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A Guide To The 5 Sleaziest iPhone Applications

intern — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 21:06:44 +0000

Last month, Apple began letting developers submit adult content to the iTunes App Store, and we don’t mean the kind of apps your parents would download when we say “adult.” Yeah, Steve Jobs and his goons opened up iPhones across the world to good old-fashioned dirty applications focused on sex.

You know those people that never stop talking about all the apps on their iPhone? Well, these are the ones they downloaded on the down low. Is that a touch-screen mobile device in your pocket or are you just excited to hit the jump? Sigh, just keep reading to check our guide to the 5 sleaziest iPhone applications…

TITLE: MyVibe
DEVELOPER: Sawhorse Enterprises
PRICE: Free
• We’re not mad at the idea of ladies stimulating themselves while they tweet with us, but the company’s suggestion to use this makeshift vibrator “when the kids are watching TV—and not you” is a little fucked up.

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TITLE: Passion
DEVELOPER: Chris Alvarez
PRICE: $4.99
• Lay your iPhone on the bed while having intercourse and get graded on your performance. Get scores like the one above and your girl will probably let your roommate smash while you’re at work.

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TITLE: rubMyClit
DEVELOPER: Creative Commons
PRICE: Free Web App (rubmyclit.ratethatthing.com)
• Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but real clitorises feel nothing like your iPhone screen.

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TITLE: iWet T-Shirts
DEVELOPER: Synapse
PRICE: $0.99
• Yo, why the hell does she have a bra on under that t-shirt? We wanna see the two’s!

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TITLE: Pocket Pick-Up Guide
DEVELOPER: Phantom Particle
PRICE: $1.99
• No T&A here, but any guy using this app to pick up chicks is the definition of sleazy. Instead, tell her you have the MyVibe app on deck and want her opinion.

Winding Down: Cassie Rocks See Through

intern — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 22:43:35 +0000

Still not mad at Cassie’s wild haircut. Might have something to do with her being so hot. [Moe Jackson]

Wow. Kanye went off on this new “Alright” song with Twista. [Nah Right]

Hugo Boss swaps tennis ball boys for models at the Madrid Masters. For the win. [Coed Mag]

The terrible acting in these porn scenes is absolutely hilarious. [Holy Taco]

Check out all the LiveStrong shoes Nike has done. [Nice Kicks]

Feel free to enjoy Cocktail’s 15 minutes of fame just as much as she will. [Lossip]

This Twitter tool will tell you how hetero your tweets are. Flisted]

Scroll through pics of these hotties while you watch the MLB All-Star game. [Double Viking]

The production and features on Rihanna’s next album sound crazy. [PopCrunch]

Get To Know AVN’s Best New Starlets

prubin — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 19:01:04 +0000

Saturday’s on its way, which can only mean one thing: yes, the annual Adult Video News Awards! Capping the weeklong AVN Expo (it’s the Comic-Con of porn!), the awards bring the entire flesh industry under one enormous surgically enhanced roof to celebrate the very best of anal-themed series, tranny POV, and other things we’re frankly too squeamish to ever want to see. Seriously, the nominations list is 45 pages long. But one of the most exciting awards is always Best New Starlet, which in the past has been bestowed upon budding superstars like Jenna Jameson, Tera Patrick and Stormy “No, I’m Not a TV Weatherman” Daniels.

We’re not about to predict this year’s winner, mostly because we haven’t heard of most of them, but we’re gonna go ahead and put you on game. This way, come Monday, when all your coworkers are gathered around the water cooler, you can drop a gem like “I gotta say, I thought Jayme Langford was a lock thanks to her scene in Muff Bumpers 5.” And then you’ll probably get fired, but at least everyone in your office will know that YOU REALLY REALLY KNOW PORN.

Click here to get familiar with all the nominees…

5 Political Pornos We’d Vote For

jerwin — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 18:50:14 +0000

Lisa Ann as “Serra Paylin” in Who’s Nailin’ Paylin?

Think Sarah Palin is scary? We agree'scary sexy, that is! So of course we’re eagerly awaiting the release of Hustler’s new politico-porno Who’s Nailin’ Paylin? starring VPILF lookalike Lisa Ann. And with the news that shooting had begun this weekend (complete with appearances from Bill Orally, Hilly Clinton and Condi Rice), we got to thinking: What other female politicians would we like to see featured in their own gonzo flick? See our wish list below…

TITLE: “NANCI GETS POLEOSIED”

STARRING : Sasha Grey as Squirter of the House Nancy Poleosi
TAGLINE: “Negotiations go long and hard as Congress’ most-liberal rep meets various heads of state!”

