Ever since John McCain selected Sarah Palin as his Hail Mary running mate, she’s been a treasure chest of entertainment inspiration, comedic relief and controversy. When their ride to the White House crashed, she stuck to her personal maverickness—burning bridges and blazing her own path in the pursuit of attention. Her new ghostwritten bestseller, Going Rogue, digs its literary nails into all her perceived enemies like an insecure disgraced cheerleader enraged at her ex-teammates.

Surely, most politicians possess a level of egotistical self-importance, but Palin displays a unique disregard for public service, her family and former colleagues. Her willingness to blurt out whatever talking point is politically advantageous shades any minuscule shred of credibility she retained following the election. She’s just trying to get paid. To zero in on her leadership style, here’s some of her most rogue moments…  

Resigns As Governor
• With over a year left in her first term as Alaska’s Governor, Palin spontaneously resigned and gave up her only remote qualification for seeking higher office. The former point guard compared her decision to making a pass in a basketball game, but it was more like faking an injury in the playoffs. Deep down, she wanted to play one-on-one in the rogue league.

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Claims Aids Forbid Her From SNL
• Palin devotes considerable time in her book trashing her former colleagues. One of the many accusations surrounded SNL and its infamous mockery of the self-proclaimed hockey mom. In Going Rogue, she accuses campaign aides of dissuading her from appearing on the show to display her mature sense of humor. Campaign manager, Steve Schmidt, who looks like Dr. Evil, responded with emails that claim the exact opposite was true. *Yawn* I mean, despite Palin’s penchant for pathological lying, it’s equally ridiculous to accept information from McCain’s cronies as truthful.

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Attacks Katie Couric
• If there was a watershed moment that exposed Palin’s lack of education, it was hands-down the Katie Couric interview. Bad blood lingered between the two ever since, with both consistently taking shots at one another. So it’s no surprise that Palin’s book continues assaulting the CBS anchor and the rest of the “lamestream media”. While sitting down with Oprah, she whines for sympathy while bashing Couric for having the nerve to ask her what newspapers she reads. It’s pretty obvious that the experience left an indelible humiliation, if one reads between the lines.  

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Recants Family Vote Story
• When she’s not stabbing old colleagues in the back or lambasting “gotcha” journalists, the mother of five admits that she doesn’t really listen to her family. Even more disturbing, she apparently flat-out lied during the campaign about holding a good ‘ol fashioned family vote to decide if she should accept the VP nomination. It’s all about Sarah. For whatever reason, Palin now claims that her kids had no voice in the decision to be paraded on TV as the folksy American family. Oops, too late guys.

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Supports Racial Profiling
• Many pundits clearly speculate that Palin’s rogue campaign is foreshadowing her possible run in 2012. Despite obvious hurdles, it would be naive to dismiss her potential appeal considering that Americans elected Bush twice. To get an idea of what sort of policies she would condone, Palin gives a revealing interview to Sean “I’d leave my wife for you, Sarah” Hannity. While discussing the Fort Hood massacre, Palin goes rogue on civil rights, throwing her full support behind outright profiling. But, fortunately, it’ll take a lot more than book sales to implement Sarah Palin’s creepy America.

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It’s been an embarrassing month for Rush Limbaugh: rejected by the NFL; humiliated for running with a false story about President Obama’s “thesis”; even clowned by Dr. Dre. And I’m sure there’s more to come. Limbaugh’s multi-million dollar ascent is proof that hate-mongering is a lucrative business. As a rapper once said, “f*ck livin’ positive, cause negativity spreads faster” . But with Racist Rush’s profile as high as ever, it’s only a matter of time before his stumbles make him fall off into the world of disregarded crackpots. To get up to speed, here’s some of Limbaugh’s biggest L’s…

Gets Embarrassed As A Guest Host, 1990
After moving from Sacramento to start a new radio show in NYC, the Missouri-native drew notice from The New York Times as his  conservative rants grew in popularity. Pat Sajack, a long-time Republican supporter, allowed the young Limbaugh to guest host his short-lived talk-show. Things didn’t go so well. A group of pro-choice activists infiltrated the audience, and what would follow – a priceless moment in television.

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Fired From ESPN After Racist Comments, September 2003
Limbaugh tried to go mainstream, but the racism inside was just too deep. Only a few weeks into his stint as an ESPN commentator, he has a redneck convulsion attack. Too disgusted to accept that one of the league’s top quarterbacks wasn’t a white man, Limbaugh removes his clan hood to the dismay of his colleagues. Ruh-roh.

