Each day Complex scours the music blogs for 5 fresh songs that you should listen to in our 5 O’Clock Shuffle post. Instead of going crazy trying to keep up with your RSS feeds everyday, just head over to Complex.com to stay up-to-date on important leaks and releases.

The weekend is finally here and the last Shuffle playlist of the week happens to be the most star-studded as well. No upcoming or unknown artists this time. Strictly superstars. We have new music from Kanye, 50, Rihanna, Drake, GaGa, and Beyonce. There’s no way that there’s not something on the list you’re interested in checking out. Start listening after the jump…

SONG: “I’m So Appalled”
ARTIST: Kanye West
DOWNLOAD: [LINK]
• Here’s a new verse from ‘Ye that’s slated to appear on Diddy’s Last Train To Paris album. Hot verse but this tagged up version is the only one available for now.

SONG: “I Go Off”
ARTIST: Beanie Sigel f/ 50 Cent
DOWNLOAD: [LINK]
• If this is Sigel’s audition for G-Unit then consider him part of the team. Great song and 50’s shit talking is entertaining as usual, but the Jay baiting feels a little forced.

SONG: “Rockstar 101″
ARTIST: Rihanna
DOWNLOAD: [LINK]
• RiRi is really running with the bad girl image and we’re not the least bit mad at it. She even recruits Guns N’ Roses guitarist, Slash, on this Rated R track to give the rockstar theme a little more authenticity.

SONG: “Scriptures”
ARTIST: Drake
DOWNLOAD: [LINK]
• The Heartbreak Drake mixtape series is always good for exclusive Drizzy material. Several new songs leaked last night, but this probably the best of the bunch.

SONG: “Telephone”
ARTIST: Lady GaGa f/ Beyonce
DOWNLOAD: [LINK]
• It was inevitable that two of pop music’s biggest stars would work together. The collab lives up to expectations for the most part too. This will be the second single off GaGa’s The Fame Monster.

Visit Complex.com every day at 5 PM for your daily “5 O’Clock Shuffle“ playlist.

Here’s a preview of the video for Gucci Mane’s single, “Spotlight” featuring Usher. [Nah Right]

The top 10 most unfunny comedians of all-time. Yes, Dane Cook made the list. [Coed Mag]

This is the hilarious Bangs The Great video that people have talking about this week. [Miss Info]

Learn how to open a bottle of wine with your shoes. [Flisted]

This Nike x Yankees scarf will be even fresher if they take the Series tonight. [Daily Drop]

Kim Kardashian participated in a charity boxing match and left with a black eye. [PopCrunch]

One look at this gallery will convince you that fake tans are the worst thing ever. [Holy Taco]

These Jordan XIV samples were never released. [Kicks On Fire]

Finally. Lady GaGa wearing something semi-normal for once. [Trendmill]

All the hotties on this site will have you clicking around for a while. [Double Viking]

Each day Complex scours the music blogs for 5 fresh songs that you should listen to in our 5 O’Clock Shuffle post. Instead of going crazy trying to keep up with your RSS feeds everyday, just head over to Complex.com to stay up-to-date on important leaks and releases.

Today’s playlist is, dare we say, odd. Black Rob is out of jail and making music again. Another Rihanna song leaked. Huey and Lil’ Wayne are trying to keep auto-tune alive. Then there’s Gift of Gab’s collab with a couple more notable backpack rappers. If anything, the diversity of today’s Shuffle means there’s something here you wanna listen to. Get started after the jump…

SONG: “Three Course Meal”
ARTIST: Black Rob
DOWNLOAD: [LINK]
• Whoa. Black Rob is out of prison and trying to rap again. It’s unlikely that he’ll catch on like he did 10 years ago, but we’re not mad at him for trying.

SONG: “Hard”
ARTIST: Rihanna f/ Young Jeezy
DOWNLOAD: [LINK]
• This leaked right after we posted her second single yesterday. Probably the best leak from Rated R so far.

SONG: “Love Czars II”
ARTIST: SA-RA f/ Jay Electronica & Ta’Raach
DOWNLOAD: [LINK]
• You know that Taz Arnold guy you’ve seen hanging out with Kanye? When he’s not wearing leopard tights, he makes music as part of SA-RA. Here’s a remix for one of the better joints on their last album.