TITLE: “ON THE CAMPAIN TRAIL WITH JANITT REAMO”

STARRING : Belladonna as Asstorney General Janet Reno
TAGLINE: “The nation’s former top cop puts 1000 new cops on the streets'and between her cheeks!”

TITLE: “HILLARY ROD’EM CLIT’IN”

STARRING: Shyla Styles as Hillary Rodham Clinton
TAGLINE: “Fighting for women’s rights'to get fucked by other chicks!”

TITLE: “PUTTING IN WORK WITH ELAINE CHAO”

STARRING: Maria Ozawa as Labor Secretary Elaine Chao
TAGLINE: “The longest-serving member of the Bush Cabinet isn’t afraid of the longest members!”

TITLE: “BETTE SUCKIN’”

STARRING: Jenna Jameson as Ohio’s 13th District Congresswoman Betty Sutton
TAGLINE: “Betty’s eager to know her dickstrict!”

The 5 Most Inappropriate Places For Porn

prubin — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 18:03:45 +0000

With wi-fi recently getting rolled out on more and more airlines, it was only a matter of time before sex reared its saggy veined head. And now, a union of air stewards is asking American Airlines to look into blocking porn sites on their planes.

We can’t imagine the kind of person that would actually check out Bang Bros at 30,000 feet'but hey, we’ve been wrong before. At least five times, from the looks of things. Peep the five worst possible places where people have actually tried to watch porn…

#5: IN YOUR CAR

In 2006, the late Timberwolves center Eddie Griffin was sued when he crashed into a parked SUV while drunk and watching porn. He wasn’t the first to find paradise by the dashboard light: two years before, Andre Gainey was arrested near Albany for watching a joint called Chocolate Foam while driving in his Mercedes. What, you’ve never seen someone driving with one hand before?

#4: ON THE SUBWAY…WITH YOUR DUDE

C’mon now, damn. This is not only inappropriate, but wild flagrino. Peep the look dude in the jersey gives his man. *SMH*

#3: AT WORK'WHEN YOU’RE A TEACHER.

For more than two years, a teacher in Wisconsin has been trying to get his job back, after he was fired for looking at a porn site. For 67 seconds. On a Sunday. If that’s a firable offense, then consider us burnt charcoal.

#2: IN A PUBLIC LIBRARY

In 2006, Michael Cooper was just trying to rub a subtle one out in his local library branch'but he never counted on Cleveland investigative reporter Carl Monday, who ambushed him outside the library and followed him home. If you were living under a rock two years ago, then you’re in luck.

#1: IN CHURCH

In February, a New Jersey State Police employee was arrested for sneaking into a church to peep porn on a nun’s computer. Not only is that a nasty habit, it makes God cry.

When Porn Stars Attempt To Make Music

prubin — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 21:59:02 +0000

This morning, porn star and vintner Savanna Samson debuted her HOT NEW SINGLE on Howard Stern’s Sirius show. It was ~~totally awesome~~ exactly what you’d imagine: semi-competent singing over a generic dance track.

But that’s not really the point, is it? Porn stars ternt sangas are by no means new; music is usually the second item on an adult performer’s bucket list, just after “appear on Howard Stern” and just before “guest star on Two and A Half Men.” That being said, are you really surprised that we went out and scoured the internets for some of these incredible vocal stylings? Didn’t think so. Check out our round-up of musical porn stars.

Click Here To Give Your Ears A Full-Body Freakin’…

Porn Themed Restaurant Works For Tips

prubin — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 20:26:53 +0000

Food options around L.A. have always been scarce, especially for adult performers. All those “no shirt, no service” and “no DPs by the salad bar” regulations can really cramp an intimate evening out. Finally, a couple of skin-flick vets have opened a “porn-friendly restaurant” called Oxygen in the middle of the ~~Vagina~~ San Fernando Valley.

Veronica Rayne and her partner promise a varied menu, as well as a number of booths dedicated to their close friends in the industry. Come with us for a sneak peek at the who the booths are named after, as well as some menu suggestions from their ever-helpful friends at Complex.