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Admits Addiction To Painkillers, October 2003
After years of advocating strict sentences for drug offenders, the hypocritical Limbaugh was forced into rehab after his former housekeeper outed him for pill addiction, which he purchased illegally. Chances are, their conversation went something like, “Is you rollin’?” “B*tch I might be.”

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Critiziced By Republican Vet For “Operation Chaos”, April 2009
You know you’re on the far far right, when your conservative fan base starts calling you brainwashed. During the primaries, Rush launched “Operation Chaos”, which encouraged his GOP listeners to register as Democrats and vote for Hillary to disrupt the Democratic Convention. It was a FAIL. After Obama’s presidential success, a veteran calls in to express his disgust for Limbaugh’s twisted tactics and prolonged support for torture. Limbaugh’s response: “No, you’re brainwashed!” *Pops OxyContin*  

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Loses NFL Bid Due To Controversy, October 2009
Money can’t buy you love, and in some cases, a pro football team. Despite his exorbitant wealth, the league voted against his bid to purchase the St. Louis Rams and build an “All-Limbaugh Dream Team”. Well, it’s good to see democracy as a check and balance to financial power. Now about that Mayor’s race…

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Falls For College Thesis Hoax, October 2009
Just as Rush was licking his wounds after getting sacked, he swears he stumbles on a come-up to further blame “Obama’s America”. Relying on an unsourced blogger who mistook an intentional joke as fact, Limbaugh went it. Referring to the Prez as “a little boy”, Rush essentially accuses Obama of having Bill Ayers write his term paper, exposing his true beliefs as a radical. When humiliated mid-show that his evidence was bunk, Rush doesn’t care. After all, who needs credibility when your ratings keep soaring.  

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When seeking public office, there’s always the potential of screw-ups that result in grueling embarrassment for the entire family. It comes with the territory. While I’ve touched on the subject of male politicians who engage in extra-curricular smashing, I’ve yet to explore the other side of the coin: embarrassments by the wife. While few and far between, there is a history of First Ladies— most recently Maria Shriver who was caught talking on her cellphone while driving twice in California this week—who have made their governing husbands blush. Although Shriver is the latest, here’s a few more examples of when first ladies embarrass their politician spouses…

5. Winnie Mandela, South Africa, 1991
• Winnie’s had a tough life. As one of the more controversial political figures in South Africa, she’s had her share of legal complications. Although never officially First Lady of South Africa, Ms. Mandela was still married to Nelson when he became President in 1991. Shortly after his election, Ms. Mandela was charged as an accomplice in the death of 14-year-old anti-Apartheid activist, Stompie Seipei. The young Seipei, who was accused by activists of working as an informant, was kidnapped, tortured and killed allegedly at the hands of Winnie’s bodyguards. Despite a conviction, her sentence was reduced to a fine. Five years later, she officially divorced Nelson, who had accused her of adultery.
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4. Leila Ben Ali, Tunisia, 2008
• When Tunisia’s investigative journalists bloggers tracked the President’s airplane mileage, records showed an extensive itinerary of flights to Paris, Milan, Geneva and elsewhere. One problem: he wasn’t on the plane. It turned out that his wife, a former hairdresser, was a bit of a high-end shopaholic. While she never issued a formal statement regarding the matter, we’re waiting on her collaborative t-shirt: Expensive Taste x Poor Taste.
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3. Mari Culver, Iowa, 2008
• Shortly after Iowa’s Governor, Chet Culver, passed a law banning cigarette smoke in public places, his wife was seen puffing on a loosie in a state-owned vehicle. She apologized for the hypocritical act, paid a $50 fine and probably went out back to light up another cig from all the stress. Now about that marijuana bill…
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2. Lucy Kibaki, Kenya, 2009
• The wife of Kenyan president Mwai Kibaki has had her moments of political turbulence. While once embroiled in controversy after slapping a journalist for covering a protest, she is most recently in the midst of a price-fixing dispute surrounding corn, referred to in Kenya as “maize”. Apparently, the government uses public funds to purchase a “Strategic Reserve” from local farmers to be used in times of famine. With 10 million Kenyans facing starvation, it was time to break open the stash. Well, unfortunately, one million bags were missing. Members of Parliament accused Ms. Kibaki of selling the reserve supply to foreign brokers, creating an artificial shortage and, therefore, driving up the price. The First Family released a statement in her defense claiming that the allegations were merely a distraction to the core issues of food availability.
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1. Maria Shriver, California, 2009
• It’s not everyday that a state Governor thanks TMZ via Twitter – especially only days after introducing a bill that could fine paparazzi up to 50K for photographing celebs engaged in “personal activities”. But when pictures surfaced of Ted Kennedy’s niece blabbing on her celly while behind the wheel, her action-film husband had no choice but to promise to take “swift action”. She apologized, donated her disgraced mobile device and, I assume, upgraded.
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In 2006, the elite members-only economic club decided to expand their group from 8 leaders to 20. Basically, it’s no longer 8 countries that are selling all the records, and the new indie contenders want a seat at the VMAs, so to speak. To date, the G20 has had four meetings and it’s not entirely clear what gets accomplished considering that the globe now faces its worst recession since World War II. Their most recent gathering occurred in Pittsburgh last week and the only concrete results seemed to be: keep an eye on bank bonuses, avoid “protectionism” and have a photo shoot.

