The secret ingredient for our sleeper pick though is forward Caron “Tough Juice” Butler. With a personal commitment to defense, the 29-year-old UConn product is hoping to be the glue that keeps the Wizards together. The two-time NBA All-Star took some time out to answer the Complex 7 and discussed getting Jordans weeks ahead of the release date, bumpin’ that new Taylor Swift track, and the keys to Wizards’ success this season.

Interview by Ralph Warner
 #1: WHAT’S THE NUMBER ONE DEAL-BREAKER FOR A POTENTIAL GIRLFRIEND?

Caron says: I’d have to say bad feet. [Laughs.]

 #2: WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE SNEAKER OF ALL TIME?

Caron says: Of all time…that would have to be the Jordan Xs.

Complex says: We heard that while at UConn you always had the new Jordans before they were released, how did you get them early?

Caron says: I had a nice hook up at the mall. I use to always just tell the people that worked at the Foot Locker, “Man I got to have the Jordans before anyone else has ‘em.” Then I paid a little extra and made sure I had the shoes. If we played a game two weeks ahead of the time they were released, I definitely had them.

 #3: WHEN’S THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Caron says: When I was on the Oprah Winfrey show talking about my life and what I had been through.

 #4: IF YOU HAD A WEEK HOLIDAY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Caron says: I would just want to spend as much time as possible with the family. My favorite holidays are ones like Thanksgiving where you’re just with the family.

Butler has raised his points per game average each year since 2004.

 #5: WHAT HAS GOT TO BE IN YOUR FRIDGE AT ALL TIMES?

Caron says: I love O.J. and salmon, have to have those.

 #6: WHAT’S THE WORST WAY YOU’VE BROKEN UP WITH SOMEONE?

Caron says: [Laughs.] I’d have to say just not calling back.

 #7: WHAT’S THE MOST EMBARRASSING PIECE OF CLOTHING YOU’VE EVER WORN?

Caron says: Oh man…the Michael Jackson Thriller jacket.

Complex says: That’s back in the ‘80s when it was hot not anytime recently, right?

Caron says: [Laughs.] Nah definitely back then.

BONUS QUESTIONS:

Complex: What artists are you currently bumpin?

Caron: I love Jay-Z, Mary J. Blige, and John Legend. Taylor Swift is also somebody that I have started liking, I like her new song. But usually during pregame I’ll listen to a lot of hip-hop. You don’t want to listen to R&B or something and get too relaxed. So I’ll usually listen to 2Pac, Biggie or Jay-Z.

Complex: We’ve heard about your commitment to improving on the defensive end this year. Can you tell us about what specific adjustments you’ve made?

Caron: Endurance, that’s something that I worked on a lot in the off season. Working on my strength and agility to be able to do it on both ends of the floor because it exerts a lot of energy.

Complex: What is the key to the Wizards’ success this season?

Caron: The health of our core guys. Myself, Gilbert, Antawn Jamison and Brendan Haywood.

• CLICK HERE TO SEE MORE “COMPLEX 7″ INTERVIEWS!

Whoever said, “God made dirt and dirt don’t hurt” never got kneed in the balls by Bruce Bowen. The NBA feels considerably cleaner today now that the former San Antonio Spurs guard has retired to spend his days kicking school kids in the shins. Known for his three championships and five-time NBA all-defensive team play cheap shots, Bowen infuriated opponents for the better part of a decade with dirty moves that could have ended careers (and should have ended his). In honor of his retirement, Complex revisits and rates his filthiest plays. Watch ‘em with your Wet Wipes!

Victim: Amare Stoudemire
Dirty Move: The Bruce Bowen MLS Ankle Kick
Dirty Rating:

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Victim: Ray Allen
Dirty Move: The Bruce Bowen Back Massage
Dirty Rating:

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Victim: Steve Francis
Dirty Move: The Bruce Bowen Ankle-Roller Coaster
Dirty Rating:

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Victim: Anthony Carter
Dirty Move: The NEW AND IMPROVED! Bruce Bowen Ankle-Roller Coaster
Dirty Rating:

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Victim: Amare Stoudemire
Dirty Move: The Bruce Bowen Sternum Talking To
Dirty Rating:

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Victim: Sasha Vujacic
Dirty Move: The Bruce El-Bowen
Dirty Rating:

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Victim: Steve Nash
Dirty Move: The Bruce Bowen On-the-Balls Offense
Dirty Rating:

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Victim: Wally Szczerbiak
Dirty Move: The Bruce Bowen Fatal Flying Foot to the Face
Dirty Rating:

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Victim: Chris Paul
Dirty Move: The Bruce Bowen Knee-thage
Dirty Rating:

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Victim: Chris Paul
Dirty Move: The Bruce Bowen Bounced Check
Dirty Rating:

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Victim: Allen Iverson
Dirty Move: The Bruce Bowen Question & Answer Session
Dirty Rating:

• CLICK HERE TO SEE MORE COMPLEX SPORTS POSTS!

When a media type reports that an NBA player may be gang affiliated, we typically assume that the reporter snitch is just some jealous old white dude whose diaper is bunching up because he hates seeing a young black man making more money than he’ll ever see in his miserable lifetime. Sometimes, though, the journalist has actually seen Gangland on the History Channel and knows what they’re talking about. Denver Nuggets guard J.R. Smith (seen above either throwing up a Bloods gang sign, or impersonating a velociraptor) has raised eyebrows recently with his posts on Twitter, a powerful weapon used by gang members to build social networks. Like a true Piru, or someone who missed a couple key days of Sesame Street growing up, Smith has been omitting c’s, which stand for the rival Crips gang, and replacing them with k’s, which stand for potassium on the periodic table.