SONG: “Another Planet”
ARTIST: Huey f/ Lil’ Wayne
DOWNLOAD: [LINK]
• Ask much as heads yearn for more progressive hip-hop, sometimes people just wanna hear ignorant, materialistic anthems. This fits the bill nicely.

SONG: “Dreamin”
ARTIST: Gift of Gab f/ Del the Funky Homosapien & Brother Ali
DOWNLOAD: [LINK]
• Here’s a highlight from the Escape 2 Mars album dropping today. The line-up alone is enough to make backpackers everywhere rejoice.

Visit Complex.com every day at 5 PM for your daily “5 O’Clock Shuffle“ playlist.

Each day Complex scours the music blogs for 5 fresh songs that you should listen to in our 5 O’Clock Shuffle post. Instead of going crazy trying to keep up with your RSS feeds everyday, just head over to Complex.com to stay up-to-date on important leaks and releases.

If you haven’t noticed, the music blogs were slow today, but we’ve pulled together five noteworthy records from the weekend that you probably missed out on while you were trick-or-treating. There’s an album cut from Wale, Rihanna’s second single, a bonus track from Wayne’s new mixtape, and more to look forward to. Hit the jump to start listening…

SONG: “90210″
ARTIST: Wale
DOWNLOAD: [LINK]
• Poor Wale. His debut album leaked over the weekend. The good news is that he’s proven himself as more than a prematurely hyped rapper because there are some great songs on the LP. This Mark Ronson-produced cautionary tale for fame-obsessed young women is one of them.

SONG: “Single”
ARTIST: Lil’ Wayne
DOWNLOAD: [LINK]
• For those of you who downloaded the leaked No Ceilings and passed on the official version, you’re not missing out on anything, except for this low key gem. Add it to your copy of the tape if you haven’t already.

SONG: “Wait Your Turn”
ARTIST: Rihanna
DOWNLOAD: [LINK]
• We weren’t really feeling RiRi’s first single, but as we predicted, the second record off Rated R is way nicer.

SONG: “Ambling Alp”
ARTIST: Yeasayer
DOWNLOAD: [LINK]
• Rap leaks always outpace those of other genres, so it’s essential to grab the dope alternative joints when they come around. This 80s-influenced jam from Brooklyn boys Yeasayer will help diversify your playlists.

SONG: “Stay Off The Fuckin’ Flowers”
ARTIST: Blakroc f/ Raekwon
DOWNLOAD: [LINK]
• We introduced you to Dame Dash and The Black Keys’ rock-infused side project a while ago. The latest track to leak from the album is on point, just like the last one.

Visit Complex.com every day at 5 PM for your daily “5 O’Clock Shuffle“ playlist.

Each day Complex scours the music blogs for 5 fresh songs that you should listen to in our 5 O’Clock Shuffle post. Instead of going crazy trying to keep up with your RSS feeds everyday, just head over to Complex.com to stay up-to-date on important leaks and releases.

You’re probably aware that today was a big day for new music. If you haven’t heard the new releases from Jeezy and Rihanna, we have both of those on deck. Of course, many of you heard those songs the moment they hit the Internet, but we still have some download-worthy cuts from A-Trak, Soulja Boy, and Lupe that you may have overlooked. Ready to start listening? The playlist begins after the jump…

SONG: “Trap Or Die 2″
ARTIST: Young Jeezy
DOWNLOAD: [LINK]
• The message of the latest Thug Motivation 103 leak is clear: trappin’ ain’t dead. These bass-heavy three minutes are evidence that Jeezy isn’t lying to us either. Very serious record here. We put the man on our cover for a reason.

SONG: “Heads Will Roll (A-Trak Club Edit)”
ARTIST: Yeah Yeah Yeahs
DOWNLOAD: [LINK]
• Kanye’s former DJ might be busy molding the career of his promising new artist, but he’s still killing his own projects too. Here he turns the YYY’s already awesome single into a club-ready anthem. Easily one of the best remixes of the year.

SONG: “Russian Roulette”
ARTIST: Rihanna
DOWNLOAD: [LINK]
• We’re not afraid to rock with a Rihanna song from time to time, but her long-awaited comeback record probably won’t be getting too much play around our way. Judging from the snippet on her website, “The Wait Is Ova” sounds way iller. We’ll wait on that one.

SONG: “So Cocky Wit It”
ARTIST: Soulja Boy
DOWNLOAD: [LINK]
• Soulja just unleashed this banger via Twitter. People love to hate on the kid, but if you’re into Gucci Mane and similar-sounding Southern rappers, you’ll like his new stuff. If you’re not, keep it moving.