Interestingly, they refused to set salary caps on financial players, unlike the NBA. Great. But public anger is growing and spilling into the streets. Despite having various agendas and beliefs, all protesters have one common goal—get attention. Like their bureaucratic targets, it’s also not entirely clear what gets accomplished with these protests, other than a whole lot of confrontation. In case you missed what’s been going down, here’s some clips…

Police Attack Demonstrators, Australia, 2006
• Say what you want about the dancing, costume-laden protesters banging on pots and pans, but the police response was pretty intense.

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Police Fire Rubber Bullets & Tear Gas At Students, Pittsburgh, Sept 2009
• Apparently, the cops felt threatened by Pitt’s Class of ‘09. At the same time, there were several instances of “Anarchists” turning up the intensity throughout the day. One thing in common with cops and Anarchists at protests: they both hide their faces. Jeff Monson, is that you?

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Protester Detained By Military Personnel, Pittsburgh, Sept 2009
• More questions than answers in this creepy clip.

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Riot Outside Of Bank Of London, April 2009
• When the G20 met in London this past April, the confrontations got heated. This roof-top view shows police and rioters going at it. It didn’t end there.

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Police Brutality Causes Death Of Ian Tomlinson, London, April 2009
• The level of aggression inflicted by Scotland Yard ultimately led to the death of Ian Tomlinson, who was in fact just a  bystander. This clip was released days after the police assault, when subsequent public pressure forced an investigation.

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Anytime you convene the bosses of the world’s nations, there’s gonna be sparks. Whether it was Yasser Arafat supposedly bringing a gun to his debut speech or Slobodan Milosevic referring to the UN Court as a “retarded child“, it’s been a hotbed for hotheads. Clearly the UN has considerable flaws and at times has dropped the ball when it needed to stop genocide or prevent unnecessary wars. But at the end of the day, it’s probably safer to have a body where leaders can try to verbally air out their differences rather than see each other on the battlefield.

However, let’s face it: the UN tends to favor Western nations and its allies. I’m not going to get into the specifics, but it’s not coincidental that when certain world leaders give inflammatory speeches, they tend to be from countries that the West deems suspicious. Alas, a look back…

5. Nikita Kruschev, 1960
Although there were a lot of issues going on, Kruschev was mainly unhappy with how the UN intervened in the newly-independent Congo. The former-Belgium territory was on the brink of civil war and was an epicenter of international power struggles – even Che was out there getting it in. Kruschev called for the resignation of the UN Secretary General, Dag Hammarskjold, but got played out by the rest of the council. Not feeling the response, he pounded his fists in what was the first documented violation of UN protocol.

4. Zulifiqar Ali Bhutto, 1971
Pakistan’s President, and father of the late Benazir Bhutto, was salty with what he perceived as the UN’s favoritism towards India. Rather than submit to UN demands and risk political repercussions at home, he ripped up some Security Council documents and stormed out.

3. Hugo Chavez, 2006
Venezuela’s controversial leader never did like Bush. The day after Dubya gave his whoopty-whoop speech, Chavez called him out as a “devil” in front of his international peers. In this clip, ABC News reports on the episode and is clearly dumbfounded by the general assembly’s reaction of jubilation.

2. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, 2009
The creepy Iranian President has a history of going hard at Israel every time he grabs the mic. This speech was no exception. As soon as he turns it up, dozens of European delegates walk out in demonstration. Not a good look.

1. Muammar Al-Qadhafi, 2009
Qadhafi is an interesting one. Yesterday, he made his first U.N. appearance after 40 years in power and delivered a lengthy speech that simultaneously patronized President Obama as his “son”, while condemning the war in Iraq. But he didn’t stop there. Libya’s nuclear-powered head of state referred to the committee as the “terror council”, called for the investigation of all the wars that have occurred on the U.N.’s watch, and suggested that the swine flu was a governmental creation. And FOX News’ summary: he loves Obama!

