Politics & Crime Politickin’ With John Brown: McCain’s Real Concession

In this weekly column, rapper John Brown'the self-proclaimed “King Of Da Burbz”'will be offering his insight into politics and current events to the Complex readers. Check out “Politickin With John Brown” every Thursday.

Hallelujah! So apparently the American Dream is alive and kicking again. What a relief. When CNN declared Obama’s historical victory, I was drinking $12 Obama-mamas and hitting on future Hillarys at some limousine liberal party in Midtown.

I couldn’t wait to hear Team Maverick’s concession speech. If Barack’s moto was “Yes We Did” I could only assume that McCain’s chant to America was “No You Didn’t!” While McCain tried to redeem his public image by bullshitting a masterfully crafted congratulations speech, I couldn’t help but imagine what he really wanted to say. So I thought I’d take this time to say it for him…

TV Is Jon Stewart Secretly Ripping Off Complex?

We’ve long thought that The Daily Show could step up its game by taking a hint from our esteemed political coverage, but now Jon Stewart has really taken it too far. Last night, he swaggerjacked us so hard that the chafe marks are still there. Read on to see how it took the good folks at TDS a full 10 days to catch up to our peerless commentary. We want our Emmy, thun!

Events Party Or Die At Complex’s Election Celebration

Where will you be on election night? After all the speeches (*cough* battle raps), debates, and yesterday’s never-ending infomercial it all boils down to Tuesday November 4th. One thing’s for sure, you don’t want to be alone as the votes get tallied when the win goes to (___).

With that in mind, Complex brings to you one big blowout party hosted by renowned journalist Kevin Powell (former Real World: New York cast member). The festivities will go down at club Element in New York’s Lower East Side with music provided by DJ Beverly Bond, and DJ Misbehaviour. Until the biggest Super Tuesday ever, get hyped on the full flyer below…

Politics & Crime The Most Bizarre Campaign Ads

Ample warning to all our readers who were looking forward to curling up with some popcorn tonight to watch the now-bloated Jay Mohr on his not-at-all-hilarious sitcom Gary Unmarried'you’re out of luck, because Barack Obama is pre-empting all your bitchassness.

Big B.O. plunked down millions and millions to buy up a half-hour of time on three of the four major networks (ABC said maybe, then they said yes, but then it was too late. Get on board, you waffling sad sacks!), hoping to close the deal with the American public. We can’t say we’re all that amped about watching what is essentially an Obama infomercial, but then, who are we to judge what makes for compelling political advertising? Scratch that: we’re exactly the people to judge what makes for compelling political advertising, which is why we scraped up some of the weirdest examples we could find…

Politics & Crime Politickin’ With John Brown: CNN’s Baddest Anchors

In this new weekly column, rapper John Brown'the self-proclaimed “King Of Da Burbz”'will be offering his insight into politics and current events to the Complex readers. Check out “Politickin With John Brown” every Thursday.

For my first blog as a Complex correspondent, I wanted to comment on CNN’s slogan. The tag-line for the news supplier is “The Place For Politics” but to Ted Turner’s credit, it’s also the place for some bad bitches behind that Teleprompter. Call me sexist, but aesthetics are the achilles heel of broadcast journalism. With that said, here’s my Top 5 baddest anchorwomen on CNN. Hallelujah Holla Back!…

Politics & Crime How Should Obama Spend His Leftover Money?

Bill Gates, Tiger Woods, Barack Obama is tryin’ to get that Oprah. And he’s succeeding, from the looks of September, when his campaign pulled in a boner-inducing $150 million from supporters (632,000 of ‘em). The thing is, it’s being estimated that counting this month’s haul, Obama’s gonna have about double that to spend between now and Election Day, which raises the question: how can you spend all that money in less than a month?

He’s already bought a half-hour on network television and is spending ungodly amounts in pipe-dream states like West Virginia, so he’s clearly open to creative concepts'and we figured we’d help out by proposing a few more. Dear Obama campaign: Thank-yous can be directed to our own meager-ass checking accounts and 401(k)s 01(k)s…

Sex 5 Political Pornos We’d Vote For

Lisa Ann as “Serra Paylin” in Who’s Nailin’ Paylin?

Think Sarah Palin is scary? We agree'scary sexy, that is! So of course we’re eagerly awaiting the release of Hustler’s new politico-porno Who’s Nailin’ Paylin? starring VPILF lookalike Lisa Ann. And with the news that shooting had begun this weekend (complete with appearances from Bill Orally, Hilly Clinton and Condi Rice), we got to thinking: What other female politicians would we like to see featured in their own gonzo flick? See our wish list below…

Politics & Crime 5 Reasons McCain Was Right About Spain

So Mr. Foreign Policy, John “Warhawk” McCain, showed his septuagenarian ass this week in a radio interview by 1) confusing Spain’s prime minster, Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, with a Central American dictator, and 2) not admitting his mistake and instead letting his campaign imply that he’s actually taking a tough stance toward Spain, a NATO ally. Now THAT’S a dickbag who’s clearly not fit to serve maverick.

But while he’s clearly wrong in his stance (his campaign’s acting hardbody because Zapatero pulled Spain’s troops out of Iraq when he was elected), there are a few things about Spain we wouldn’t mind wiping off the map…

Girls Conservative Pundits We’d Love To Poll

With Barack Obama and John McCain making nice and appearing together at Ground Zero today, the home stretch of the presidential campaign is under way. And you know what that means'an orgy of the punditocracy, with “strategists” and “experts” both left and right falling all over each other to spew nonsense and party talking points all over the news.

We at Complex wholeheartedly reject such logorrhea, but we do think it’s high time that we admitted one thing: there are a few conservative pundits we wouldn’t mind hate-fucking getting to know. Don’t front, you know you’ve thought about wiping the insouciant smirk off a McCain-bot’s face too. And of course, we’ve brought them all together'independents, neocons and fascists alike'for your perusal. Get informed, people!

If you’re interested in bridging the gap, click here…

Politics & Crime Another Kwame Bites the Dust

This morning, after an extended bout of municipal fuckery, Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick pled guilty and stepped down as part of a plea bargain that also includes his resignation, five years of probation, $1 million in restitution, being stripped of his law license and pension, and 120 days in the bing. Yowza. The thing is, he’s not the only Kwame to catch an L. Our society hasn’t been kind to the K, so kontinue on and kommiserate with his konflicted kin…