SONG: “All Sabotage”
ARTIST: Japanese Cartoon
DOWNLOAD: [LINK]
• Lupe continues to make music with his rock side project. We’ve heard better from the band, but this isn’t bad at all. Of course, Lupe would want you to believe that this is some guy named Percival Fats singing, but we know better.

Visit Complex.com every day at 5 PM for your daily “5 O’Clock Shuffle“ playlist.

50 Cent releases the cover art for Before I Self Destruct. [Nah Right]

The oft-debated 60+ Jordans are dropping in a new colorway. [Kicks On Fire]

You might feel ashamed after looking at these hot anime babes. [Holy Taco]

Check out Lady Gaga’s new headphones: The HeartBeats. [Daily Drop]

These almost-naked chicks might not be famous, but they’re hot. [Double Viking]

Get an early look at the upcoming A-Team Movie. [PopCrunch]

KATE HUDSON [click on the image above to see her sexy feet]
• She gets a pass for her toes even if she is letting A-Rod smash.

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KIM KARDASHIAN [click on the image above to see her sexy feet]
• We’re waiting for this two-time Complex cover girl to release that extra foot-age from her sex tape. Get it?

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KIMORA LEE SIMMONS [click on the image above to see her sexy feet]
• If only her face looked as good as her feet.

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TYRA BANKS [click on the image above to see her sexy feet]
• We don’t know about her hair (or titties), but we’re pretty sure her feet are real.

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RASHIDA JONES [click on the image above to see her sexy feet]
• If we were Jim on The Office, we’d be sucking on her toes in the copy room during lunch break.

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JESSICA SIMPSON [click on the image above to see her sexy feet]
• Good thing the state of her feet don’t fluctuate like her weight after every break-up.

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EVA LONGORIA [click on the image above to see her sexy feet]
• Word on the street is Tony Parker got her an engagement toe-ring.

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CARMEN ELECTRA [click on the image above to see her sexy feet]
• She’s been around the block a few times, but luckily her feet don’t look worse for the wear.

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RIHANNA [click on the image above to see her sexy feet]
• Got her toes done up with the fingernails matching.

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ROSARIO DAWSON [click on the image above to see her sexy feet]
• Perfection. Did you expect anything less?

Another day. Another song from Blueprint 3 leaks. Sorry Hov. [Nah Right]

Getting your girl knocked up might not be so bad after all. [Holy Taco]

Lindsay Lohan needs all the help she can get. Try identifying the people who robbed her crib. [PopCrunch]

Word is Megan Fox is playing Catwoman in the next Batman flick. We’re copping advance tickets now. [Coed Mag]

Hard day? These pics of hotties in the wild should cheer you up. [Double Viking]

Maybe these Bape ties will encourage some of you to clean up your look. [Daily Drop]

Seriously, dude. How do you rack up 22 DWIs? [Flisted]

However, we’re guessing Jay had a treatment like this in his mind from the get-go, ’cause guess what color everyone in the video is wearing? Yup. All black everything! And despite their locale being completely run down, Jay-Z, Kanye and Rihanna look like they just hit the mall and threw a couple ‘fits in the bag. Hov and Ye’s looks may not be for everyone, but we’ve all had those nights when we wanna feel completely murdered out (black on black on black). If you’re feeling a little rough n’ rugged and think you can pull it off, keep reading to see how to recreate both looks…

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WATCH THE VIDEO:

Welcome to the first edition of our new column, Fetish Friday, where we’ll be bringing you the freakiest female fixations you have but are too embarrassed to talk about. (Within the realms of a good taste, mind you—lovers of morbidly obese albino midgets, click thataway.) Complex is not here to judge you, fam—nope, we’re here to exploit your fetishes like Diddy does his artists.

Today, we’re appreciating sexy women with sexy nails. Not just any manicured hand will do—we’re talking about nails with either scandalous length, crazy colors, or impressive nail art. Remember Coko from SWV? How about the O.G. Puerto Rican hottie, Ivy Queen? OK fine, those are a little extreme, but here’s our round-up of the 10 female celebrities with the sexiest nails….

EVE
• During the 2008 Presidential Campaign, Eve showed support for Obama by putting his face as nail art on her hands. Now that’s patriotic.