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It’s hard to believe that the psychologically unstable, Glenn Beck, was solely responsible for this week’s resignation of Van “Green Jobs” Jones. It’s because he wasn’t. In actuality, Beck was merely the talking-head propagandist for big oil companies, fearful that Jones might actually succeed at creating jobs with an alternative energy strategy.

But Beck played his position. Smearing progressives to the point of retreat is essentially FOX News’ mission statement. But has Beck transitioned from douche bag to dangerous? Pretty much. Here’s a look at some of his most unhinged moments that have surprisingly impacted Washington…

5. Cries For His Country Ratings
• Notice how after Beck evokes 9/11, he brings up military bases in Iraq. What was the connection, again?

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Pt. 1:
Pt. 2:

4. Gets Exposed And Roasted On The View
• Like nails on a chalkboard, Beck endures some cringe-worthy embarrassment stemming from his pathological lying. While entertaining, it truly exposes the depth of his twisted psychosis, which somehow has found a platform on mainstream television. Frightening.

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3. Calls President Obama A Racist
• What’s even weirder than Beck accusing the President of hating white people, is how his FOX colleagues try to challenge his accusation by simply listing off all the white people in Obama’s administration. Gee, clearly race never factors into these people’s daily judgments. WTF?

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2. Pours “Gasoline” On Symbolic Ideological Adversary
• Mad disturbing. What are you trying to provoke, Glenn? Seriously.

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1. Loses His Frickin’ Marbles On Radio Show
Key Moment:
• Wowzers. Beck’s Radio Meltdown > O’Reilly’s “Inside Edition” Temper Tantrum.

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5. Helped Manage J.F.K.’s Presidential Campaign, 1960
• Before Ted Kennedy endorsed Obama in hopes of shattering the racial glass ceiling for the Oval Office, he helped to break religious barriers with the election of his Catholic brother, John. While still in Law School, Ted served as Western states coordinator for the campaign, grinding hard in the streets of both Wisconsin and Wyoming. After those two highly-contested states went blue, he was largely credited with J.F.K.’s presidential victory.

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4. Delivers Moving Eulogy for Robert Kennedy, 1968
• Out of all members of the Kennedy clan, Ted was closest to his brother, Robert. So when assassins took the life of his anti-war sibling, Ted channeled his grief into inspiration. While the sadistic President Nixon was preparing to drop napalm on Vietnam citizens, Ted delivered one of his most well known speeches, urging Americans to carry on his brother’s legacy and fight for human rights. Ted concluded with a quote from Robert: “Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not.”

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3. Visited South Africa in Defiance of Apartheid Government, 1985
• Ted Kennedy was at the forefront of the anti-Apartheid movement. In direct defiance to South Africa’s racist government, Kennedy visited activists, Desmond Tutu and Winne Mandela, in Soweto to put the injustice on blast. Upon returning, Kennedy pushed for sanctions against South Africa, which eventually led to the Comprehensive Anti-Apartheid Act of 1986. President Reagan’s attempt to veto the act was a FAIL – marking the first time in the 20th century that a president had a foreign policy veto overridden.

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2. Blocked Robert Bork’s Appointment to the Supreme Court, 1987
• When President Reagan nominated the reactionary, Robert Bork, to the Supreme Court, Kennedy went innington. Bork held what’s referred to as an “originalist” judicial philosophy – basically meaning, do whatever the Founding Fathers wrote. Fearing that Bork would attempt to dismantle civil rights once confirmed, Kennedy spit a scathing diss speech on the Senate Floor that well exceeded 32 bars. Bork’s fan base was outraged but caught off guard and his nomination was soon ethered. In this clip, you can see current Supreme Court Justice, Sonia Sotomayor, in Kennedy’s entourage during the battle.

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1. Endorsed Senator Barack Obama for President, 2008
• While other heavyweight Democrats tip-toed around making an endorsement for the Democratic nomination, Ted Kennedy shook up the race by co-signing Obama for that #1 spot. In all fairness, Kennedy was one of only 23 Senators who voted against the 2001 invasion of Iraq and Hillary had voted for the war. The endorsement was a watershed moment in the campaign, intensifying Obama’s momentum to help him secure the nomination and go on to make world history. Thanks, Ted. R.I.P.

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However, their disturbing acts aren’t easily forgotten. Blackwater’s owner, Erik Prince, is a politically connected ex-Navy Seal who has been described by former employees as a Christian supremacist who viewed the Iraq war as a crusade against Islam. Well, that’s lovely. While Bush is hiding comfortably in his new Dallas mansion, his mercenary network is slowly feeling their power-binge hangover. To understand the magnitude of their behavior, here’s a rundown of the war crimes they have been accused of committing. Operation freedom, eh?

