It’s April 20, and you know what that means: the 352nd anniversary of Jews being granted freedom of religion in New Amsterdam! Wait, no, that’s not the only thing. We know there’s something else we’re supposed to be remembering. Damn it, we could concentrate if those cookies didn’t smell so freaking delicious. Yooooo, why isn’t there a chocolate-chip cookie with Doritos baked right into them? Heh. “Baked.” Man, you know what we could really go for? Some Robot Chicken. That show is straight piff. Wait…that’s it! Chicken! No, wait, that’s not it either. Hold on, we gotta check the calendar again. Calendar. Calendar. What kind of word is that, anyway?
THAT’S IT! It’s 4/20, son! But instead of getting pleasantly lifted, take a few moments to think about the choice you’re making. There have been plenty of anti-marijuana public service announcements over the years, all of which are aimed at ILLUMINATING YOUNGSTERS AS TO THE DANGERS OF THE EVIL HERB. Do they succeed? It’s hard to tell—but that’s mostly because we are blazed right now. So do the math yourself and check the cavalcade of weed-hating PSAs we rolled up for you…
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Travis Henry’s football is pumped up…on cocaine!
It’s every little boy’s dream to one day play in the NFL, then get arrested for moving weight (no dumbbell). On Tuesday, former Denver Broncos running back Travis Henry fulfilled his dream when the Drug Enforcement Agency arrested him for allegedly taking part in a cocaine deal, serving as the money man for a multi-state drug ring.
If convicted, he faces a $4 million fine and a minimum of ten years in federal prison (Note to other RBs: That’s NOT what your coaches mean when they tell you to hit the hole). Much to the chagrin of the No Fun League, Henry is not the first pro to get wrapped up in the dope game. Check out all the league’s Most Valuable Drug Kingpins below…
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It’s only a matter of time until we hear a rap song called “I’m On That Tom Cruise.” Apparently the actor is pissed off about a strain of weed stocked in California’s legal cannabis clubs called “Tom Cruise Purple.” His lawyers are considering taking action because the medicine is sold with a label that shows a picture of Cruise’s crazy ass laughing hysterically. According to one “enthusiast,” “I heard it’s the kind of pot that makes you hallucinate.”
If they end up having to change the name, we would like to suggest “Scientology Sticky.” We hear the shit is so good you’ll feel like you’re talking to Xenu!
[Rush & Malloy]