BROOKE HOGAN
• We appreciate Brooke trying to spruce up other parts of her body (she is on our Butterface list afterall). We find her long red talons kinda sexy. She’s on speed dial for when we need our back scratched.

LADY GAGA
• She was also on our Butterface list (and the subject of many Complex posts), but at least she has her nail game proper. Gaga’s nails in the “Poker Face” music video were embellished to match playing cards. Dope.

KERI HILSON
• Our latest cover girl rocks the freshest neon polish in our Aug/Sept issue, but we first caught her pro-nails in her “Turnin’ Me On” music video rockin’ a mean houndstooth print.

FERGIE
• Do you see a pattern here? Another butterface with sexy nails. Maybe the outrageous nail art is to make us center our attention on anything but the face. It’s working!

SOLANGE KNOWLES
• Solange went to the unrivaled territory of nail art—Japan—to get her nails done up like the UK flag. She posted the pics on her MySpace and the response from her fans was nothing but love.

RIHANNA
• Stylish Rihanna is always thinking of the next odd trend, but we’re not hating on her nail game. Smiley faces and bright colors only make hot girls stand out more than usual.

KATY PERRY
• Recent Complex cover girl Katy is always experimenting with girls nails. She posts her manicures up on Twitter and TwitPic and we love her originality.

AMANDA BLANK
• Amanda’s debut album was released last week and we were curious to check her out. We were pleasantly surprised by photos of her freaky nails. Maybe it means she’s freaky in other ways as well.

KID SISTER
• Got her toes done up with her fingernails matching! Kid Sister is the queen of the nail art game. If you haven’t heard her ode to manicures yet, get familiar.

Wow. Kanye went off on this new “Alright” song with Twista. [Nah Right]

Hugo Boss swaps tennis ball boys for models at the Madrid Masters. For the win. [Coed Mag]

The terrible acting in these porn scenes is absolutely hilarious. [Holy Taco]

Check out all the LiveStrong shoes Nike has done. [Nice Kicks]

Feel free to enjoy Cocktail’s 15 minutes of fame just as much as she will. [Lossip]

This Twitter tool will tell you how hetero your tweets are. Flisted]

Scroll through pics of these hotties while you watch the MLB All-Star game. [Double Viking]

The production and features on Rihanna’s next album sound crazy. [PopCrunch]

We counted down the 50 greatest action movies of all time. [LINK]

Doutzen Kroes made our Monday, not so bad. [LINK]

Entourage comes back on Sunday night, and if you want to get your favorite characters look, we have ya covered. [LINK]

Loon was just the latest rapper to find religion. [LINK]

And From The Complex Network:
Sneaker News: The Spiz’ike Boots look sick. [LINK]

SlamxHype: Our friends at Slamx got the exclusive on BBC’s new look book for The New Order Magazine. [LINK]

Daily Drop: If you’re looking for solid b-ball kicks, cop the Nike Air Total Max Uptempo. [LINK]

Nah Right: Fabolous talked about Lil Wayne being featured on Loso’s Way. [LINK]

Moe Jackson: Kim Kardashian makes the best faces. [LINK]

On Smash: J Cole freestyled on Toca Tuesday. [LINK]

Das Gamer: Sony Reveals The New Trailer for Uncharted 2: Among Thieves [LINK]

KarmaloopTV: Check out this A-Trak interview with ‘Looptv. [LINK]

How patriotic! In honor of Rihanna’s outfit, we’ve gathered the best pasty moments in pop culture, and no, we’re not talking about your pale ass. If a nipple sticker counts as decent clothing, then we hope hot women everywhere pick up the trend. Check out the Super Twosday approved moments below…

WHO: MARILYN MONROE
WHERE: SOME LIKE IT HOT, 1959
• JFK’s jumpoff plays a singer who wears a dress with built-in pasties in this classic comedy.

WHO: LAINIE MILLER
WHERE: THE GRADUATE, 1967
• Dustin Hoffman’s straight-laced girlfriend gets a little flustered when she encounters spinning tassels on a visit to the burlesque.

CLICK NEXT TO SEE MORE PASTIES

It’s not like we think the Sonic-obsessed rapper’s music has gotten wack (it’s still pretty consistently dope), but even his diehard fans would be hard-pressed to overlook this guy’s bizarre career missteps over the past 12 months. The latest Charles Hamilton controversy surrounds his decision to list the late James Yancey, better known as J. Dilla, as the executive producer of his debut album, This Perfect Life. The explanation? What he describes as a “paranormal relationship” with Dilla. Huh?