5. NISOUR SQUARE SHOOTING
On September 16, 2007, Blackwater personnel were escorting a caravan of U.S. diplomats to a meeting when the mercenaries opened gunfire on a group of Iraqi civilians, killing 17 people—including a woman and an infant. Blackwater claimed that they responded to an insurgent attack, but subsequent reports found that Blackwater and its staff of trigger-happy cowboys fired without provocation. Ringleader Paul Slough, along with four colleagues, were eventually charged with manslaughter and are awaiting trial. I’m sure it was an isolated incident.

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4. KILLED INTERNAL SNITCHES
After Blackwater realized that its aura of judicial invincibility was shattered, the owner, Erik Prince, sought damage control in the tradition of an organized crime boss. Sworn statements filed on August 3 by former Blackwater employees alleged that Prince not only destroyed incriminating evidence, but also murdered or facilitated the murder of Blackwater employees who cooperated with the federal investigation into their company. Grimey. The witnesses also claimed that Prince intentionally recruited racist Christian fundamentalists who pumped steroids, drank excessively, and blasted on civilians indiscriminately. But, y’know, the world is safer without Saddam, right?

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3. SMUGGLED ILLEGAL ARMS INTO IRAQ
Prince wasn’t satisfied with the lucrative governmental contracts awarded to Blackwater to fund their mass murder. He needed more dough. His private plane company, Presidential Airlines, illegally smuggled numerous weapons into Iraq hidden in bags of dog food. The weapons included sawed-off semi-automatic machine guns with silencers, and other tools for “freedom fighting”.

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2. PIMPED OUT IRAQI CHILD PROSTITUTES
Blackwater’s crime wave didn’t stop with murder. Operating like sadistic Bosnian warlords, the private security firm was also accused of pimping out Iraqi child prostitutes. What started out as tricking allegedly turned into exploiting, as Blackwater employees became more involved in the local sex trade. It didn’t help that two high-ranking Blackwater managers were previously involved in Kosovo sex trafficking.

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1. COLLABORATED WITH C.I.A IN ASSASSINATIONS
The C.I.A.’s relationship with Blackwater was extensive. Several former C.I.A. employees worked for the mercenary organization and the C.I.A. often trained at Blackwater’s North Carolina facility. So it’s no surprise that dating back to 2004, the C.I.A. recruited the vigilantes into their campaign to assassinate “members of Al Qaeda”. In addition to helping to organize and carryout illegal killings, Blackwater also helped set up secret prisons where they likely committed more acts of “freedom fighting“. But as the cloak of secrecy fades, these bloodthirsty “freedom fighters” are now hopefully fighting for their freedom.

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The myth of incarceration is that it rehabilitates, that it removes societal menaces for the general public’s well-being, and that it is a humane and effective approach to dealing with crime. It is not. America’s entire prison industry borders on cruel and unusual punishment. But the U.S. is not alone in its addiction to lock-down. Prison riots occur often throughout the world, sometimes with even more devastating outcomes. Here’s a look at some of the biggest prison riots in world history…