To browse the menu we curated click here…

Monster Porn Shows No Signs Of Dying

prubin — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 21:03:59 +0000

We like to stay up on current events. You know, The New York Times. CNN. Oh, and from time to time even Adult Video News, who put us up on the fact that some dude is making a zombie porno called Night of the Giving Head.

Bad puns aside, it turns out that this isn’t even the first zombie porno, let alone the first time someone’s done the monster mash in the flesh industry. Take a walk down memory lane with us and check out five other spooky-sex flicks…

Buffy the Vampire Layer (1996)
Starring: Kristy Myst
Plot: Busty blonde trains to seduce, kill bloodsuckers.
Trivia: She’s not the one driving the stake!

Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre (2005)
Starring: Stormy Daniels, Jessica Drake
Plot: Blair Witch x ghosts x sex
Trivia: Evidently the first porn movie shot in HD. That’s 1080 pixels of unnecessary close-ups!

Texas Vibrator Massacre (2008)
Starring: Jamie Elle
Plot: Texas Chainsaw Massacre, except instead of chainsaws, it’s vibrators. No, really! We had to watch it all the way through to find that out.
Trivia: The director, Rob Rotten, has a playlist on iTunes called “Rob Rotten’s Skate Punk.” Uh, awesome.

Spankenstein (1999)
Starring: Damian Black, as the titular Spankenstein!
Plot: A doctor creates life by applying electric sex toys to a bunch of dead body parts. Then he goes around…spanking people. With his giant hands.
Trivia: Not arousing in the least!

The Re-Penetrator (2004)
Starring: Complex favorite and Sarah Silverman-resembling Joanna Angel
Plot: A mad scientist brings a dead stripper back to life by injecting her with green goo. Very much like Cocoon, if you think about it.
Trivia: Yuck.

John Holmes’ Hottest Old School Porn Co-Stars

prubin — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 19:02:27 +0000

Tomorrow marks the publication of John Holmes: A Life Measured in Inches, the first full-length (ayo!) biography of the late great porn titan. It also marks what would have been the big guy’s (ayo!) 64th birthday, so now is as good a time as any to look back at some of the ladies who shared the screen with him. Before Jenna, before Tera, before Kim K.’s exploits, these were the golden era skin queens…

MARILYN CHAMBERS

Real Name: Marilyn Ann Briggs
Big Break: Behind the Green Door (1972)
Niche: “The 99 and 44/100% Pure Girl”'She was the woman on the Ivory Snow soap box
Career Highlight: Insatiable (1981)
Trivia: She fainted after filming a 45-minute scene in Behind the Green Door

SEKA

Real Name: Dorothiea Hundley
Big Break: Dracula Sucks (1978)
Niche: “The Platinum Princess,” the Marilyn Monroe of porn
Career Highlight: Making 37 movies in 1981
Trivia: Julianne Moore’s character in Boogie Nights was partially based on her.

RHONDA JO PETTY

Real Name: Rhonda Jo Petty
Niche: The hardcore version of Farrah Fawcett
Big Break: Little Orphan Dusty (1978)
Career Highlight: AVN Hall of Fame
Trivia: Born and raised a Mormon (later excommunicated, for reasons we can’t possibly understand)

CANDIDA ROYALLE

Real Name: Candice Royalle
Big Break: Analyst (1975)
Niche: The thinking woman’s porn star'she went on to produce and direct movies aimed at women and couples
Career Highlight: Founding Femme Productions, her company, in 1984
Trivia: Her mother was a professional jazz drummer

SHARON MITCHELL

Real Name: Sharon Mitchell
Big Break: Lisa Meets Mr. Big (1975)
Niche: “vigorous cunnilingus technique” (thank you, Wikipedia!)
Career Highlight: Getting a PhD in human sexuality
Trivia: Started in porn when she was 16–but because she was married at the time, those movies are not considered “underage.”

Tera Patrick Swallows The Mainstream

donniek — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 18:43:07 +0000

Tera Patrick is something like the LL Cool J of porn'her resume is strong enough to merit G.O.A.T. consideration, but her career is undeniably on the downturn. But what can a porn star do to avoid the inevitable fate of doing sad MILF videos past her prime? Most of their projects that don’t involve having sex on camera are met with about as much excitement as the Todd Smith clothing line.

