For all its annoying sanctimony about the Snooki punch last month, we have to hand it to MTV: they know we love to watch functionally retarded people whale on each other. The heads over at Viacom are no stranger to controversy, and they know that what they do best is fisticuffs. Some of the fights they’ve aired over the years have been damn near legendary asswhuppings, and it would be downright uncivilized not to recognize them. Check out, then, a nine-round brawl of the greatest fights on MTV…

Stephen slaps Irene on The Real World: Seattle
CIRCUMSTANCES Stephen hates Irene. Irene leaves and tells Stephen he’s gay. Stephen denies it, then flips the fuck out and…throws her stuffed animal in the water? And then runs to her car, opens the door, and slaps her? And then ends up getting arrested for gay prostitution later on down the road?
WHO WON? Subtly pushing someone to the boiling point by using the thing they hate most about themselves FTW!

Abe vs. Donell on Road Rules: South Pacific
CIRCUMSTANCES After rehearsing to be dancers in a gay nightclub act, Donell starts steady shit-talking about Abe. Abe tries to keep calm, but ends up making a racial crack, which is the beginning of the end.
WHO WON? No, it’s never cool to make a joke about cornbread, but cotDAMN we’re glad Donell caught a two-piece. Reformed Montana redneck all the way!

CT vs. Adam on Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Duel 2
CIRCUMSTANCES Walking Masshole stereotype CT and Adam “My Dad was in The Commodores, and All I Got Was This Caveman Face” King already had a history dating back to their tiff on Real World: Paris, but when CT’s ex-girlfriend got pissed with him and he thought Adam had ratted him out, it was ON!
WHO WON? C’mon, fam! One dude has serious anger management issues and an eight-pack. WTF you gonna do against that?

Darrell vs. Brad on Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins
CIRCUMSTANCES Tough guy Brad gets a little too drunk and steps to boxer Darrell. Uh-oh!
WHO WON? Let’s ask Brad’s broken eye socket.

Brian v. Que on Making the Band 4
CIRCUMSTANCES Que accuses Brian of putting on a show for the cameras. Brian does, uh, not take this statement well.
WHO WON? Brian. Sorry, we can’t take a dude seriously when he’s all “hold up, lemme take my cashmere scarf real quick.” That’s like half a hair away from “hold my doorknockers, I’m gonna knock this heffa out!”

Kesan v. E-6 on From G’s to Gents
CIRCUMSTANCES After some regular-season tension, E-6 was freestyling for the camera during the reunion show, and he said something that apparently didn’t sit too well with Kesan. Cue the snuffin’!
WHO WON? You kidding? E-6’s hat stayed in the air for a full second and a half afterwards.

Fred v. Ness on Making the Band
CIRCUMSTANCES Fred and Ness got into three fights that season, and this one—slapboxing gone wrong—was just one of them. We like to imagine that each one was followed by tender make-up sex.
WHO WON? Fred. No one can beat someone with crackhead strength!

Tonya v. Veronica on Real World/Road Rules Challenge::The Ruins
CIRCUMSTANCES When it comes to that alcohol sponge Tonya, who even knows anymore? And we know it’s not exactly a fistfight but hearing her repeatedly yell out “WHICH DO YOU PREFER, DICK OR VAGINA?!” is entertaining enough that we forget the lack of impact.
WHO WON? We think it’s clear: anyone who’s not Tonya is a winner by default.

Ronnie vs. local, Jersey Shore
CIRCUMSTANCES A drunk dude at the bar next to our favorite guidos transitions from rude questions to catcalls to having his girl trying to claw Ronnie’s eyes out. Ronnie handles it like a gentleman, opting instead to mush the dude in the face and pull a hockey-fight move with his OWN t-shirt.
WHO WON? The ever-chivalrous Ronnie, who somehow managed to crawl home to Sammi’s instigating ass and punk himself out all over again. Boogie Down Briddonx all day, thun!

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WHO’S THE HOTTEST GUIDETTE ON ‘JERSEY SHORE’?
THE SITUATION’S FIRST MIXTAPE

Fabolous commissions Drake for the “Throw It In The Bag” remix. [Nah Right]

Stop listening to music on your laptop speakers and get a real system like this Bose Soundlink. [Daily Drop]

These tips will help you avoid being a douche on your next plane ride. [Coed Mag]

You made it through Monday. Now go home and look at these hotties in the wild. [Double Viking]

Kid Cudi talks about The Great Hangover Tour, fashion, and his upcoming album. [Karmaloop TV]

Girls and what their pets really say about them. Finally. [Holy Taco]

Diddy will be making his own band, on the upcoming Making His Band. Clever name. [PopCrunch]

Nice Kicks is giving away a pair of Commonwealth x Reebok Omni Pump Lites. Go put in your bid. [Nice Kicks]

Chris Brown finally gives Rihanna and everyone else a real apology. [Flisted]

His new VH1 show'I Want To Work For Diddy, which premieres tonight at 9 P.M. on VH1'promises to be no different. To prepare, we remembered Diddy’s top reality show moments below.

DIDDY FORCES “DA BAND” TO FETCH HIM CHEESECAKE
Making The Band 2 (Season 2)

Diddy set the tone early with this infamous episode. In an ironic twist, Babs and Ness now clean the bathrooms at Junior’s. Full circle!

DAVE CHAPPELLE ETHERS DYLAN Chappelle’s Show (Season 2)

Diddy took a lot of humorous pot shots at Dylan during the season, but Chappelle straight buried him in his parody of MTB. Merciless.

DIDDY COINS “BITCHASSNESS” Making The Band 4 (Season 2)

OK, the T-shirts were a little much, but you can’t front on the awesomeness of the phrase (and Diddy’s verbal dressing down of the Day 26 lames).

LAURIEANN GIBSON ETHERS HERSELF Making The Band 4 (Season 1)

We couldn’t locate the classic clip of Diddy cursing out former MTB choreographer Laurieann Gibson, but we did locate Gibson’s music video…yeah, she’s trying to do her own thing now. MUST BE SEEN TO BE BELIEVED.

I WANT TO WORK FOR DIDDY TRAILER

That first contestant? Man, we really hope he/she wins.