Complex Blog » Michael Phelps

5 Reasons We Knew Michael Phelps Was A Stoner

jerwin — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 20:00:27 +0000

Does this man look like a marijuana user to you?

Over the weekend, pictures surfaced showing U.S. Olympic swimming hero Michael Phelps smoking a bong at a University of South Carolina house party last year. As to be expected, the mainstream media was shocked, nay, shocked! to learn that America’s golden boy apparently has a sweet tooth for the sweet leaf.

But over here at Complex, we weren’t surprised at all. In fact, we’ve known Phelps was a stoner for some time (maybe it takes one to know one). Forget the obvious giveaways (he’s 23-years-old and won’t have to work another day in his life): Here are the 5 surest signs that Michael Phelps was a pothead all along…

#5: HE LIKES RAP MUSIC

• Phelps has talked often about listening to Lil Wayne and Young Jeezy to get himself pumped up for races. C’mon, when is the last time you heard of someone listening to Lil Wayne and Young Jeezy sober?

#4: HE EATS 12,000 CALORIES A DAY

• For those of you scoring at home, that’s just over 51 Slyders with cheese.

#3: HE HAS HIGHLY QUESTIONABLE FASHION SENSE

• Guys who wear their hats like this are potheads. They also tend to be date rapists and very often go cross-eyed later in life.

#2: HE’S BARELY ARTICULATE

• Yes he’s tired, yes he’s done a million interviews, yes there’s obviously a time lag between New York and Beijing. That doesn’t make up for the fact that dude talks like an East Coast Jeff Spicoli with a cue ball in his mouth.

#1: HIS LUNG CAPACITY IS OUT OF THIS WORLD

• OK, this doesn’t necessarily indicate that he’s a weed fiend, but c’mon, can you imagine his inhale-capabilities? It would be a shame if he didn’t smoke weed.

Who’s The Biggest Loser In Guitar Hero’s Boy Band?

Joe — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 19:17:44 +0000

Wow. We haven't seen this many douche bags in one room since college frat parties. In attempt to promote Guitar Hero: World Tour, which hits stores on Sunday, director Brett Ratner got Alex Rodriguez, Michael Phelps, Tony Hawk and Kobe Bryant together for this Risky Business-style commercial. The promo features the rich-as-shit foursome playing music in pink button-ups and their underwear (except for vocalist Kobe, who was too shy and rocked some b-ball shorts instead).

The Pink Ladies, as we like to call them, will probably generate crazy buzz for the game, but really…could they have assembled more of an obnoxious cock-boy band? If you're like us, you probably hate each one for a different reason. Watch the video below, than vote in our poll to decide who’s the biggest douche of the bunch. Hating on a Friday, gotta love it…

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

[via Just Jared]

Olympic Rap Battle: Michael Phelps Vs. Amanda Beard

justinm — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 22:35:49 +0000

There’s blood in the water. Tuesday, on 93.7 KRQ Tucson’s “Johnjay and Rich in the Morning” radio show, Olympic swimmer and model Amanda Beard made a few sideways comments about fellow USA Olympian and national hero Michael Phelps. When asked if they were dating or had kissed, she replied, “Eww, that’s so nasty! … Come on, I have really good taste.” Phelps, who is drowning under eight fresh gold medals (not to mention endorsements and groupie love), has brushed it off, and Beard has apologized for making jokes at his expense.

Of course, Complex couldn’t let it die with such a minimal splash. We imagined the swimmers using their breath control to battle. It’s no race to the finish, just a test of rap skills. Check out the verses below and vote on who leaves who wet up.

Michael’s Verse:

Me date you? Illogical. I spear models
I wouldn't take a swim in that trim with beer goggles
Any rumor that I'd do ya is a bad joke
Not even with a bag on your head, doing the backstroke
Sorry to dash hopes, you can peck the balls
And my medal haul while I teabag you from the pedestal
See me on Wheaties, feeding the world breakfast
No medals in '08? You can get a pearl necklace
Eight golds. You don't have an eighth my fame
You were serving concessions at the Beijing Games
(Crazy lame.) My legend will lives for ages
The biggest splash you've made is in the sticky pages
My dick was gracious getting half hard for it
Mad unfortunate, half horsey bitch
Bearded lady, you can get the gas face
Then take a lap (of my crack) and tell me how my ass taste.