Which is why the news that THQ has enlisted Ms. Patrick as a “special producer” and guest character in the upcoming Saint’s Row 2 (360, PS3, PC) video game was met with limited enthusiasm. But Tera’s been broadening her horizons for years'not with like, sculpting or literature, but classy by comparison to porn. After the jump, check out some of Tera’s greatest hits (non-DP ones, that is) and her new SR2 trailer.

TERA DOES FHM

Tera was the first porn star (but the 2,956th slut) to appear on the magazine’s cover. We liked Tera before she got implants, but hey, no complaints here. To paraphrase Cool J, she jingling baby.

TERA DOES AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE

Tera goes deep on a hot dog in this behind-the-scenes clip from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Do we even need a joke?

TERA DOES HOWARD STERN

Stern loves porn stars, and porn stars love the Sybian. Unfortunately, we can only show a SFW teaser of Tera’s ride here. Search out the full version'believe us, it’s well worth your time.

TERA DOES BACKYARD WRESTLING 2

Saint’s Row 2 is actually Tera’s second foray in the video game world; she was a playable character in 2004’s highly forgettable Backyard Wrestling 2. Game sucks, but her virtual moans are pretty cool.

TERA DOES AN EVERLAST VIDEO

This is the video for Everlast’s “I Can’t Move,” probably the only Everlast solo video you’ll ever feel the need to see. Apparently, Tera was dating the ex-House of Pain dude at the time. A few years later, she married some guy that basically looks like his older, wacker doppelgÃ¤nger. Go figure.

TERA DOES SAINT’S ROW 2

It’ll be impossible to top GTA IV but we like what we’re seeing so far from the Saint’s Row sequel (out this October). After all, you can just never have enough mindlessly violent, sex-filled killfests.

Video Games That Should Be Turned Into Porn Movies

Joe — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 18:56:04 +0000

Japan keeps on making it, we keep on taking it. Leave it to the Japanese to innovate the new dawn of adult film'the video-game-adapted porno. After reading on Kotaku about an X-rated movie version of the DS game Brain Age (emphasis on BRAIN), we got to thinking about what current video games would translate into skin flicks. See our porno video game list after the jump.

Super Smash Bros: Brawl

It's a gay incestual orgy featuring short, burly Italian plumbers, laying that pipe. Uh…

Heavy Rain

The never-before-seen footage from the otherwise underwhelming Ray J-Kim K. tape. Shower time!

Juiced 2: Hot Import Nights

Lily Thai hosts an all-star compilation of Asian squirters.

Alone in the Dark

A sizzling solo vid featuring Sasha Grey and a bowl full of inanimate objects.

The Bigs

Lex Steele and Mandingo take a bevy of beauties deep. BALLS DEEP.

Dragon Ball Z: Burst Limit

Peter North goes on an Asian bukkake vacation, and all his friends get are hot loads of (dragon) balls.

My Horse and Me

Need we say more? *Neighhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!*

Mary Carey Could Be The Next Hillary

bfred — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 19:25:45 +0000

With Hillary Clinton’s admission that she’s (finally) dropping out of the race, it must be a sad day for women in politics. But to all the girls out there worried that we might never see a female in power, we have an exciting announcement: porn star Mary Carey is back in the political arena.

Yep, the Double-D dynamo who ran for California Governor against Arnold in 2003 and again for Lieutenant Governor in 2006 has announced that she’ll be on the ballot this November for the California State Assembly election. In a statement about her new campaign, she said, “I want to energize people into caring about local politics again'much like we've seen in the national primaries. But unlike one of the presidential primary contenders, I'm actually a politician you'd want to get screwed by!” Ouch.

And Clinton better watch her back, because M.C. might be giving her a run for her money if she still wants the job in 8 years. In her gubernatorial concession speech, Mary let her true ambition shine: “Thirteen years from now, when I’m old enough to be eligible, you may see my name on a presidential ballot!” For a refresher on Mary Carey’s nuanced policies, watch a TV ad from her 2003 campaign below.

[VH1Blog]

Zack And Miri Make A Porno Casting Call

bfred — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 18:48:07 +0000

Kevin Smith really needs to release a good movie. He’s made some classic bangers, but 2006’s Clerks II didn’t do enough to wash Jersey Girl’s Bennifer residue out of the public’s mouth. It looks like his upcoming October release, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, might do the trick.

Plot details are scarce'two friends try to raise money by making an amatuer adult film'but the casting alone makes it seem like a winner. In addition to leads Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks (who previously co-starred in The 40-Year-Old Virgin), the flick features The Office’s Craig Robinson and '80s porn icon Traci Lords. Check out the first teaser trailer after the jump to see the casting.