So, we’re pretty sure that Smith is a straight up knucklehead who’s gonna get himself in deep shit with NBA Commissioner David Stern, who long ago gave up whoo-bangin’ and doesn’t want it anywhere near his league. But what about other players who’ve been known to throw up hand signals for the homies? Complex reads between the signs to determine who’s gang affiliated and who’s not…

QUENTIN RICHARDSON
Suspicious sign: After making any play of slight significance, Richardson bangs his fists against his forehead.
Gang related?: Q-Rich, who was born in Chicago gangland, started throwing up the sign with teammate Darius Miles while playing for the Los Angeles Clippers (Cali is active, mane!). We can’t rule out possible gang meaning, but since he’s spent the past four seasons playing for the woeful New York Knicks, we’d also accept that he was just trying to knock himself out to bring an end to his misery.

PAUL PIERCE
Suspicious sign: The NBA fined P-double $25K for making the “menacing gesture” above towards the Atlanta Hawks after he was knocked down in a playoff game.
Gang related?: Pierce, who grew up outside Los Angeles in gang-infested Inglewood, CA and Boston’s general manager Danny Ainge denied that it was a gang sign, claiming that it was a symbol used between players on the Celtics to represent “blood, sweat, and tears.” Blood, eh? Take another look at J.R. Smith’s finger blast and it’s plain to see that “The Truth” is full of shit.

DOUG CHRISTIE
Suspicious sign: During his playing days, Dougie Fresh, as nobody called him, ran up and down the court flashing a variety of hand signals.
Gang related?: Chain gang, sure. Concerned that Christie might be putting up numbers in NBA gangbangs, his possessive wife Jackie p-whipped him into signing mushy sentiments to her in the crowd during games. The only time Christie reps for bloods is when he’s buying his boo tampons.

NATE ROBINSON
Suspicious sign: Before shooting a free throw, Krypto-Nate does a military-style salute.
Gang related?: Nate Rob is indeed sending a message to his fellow young gunners, but that message is: Yes, it’s really me, Nate Robinson, who you’ve been playing video game shooters against online. Thank you for allowing me to interact with people closer to my own height, even if it’s virtually. Now come find me tonight in the Call of Duty: World At War lobby and test me if you wanna get pwned!

JASON KIDD
Suspicious sign: Before shooting a free throw, J-Kidd holds up four fingers to his mouth and blows a kiss to the basket.
Gang related?: Once upon a time, before it came out that he was beating and cheating on his then wife Joumana, Kidd was said to be blowing her kisses. Either that or he was just showing her the back of his hand.

BARON DAVIS
Suspicious sign: Like Smith and Pierce, B-Dizzle has thrown up a few thumb-to-index “O” signs before becoming famous enough that anyone gave a shit.
Gang related?: Davis, who grew up surrounded by gangs in L.A., is man enough to admit that it is a gang sign. Though he told Complex he’s “not glorifying” gang life, he admitted that he slips subconsciously at times because he “grew up playing with gangbangers.” This also explains why we subconsciously play with our dicks.

DERRICK ROSE
Suspicious sign: The young Bulls star was photographed twisting up his fingers into a Gangster Disciples sign at a University of Memphis party during his lone year there.
Gang related?: Rose, who grew up in the Englewood section of Chicago (are we sensing a pattern yet?), where the Disciples run deep, admits that the photo “appears to depict me flashing a gang sign,” but that it was just a “young, naive” kid making a “bad joke.” We’re sure the GD’s are laughing their asses off.

NAME: Dennis Rodman
WON WITH: Chicago Bulls, 1998 NBA Finals
CONTRACT: 1 year/$1 million with Los Angeles Lakers
GOOD MOVE?: With his sister acting as his agent, Rodman signed to the Lakers not for money but because he wanted to avoid Chicago’s post-Jordan rebuilding phase. Rodman played only 23 games with the Lakers before he was released. He did manage to marry (and divorce) Carmen Electra during his stint in L.A. though.

NAME: Deion Sanders
WON WITH: San Francisco 49ers, Super Bowl XXIX
CONTRACT: 7 years/$25 million with a $12.99 million signing bonus with Dallas Cowboys
GOOD MOVE?: At the end of the 1994 season, Sanders and teammate Jerry Rice butted heads over who deserved the most credit for the 49ers’ Super Bowl win. Sanders ended up signing with the Cowboys, where he enjoyed five successful seasons as one of the highest-paid defensive players in the league. For his sake, we’ll omit what happened to his career after he left Dallas.

NAME: Pat Burrell
WON WITH: Philadelphia Phillies, 2008 World Series
CONTRACT: 2 years/$16 million with Tampa Bay Rays
GOOD MOVE?: After being part of the Phillies squad that beat the Rays in the 2008 World Series, Burrell made the move to Tampa Bay. So far this season, Rays fans are still waiting for Pat the Bat to emerge, as he only has 3 home runs and a .229 batting average. Who are you, Big Papi?

NAME: Pedro Martínez
WON WITH: Boston Red Sox, 2004 World Series
CONTRACT: 4 years/$53 million with New York Mets
GOOD MOVE?: Pedro’s time in New York would be marred by injury with occasional patches of the pitching strength that merited his fat deal. An aging Martinez would finish up the 2008 season with the Mets on a low note, recording the first losing record of his career before becoming a free agent and ultimately signing with the Phillies for pennies…well, $1 million for one year, anyway.

NAME: Dominic Rhodes
WON WITH: Indianapolis Colts, Super Bowl XLI
CONTRACT: 2 years/$7.5 million with Oakland Raiders
GOOD MOVE?: Although he signed on for two years, Rhodes would only play one season with the Raiders. Rhodes started off the 2007 season with a four-game suspension for violating the NFL’s substance abuse policy. (A Raider with a drug problem? Go figure.) Dominic was released in 2008, two days after the Raiders picked up running back Darren McFadden in the 2008 NFL Draft. Al Davis=FAIL.

