When Ayo! Scott wants to revisit his youth, he watches Kids. Other than the raving and raping, Larry Clark's 1995 classic about aimless NYC teens skating, boozing, drugging, fucking, fighting, and slurping juice with tampons is like a day in the life of young Ayo!
The Wackness, set in 1994, taps into some of the same nostalgia. High school outsider Luke Shapiro (Josh Peck) spends the summer before college selling weed, getting put up on new hip-hop by his connect (Method Man), trading trees for psychiatric therapy, and crushing on his shrink's stepdaughter (Ayo!’s boo-to-be, Olivia Thirlby). While Kids captured actual city teenagers doing how they once did, The Wackness attempts to transport young actors back in time, which proves tricky. The era references and slang spilling out of their mouths feel forced and untrue at times'though still infinitely more believable than a mesh-tank-top-rockin’ Meth's embarrassing Jafakin' accent.
If some details are off, the film still wins by focusing on the angst of first love, making it the coming-of-age story to Clark's cumming-in-underage-girls story. After all, between skating, boozing, drugging, fucking, fighting, and slurping juice with tampons, we did occasionally fall in love with these hoes. See the trailer and watch scenes after the jump.
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No other way to put this: Speed Racer is a giant turd. It's so fucking bad that it's almost funny. Which would be fine, if it weren't so fucking brain-numbingly bad. There are plenty of campy movies that are pretty funny when you stumble upon them on Starz after a few bong hits. But the Wachowski brothers’ Speed Racer doesn't even fit into the “…on weed!” category. It's just fucking bad.
We knew shit was heading downhill when the very first race sequence couldn't even sustain our attention. Talk about a premature bust-off: the film dribbles its load in the opening race scene'full of colorful, frenetic CGI effects that must've impressed somebody at some point'and then just repeats the same formula over and over again. And over and over again. One hundred and thirty five fucking minutes. That's a long time.
Yeah, Speed Racer is PG-rated, but you can't even use the “it's just for kids” excuse. There were two tykes sitting next to us, and we've seen more excitement at a Siberian orphanage. The story is needlessly confusing, filled with laughable dialogue, more earnest than an after school special. Poor Emile Hirsch'you can't really blame him. (Definitely blame Matthew Fox, though.) On the plus side, Susan Sarandon is…yo. Christina Ricci plays Speed's love interest, but how's his moms look twice as good? Susan, Susan, Susan. You are not a MILF. You are a MILKCSFAMSLT(*). In short: Speed Racer blows. But you already knew that. See the trailer and the (*) answer after the jump.
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Sometime in the past year, Prodigy officially usurped Jim Jones' title as our favorite ROTI'that is, our favorite Rapper on the Internet. Pee earned the title with hilarious on-camera diatribes, grimy low-budget videos, and, as Pee himself might put it'THE BEST RAPPER BLOG EVER, SO STOP HATIN' THAT PRODIGY AIN'T SCARED AND IS A REAL INDIVIDUAL TO SAY WHAT'S ON HIS MIND, YOU OVERSTAND??????
So it was with breathless anticipation that we cracked open Prodigy's latest, H.N.I.C. Pt. 2, the follow-up to last year's end-to-end burner, Return of the Mac. Prison bars can't stop the flow of this Pee, pissants. We've got an exclusive track-by-track review after the jump.
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Can matrimony curdle the milkshake that brought all the boys to the yard? Thankfully, Kelis's sassy sexual confidence is as sweet as ever on her fourth album. (”I don't just like you, /I like you like you,” she sings on “Like You.” “Can we come together? You can fluff my feathers.”) Even with a ring on her finger, the 26-year-old Harlem-born chanteuse is equal parts domination fantasy boss bitch (”Bossy”), playful sexual seductress (”What's That Right There”), devoted lover (”Til' The the Wheels Fall Off”), and humble, introspective entertainer (”Lil Star”). Producers such as Will.I.Am of The Black Eyed Peas, Cee-Lo, and Raphael Saadiq support the sultriness of Kelis's deep, raspy vocals and sincere lyrics with tracks that range from raunchy buzzing synth to funk and rock guitar-driven soul. The boys in the yard may be disappointed that Kelis got wifed up, but at least they can still throw on her CD, close their eyes, and fantasize about having Kelis for dessert.
Justin Monroe
Illustration by Sean McCabe
For more on Kelis, check out her sexy photos from our Hot Complex Section.
Kelis Was Here Jive Records.