We give the kid some credit for keeping his name in the news in an era where fans are more fickle than ever, but unfortunately it’s become less about his music, and more about his public failures. Some of these are just normal growing pains of a new artist, but a lot of them could’ve been avoided if Charles would just take a take deep breath and log off every once in awhile. With that said, here’s a full breakdown of Charles Hamilton’s greatest fails as rated by our Rick Ross Fail Scale. Sorry Sonic…

SOULJA BOY TOLD ‘EM
WHEN: December 2008
• Charles Hamilton blamed Soulja Boy for hipster-rap’s lack of mainstream acceptance in an interview and obviously forgot to check the kid’s online-beef track record. Soulja Boy fired back with one of his infamous video responses and laid into Charles for over seven minutes. Ether moment: “X out the Sonic. You might wanna fuck with Mario. You might wanna eat a mushroom. Wooka wooka wooka.” Then after conspiracy theories about the authenticity of the beef developed (both are Interscope artists), most blogs, including Nah Right, never even posted Charles’ Auto-Tuned response. Fail.

Rick Ross Fail Scale:

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CAN’T TAKE YOU SERIUS
WHEN: January 2009
• Charles Hamilton handled old heads Rhymefest and Uncle Luke just fine, but he finally met his match when veteran battle rapper Serius Jones stepped up. “Your clothes look like the inside of a pussy.” Ouch. It was a good battle though, and while hip-hop may have won, Charles Hamilton definitely lost. In all fairness: we know your pea coat didn’t cost $2,000, Serius.

Rick Ross Fail Scale:

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JACKIN’ FOR BEATS
WHEN: March 2009
• Underground producer Black Spade cried foul after noticing Charles Hamilton’s self-produced song “Shinin’” bears a striking resemblance to one of his beats (compare the tracks here). Of course, Charles denied the accusation and even posted his Pro Tools session file online in an attempt to clear his name. Unfortunately for him, the file turned out to be self-incriminating and pretty much confirmed—as evidenced above—that he did jack Black Spade’s beat. Um, fail.

Rick Ross Fail Scale:

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SONIC DOESN’T LOVE COLLEGE
WHEN: March 2009
• Oh, how nice of Charles Hamilton to freestyle with college kids after a concert. It just sucks when your fans can outshine you. Sure, Charles didn’t appear to be battling as hard as the fan was, but you should never half-ass it when cameras are rolling. The guy with the deal and the Interscope machine behind him should never let anyone think that he lost a battle to this kid. Not even for a second.

Rick Ross Fail Scale:

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CHARLES HAMILTON IS A DIRTY KID
WHEN: April 2009
• On meeting Pharrell in an interview with Nylon Guys: “[We met at] the Four Seasons, right?” says Hamilton. “I had just taken a shower that day for the first time in a couple of days.” Need we say more?

Rick Ross Fail Scale:

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WALE AND CHARLES FIGURE OUT WHAT’S BEEF
WHEN: April 2009
• Charles Hamilton and Wale have had a rocky relationship since people began grouping them together in the same “freshman class” collective. Charles denied firing shots early on, but by spring, a real feud developed. The labelmates tried to cover their tracks and called the beef “fake” on Twitter, but that didn’t last long. Wale’s hilarious jab from the clip above combined with his comments in our recent interview might not have signaled a full-on assault, but they were pretty funny. Chalk it up to a W for the D.C. guy.

Rick Ross Fail Scale:

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CORY GUNZ GOES OFF
WHEN: April 2009
• Cory Gunz and his Square Off cronies dissed Charles Hamilton on PMS Radio (no, really) because apparently, Sonic had been talking greasy. But that guy’s career is a mess too, so no L for Charles here.

Rick Ross Fail Scale:

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THE PUNCH HEARD ‘ROUND THE BLOGOSPHERE
WHEN: May 2009
• We give Charles Hamilton credit for not going the Chris Brown route and retaliating, but that doesn’t exempt him from scrutiny. Think about the last time you got punched in the face by a girl. Anything cool about that? Didn’t think so. Unfortunately for Charles, Briana Latrise’s right hook became entertainment for millions and spawned even more jokes. The Pink Panther doll attached to his arm significantly increased the fail factor too. Sonic definitely lost his rings with this one. And those corny couples therapy sessions after the fact? Not a good look.

