March 9th is a famous day in history. It’s the day that Biggie died, it’s the day Barbie debuted, and it’s also (now) the day that Wayne went to jail. But in 1796, it was also the day Napoléon Bonaparte married his first wife, Joséphine de Beauharnais. Although Napoleon’s true height has become a subject of recent debate, the fact that a Napoleon Complex is named after him, we’re going to go ahead and say that even in a recession we got money stacks taller than him. However, that didn’t stop him from taking over the world and wifing chicks way too tall for him anyhow. That’s why in celebration of Josephine and Napoleon’s 214th wedding anniversary, we’re taking a look at our 10 favorite short dudes who date tall chicks. Read on for the come-up.

Bow Wow & Ciara
RESPECTIVE HEIGHTS: 5′6″ & 5′10″
COMPLEX SAYS: Bow Wow somehow managed to hook up with Ciara, which was the most obvious height mismatch since a young Solange Knowles played Bow Wow’s love interest in the video for “Puppy Love.”

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Flavor Flav & Brigitte Nielsen
RESPECTIVE HEIGHTS: 5′7″ & 6′1″
COMPLEX SAYS: Yuck! We’re just glad this train wreck is over.

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Jermaine Dupri & Janet Jackson
RESPECTIVE HEIGHTS: 5′4″ & 5′4″
COMPLEX SAYS: Turns out Janet and Jermaine are actually the same height, but Janet’s affinity for high heels always gave her three of four inches over Jermaine on the red carpet. It’s either that, or she was just trying to constantly remind Jermaine how much more famous, successful, and talented she was than him.

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Martin Scorsese & Helen Morris
RESPECTIVE HEIGHTS: 5′4″ & ???
COMPLEX SAYS: Marty has been known to cast beautiful women in his films, some of whom wouldn’t dwarf him, but when you’re 5′4″ and have been married five times, best believe some of your lovers will have a few inches on you. Ayo!

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Mick Jagger & L’Wren Scott
RESPECTIVE HEIGHTS: 5′10″ & 6′4″
COMPLEX SAYS: Who cares if his girl is a half foot taller than him? His swagger is Mick Jagger. ‘Nuff said!

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Nicolas Sarkozy & Carla Bruni
RESPECTIVE HEIGHTS: 5′5″ & 5′9″
COMPLEX SAYS: Sarkozy channeled his inner-Napoleon when he went and wifed up singer/model Carla Bruni. Props to Sarkozy for bagging someone way out of his league, but he needs to watch out. Carla is known for her long list of lovers, and for breaking up Mick Jagger’s marriage. Plus she once claimed to be “bored with monogamy.” However, maybe Carla needs to keep an eye on Nic.

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Roman Polanski & Emmanuelle Seigner
RESPECTIVE HEIGHTS: 5′5″ & 5′8″
COMPLEX SAYS: Wait, we thought Polanski had a thing for girls waaay too short for him? Zing!

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Salman Rushdie & Padma Lakshmi/Pia Glenn
RESPECTIVE HEIGHTS: 5′7″ & 5′9″/6′1″
COMPLEX SAYS: Rushdie made one of the biggest downgrades ever when he got divorced from his fourth wife, Padma Lakshmi, and started dating the much taller—but way less hot—”actress” Pia Glenn.

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Tom Cruise & Nicole Kidman/Katie Holmes
RESPECTIVE HEIGHTS: 5′7″ & 5′11″/5′9″
COMPLEX SAYS: Probably the most famous example of a dude who wifes chicks who are too tall for him. That may or may not be related to him being bat-shit crazy. Maybe he’s just seeking the giant embrace of L. Ron Hubbard’s Psychlos.

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Verne Troyer & Genevieve Gallen/Ranae Shrider
RESPECTIVE HEIGHTS: 2′8″ & 5′6″/5′6″
COMPLEX SAYS: Along with being the world’s shortest man, an actor, and a recovering alcoholic, your boy Verne “Mini-Me” Troyer is also a pimp. Troyer was allegedly married to former-Playboy Bunny Gallen but later had the marriage annulled. Troyer was also involved in a sex tape with former live-in girlfriend Ranae Shrider. Yes, we’re also wondering how any of this is possible.

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Martin Scorsese’s beady little eyes are full of judgment. Perhaps you couldn’t see because they’re obscured by the wildly overgrown 1970s bush he passes off as eyebrows, but this so-called icon of film is looking down on you. In 1976’s Taxi Driver, he judged you for enjoying the pleasures of an underage junkie whore (what happened to different strokes for different folks, right?). Now, with his latest thriller anti-drug propaganda film, Shutter Island, he’d have you feel bad for using hallucinogenics at work. And how exactly is Ayo! Scott supposed to write a review without peyote, narc?

