THAT’S IT! It’s 4/20, son! But instead of getting pleasantly lifted, take a few moments to think about the choice you’re making. There have been plenty of anti-marijuana public service announcements over the years, all of which are aimed at ILLUMINATING YOUNGSTERS AS TO THE DANGERS OF THE EVIL HERB. Do they succeed? It’s hard to tell—but that’s mostly because we are blazed right now. So do the math yourself and check the cavalcade of weed-hating PSAs we rolled up for you…

“GATEWAY DRUG”

What It’s Supposed To Say: Smoking weed is a fast track to meth-head status.
What It Actually Says: Yeah, weed. That’s the problem. Living in a van on the beach has nothing to do with it.

CLICK NEXT TO WATCH MORE ANTI-WEED PSAS!

It’s every little boy’s dream to one day play in the NFL, then get arrested for moving weight (no dumbbell). On Tuesday, former Denver Broncos running back Travis Henry fulfilled his dream when the Drug Enforcement Agency arrested him for allegedly taking part in a cocaine deal, serving as the money man for a multi-state drug ring.

If convicted, he faces a $4 million fine and a minimum of ten years in federal prison (Note to other RBs: That’s NOT what your coaches mean when they tell you to hit the hole). Much to the chagrin of the No Fun League, Henry is not the first pro to get wrapped up in the dope game. Check out all the league’s Most Valuable Drug Kingpins below…

MERCURY MORRIS

This member of the undefeated 1972 Dolphins caught a bad L in 1982 when he was sentenced to 20 years in prison for attempting to sell cocaine to an undercover federal agent (his conviction was overturned in 1986). Not that we should have been surprised'everybody knows M&Ms are candy-coated.

JAMAL LEWIS

In 2004, the Baltimore Ravens running back got hemmed up for conspiring to possess and distribute five kilograms of cocaine and using a cell phone to make the deal happen. He spent four months in jail, then switched his cell phone service to a company that doesn’t snitch.

NATE NEWTON
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The former Dallas Cowboy lineman was arrested with 213 lbs. of marijuana in his van in 2001. Five weeks later, he was caught moving 175 lbs. of that mean green on the Interstate, and eventually sentenced to 30 months in federal prison. Hey, when a play fails, sometimes you gotta go right back to it.

DYSHOD CARTER

A former cornerback for the Arizona Cardinals and Cleveland Browns, he was arrested in 2007 with four other men after they tried to buy seven kilos of cocaine off an undercover DEA agent. His crew also had $104,000 and a loaded AK-47 on them, which could bring a charge of listening to waaay too much Cam’ron.

TROY HAMBRICK

In 2007, this former running back for the Dallas Cowboys and Arizona Cardinals was sentenced to five years in prison for selling crack to undercover cops on several occasions. Base? That’s not even the right sport, homie.

BILL ROMANOWSKI

The former Denver Broncos and Oakland Raiders linebacker never sold drugs, as far as we know, but considering all the rage-inducing steroids he took to keep up with black players, every hit he laid on someone was like doling out the juice.

SHERMAN WILLIAMS

In 2000, this former Dallas Cowboys running back was sentenced to seven years in prison for three counts of conspiracy to distribute marijuana and a separate plea for passing counterfeit currency. On the bright side, he said his time on NFL battlefields had toughened him up for prison. See, the NFL does prepare young men for life outside the lines!

BYRON “BAM” MORRIS

In 2000, the onetime Pittsburgh Steelers, Chicago Bears, Baltimore Ravens and the Kansas City Chiefs running back pleaded guilty to two counts of Federal drug trafficking, admitting he’d moved 100 kilograms of marijuana in the Kansas City area between 1998 and 2000. One yard at a time, just like his coaches taught him.

If they end up having to change the name, we would like to suggest “Scientology Sticky.” We hear the shit is so good you’ll feel like you’re talking to Xenu!

[Rush & Malloy]