5. ATTICA PRISON RIOT; Attica, NY, 1971
Considered the deadliest prison riot in U.S. history, this four-day revolt left 43 people dead and cost the state tens of millions of dollars. Overcrowded conditions ignited the riot and inmates took control of the entire prison for the first day. Authorities then forced about 1,300 rioters to eventually retreat to an area in the exercise field, where they held ten prison guards hostage. Governor Rock-e-feller intensified the fight like Rumsfeld in ‘01, ordering authorities to respond with force. With 3,000 rounds of tear gas engulfing the exercise field, police fired like a Fallujah showdown, killing 39, including the ten hostages. “I’d open every cell in Attica send em to Africa…”
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4. NEW MEXICO STATE PENITENTIARY RIOT; Santa Fe, NM, 1980
In what was one of the more gruesome prison revolts in U.S. history, this 36-hour siege resulted in 33 inmate deaths, allegedly at the hands of other inmates. The prison was a ticking time-bomb. In addition to jam-packed conditions, prison guards routinely punished uncooperative inmates by labeling them as “snitches,” resulting in abuse from other prisoners. On Feb. 2, inmates took seven guards hostage, obtained a set of keys, and embarked on a prison-wide brawl. Reportedly, some prisoners found blow torches and used them on rival inmates, killing dozens. A negotiation process eventually brought the riot to a close. Despite talks, state officials refused to improve prison conditions out of spite. And the beat goes on…
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3. STRANGEWAYS PRISON RIOT; Manchester, England, 1990
This 25-day revolt is regarded as the longest riot in Britain’s history. Strangeways was notoriously overcrowded, with inmates housed three to a one-person cell. An organized riot erupted in the prison chapel on April Fool’s Day and inmates took over several areas, including the roof. Lengthy negotiations resulted in inmates agreeing to surrender in exchange for improved conditions. A subsequent government investigation concluded that Strangeways was indeed an inhumane facility and legislation was introduced to improve living standards.
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2. LUCASVILLE RIOT; Lucasville, Ohio, 1993
No prison riot in Ohio led to more reforms than the one that occurred here on Easter Sunday, 1993. With the prison population at 150% capacity, 450 inmates rioted for two weeks straight until hundreds of National Guardsmen quelled the revolt. Circumstances surrounding the riot’s cause are controversial, and the whole ordeal has been eyed as a possible Hollywood script. Seriously. All in all, $40 million in damage was inflicted on the prison, nine inmates were allegedly beaten to death, and one guard was strangled. In addition to several subsequent prosecutions, Ohio spent millions of dollars on its prison system to supposedly alleviate overcrowding and prevent future riots. Yeah, OK.
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1. SÃO PAULO HOUSE OF DETENTION RIOTS; São Paulo, Brazil, 1992
Latin America’s largest prison—built for 3,500 but housing 7,300—was the scene of the world’s deadliest prison revolt. Brazil’s military police didn’t want to negotiate after rival gangs erupted into a three-hour riot. Police shot and killed 111 inmates—10 percent of the prison population. Human rights grouped blamed authorities for lacking restraint, pointing out that military police in Brazil are responsible for 20% of the country’s annual homicides. “Can’t tell the difference between the cops and the robbers, they both partners…”

Today, President Obama hosts the unprecedented White House Beer Summit, with the hope that alcohol can disinfect any open political wounds still stinging from last week’s controversial arrest . This awkward political chess move is as genius as it is shallow – giving a whole new meaning to the term “drinking games”. The goal is vague but the symbology is stark: Nothin in ‘Merica can’t be fixed over a good ‘ol cold one. So what could happen at Barry’s keg party? Here are some possibilities…

5. RACIAL PROFILING COULD END
• Who knows? Once Obama’s swerving off that Coors he might get open and just ram through some aggressive anti-profiling legislation. Sergeant Crowley, a closeted-yuppie, might finish his Blue Moon and digress into an emotional meltdown, seeking forgiveness for his department’s racist tendencies. Or not.

4. COPS AND ROBBERS COULD BE PLAYED
• Part recreation, part training; Gates and Crowley could re-enact the chain of events of the arrest with play-by-play editorialized commentary from, say, Shaq the Sheriff and maybe, Steve Wilkos . It could later air on both ESPN and CNN, possibly hosted by Robert Stack. Just saying.

3. A BRAWL MIGHT OCCUR
• Could happen. Emotions were quite high leading up to the summit and Prof. Gates is notoriously opinionated. Sergeant Crowley might say some slick shit to retaliate for Obama’s comments following the arrest . If it goes down, you can expect Robert Gibbs to jump in.

2. OBAMA MIGHT DRUNK DIAL FORMER ADVERSARIES
• Possibly inspired by the British 19-year-old who drunk-called the White House in March, the trio might hop on the Skype and anonymously crank call old frienemies. “Hello, this is Reverend Wright speaking…Hello? Hello?…”

1. HE MAY POSE FOR PHOTO OP
• I’d really not like to think this is the case, but you just don’t know these days. It’s possible – extremely slim but indeed possible – that Mr. 44 is using this summit for nothing less than a politically calculated photo-op. Word to Axelrod.

We were raised in a time when we caught a quick back hand if we stepped out of line. Ah, the good ol’ days. But while Hollywood loves making movies about disgruntled adolescents, we find the craziest kids are found outside of Hollywood, and, for some reason, on YouTube. Keep reading to see 5 of the worst behaved children in the world, and be thankful none of them belong to you…

KID: Great White Nightmare.
EVIL OFFENSE: Use of the N-bomb…amongst other things.
PUNISHMENT WE’D INSTITUTE:Five years as Remy Ma’s personal assistant with duties including, manicures, pedicures, eyebrow and Brazilian waxing, as well as the reading of Papoose’s sexually tinged love letters.

KID: Broad Street Bully
EVIL OFFENSE: Berating his mother for a glass of chocolate milk.
PUNISHMENT WE’D INSTITUTE: Having to drink Rick Ross’s chocolate milk. Ayo!