Chuck Palahniuk’s “Snuff” Pushes Porn Trailers

bfred — Wed, 14 May 2008 20:57:16 +0000

From gruesome masterbation accidents to airplane-hijacking suicide cults, Chuck Palahniuk’s novels are always centered around some crazy shit. Most famous for writing Fight Club, Chuckie P. is gearing up to release his new book Snuff, which focuses in on the adult film industry.

The story follows fictional porn star Cassie Wright as she films a record-breaking sex scene with 600 men. As a promo for the book (which comes out on May 20), they’ve filmed fake trailers for a few of Cassie’s supposed movies, including The Wizard Of Ass and Chitty Chitty Gang Bang. Watch the hilarious results after the jump.

The Wizard Of Ass:

Chity Chity Gang Bang:

[JoBlo]

Are We Looking At The New Pussycat Dolls?

Joe — Tue, 13 May 2008 22:14:02 +0000

Trifey alert! Spending a night with any of these broads from new pop group “Girlicious” will leave your sheets filled with cheap makeup'and they might try to steal your dunks on the way out. [Bastardly]

Nas sits down with On Smash. [On Smash]

LED shower heads? Dope. [Baller House]

Watching porn in front of “Jesus” is not a good idea. [Double Viking]

Huf x Vans satin Sk8-Hi's are coming. [CtotheJL]

Porn For The Blind Talks Like Sex

Joe — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 22:20:42 +0000

Everyone knows the laundry list of things that make being blind suck. Sure, the obvious drawbacks of not being able to watch TV and walk without bumping into everything makes living as a blind person tough, but what about when it comes time to splash-off? Hooking up must be sketchy for the sightless'never knowing if the alleged perfect 10 model they're with is actually Joe-Joe the she-male from around the way.

To help combat extreme horniness of the unsighted, PornForTheBlind, a not-for-profit organization, has been created. The website features monotone guest speakers (think Ben Stein) reading descriptions of top-notch porno scenes without leaving out a single detail. You can even choose from their list of “requested” sites and help out by doing your own reading of a sex scene. We compiled a few standout audio clips that we think would definitely get our blind brethren excited for your listening pleasure. Be thankful you have 20/20 vision after the jump.

“8th Street Latinas”

“MILF Hunter”

“Big Sausage Pizza”

[TrendsNow]

Invasion Of The â€™70s Brazilian Porn Posters

bfred — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 21:27:24 +0000

These days, there isn’t much “art” in porno advertisements'throw an 18 year old girl spread eagle on the cover and you’re good to go. But back in the '70s, Brazil’s cinema produced a string of “pornochanchada” movies that had shockingly playful, vibrant poster art. “Pornochanchada” flicks were a unique mix of soft-core porn and light comedy that became less popular in the '80s as the hardcore porn became available on VHS. The genre might be gone, but the posters were recently collected by Little-Pumpkins for a retrospective. Check out some more relatively safe for work selections after the jump.

[Click on an image to view full size]

Check out the rest of Little-Pumpkins’ three part series: 1, 2, 3.

[C-MONSTER]

Jenna Jameson Might Eat Your Brains

treats — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 20:34:52 +0000

Click on the image to view the full Zombie Strippers poster.

By the looks of the movie poster for Zombie Strippers, Jenna Jameson resembles her old self, before she looked like a collagen-injected carrot. The porn queen is starring in this upcoming horror flick along side her UFC fighter boyfriend Tito Ortiz and Robert Englund (you may know him as Freddy Krueger). While it was supposed to go straight to DVD, we’ve just learned that Zombie Strippers will be opening in limited theaters on April 18th. Watch the trailer after the jump.

[Beyond Hollywood]

Internet Porn Outlawed In Indonesia

bfred — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 21:35:52 +0000

Photo: Chrissy Angliker

The parliament in Indonesia has passed a a new bill criminalizing the act of viewing pornographic images online. If you’re found guilty, you might have to spend three years in prison.

The debate over nudie images heated up in 2006, when Playboy Indonesia opened up shop. Despite the fact that this edition of the mag contained no actual nudity, it was the subject of relentless protests from the 85% Muslim population.

Damn. Looks like our Indonesian brethren are going to have to settle for videos of (fine ass) Miss Indonesia in a bikini. Watch one after the jump…