NAME: James Posey
WON WITH: Boston Celtics, 2008 NBA Finals
CONTRACT: 4 years/$25 million with New Orleans Hornets
GOOD MOVE?: Looking for more money after the 2008 NBA Finals, Posey opted out of his contract with the Celtics to ink a deal with New Orleans. Posey would prove to be a good role player and a nice addition for the Hornets, but ultimately wasn’t enough to get them out of the first round.

NAME: Dave Roberts
WON WITH: Boston Red Sox, 2004 World Series
CONTRACT: 1 year/$2.25 million with San Diego Padres
GOOD MOVE?: The player credited for sparking Boston’s historic comeback in the 2004 ALCS against the Yankees, Roberts made a good addition to the Padres…that is, until they acquired Mike Cameron from the Mets and moved Roberts to left field. Dave would spend one season with the Padres before moving on to the Giants. He’ll always have that stolen base, though.

NAME: Larry Brown
WON WITH: Dallas Cowboys, Super Bowl XXX
CONTRACT: 5 years/$12.5 million with a $3.5 million signing bonus with Oakland Raiders
GOOD MOVE?: Using his title as Super Bowl MVP, Brown was able to steal ink a well-paying contract with the Raiders. However, Brown was suspended and benched for the majority of his Raider tenure, playing a meager 12 games over the course of two seasons before being released from his contract early. Al Davis: FAIL.

NAME: Iván Rodríguez
WON WITH: Florida Marlins, 2003 World Series
CONTRACT: 4 years/$40 million with Detroit Tigers
GOOD MOVE?: Pudge had an extremely successful four years with the Tigers. Despite being outed as a steroid user by former teammate Jose Canseco, Rodríguez was able to overcome controversy to maintain his stellar stats as a rock-solid catcher (ayo!). He was traded to the Yankees in 2008 and currently catches balls (ayo!) for the Astros.

NAME: Bobby Bonilla
WON WITH: Florida Marlins, 1997 World Series
CONTRACT: 4 years/$5.9 million with Los Angeles Dodgers
GOOD MOVE?: Bobby Bo’s stay with the Dodgers was cut short when he made headlines by lashing out at Tommy Lasorda, saying he was an intimidating and unwelcome presence in the locker room. Nice one, Bobby.

NAME: Rob Scuderi
WON WITH: Pittsburgh Penguins, 2009 Stanley Cup
CONTRACT: 4 years/$13.6 million with Los Angeles Kings
GOOD MOVE?: Time will tell whether the hard-nosed defenseman made the right move for his career. We will say this, though: Living in L.A. beats the fuck out of living in Pittsburgh.

PLAYER: Kobe Bryant
BRAND SWITCH: Adidas to Nike
• KB signed a six-year deal with Adidas in 1996 for roughly $48 million. He switched to Nike when his contract expired, and signed a five-year deal for $45 million. Not too much of a paper upgrade right? Wrong. Nike later gave Kobe a multi-year extension in 2007 for an undisclosed amount, which we can imagine was $$$$$$.

PLAYER: Stephon Marbury
BRAND SWITCH: And 1 to Starbury
• Steph inked with And 1 just days after the 1996 NBA Draft. “The Marbury” sold for a budget price of $70, something he would reinforce when he starting slinging his Starbury’s for $15 a pop.

PLAYER: Vince Carter
BRAND SWITCH: Puma to Nike
• VC signed a five-year deal with Puma before his rookie season, but ended the relationship in 2000, complaining that the shoes hurt his feet. Months later, Vince signed a multi-year $30 million contract with Nike, but half of that went to Puma for breach of contract. Since his “feet hurting” days, Carter has been rocking the superior-cushioned Nike Shox on court.

PLAYER: Kevin Garnett
BRAND SWITCH: Nike to And 1 to Adidas
• Nike produced several sneakerhead favorites (the Flightposite) for Garnett before he left for And 1, a stint more known for its controversial interrogation commercial than the shoes. KG eventually signed a lifetime contract with Adidas in 2003.

PLAYER: Tim Duncan
BRAND SWITCH: Nike to Adidas
• After winning his first MVP and championship titles wearing Nikes, rival brand Adidas scooped up the “Big Fundamental” in 2003 when he signed a multi-year contract. Just like the athlete they signed, details of the deal were kept quiet.

PLAYER: Chris Webber
BRAND SWITCH: Nike to Dada
• C-Webb’s kicks with Nike were mid-’90s staples, but he moved on to Dada in 2002 when the company signed him as President of their new basketball division. It wasn’t a smart move, as Webber went on to design terrible looking sneakers like the CDubbz pictured above.

PLAYER: Baron Davis
BRAND SWITCH: Reebok to Li-Ning
• Just last year, B. Diddy left Reebok for Chinese footwear brand Li-Ning. Financial terms of the deal were not released, and to be honest, not many people gave a damn.

PLAYER: Jason Kidd
BRAND SWITCH: Nike to Peak
• After a longstanding relationship with Nike, dating back to his rookie year, Jason Kidd left the powerhouse and signed with Chinese brand Peak last summer before returning home from the Olympics. He signed for an undisclosed amount, but the same company is paying Shane Battier $4 million for three years, so figure a little more for the kidd.