KID: Marlboro Tyke
EVIL OFFENSE: Underage smoking.
PUNISHMENT WE’D INSTITUTE: For this one, we believe the blame falls upon the parents’ shoulders. Therefore, we’d nub their fingers and put a hole in their trachea.

KID: Fat Kid with PMS.
EVIL OFFENSE: Domestic abuse against his mother. And by domestic abuse, we mean slapping his mom across the face on live television.
PUNISHMENT WE’D INSTITUTE: Noah obviously needs all types of help: he needs to join a fat camp, he needs some sort of father figure, he needs to learn how to slap better—we sentence him to five months on tour with Chris Brown.

KID: Latarian Milton
EVIL OFFENSE: Doing hoodrat things with his friends.
PUNISHMENT WE’D INSTITUTE: This kid’s alright with us. Yo, Latarian, we got some spots opening up for fall internships here at the ‘Plex. Holla!

Ironically, their questioning of Judge Sotomayor revolved primarily around attempts to make her out to be a racist who was ready to discriminate against white people. And whenever the nearly all-white Republican party tries to talk about race, an entertaining comedy of errors is bound to take place. In case you missed the hearings, take a look back at our picks for The 5 Most Racist Moments of Sotomayor’s Confirmation Hearings…

#5. Arizona Senator John Kyl Pretends Sotomayor’s Entire 17-Year Career Doesn’t Exist
In a move that was repeated throughout the hearings, Senator Kyl began his questioning by lecturing the Judge for 10 minutes about her 10-second “wise Latina” comment. Most Republican senators seemed convinced that this one off-hand comment about her heritage was more telling about her decision making process than, you know, her actual decisions. The GOP message: no matter what they do, minorities always have a secret agenda to take down the white man. Watch out!

#4. South Carolina Senator Lyndsey Graham Thinks Sotomayor Is A Hot-Blooded Latina
After reading a ridiculous list of insults from completely anonymous critics, Graham theorized that she “sticks out like a sore thumb…because of [her] temperament,” asking her, “Do you think you have a temperament problem?” Clearly, being assertive would not be a problem for a white male, but when it comes to a Latina woman, it raises a red flag for the GOP. Granted, this could be taken as either sexist or racist…and we’re gonna go with both.

#3. Republican Senators Repeatedly Compare Her To Miguel Estrada
In this pathetic attempt to prove that they’re not racist, Republicans come off as even more racist. Multiple Senators brought up the fact that they would have gladly voted for their boy Miguel Estrada, an ultra-conservative Honduran-American judge who Bush attempted to nominate to the circuit court in 2003. Estrada and Sotomayor have basically nothing in common except, you know…they’re both Hispanic. This is the political version of “Some of my best friends are black people!”

#2. Alabama Senator Jeff Sessions is Shocked To Discover That All Puerto Rican Judges Don’t Vote Alike
Sessions lectures Sotomayor for not ruling in the New Haven case the same way as another judge, José Cabranes, making sure to note that he is Puerto Rican just like her. It’s also worth noting that Sessions was himself rejected as a Federal Court nominee in the ’80s after it was proven that he is in fact a huge racist. How the fuck is this guy still in politics? Oh right, Alabama. Makes sense.

#1. Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn Channels Ricky Ricardo
In the most hilariously sad moment of the hearings, Coburn references I Love Lucy’s Ricky Ricardo, who must be his favorite Latino celebrity. Sonnnnia, you’ve got some ’splainin’ to do!!

RELATED: Is “Transformers 2: Revenge Of The Fallen” Racist?

The GOP’s desperate attempt to rebrand itself as youthful, modern and multicultural has produced some entertaining characters. After Team Maverick got bodied on Election Day, the right wing’s been scrambling for a new face. Well, Meghan “Lil Maverick” McCain is going hard for the crown. Fully aware of her newfound status, Meghan is milking her familiar surname for all the political cheese she can shred. Is she a genuine contender or just another privileged bimbo? Perhaps a review of her most recent public antics will shed some light…

5. Declares GOP “Leaderless” on Larry King
• Shots fired! Meghan, 26, throws the GOP under the bus for its failed leadership while declaring her support for gay marriage. While she defines herself as socially “liberal”, she remains fiscally “conservative” – you know like opposing higher taxes on her inherited wealth. I’m shocked.

4. Beefs with Ann Coulter
• To garner a little buzz for her new blog on The Daily Beast, Meghan did what any youthful public figure does in this new media age – starts beef. Always an easy target of ridicule, Ann “I look like a Nazi sympathizer” Coulter, felt the wrath of Meghan’s maverickness. Coulter, clearly feeling that Meghan hadn’t moved enough units to land on her radar, never responded.

