ll leave that for you to determine with our collection of Sports All-Time Great Pantsings…
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Ron Artest gives you that funk, that tweet, that nasty, that gushy stuff.
Not everybody’s fit to twit, nitwits. If not a damn person on this earth has ever wondered what’s rollin’ around in your head, chances are you don’t need to fill us in. And if you are gonna share your every move and thought with the world, you and they had better be absolutely fucking fascinating, like Ron Artest, who we are now crowning the undisputed Twitter King after reading his updates from the last week.
Long before tweets, the NBA bad boy perplexed people by applying for a Circuit City job to get the employee discount, brawling with fans in Detroit, and starting a second career as a rapper just because he loves to rap. Most athletes regurgitate carefully rehearsed clichés, especially after they join a polished team like the Los Angeles Lakers, as Ron-Ron did this summer, but you can only expect the unexpected from QB’s finest, especially now that he can take you inside his mind, 140 uncut raw characters at a time. If you’re not following the man, you should be. For proof, just check out Ron-Ron’s 10 best tweets. He’ll show you how to do this, son!
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Compiled by Max Schlusselberg & Jack Erwin
There are sports moments that make us cheer, ones that leave us speechless, and even ones that make us cry (a little). But it takes a special kind of athletic feat to make us stand up and say: “That’s badass.” Now “badass” comes in all shapes and sizes, both good and bad, but you know it when you see it: achieving victory in the face of odds that would make a normal man quiver in his pantaloons, risking your career to say what you feel (or just punch the guy who’s been pissing you off all game), playing through injury and dragging the comp, or even doing psychedelic drugs and still playing like a boss.
Love ‘em or hate ‘em, but never doubt ‘em: sports badasses are why we’re watching the games in the first place. Listen folks, these ain’t your old man’s greatest sports moments. These are Complex’s 50 Most Badass Moments In Sports History…
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Ron Artest’s head game is vicious. We mean his hair designs. Don’t kill us, Ron-Ron.
Haters call Ron Artest a head case. Complex agrees that his head needs to be examined, but not because QB’s finest is some kind of dangerous unhinged manimal who’ll punch you in the face and force you to listen to Allure albums. With a fresh Houston Rockets logo shaved into his head for the 2009 NBA Playoffs, Ron-Ron is keeping the proud NBA tradition of hair designs alive.
They’re like temporary head tattoos for anyone who worries that a Starbury logo on their dome might not be the look they want at 40. In honor of Artest’s super cut, Complex looks back at some of the most unforgettable slam dunk designs we’ve seen in the NBA over the years…
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In a trade with the Sacramento Kings, the Houston Rockets just acquired the NBA’s most enigmatic and misunderstood player, Ron Artest. As an athlete, he’s unquestionably a beast: Last season, the 6′7″, 248-lb. forward from Queensbridge, NY, averaged 20.5 points, 5.8 rebounds, 3.5 assists, and 2.3 steals per game for the Sacramento Kings.
Of course, the charitable rapping entrepreneur who helped spark the 2004 Indiana Pacers-Detroit Pistons brawl brings more than athleticism to his team. After the jump, Complex breaks down five things the Rockets are getting in this complex individual.
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