According to LeBron James, you can’t be a sore loser as long as you’re really, really competitive (or if, by nature, you’re a winner—who just happened to lose). Got that, kids? Despite what may have looked like poor sportsmanship, His Highness “King James” was just being really competitive when he walked off the court Saturday night without shaking hands after the Orlando Magic beat his Cleveland Cavaliers in the Eastern Conference Finals. He was merely competing with Magic star center Dwight Howard, a buddy with whom he won an Olympic gold medal in Beijing last summer, by not offering him so much as an awkward ass slap in passing. That was just his will to compete showing when he slipped out of Orlando’s Amway Arena without giving reporters a post-game interview. And if you buy that, we’ve got a Kobe vs. LeBron ad campaign to sell you too.

James is one of the NBA’s biggest stars, so his juvenility stands out, but he’s far from the only grown man in the league to act like a snot-nosed eight-year-old with doo-doo stains on his shorts when things don’t go his way. Not that we blame dudes. All that youth league shit about being a good sport is just to keep the child-on-child homicide rates down. And besides, when you’ve got millions, you can afford to act like you weren’t raised right. In honor of King James’s snub of the Magic, Complex remembers a few of the NBA’s sorest losers over the years…

THE DETROIT PISTONS
• When it became clear that they’d lost the 1991 Eastern Conference Finals, Pistons point guard Isiah Thomas flashed one of his trademark phony smiles and led the Bad Boys right off the court without congratulating Michael Jordan on making it to his first NBA Finals. The game hadn’t even ended, but hey, at least they beat the buzzer!

THE NEW YORK KNICKS
• Displeased that Denver Nuggets coach George Karl was continuing to play his starters in the fourth quarter while blowing out the Knicks in New York, coach Isiah Thomas (hello again!) told his players to foul them hard. On a Nugs fast break, bench player Mardy Collins mauled J.R. Smith, leading to a brawl that got ten players ejected. That would have counted as two L’s in one night, but the Knicks didn’t have any respect to lose in the first place.

CHRIS WEBBER
• Tired of answering questions about why his Sacramento Kings always lose to the Lakers in the playoffs, C-Webb took it to the genitalia, equating the queries to kicking a man in the balls while he’s down (or rather when his woman is going down on the next man). That would actually make him a “sores winner.”

J.R. SMITH
• Even after losing in a game six blowout to the Lakers in this year’s Western Conference Finals, the Nuggets guard refused to acknowledge that L.A. might be the superior team, declaring his Nugs better “pound for pound.” He’s right, of course. We haven’t seen someone take a pounding that professionally since Kobe Tai.

CHRIS BOSH
• In early 2009, after a well-past-his-prime Shaquille O’Neal dropped 45 points on the Toronto Raptors in a 20-point blowout, the Raps’ Chris Bosh gave the Diesel credit—for cheating. Perhaps Shaq was guilty of a couple three-second violations, camping out in the lane, but Bosh clearly violated the NBA’s rule that nobody with a vagina should play

Both commentators use sartorial tackiness as their shtick, but whose suits are more offensive? Before they take off for the summer, take a look at our five-round battle and cast your vote below…

ROUND ONE: FIRST DAY OF SPRING

ROUND TWO: ORANGE CRUSH

ROUND THREE: SOUTH BEACH STYLIN’

ROUND FOUR: VALENTINE’S DAY VS. CHRISTMAS

ROUND FIVE: PEA-COCK MATING SEASON

All year, sports pundits have been predicting that the Los Angeles Lakers would repeat as Western Conference Champions. Pardon us, but Complex doesn’t wash in purple and golden showers. That’s right, Kobe Bryant’s Lake Show is about to get canceled by Carmelo Anthony’s Denver Nuggets in the NBA Western Conference Finals.

We could provide myriad basketball reasons for this “upset” in the making, like L.A.’s inconsistent soft-batch style or point guard Chauncey Billups‘ infusion of calm, clutch shooting and leadership to Denver, but we’ll leave that to the professional sports reporters. Complex’s rationale is not based on hard data or statistics or other such nonsense, but on the priceless gold nuggets we mine in our minds. We pick winners like you pick boogers, so bet that mortgage money on it by the time the Lakers and Nuggets put the tip (off) in you tonight…

BEEF (WITH BROCCOLI)!
• There’s nothing like racial tension to unite a team of overpaid individuals. Before the Beijing 2008 Olympics Games, Lakers’ star big man Pau Gasol, his brother Marc and the rest of Spain’s basketball team gave themselves slanty eyes in a highly suspect advertisement—like offending Chinamen don’t mean slit to them. L.A.’s bench-warming Chinese guard Sun Yue has no doubt been stewing over it like lunch special #3 ever since, and with absolutely zero playing time to lose, look for Sun to rush the court during any Lakers-Nuggets scuffles and hit Pau with the POW! HIII-YAH! Gasol had better be ready to Peking duck.

D BE THUGGIN’!
• In the Nuggets’ semifinal series against the Dallas Mavericks, Kenyon Martin got into a war of words with Mavs billionaire owner Mark Cuban because he’d allowed fans to harass K-Mart’s mom and even told her that her son is a thug. To be fair, he is. Who but a thug could date Trina, “The Baddest Bitch,” and tattoo lips on his neck for her? Who on the Lakers is gonna have anything to say to him or be able to nullify his thug? Their Zen coach? The kid whose signature move is the literal teardrop? A dude named Lamar?

COLORADO GETS UP IN KOBE’S ASS!
• Ever since that whole rape trial, Black Mamba is shook to take it hard to the rim in Denver. Or even put it in the hole, for that matter.