Rick Ross Fail Scale:

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CHARLES HAMILTON IMAGINES WORKING WITH DILLA
WHEN: June 2009
• Earlier this week, Charles Hamilton posted cover art for his debut album, This Perfect Life, on his blog. Aside from the failure that is being signed to a major and having your glorified mixtape “debut” released for free online, Charles caused an uproar by crediting the deceased legend, J. Dilla, as the executive producer of the album. Charles said that proceeds (from a free album?) will go to the J. Dilla Foundation, which apparently doesn’t exist. Ma Dukes doesn’t even know who the kid is. Now he’s saying that he worked with Dilla through a “strictly paranormal relationship.” FOH.

Rick Ross Fail Scale:

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RIHANNA OBSESSION GOES NOWHERE
WHEN: 2008 – Present
• We all love Rihanna in one way or another, but when you blog about her regularly and fabricate an imaginary relationship with her (“Cuz word on the street is I only hear boo when Rihanna’s referring to me.”) while another young rapper is rumored to be getting it in with her, you lose. That loser in this situation would be Charles Hamilton. May the fail be with you.

Rick Ross Fail Scale:

Hmm, we’re not sure about this new game show. [Holy Taco]

Andy Milonakis is still a crazy little fuck. [Elbo]

Check out Kanye’s “Paranoid” video that features Rihanna. [Marcus Troy]

Uh oh. Big Boi is wearing fakes. [Nice Kicks]

If you cared, Jeremy Shockey is 100 percent fine. [Flisted]

The cast of Celebrity Rehab 3 has been revealed. Yawn. [PopCrunch]

Drake clears up the Rihanna rumors, sort of. [Nah Right]

These Dub Zeros? Yikes. [Nice Kicks]

This comic-strip about the NBA orchestrating a Kobe/Lebron finals is hilarious. [Holy Taco]

Here are 10 summer cocktails that don’t suck. Drink up. [CoedMag]

Are you using your digital camera properly? These guys are. [DoubleVikingHotties]

American Idol season finale ratings…FAIL. [PopCrunch]

Ja Rule is going to have to talk about 50 in interviews for the rest of his life. [Nah Right]

Seersucker Trainer 1s? Sure, it’s about to be summer.

Mickey Rourke is really turning into a wrestler, read up on how he threatned the host of “The Soup”. [Flisted]

Check out the 11 most painfully-awesome Mike Tyson knockouts. [CoedMag]

Jessica Alba gets GLAAD. [Lossip]

Fun with chicks and a point-and-shoot.

Recording artists are constantly being judged for their fashion choices, but at no point is an outfit more important than when they’re going before a judge in court to face the music. For instance, the same baggy thug apparel that gives a rapper street cred makes them look like a disrespectful miscreant to a gavel banger.

Yesterday, when R&B singer Chris Brown appeared in Los Angeles Superior Court to be arraigned for the alleged assault of his pop star girlfriend Rihanna, he made a smart selection: tight fitting dress clothes topped off with a sweater. Note the black—it’s slimming, which makes him look too skinny and frail to whup on a woman. Well done, Chris. Of course, not everyone is so wise. Check out five artists whose court look was just plain criminal…

Moses Michael Leviy, a.k.a. Jamal “Shyne” Barrow
• Charged with: First-degree assault and reckless endangerment, a.k.a shooting the club up
• What he wore: Dapper suits with fitted baseball caps
• What it said: “I’m ready to start a New Era—in prison.”
• Verdict: Guilty. Sentenced to 10 years.

Michael Jackson
• Accused of: Child molestation
• What he wore: A suit with pajama pants.
• What it said: “Let’s get this over with. I have a slumber party to get to, and you know how kids hate it when you’re late.”
• Verdict: Not guilty. Extremely suspect, but not guilty.

Phil Spector
• Charged with: Murdering nightclub hostess and actress Lana Clarkson in his mansion
• What he wore: A series of crazy hairstyles and ill-advised suits
• What it said: “OK, even if I did it, just look at me—I’m clearly insane.”
• Verdict: Guilty of fashion crimes. All else is TBD.

Radric “Gucci Mane” Davis
• Charged with: Violating terms of his probation (failing to do 600 hours of community service and using alcohol and drugs) after an assault conviction
• What he wore: A “Gucci Mane” T-shirt
• What it said: “My ‘Gucci Mane’ suit is still at the tailors.”
• Verdict: Guilty. One year in jail, continued probation.

