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Hollywood’s Most Entertaining Male Gigolos

intern — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 22:36:06 +0000

What could be better than spreading your seed around town? Spreading your seed around town and getting paid for it, son! And what’s even better than that? Well, according to critics, HBO’s new series Hung is. The dark comedy, which premieres this weekend, is about a well-endowed, down-on-his-luck high school basketball coach (Thomas Jane) who becomes a male escort to make ends meet. And meet ends he does!

HBO is hardly the first to tap into the gigolo genre. Something about the concept of a male prostitute is oddly tantalizing for creative types, and the idea has found its way into movies, television shows, and music over the years. In honor of the market for meat, we give you our list of the most entertaining gigolos. Trust us, it pays (to read on)…

MIDNIGHT COWBOY, 1969
• Not only does this movie exemplify Dustin Hoffman’s pimp swagger, literally, it also features a young Jon Voight who plays a prostitute that dresses up like a gay Ken doll. Best line of the movie? “I’m walkin’ here!”

AMERICAN GIGOLO, 1980
• Richard Gere is the most classic example of a cinematic ~~pimp~~ whore. But it was a sad day when we learned that “You’re a very pretty girl and you like me, I can tell,” doesn’t work in the real world, unless of course you’re Richard Gere.

UNDER THE CHERRY MOON, 1986
• Prince isn’t your conventional gigolo in this overly dramatic black-and-white flick. But some customers like men who look like women who look like men. Who are we to judge?

COCKTAIL, 1988
• Tom Cruise isn’t exactly what you’d call a “prostitute” in this prelude to Coyote Ugly, but he does bang his boss to get ahead in business. Scientology says: Beware of rising Thetan levels!

LOVERBOY, 1989
• Patrick Dempsey delivers the goods in this late-’80s man whore masterpiece, posing as a pizza boy who makes sure “his customers always come first.” Unfortunately for delivery boys, few real women get turned on by the promise of a “greasy sausage slice.”

MY OWN PRIVATE IDAHO, 1991
• Keanu Reeves, River Phoenix, and Director Gus Van Sant teamed up for this rather homo-erotic movie about two street hustlers who sell their bodies to anybody with money. Keanu credits this for helping him whore himself for The Matrix 2 and 3.

DEUCE BIGALOW: MALE GIGOLO, 1999
• This classic Rob Schneider flick made it funny to sell your body to fat narcoleptic chicks. Don’t sleep.

SONNY, 2002
• After returning home from the army in the 1981, Sonny Phillips (James Franco) returns to the only life he’s ever known: whoring. Who the fuck needs a 401K when they can make 401K fucking?

FLIGHT OF THE CONCORDS, SEASON 2
• After falling on hard times, Bret and Jemaine try their hand at the gigolo game. Check out their song about it. It’s in the key of D, of course.

IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA, SEASON 3
• If you’re going to be tricked into the sex trade, who better to trick you out than your dad? Pops goes the weasel for real!

MICKEY AVALON
• Love him of leave him (or love him and leave him), real-life former gigolo Mickey sold himself out and not his music. At least until he did that Boost Moble ad.

Wifey Or Trifey: Sasha Grey

justinm — Tue, 26 May 2009 19:40:50 +0000

Does Sasha Grey get the ring or just the pearl necklace?

We’ve never really thought of Sasha Grey as wifey material. Maybe it’s those 150-plus movies she’s made where guys with elephantitis of the dong degrade her for money. Yes, it’s difficult to imagine a porn star as our boo, but ever since we saw her in a real acting role, playing a prostitute in Steven Soderbergh’s art film The Girlfriend Experience, we’ve wondered if she might actually be someone worth showing the ring too (and we’re not even talking about the one that keeps us fully engorged).

Granted, playing a high class whore isn’t that big a stretch for Sasha, but at least she didn’t get choked out by any monster cocks. It’s a step in the right direction, so Complex is willing to give her a shot or two (and a chance to vie for the title of wifey!). Check out the arguments for both sides and help us decide if Sasha Grey deserves to walk the aisle in an off-white gown…

WIFEY?
Sasha is a serious actress. No really. Even before The Girlfriend Experience, she tackled important issues and put a mirror up to people’s faces. If not for her films, how would we know about the perils of smoking (Throat: A Cautionary Tale), the evils of corporate malfeasance (Face Fucking, Inc.) or the environmental impact of gas guzzling (Cum Fart Cocktails 5)?

TRIFEY?
We’ll accept that she can really act if she ever plays a character who doesn’t have sex for money. Unlike Sasha, when a dude is pinching her nose and making sweet love to her esophagus, we’re not holding our breath. Speaking of which, will Sasha ever be able to produce tears without a dog leash and something to gag on? Meryl Streep she’s not.

Ayo! Scott’s Take on Taken

justinm — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 21:12:19 +0000

Liam Neeson frowns upon abducting, drugging and selling his daughter into sex slavery.