TIGHTS SITUATION!
• The Nuggets can’t even get love on their home court! Game Four at the Pepsi Center in Denver is already controversial because it conflicts with a World Wrestling Entertainment event scheduled to take place at the venue at the same time (note: Monday Night Raw in Denver will not feature Kobe doin’ back door work on a hotel employee, pervs). WWE Chairman Vince McMahon refuses to move, and in an interview he put Stan Kroenke in a sleeper hold, saying the Nuggets owner wouldn’t have rented out the place if he’d actually believed his team would still be playing this late in the season. (McMahon then pulled out a Lakers jersey for him.) With an ass clown like McMahon (above, pantless) and even their own organization doubting, the boys in powder blue have all the incentive they’ll need to pull that pickaxe on fools and break stones.

WHITE-ON-WHITES!
• As everyone knows, NBA playoff series are decided by which team has the crazier white boy (we of course mean American white boys, who are generally raised to doubt themselves on the court and fear the original man, a.k.a. 75% of the league). This Lakers-Nuggets series comes down to two pale-faced forwards: Chris “Birdman” Andersen and Luke “Son of Bill” Walton. Birdman skies; Luke has about as much lift as his legendary dad, who still breaks a knee or ankle once every season. Birdman got kicked out of the league for two seasons for drug offenses so horrible that the league still won’t say what they were; Luke and his dad probably smoke pot listening to Grateful Dead bootlegs. Birdman is covered in (surprisingly decent) ink; Luke has Grateful Dead tattoos. We think you’ll agree that Birdman knocks Luke white out.

For 18 years, NBA players have had nightmares about getting fingered by Dikembe Mutombo. Get your mind out of the gutter—we’re talking about the infamous finger wag that the 7′2″ Houston Rockets center used to taunt people with after he’d rejected them. The 42-year-old Congolese shot blocker, who won the NBA Defensive Player of the Year Award four times and ranks as the league’s second most prolific shot blocker ever (he averaged almost three blocks a game for his career), is retiring after suffering a knee injury in a playoff game Tuesday. So, young punks, it’s officially OK to step foot in the “House of Mutombo.” Take a tour with Complex as we remember why he is one of the NBA’s all-time greats…

THE SNEAKER OF MUTOMBO!
• The adidas Mutombo, which featured a shield with crossed spears and Zaire/Congo textile patterns, dropped for the 1992-93 season and it’s still hot. Like, Africa hot. But what would you expect of a signature shoe made for Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques Wamutombo?

THE VOICE OF MUTOMBO!
• One listen to his deep, raspy voice and it’s clear that Mutombo is the long lost Congolese Muppet. Doubt it? Just listen as Deke talks. It’s wacka-wacka-wacky. (As a bonus, check out his Rockets teammates doing their best imitations of him.)

THE MULTILINGUALISM OF MUTOMBO!
• Mutombo graduated from Georgetown University in 1991 with a Bachelors degree in diplomacy and linguistics and speaks English, French, Spanish, Portuguese and five African languages. You may not be able to understand what the hell he’s saying in any of them, but still, it’s impressive.

THE SEX SCANDAL OF MUTOMBO!
• This is, without a doubt, one of the best—and certainly one of the BIGGEST—sports sex scandals ever. In a 2001 trial against the owner of an Atlanta strip joint called the Gold Club, a former dancer testified that she and other girls were paid to perform sex acts on a number of famous athletes, including the 7′2″ Mutombo. One lucky lady is rumored to have domed him out, but that cannot be confirmed, as no strippers have been spotted walking around with giraffe necks.

THE HUMANITARIAN WORK OF MUTOMBO!
• Mutombo could have used the fortune he earned playing ball to buy a gang of Hummers but he’s too decent of a man (besides which, those Gold Club dome-outs were complimentary). Instead, he spent millions of dollars improving living conditions in his native Democratic Republic of Congo with the Dikembe Mutombo Foundation and building the Biamba Marie Mutombo Hospital in Kinshasa. Where’s your hospital, Shaq?

THE FIRST-ROUND UPSET OF MUTOMBO!
• In 1994, Mutombo’s Denver Nuggets became the first eighth-seed team to beat a one-seed when they dropped Shawn “The Reign Man” Kemp and Gary “The Glove” Payton’s 63-win Seattle SuperSonics squad in the first round of the NBA playoffs. The only other time Mutombo looked this happy was at the Gold Club.

THE FINGER WAG OF MUTOMBO!
• Over the years, Deke rejected more dudes than Tila Tequila. A block is a block, but we can only think of one other digit that says as much as Mutombo’s index finger did when he’d follow up a stuff by waving it in another grown man’s face.

The Denver Nuggets have suspended star small forward Carmelo Anthony one game for an “in-game transgression” that occurred during his team’s 100-94 loss to the Indiana Pacers Sunday. The Nugs won’t say exactly how Melo transgressed, but Rex Chapman, vice president of player personnel, had this to say Monday: “There is a code of conduct that we take very seriously, especially from a leader and co-captain. Carmelo knows this and regrets what happened. He is a very competitive person and made a poor decision in the heat of the moment.”

We think what Chapman meant to say, if initial reports are to be believed, is that coach George Karl tried to pull Melo out the game and the Olympian with the gold medal essentially told him to fuck off by refusing to leave the court. If this is the case'and when has the rumor mill ever been wrong?'it’s just the latest instance of an NBA player openly defying his coach in the middle of a game. For more of these classic power struggles, check out Complex’s five most memorable acts of in-game NBA insubordination…

SCOTTIE PIPPEN
May 13, 1994: With his Chicago Bulls down 2-0 to the New York Knicks in the Eastern Conference semifinals and tied 100-100 with 1.8 seconds left in game three, Pippen refused to hit the hardwood. Pip, who had led the Jordan-less Bulls all season, was upset because coach Phil Jackson called a play that had him inbounding the ball so Toni Kukoc could throw up a shot at the buzzer. After years of deferring to MJ, Pippen wasn’t about to let some Croatian steal his shine, so he sat while Kukoc calmly nailed a 23-foot fadeaway jumper at the buzzer to win the game. Pip’s stinky move lingers, which is fitting for someone who will always be remembered as a #2.

