Let’s be honest, New York Knicks fans haven’t had much to cheer about this decade. Even the masochists among them must have been overwhelmed by Stephon Marbury, the sex scandals, and seven consecutive losing seasons. Fortunately the Knicks do have a bright spot: 5’9” point guard Nate “Krypto-Nate” Robinson.

Tomorrow, on Halloween, the Knicks host their home opener against the Philadelphia 76ers, and Garden fans will hope that the energetic Nate Rob, who won dunk contest titles in 2006 and 2009 with his 44-inch vertical leap, will treat them to some hustle and an ill jam. Complex caught up with the Seattle native and avid gamer at an NBA 2K10 party to get his answers to “the Complex 7.” Read on to see if his answers were slam dunks.

Interview by Ralph Warner
 #1: WHAT’S YOUR NUMBER ONE DEAL-BREAKER FOR A POTENTIAL GIRLFRIEND?

Nate says: She can’t date any other athletes. [Laughs.]

 #2: WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE SNEAKER OF ALL TIME?

Nate says: I would have to go with the Jordan VIIIs.

 #3: WHEN’S THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Nate says: On September 17, when my daughter was born.

 #4: IF YOU HAD A WEEK HOLIDAY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Nate says: I would make it a basketball week. Everyone in the world would have to stop everything your doing and put basketball courts all around the world. Everyone would have to play basketball all day. They’ll be like slaves—slaves to the game.

 #5: WHAT HAS TO BE IN YOUR FRIDGE AT ALL TIMES?

Nate says: Oh man, that’s tough. I’m trying to think of what’s in my fridge right now. Probably Capri Sun for my kids; they love Capri Sun.

 #6: WHAT’S THE WORST WAY YOU’VE BROKEN UP WITH SOMEONE?

Nate says: [Laughs.] It was my ex-girlfriend from high school, I just never called her again.

 #7: WHAT’S THE MOST EMBARRASSING PIECE OF CLOTHING YOU’VE EVER WORN?

Nate says: Aw man, I wore my mom’s sweats one day to school back in middle school. They were black with a pink stripe on the side. We didn’t have any money, so we had to make it work. [Laughs.]

BONUS QUESTIONS:

Complex: What’s your favorite video game and video game character of all time?

Nate: Tecmo Bowl the game and Tecmo Bo (Bo Jackson) the player. That’s a classic right there!

Complex: What artists are you currently listening to?

Nate: I listen to everybody. I listen to my little brother—he raps a lot and sends me his music. I also listen to Drake, Jay-Z The Blueprint 3, Cassidy, Jadakiss, that’s about it. Oh, and Wayne! Can’t forget about Wayne!

Complex: If you had to create a rap name for yourself, what would it be?

Nate: It would be Nizzo.

VIDEO: Nate’s 2009 NBA Dunk Contest final dunk

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First things first: at this point the allegations in the sexual harassment lawsuit filed against New York’s belittled center Eddy Curry yesterday are just that'allegations. But they’re totally bizarre, and given the Knicks’ recent history, totally in keeping with the spirit of the team (OK, so the loaded gun and the Cam’ron lyrical references are a new touch). Don’t believe us? Peruse our history of Knicks sex scandals and judge for yourself…

EDDY CURRY AND HIS DRIVER
• Curry’s hired driver of three years David Kuchinsky alleges that the chronically overweight and under-rebounding Knick propositioned him multiple times, including approaching him in the nude and asking him to “come and touch it.” Kuchinsky’s lawsuit also claims that Curry called him a “cracker” and, almost as bad, pointed a loaded gun at him on two occasions. If true, these allegations would make Kuchinsky the second most abused driver in the Tri-State area’s NBA history.

ISIAH THOMAS AND ANUCHA BROWNE SANDERS
• The Knicks were forced to pay Sanders $11.6 million to settle the sexual harassment suit she filed against Thomas. A former team executive, Sanders alleged that Thomas called her a bitch after she spurned his sexual advances. Fortunately Knicks fans do not face similar punishment for calling Thomas a bitch for spurning any semblance of common sense in constructing a basketball team.

ANTHONY MASON AND THE UNDERAGE GIRLS
• In 1998 Mason pleaded guilty to child endangerment charges after he and his cousin were initially charged with statutory rape for allegedly having sex with a 14-year-old and 15-year-old girl. The more serious charges against Mason were dropped after DNA tests failed to link him to the girls (to this day prosecutors are miffed that pictures of the phrase “Mase was here” written in the girls’ hair were deemed inadmissable).

PATRICK EWING AND THE GOLD CLUB
• Yes Virginia, there is sex in the champagne room (provided you’re a 7 foot tall multimillionaire basketball star). Knick icon Ewing was the first athlete to testify in the prostitution trial of the owners of Atlanta’s Gold Club, who were alleged to have paid dancers at their strip joint to service high profile clients. Pat copped to receiving two blowjobs, but denied being a john since he didn’t pay for anything (makes sense to us).

STEPHON MARBURY AND THE INTERN
• During the Thomas-Sanders sexual harassment trial, it came to light that the Knicks star-crossed point guard had had sex with a team intern in the back of his SUV. The intern freely conceded to a tryst with Stephon (unconfirmed accounts of her testimony claim that she admitted to “passing about as much as he does”). However she vehemently denied manufacturing and selling bootleg Starburys.

Imagine our surprise when we got the papers this morning and learned that Sarah Palin thinks Africa is a country! Just kidding, we already knew she was that dumb. No, the real shock this morning was reading USA Today and discovering that the Oakland Raiders have the highest payroll in the NFL this year.