Dwight “Beanie Sigel” Grant
• Charged with: Attempted murder, aggravated assault and weapons offenses
• What he wore: A sharp suit and hat combo straight out of Goodfellas
• What it said: “As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.”
• Verdict: Hung jury. Pause.

Men are dogs and women want to put them on leashes. That essentially sums up VH1’s new reality series Tool Academy, where the most “arrogant, dishonest, thoughtless and unfaithful boyfriends” are duped into entering therapy that may transform them into marriage-ready castrated zombies.

OK, maybe we take some issue with the premise of this man-hating show, but we can admit that some men go too far. We need look no further than the daily celebrity news to see men pissing all over their hot ladies. When they cast the (inevitable?) celebrity version of Tool Academy, these five dudes could benefit from a little higher learning…

Tool: ROGER CLEMENS

Before Tool Academy: The Rocket threw high heat at his wife Debbie, cheating on the mother of his four sons with 16-year-old country music star Mindy McCready and Paulette Dean Daly, wife of pro golfer John Daly. Then he threw her a curve, deflecting allegations of his own steroid use by telling Congress in February 2008 that Deb had taken HGH to get ripped for their February 2003 Sports Illustrated photo shoot (and because Clemens wanted her to have more love muscle).

After Tool Academy: Rocket will catch while Deb fires her balls at him for a change.

Tool: RICHIE SAMBORA

Before Tool Academy: Bon Jovi’s axe man cheated on Heather Locklear, his hot actress wife and the mother of his daughter, with her “best friend” Denise Richards, who was then married to prostitute poon hound Charlie Sheen. In 2008, he endangered his girlfriend and his daughter’s lives drunk driving his Hummer. So not only does he treat women wrong, he’s also fucking Mother Earth with a gas guzzler.

After Tool Academy: Sambora will punish his penis by wearing jeans that are too tight for even a rock star, forever changing Bon Jovi’s harmonies.

Tool: IRV GOTTI

Before Tool Academy: As if cheating on his wife and the mother of his children wasn’t bad enough, Irving humiliated his lady Debbie by airing out his rampant infidelity on their reality TV show, Gotti’s Way. In reality, Irv is a dick.

After Tool Academy: Irving will attempt to win back his special lady by becoming the first “Gotti” male ever to garden for his boo. He will also accept it when his penis gets less play than Cadillac Tah.

Tool: BILLY CRUDUP

Before Tool Academy: The Crud dated Mary-Louise Parker from 1996 to 2003 then dumped her for Claire Danes while Parker was seven months pregnant with his son. In his defense, those last few Lamaze classes really are a bitch.

After Tool Academy: Crud will open a home for all the bastard children of athletes and actors, then take estrogen injections so he can breast feed them.

Tool: CHRIS BROWN

Before Tool Academy: He allegedly assaulted his girlfriend, June/July 2007 Complex cover girl Rihanna, because she was being a little too social at a pre-Grammy party. If true, it would be without doubt the lowest note he’s ever hit. And this is a dude who dances in Doublemint commercials (or did until they burst his bubble, dropping him when the charges were made public).

After Tool Academy: Brown will receive an honorary diploma from the T.A. after a cell block of Rihanna-loving inmates shows him how it feels to be an abused woman. That’s Operation CB for real.

The long-legged Bajan has been on our radar since she let the two’s out to play in her “S.O.S.” video. Since then, she’s blown up like we thought she would and in the process has found herself in the middle of romantic rumors involving everyone from her former boss Jay-Z to (s)crappy actor Shia LeBeouf. So it’s only right that we ask: Is the good girl gone bad a wifey or trifey? Chris Brown, relax and take notes, as we examine the evidence…


WIFEY?
She’s a cash cow. In the three or so years that Rihanna’s been on the scene, she’s managed to sell over 11 million records, chart five #1’s and become the first chick since Whitney Houston to stay atop the UK charts for 10 weeks. She’s also amassed a grip of endorsement deals from Venus, Tote Umbrellas, Clinque and most recently Gucci. Yeah, she’s a business, man.

TRIFEY?
Her second biggest hit, behind the drunk sorority girl anthem “Umbrella,” was “Unfaithful,” an ode to infidelity. Sure, the song was penned by Ne-Yo, but it seemed a little like art imitating life to us. And her believable performance as a cheater in the video is especially suspicious'if you saw her in Bring it On: All or Nothing, you know “acting” isn’t her strong suit.