Click next to see Robert Horry’s bad behavior

This past weekend marked the beginning of the NFL free agent season and also featured the league’s first blockbuster trade of the year. With Tom Brady set to return from his knee injury, the New England Patriots sent his replacement, Matt Cassel, as well as longtime linebacker Mike Vrabel to the Kansas City Chiefs for their 2nd round pick in this year’s draft.

There are all kinds of arcane and not-so-arcane salary cap reasons that Pats coach Bill Belichick made the trade, but anyway you slice it, he gave up a lot more than he got, a fact made all the more juicy for conspiracy-minded fans by current Chiefs general manager Scott Pioli’s former gig as New England’s vp of player personnel (a.k.a. Belichick’s co-architect in the making of the Pats’ dynasty). At the very least, the whole thing doesn’t pass an initial sniff test, but it’s not the first iffy transaction, as you’ll see in Complex’s list of the 5 Shadiest Deals in Sports History.

#5. 1920: THE BOSTON RED SOX CURSE THEMSELVES

• The 1920 swap of Ruth for a bucket of cash is the most famous, but between 1918 and 1923 the Sox and Yanks made more than half a dozen trades, most involving players moving to New York and various amounts of greenbacks heading to Beantown. The Sox had an owner who preferred producing Broadway plays to producing winning baseball teams and as a result, Boston went from a club that won the World Series in 1918 to one that averaged 100 losses for eight seasons, gifting their arch rivals plenty of ammo for their run of dominance along the way.

#4. 1988: “NO, CANADA”

• Whether he jumped or was pushed, the ‘88 deal that sent the greatest hockey player of all time from the Edmonton Oilers to the L.A. Kings for $15 million in cash and a bunch of draft picks was undoubtedly one of the most dubious in the history of professional sports. Kinda like the Christians trading Jesus to Hindus for a bunch of good karma.

#3. 2008: THE GRIZZLIES HAND THE LAKERS THE WESTERN CONFERENCE TITLE

• Pretty much every trade in the NBA qualifies as shady these days, but the exchange of the All-Star Pau Gasol for a couple draft picks and a bunch of not even spare parts (Kwame Brown!) was one that arguably handed the Lakers a ticket to the Finals last year. Of course L.A. couldn’t seal the deal in June because of the next entry on our list.

#2. 2007: KEVIN MCHALE GIVES DANNY AINGE AN ASSIST

• Yeah Kevin Garnett was sick of being in Minny and yeah, the T’wolves got Al Jefferson, but you’ve gotta be wicked naive to think there wasn’t a little wink-wink nudge-nudge when McHale shipped KG to his former teammate Danny Ainge. McHale saved Ainge’s job; in return, he probably signed his own pink slip.

#1. YESTERDAY: THE OWNER OF A TEAM NAMED “A-ROID FOR LIFE” DESTROYS THE INTEGRITY OF FANTASY BASEBALL

• Hypothetical situation: you’ve got an old fraternity brother who goes and marries a real turd of a blond bimbo, then invites said bimbo to join your longtime fantasy baseball league, whereupon blond bimbo takes Albert Pujols with the first pick in the draft and promptly trades him to her hubby for BARRY FRICKIN’ ZITO because BZ is “dreamy.” Not-so-hypothetical response: Steve, you’re no longer in the wedding party and we want that stupid china tea set we bought you and Michelle back.

So, what’s the solution? The NBA will always have its loyalists, but we have a suggestion that should be familiar to anybody who’s suffered through a declining relationship: Distance yourself now before the heartbreak, and start seeing other people. Or, in this case, another league. Yup, the NHL. Yup, ice hockey. Look, we understand that most of you are indifferent about, if not openly hostile to, following the NHL, but the time is right to give the league another chance. Read on for our top 5 reasons why it may be time to jump ship on the NBA…

5. BLOATED SALARIES ARE KILLING THE NBA.

Guess which one of these dudes is worth $13 million per year.

ISSUE: The NBA’s soft salary cap = overpaid scrubs, big-market favoritism; the NHL’s hard salary cap = proportionate contracts, competitive balance.

• The two athletes pictured above were in the news last Thursday, but for decidedly different reasons: The sports world was still abuzz about the previous night’s Alexander Ovechkin wonder goal; on the same day, the NBA trading deadline expired, meaning the usual desperate shuffling of salary-cap-killers like Larry Hughes, who was traded to the Knicks. The point in all this? Ovechkin'the NHL’s undisputed best player, who’s earned millions of dollars for both his franchise and the league'is in the first year of a contract that pays him $9 million per year. Hughes'a mediocre journeyman and funny-blog-inspirer'is guaranteed roughly $13.2 million for each of the next two years. Hughes is not an aberration, but an example of why the NBA is looking at a no-exception, no-luxury-tax hard cap, which will result in players like him losing money. Armageddon looms.

Click NEXT to see reason #4…

MARKETING GIMMICKS

• Great slogans + tons of celebrities x questionable officiating (pretty sure Isiah gets away with a travel at the end of that clip)=Ka-ching!

INTERNATIONAL DOMINATION

• Sterny’s got that Croat Money, German Money, Aussie Money even Sudanese Money. He’s definitely got that Chinese Money locked up. Still ain’t got any Arab Money, but Osama’s tall as shit so who knows.