3. Tells Laura Ingraham To “Kiss My Fat Ass”
• Although Ann Coulter never got in the booth to try and ether Meghan Maverick, she sent her lil’ homie, Laura Ingraham, to rhetorically scratch her eyes out. Like a cruel cheerleader team captain, Ingraham mocked Meghan’s physical appearance. McCain, sensing a lane here, took advantage of the bait and sought empathy on The View.

2. Calls Joe The Plumber a “Dumbass”
• In a new interview with “Out” magazine, Meghan tries to separate herself from the other “useful idiots” in the party. In this clip, the commentators ponder McCain’s motives for calling Joe The Plumber a “dumbass”. They conclude that he must have tried to hit that. I surely can’t think of any other reason.

1. Gets Humiliated on Bill Maher
• Just when you thought Meghan might have what it takes to compete, she gets embarrassed on Bill Maher for lacking an education. Sounding more like the face of blonde jokes rather than the face of a political party, Meghan shrivels up like her old man. Next.

Rocking a mean set of dad jeans and a White Sox jacket, Obama, by most accounts, got a somewhat wobbly pitch off that just barely made it to Albert Pujols‘ glove. See, it’s tough to tell from the TV clip, because the Fox Network cameraman fucked up Barry’s moment of glory athletic mediocrity with a bad angle. In fairness, anybody’s gonna look wack after Dubya, who could definitely find work as a relief pitcher if this whole legacy-building thing doesn’t pan out.

Sure, tabloid news is a competitive market and the rules of engagement are vague. But intercepting phone calls for exclusives is illegal. That’s not to say it doesn’t produce headlines. Let’s look back at some modern cases of the phone tap…

5. Linda Tripp Records Monica Lewinsky, 1997
• After Lewinsky delivered the blowjob felt around the world, she did what any experienced groupie does—divulge her experience in detail over the phone. Whoops. The young slide was infamously betrayed by her 47-year-old mentor and gave rise to the brief career of Ken Starr.

4. NSA Eavesdrops on “Terrorists,” 2005
• Bush wasn’t much of a fan of the U.S. Constitution. He found it annoying. So rather than ask the elitist Congress for clearance, Bush went ahead and tapped the phones of suspected “terrorists”. I guess it is easier to be a dictator.

3. Anthony Pellicano Taps Celebrity Phones, 2008
• Before Murdoch’s bombshell discovery, Hollywood private eye, Pellicano, was taking $25,000 retainer fees to tap the phones of dozens of celebrities, including Sly Stone. I know. Sly, how could he? He’s now serving 15 years in Pelican Bay (no relation).

2. Paul Bergrin Recorded By FBI Ordering Hits, 2009
• You heard the one about the lawyer, the mobster and the witness? No it’s not another bad lawyer joke, but a case of a really bad lawyer. The infamous Bergrin, a former federal prosecutor and high-profile defense attorney, was caught on FBI wiretap incriminating himself in conspiracy to murder. I think the key phrase was “No witness, no case”.

1. Rupert Murdoch’s “News Of The World” Tapping Celebrities, 2009
• Murdoch’s “News Of The World” apparently took a page from the CIA’s figurative memoir, “Police of the World”, giving birth to a modern hybrid – Paparazzi espionage. It’s a slippery slope.

PLEASE HAMMER, DON’T HURT ‘EM
• We wish this was a long lost Chappelle’s Show skit, but sadly, this is real life. MC Hammer’s, in particular. Everyone was trying to cash in on the tribute video game post-9/11, but Hammer’s for “No Stopping Us” was the only one to feature American flag bandanas, Harlem Shake-style dance moves, a white fur coat, and actual Congress members. Even if he went with a look that we co-sign, nothing could have saved this disaster.

KARL ROVE BECOMES MC ROVE
• For a guy with a few political scandals under his belt, this still holds as the former presidential advisor’s most embarrassing moment. Wack rhymes. Flagrant dance moves. Disgraceful beatboxing. It’s all there. We bet the black guy on stage can’t even look at himself in the mirror anymore.

KANYE BRINGS THE AWESOMENESS AND THE AWKWARDNESS
• If awkward collisions between hip-hop and politics were classic rap albums, Ye’s “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” tirade would be Illmatic. Not necessarily the best, but definitely the answer you’ll hear most of the time. The Louis Vuitton Don’s rapid-fire listing of Katrina-related injustices made things uncomfortable enough, but Michael Myers and Chris Tucker’s stunned reactions elevated the awkward to the epic levels.