Sports How Shawn Kemp Could Ruin Our Relations With Italy

The Euro may be the future, but Italian basketball scouting is still a decade behind the times. On Sunday, Premiata Montegranaro of the Serie A, Italy’s premier basketball league, announced that it had signed 38-year-old washed up NBA star Shawn Kemp to a contract.

The six-time NBA All-Star was known as “The Reign Man” when he was slamming down ferocious dunks for the Seattle SuperSonics in the ’90s, but these days a more accurate nickname for him is “Heavy Drizzle.” Kemp last played in the NBA in 2002-03 and is most relevant as a cautionary tale of self-destruction. Now he’ll be able to destroy relations between the U.S. and Italy too. Read on to see five ways that he could get it done…