DRESS CODE

• In an effort to get rid of the pimps and the pushers and the prostitutes, Stern tried to start all over again in 2005 by instituting a strict dress code for players arriving and departing games as well as conducting official interviews. The code banned throwback jerseys, jeans, hats, doo-rags, large jewelry, sneakers and Timbs. Stern adamantly denied rumors that he enacted the ban to revive the career of Pee Wee Herman’s stylist.

KEEPING HIS HAND IN MARK CUBAN’S POCKET

• Forget a Cuban embargo, Stern now fines the Dallas Mavericks owner every other Thursday.

CREATING MICHAEL JORDAN

• Feb 1, 1984: Stern becomes commissioner; four months later, MJ’s taken no. 3 in the NBA Draft. Coincidence? We think not.

A year ago, even haters had to begrudgingly root for the Boston Celtics. After sinking to new lows in 2006-07, honoring recently deceased coaching legend Red Auerbach with a 24-58 record and a franchise worst 18-game losing streak, the once proud Celts organization finally did something right when general manager Danny Ainge teamed Paul Pierce with Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen. Perennial All-Stars who’d given their best years to shitty Minnesota Timberwolves and Seattle SuperSonics squads, respectively, they formed “The Big Three,” a trio of hungry aging ballers who would push their mamas down stairs to win a ring. KG, in particular, changed the culture of the team, convincing guys who’d only known losing to hustle and think of the Celts as a brotherhood (James Posey then added the awkward extended man-hug to the mix).

KG’s borderline psychotic passion and intensity rubbed off on everyone, including non-Celtic fans, who wanted to see him triumph, even if it meant spoiled Boston drunks fans getting yet another title. But now that the Celtics are defending NBA champions, it’s officially OK to hate them again. In fact, it’s the right thing to do. Read on to for five reasons that you should hate the C’s.


INSIDER TRADING
• The trade that brought KG and a championship to Boston was made possible by Kevin McHale, the hopelessly inept Minnesota Timberwolves GM who happens to be a former Celtic great. Thanks to him, Minny was destined to do nothing, so he figured he’d help his Boston boy Ainge out by giving them an All-Star and fan favorite in exchange for one possible future second fiddle (Al Jefferson), some bench players, two cotton candy vendors and the promise that he’d get half off on a replica ring if they won it all. If Martha Stewart had to serve time for her stock dealings, McHale and Ainge should be sharing a prison cell for the next decade running the pick and roll on each other’s pubes.

CRYING GAME
• It’s impossible to respect Glen “Big Baby” Davis after he cried and threw a fit on national TV because KG reprimanded him for sucking. In Davis’s defense, the arena was dusty. And his thong was really pinching his labia.

YOUNG PUNKS
• The downside of KG’s chest-thumping, shit-talking and psycho stares is that he has the lil c’s thinking they have license to brag and get in people’s faces too, even though they won on the backs of greater men (lengthy NBA pause) and are little more than weed carriers. Tell ‘em, Lil Cease.

JOCK SUPPORTERS
• Boston’s miserable, often drunk, often racist fans used to think they were special because their teams always lost. Now they think they’re special because their teams always win. Win or lose, it’s officially time for a Boston Teabag Party.

CHAMP CHANGE
• The Big Three are old (some might say geriatric) news in 2008-09, and the NBA needs a new champion. This year it’s all about LeBron James and the Cavaliers bringing a title to depressed Cleveland so he can fulfill his promise to his home state before promptly fleeing to [optimistically insert your city here] as a free agent in 2010. Of course, you could also root for Kobe Bryant to win a ring without Shaq. If you’re a fan of anal adultery, that is.

An NBA-related item that actually is worth following from beginning to end is The Macrophenomenal Pro Basketball Almanac: Styles, Stats, and Stars in Today’s Game, a new book from the FreeDarko blog. Out on Nov. 18, the hardcover combines FreeDarko’s b-ball nerd-dom with awesomely funny illustrations. Imagine an ego trip book on the NBA, and bingo. Find out more at the book’s new web site, or check out two spreads from the book below…

[Click images to see them full size]

STYLE GUIDE:

TIM DUNCAN BREAKDOWN:

While other sport sites offer long-winded previews of injury reports and how deep teams are, we worked with Fiyastarter.com to conjure up predictions that you'll actually care about. Take a look into Complex's crystal ball for some on and off the court forecasts that will make this season interesting…

DATE: OCTOBER 28

Game: Cavaliers at Celtics
Prediction: On opening night, LeBron drops 35 on the noticeably self-satisfied defending champs. The Big Three giggle as they watch Doc Rivers light up a victory cigar, down 30 with two minutes to go.

DATE: NOVEMBER 3

Game: Jazz at Clippers
Prediction: Sitting courtside, emerging young actor Tristan Wilds champions the light-skin movement by cheering frantically after every Deron Williams-to-Carlos Boozer Utah bucket.

DATE: DECEMBER 2

Game: Lakers at Pacers
Prediction: Kobe Bryant continues to mend fences with teammate Andrew Bynum by reenacting scenes from the youngster's favorite movie, The Toy.

DATE: DECEMBER 6

Game: Clippers at Timberwolves
Prediction: In an effort to boost morale, Minnesota VP Kevin McHale unveils his new couture line of Timberwolves home sweater-jerseys.

DATE: JANUARY 13

Game: Bobcats at Pistons
Prediction: Rodney Stuckey goes for 31 points, 9 assists, 8 rebounds, and 3 steals. Charlotte co-owner Michael Jordan, who passed on Stuck in the '07 draft, is rumored to be retiring to pursue a career in baseball scouting.

DATE: JANUARY 26

Game: Rockets at Knicks
Prediction: After a Rockets W, Ron Artest takes goody-goody Houston teammate Shane Battier to Queensbridge. Shane makes fast friends with the Thuns and Duns by engaging them in a debate over W.E.B. Du Bois's “Talented Tenth.”