That’s right, the same 2-6 Raiders who managed 77 total yards in a 24-0 home loss to Atlanta this past weekend have a total payroll of $152.4 million (by contrast, the Falcons’ total is $96.4). Which begs the question: Is that the worst waste of money in sports history? Read on for a sport-by-sport breakdown…

BASEBALL
• $117 million: 2003 New York Mets, 66 wins ($1.8 million per win)

Somebody drop a penny?
Want to pay a lot of money for a really shitty baseball team? Here’s how you do it: pay Mo Vaughn $17 mil to play 27 games, Jeromy Burnitz $12 mil to hit .239, and Roberto Alomar $8 mil for five home runs. There, that wasn’t so hard now was it?

BASKETBALL
• $94 million: 2005-06 New York Knicks, 23 wins ($4.09 million per win)

The most expensive one-year stand in history.
You can pick just about any Knick team from the past few years, but the 05-06 squad pretty clearly represented their apotheosis of fuckery (trademark pending). The team actually shaved a couple mil off their previous year’s payroll; of course those savings (and a lot more) went directly into the pocket of one-year coach Larry Brown ($10 million for coaching in 05-06, $18.5 to not coach for the next three years).

FOOTBALL
• $58 million: 2000 Arizona Cardinals, 3 wins ($19.33 million per win)

Running all the way to the bank.
This year’s Raiders are probably going to top (or would that be bottom? Pause.) these guys, but right now the Cards have the crown. $58 mil doesn’t sound like much now, but ‘Zona had the NFL’s highest payroll in 2000. And how do you spend $58 mil to get three wins? Pay Jake Plummer $5.9 to throw 13 touchdowns and 21 interceptions.

HOCKEY
• $76.5 million: 2003-04 New York Rangers, 27 wins ($2.83 million per win)

At least Bobby Holik was well paid for his “services.”
In the year before the NHL Lockout of 04-05, the Rangers had the second-highest payroll in the league, a little more than $1 million less than the Detroit Red Wings. Difference was, the Red Wings had nearly twice as many wins.

It’s been a long off-season for the New York Knicks and their number one supporter, Captain Knick (they get considerably longer when you’re eliminated from playoff contention a month into the season). After hiring new General Manager Donnie Walsh and replacing disgraced Coach and Chief Executive Officer of Sexual Harassment and Xenophobia Isiah Thomas with former Phoenix Suns coach Mike D’Antoni, there’s reason to believe something better is in store for the Big Apple.

Look, the preseason hasn’t even begun and already the Knicks are tied for first place! Before they lose a game and the shine wears off, check out five reasons Cappy is amped for the ‘08-’09 season…


INTERNATIONAL INCIDENTS!
They call Gallinari “The Rooster,” but he’s no cockboy.
In his first draft as Knicks GM, Walsh ended Thomas’s policy of never drafting foreigners by selecting 20-year-old Italian small forward Danilo Gallinari. The main question surrounding him is not how quickly he will develop against bigger, stronger opponents but how much MSG will play up his ethnic white-dentity for fans passionate about all things pale. Like the Mets, who play Dropkick Murphy’s “Shipping up to Boston” as walk-up music for Floridian “McOutfielder” Daniel “Danny Boy” Murphy, the Knicks are not above playing JumboTron clips of Rocky, selling cannolis at concession stands, and having the Knick City Strippers Dancers break out the Tarantella! Viva Italia!

HEART-POUNDING ACTION!
Eddy Curry heart conditions NY.
An out of shape starting center with heart problems whose specialty is planting his plentiful cellulite in the post gets a new coach who employs a fast-paced, seven-seconds-or-less offense! Sounds like sitcom gold, but it’s reality TV for the Knicks! Tune in to see how high Coach D’Antoni can push Eddy “I sweat Twinkie filling” Curry’s heart rate before his heart explodes! Then what will all those hateful bastards who said he had no heart say?

EXPIRING CONTRACTS!
You’re offering a paper bag for Marbury…? Deal!
Normally, when saddled with underperforming players’ big contracts, you’d try to trade them away for a mayonnaise sandwich. Seeing as no team wants to disrespect a mayo sammie by taking NY’s trash, the Knicks are stuck waiting for shitty contracts to expire. Stephon Marbury (owed $21,937,500 this season) and Malik Rose ($7,647,500) come off the books at the end of the year, which means that with every game the Knicks are a $360,792.68 hemorrhage closer to financial flexibility. For anyone scoring, that’s 29,585,000 L’s and one huge win!

SPAR-BURY!
Two men enter, one man leaves. It’s a Marbury-D’Antoni cage match, bitches!
Wild card Stephon Marbury has publicly feuded with his last two coaches and officially challenged Ron Artest for the title of NBA’s craziest player, but he’s apparently in the best shape of his career (he’s even got an upcoming fitness video'available for the holidays!'to prove it). After initially declaring himself the team’s starting point guard, he said he’d accept any role when word leaked that Coach D’Antoni prefers him as a shooting guard off the bench. Starbury’s deference should last about a New York minute'coincidentally as long as it takes him to ask an intern if she wants to fuck in his truck.

LOW EXPECTATIONS!
If you set the bar low enough, the Knicks will still trip over it.
After tying the club’s worst record (23-59) twice in three years, even the most optimistic fans aren’t planning their year around a trip to the post-season. A new coach and GM is great, but the team is still stuck waddling around with the skid marks of the Isiah Thomas era on its compression shorts. And when you’re playing to lose just a little less, you’ve already won.

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