Boy-faced Leonardo DiCaprio is one of two U.S. marshals investigating the disappearance of a patient at a mental hospital—for the criminally insane!—where employees got jobs despite not being able to count all the way to 47 (there are either 46 or 47 patients and nobody seems sure which it is). Eventually, because life on an island with nutters gets boring, LDC accepts some pills from the staff, and that’s when shit gets really crazy. Dosed up, he has a long, strange bad trip and questions his own sanity as he sees horrible things, like flying papers, a burning house, and Michelle Williams with really ashy skin. Scary stuff to be sure, but the sobriety fascist’s correlation between drugs and mental instability is tired old bullshit. Seriously, Ayo! wrote all this on PCP and hasn’t jumped out the window yet. Check out the trailer for yourself below to see what Ayo! is talking about…

RELATED: Marty’s Angels: The 10 Hottest Women From Scorsese Movies

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#10: Jessica Lange
FILM: Cape Fear (1991)
ROLE: Leigh Bowden
• Lange played the tough-and-sexy wife of Sam Bowden (Nick Nolte). In the film, the Bowden family is tormented by Max Cady (Robert DeNiro), an ex-con hellbent on getting revenge on Sam Bowden. We know a lot of you were expecting us to put Juliette Lewis in this spot, but her character is 16-years-old with braces in the film. Don’t R. Kelly yourself!

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#9: Cybill Shepherd
FILM: Taxi Driver (1976)
ROLE: Betsy
• We first saw her at Palentine campaign headquarters at 63rd and Broadway. She was wearing a white dress. She appeared like an angel. However, we aren’t crazy enough to take her to a porno flick on our first date or try to shoot the president to get her attention.

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#8: Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio
FILM: The Color of Money (1986)
ROLE: Carmen
• Throughout the film, Mastrantonio manipulates her boyfriend–pool prodigy Vincent Lauria (Tom Cruise)–and at one point she even tries to seduce Fast Eddie (Paul Newman). Whatever dude, she’ll always be Scarface’s sister to us.

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#7: Cathy Moriarty
FILM: Raging Bull (1980)
ROLE: Vickie La Motta
• Jack LaMotta (Robert DeNiro) is so taken by Vickie, he actually leaves his first wife so he can be with her. He then precedes to Chris Brown her the rest of the film.

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#6: Michelle Pfeiffer
FILM: The Age of Innocence (1993)
ROLE: Ellen Olenska
• We don’t know what Scorsese was smoking when he made this one (it sure wasn’t coke, he used that when he made Raging Bull) but at least we’re glad he picked Complex Wifey Hall Of Famer Michelle Pfeiffer for the female lead. We still haven’t bothered to watch the film, but we’re content just looking at this pic.

CLICK NEXT TO SEE THE TOP 5 SCORSESE LADIES…

Bad puns aside, it turns out that this isn’t even the first zombie porno, let alone the first time someone’s done the monster mash in the flesh industry. Take a walk down memory lane with us and check out five other spooky-sex flicks…

Buffy the Vampire Layer (1996)
Starring: Kristy Myst
Plot: Busty blonde trains to seduce, kill bloodsuckers.
Trivia: She’s not the one driving the stake!

Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre (2005)
Starring: Stormy Daniels, Jessica Drake
Plot: Blair Witch x ghosts x sex
Trivia: Evidently the first porn movie shot in HD. That’s 1080 pixels of unnecessary close-ups!

Texas Vibrator Massacre (2008)
Starring: Jamie Elle
Plot: Texas Chainsaw Massacre, except instead of chainsaws, it’s vibrators. No, really! We had to watch it all the way through to find that out.
Trivia: The director, Rob Rotten, has a playlist on iTunes called “Rob Rotten’s Skate Punk.” Uh, awesome.

Spankenstein (1999)
Starring: Damian Black, as the titular Spankenstein!
Plot: A doctor creates life by applying electric sex toys to a bunch of dead body parts. Then he goes around…spanking people. With his giant hands.
Trivia: Not arousing in the least!

The Re-Penetrator (2004)
Starring: Complex favorite and Sarah Silverman-resembling Joanna Angel
Plot: A mad scientist brings a dead stripper back to life by injecting her with green goo. Very much like Cocoon, if you think about it.
Trivia: Yuck.

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