Contrary to popular belief, Ayo! Scott is not an absolute savage. OK, he will treat her like a prostitute (”her” being any woman you care deeply for) but he absolutely will not treat her like a child prostitute. Ayo!’s just morally decent like that. Seriously. Ayo! loves the Captain Save-A-Ho genre, in which heroic older men attempt to rescue girls who’ve been forced into the sex trade (presumably so the young hotties will be grateful and have sex with them one day when it’s slightly less inappropriate). Films like Taxi Driver, Eastern Promises, Trade and Holly are not only entertaining but also serve to remind Ayo! that he shouldn’t pay for sex unless it’s with a consenting adult (as for non-pay sex, the “grass on the field” rule still applies).

The latest film to keep Ayo!’s moral compass pointed due north is Taken, a heartwarming father-daughter love story about sex slavery and killing the fuck out of bad guys with bare hands…

Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson) is a former CIA operative who’s retired to reconnect with his teenage daughter Kim (Maggie Grace). Standing in the way are his bitter ex-wife Lenore (Famke Janssen) and her wealthy new husband who likes to stunt and buy love by giving horses as birthday gifts. Although he can’t go dollar-for-dollar with this sugar daddy, Mills proves his worth when his daughter is abducted by sex traffickers on a trip to Paris. Using intelligence techniques, a talent for torture and his striking hand-to-hand kill skills, the determined dad declares World War III on Europe in the hope that he’ll find and save his little girl before she’s lost forever. It actually kind of makes Ayo! feel bad for the horse that will always be the second best gift a girl could get.

If you love intense action and hate children being drugged and forced into the sex industry, throw down to see Taken. After all, it’s not like you were gonna perv out and use that money to support child prostitution, right? Right??? Check out the trailer and determine whether you are for or against child sex slavery.

10 Movie Hookers Worth Renting

treats — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 22:44:59 +0000

Hollywood sure loves them some prostitutes. Playing one used to be taboo, until Julia Roberts put trick-turning sidewalk huggers on the mainstream map in Pretty Woman, the most popular movie about hoes ever. Since then, the “hooker with a heart of gold” has become one of the industry’s most beloved characters.

But now they’ve gone too far. Today the news broke that Fergie will be playing a prostitute in the upcoming musical adaptation Nine, and we’re a little worried that her sour Fergalicious juice is going to tarnish Hollywood’s flawless streak of high-priced hoes. After the jump, check out our 10 favorite big screen hookers.

1. Meagan Good In Waist Deep

The recent Hot Complex was the Bonnie to Tyrese’s Clyde in the bank robbery action flick. As her character “CoCo,” she sold dresses, and a little snatch on the side, to get by (and keep Big Meat off her cute little tail).

2. Kim Basinger In L.A. Confidential

Before she became Eminem’s mom, Kimmy earned an Academy-award for Best Supporting Actress for her portrayal of a prostitute who made a career out of her resemblance to 1940s movie star Veronica Lake. If you ask us, she’s even better than the real thing.

3. Rebecca De Mornay In Risky Business

Amidst extensive love scenes with Tom Cruise, he learned the ups and downs of letting a prostitute into your life. Sure, she stole valuables from his parents and got him tangled up with her pimp, but she let him cut on the train! Totally worth it.

4. Elisabeth Shue In Leaving Las Vegas

The blonde bombshell from the first Karate Kid movie had to deal with Nicholas Cage’s annoying suicidal drinking problem. The movie almost depressed us to sleep…and then she got naked.

5. Pam Grier In Foxy Brown

In this seminal blaxploitation flick, the original Fox Boogie Brown infiltrates a hoe house by pretending to be one of the girls. Watching her castrate someone is reason enough to avoid real life prostitution dens.

6. Taryn Manning In Hustle & Flow

Taryn was Terrence Howard’s bottom bitch, helping him raise money to follow his dreams of becoming a rapper. We liked her performance so much that we’ll forgive her for the braids.

7. Jamie Lee Curtis In Trading Places

Before all the hermaphrodite rumors took off, Jamie Lee put ‘em on the glass as the prostitute that screwed (literally and figuratively) Dan Akroyd’s character. She’s still a weiner in our book though (zing!).

8. Jodie Foster In Taxi Driver

New York didn’t get any gritter than this movie, in which Jodie Foster played a 12-year old hooker. She escaped her pimp, and fell in love with Robert DeNiro’s sociopathic killer. Gotta love a happy ending.

9. Patricia Arquette In True Romance

Quentin Tarantino cooked up a banger of a story for this flick, where Christian Slater killed off Arquette’s pimp, sending the two of them off on the run with a briefcase full of cocaine. Better than some honeymoons.

10. Lucy Liu In Payback

LL played a slap-happy dominatrix in her bit-role in the Mel Gibson flick. Maybe Cashmere Mafia wouldn’t have gotten canceled so quickly if they had more black leather in the wardrobe closet.