Amanda’s Verse:

Touch this Bunny hole? Don't even think it.
My pussy ain't a prize for the Special Olympics
Idiot, you got your golds, now swim home
Cause China stones the shit out a kid with Down Syndrome
I can’t believe anybody’d wanna sponsor
The love child of Corky and the Loch Ness Monster
Fast in the water, dumb slow on land
But quick to bust early, blow a load in your pants
And they wonder why they call you “The Baltimore Bullet”
Emptying all your rounds before you can pull it
Only in Playboy you see these buns
Practicing your best stroke: the penis pump
I see through the packaging, you're mad saccharine
Splashing in the water and lapping men
With your waxed abdomen, you part bitch
You swallow and Mark Spitz

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Jennifer Hawkins Has A Party In Her Panties

Joe — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 23:37:29 +0000

We only wish our parties would involve Jennifer Hawkins in lingerie. [Bastardly]

Travis Barker continues to dip into hip-hop, this time lending a hand to Wale. [Nah Right]

Hulk vs. Wolverine Fan Art, who takes top billing? [Bamkapow]

Michael Phelps took the L on this SI cover. [CoedMag]

Puma's paying well deserved homage to Jamaica with the Cell Meio. [Nice Kicks]

Trendhumper: Nike Windrunner Jackets

donniek — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 21:53:43 +0000

Unless there’s a Change of Heart appearance we haven’t heard about, gold-medal hogger Michael Phelps doesn’t have much in common with The Game. Until now, that is: Both Phelps and The Game were recently spotted rocking Nike Windrunner jackets.

Originally designed for all-weather running, the Windrunner is famous for its lightweight nylon construction and distinctive V-shaped design. Nike is treating its 30-year-old Windrunner template like the Air Force 1 of jackets, dropping a bunch of artist-designed and country-themed flavors, some of which will be available at its spankin’ new Soho store. Are you a Windhumper or a Winddumper? Vote below…

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Brian Berg’s Olympic Village House Of Cards

treats — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 17:07:57 +0000

Photo: The Cuso

Forget Michael Phelps’s over-exposed gold-medal wins'the real spectacle at this year’s Olympics are the stunning visuals. The light show in the opening ceremony was like Kanye West’s Glow In The Dark tour on steroids, and the whole world can’t seem to get enough of Beijing’s impressive sports structures. This week, Guinness World Record holder Brian Berg broke his own record by using 140,000 playing cards to replicate China’s Olympic Village.

Even though card stacking isn’t exactly a sport, the 33-year-old pro trumped his Cinderella's Castle from 2004 (which was 14 ft. tall), by stacking his latest creation 25 feet high. It took Berg 20 days to build the giant spectacle. Watch a video of him putting the finishing touches on the project below.

Previously: Lego Beijing Replica Takes An Olympic Effort

[CardStacker via Gizmodo]

5 Reasons We Don’t Care About Olympic Swimming

justinm — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 19:09:12 +0000

There are some compelling stories in the water at the Beijing Olympics. Freakish swimmer Michael Phelps is setting records and winning gold medals left and right, threatening to break Mark Spitz’s record of seven at a single Olympics. Dara Torres, 41, is old as well-sculpted dirt and she’s still collecting hardware in her fifth Games (her first was 1984).

But despite all the attention swimming is receiving, we’re not still not fully-sold on the sport'and we have our reasons. Check out five valid points on why we don’t give a shit about what’s going on in the pool…

#5 LACK OF FLOTATION DEVICES

You’d think the “breast stroke” would be just bags and bags of fun, but it turns out women’s swimming doesn’t really feature top heavy talent. Broad shoulders and tight pecs, yes. Call us crass, but we think a little greater resistance would be titillating.

#4 WORDS GET WET

The sounds of jeers don’t travel well underwater. What fun is watching races live if a swimmer can’t hear a fan question the sanctity of their mother’s babymaker?

#3 NO SPEEDO LIMIT

Seriously, between the photo shoots and post-race swimsuit stripping, we’ve seen way too many dudes’ glistening lower abdomens (you know, halfway down the Happy Trail). These guys couldn’t race in bubble jackets?

#2 THE GREAT WHITE HOPE

Would somebody please get LeBron a swimsuit? Props to Cullen Jones, who became only the second African-American swimmer to win an Olympic gold medal, but we haven’t seen pools this white since we discovered bukkake.

#1 THE WAXNESS

We’re all for a little waxing now and then, but looking at nothing but completely waxed women makes us feel like pedophiles. Really, it has nothing to do with what’s stored on our hard drive.

Cindy Margolis’s Breasts Are Still Incredible

Joe — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 23:01:06 +0000

Seriously…stop and stare. Those chesticles are in a league of their own. [Bastardly]

Gold medal hog Michael Phelps listens to Lil Wayne to get pumped before races. [HipHopDX]

If you're looking to carry-on the sticky-icky, check out how to get away with it. [CoedMag]

Rihanna's bikini pictures from the Barbados are a must-see. [Double Viking]

New Complex.com Features

Whitney Port talks going nude, plastic surgery and more. [LINK]

Bill Hader speaks on Tropic Thunder and world domination. [LINK]

The “other guy” in Tropic Thunder Jay Baruchel is breaking out. [LINK]