DATE: FEBRUARY 13

Game: Post-NBA Rookie Game
Prediction: After Vivica Fox takes the hint and leaves them alone at the Rookie Game afterparty, O.J. Mayo and Jerryd Bayless set the world record for most times saying, “She old as shit.”

DATE: FEBRUARY 15

Game: NBA All Star Game (Half-time Performance)
Prediction: Today we celebrate the ninth anniversary of the most inappropriate
All-Star Weekend performance ever, a.k.a. L.L. Cool J and Montell Jordan's rendition of the latter's “Get It On…Tonite” (”I pecked ya low, tongue kissed the cat, legs is upside down, twist it back. It feels so wet…”).

DATE: FEBRUARY 22

Game: Nuggets At Bucks
Prediction: Milwaukee's Joe Alexander and Andrew Bogut combine for 65 points and 31 boards, prompting comparisons to Bird and McHale by white sports columnists across the nation.

DATE: FEBRUARY 27

Game: 76ers at Knicks
Prediction: During a blowout loss at MSG, former Knick coach Isiah Thomas is spotted smiling in the tunnel as he snacks on limited-edition Mike D'Antoni Pringles Party Mix.

DATE: MARCH 4

Game: Bucks at Cavaliers
Prediction: Milwaukee's Joe Alexander and Andrew Bogut combine for 17 points and 12 boards, prompting comparisons to Blair Rasmussen and Mark Alarie by black Internet message-board posters.

DATE: APRIL 8

Game: Suns at Hornets
Prediction: After watching Chris Paul drop 30 and 15 on Steve Nash for the fourth time, Bill Walton concedes Nash holds only a “slight” lead over CP3 as league's best point guard.

DATE: APRIL 12

Game: Knicks at Heat
Prediction: Rookie of the Year lock Michael Beasley notches his 25th double-double, matching his threesome total for the season. Barkley promptly replaces Dwyane Wade with the Beas in his Fave Five.

DATE: APRIL 29

Game(s): 1st Round Playoff, Blazers at Spurs
Prediction: Blazers at Spurs After showing Shaq how his faux- hawk tastes during the regular season, Greg Oden is bested by Tim Duncan and the Spurs. Oden later drowns his sorrows in Geritol and shuffleboard.

DATE: MAY 30

Game(s): Eastern Conference Finals, Cavaliers at Pistons
Prediction: Attempting to lead the Cavs to their second Finals, league MVP King James is denied at the net by Sixth Man of the Year Stuckey. Home for the playoffs, MJ is reportedly spotted at an area minor league baseball stadium, radar gun in hand.

DATE: JUNE 17

Game(s): NBA Finals, Spurs at Pistons
Prediction: After Duncan wins his fifth title, millions of Jordan fans swarm the Internet in a preemptive strike against the TimBot's fundamental attack on the G.O.A.T.

[Buy NBA Tickets]

Last month, Complex’s Leaders Of The New Cool appeared at 2K9’s release party to announce the Spring Bounce Tour. For the past four years, 2K Sports has rallied artists from their games’ soundtracks for a nationwide tour. On November 5th, The Knux, The Cool Kids, and Q-Tip will take the stage with EPMD’s DJ Scratch. See the full schedule of dates HERE, and see photos from the recent NYC event below…

[Das Gamer]

The stakes have changed for the gambling addict who bet on games, used insider info to tip off bettors, and affected the outcome of several contests. For one thing, “you bet your ass” is now an actual wager. Though this degenerate gambler should lay off, there’s no reason you shouldn’t place a bet on his prison experience. Check out Complex’s odds (below) before you go make a fortune…

100:1
Donaghy tries to get a reduced sentence by breaking the no-snitching code, suggesting that David Stern and the magnets he places in balls are actually what decides the outcome of NBA games.

50:1
Donaghy finds the only inmate softer than him'a white-collar suit in the bing for fraud'and makes him his bitch.

25:1
The mob taps Donaghy to officiate and fix the prison’s popular transvestite catfight matches. Oh no he didn’t, girlfriend!

3:1
A prisoner who lost three packs of cigarettes betting on a game Donaghy officiated suspiciously forces him to blow, then swallow his whistle.

1:1
Donaghy finds Jesus'then uses insider information on him to place a wager on the battle of Good vs. Evil.

Thank fucking God the Los Angeles Lakers didn’t win the NBA title. Not just because we’d have to put up with the league’s most annoying-ass fans, but ’cause we’d also have to deal with months of Laker-mania on ESPN, all over magazines, season previews, etc etc. Which brings us to this just-dropped teaser for NBA 2K9, which releases on Oct. 7.

The trailer that stars Paul Pierce reminds us of two things: (1) how much we love the super-consistent, super-dope 2K basketball series; and (2) how utterly satisfying it was to watch the Celtics stomp Kobe & Co. in the Finals. Watch virtual Odom and (racist) Gasol get sonned in the fresh NBA 2K9 trailer (the first of four) below…

Right now, E.C. is at a 6 out of a pussible, er, possible 10. To his credit, Curry finally snapped on Coach Zeke (albeit passive aggressively and through the media) for benching him and saying that the NBA is now a “small man’s game” (tiny pause). But Captain Knick thinks there’s only one thing he can do to truly shed the soft label'choke Isaiah the fuck out. Hell, Zeke would respect the move even as Curry’s sausage links were squeezing the “No comments” out of his windpipe. It also goes without saying that this manner of on-court choking would make Heart Condition an instant fan favorite. I hear veteran coach choker and former Knick Latrell Sprewell is broke, so maybe he’d take a paycheck to demonstrate how it’s done.