This week, Michael Jordan will be inducted into the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame. All week long, you’re gonna be bombarded with articles about his rarefied Air, lists of his greatest shots and illest sneakers, and clips of his funniest commercials. Snore. We already know MJ is the greatest basketball player/marketing vehicle that has ever lived (Kobe, you rimmed out in Colorado)! What really makes him great is that he’s so awesome in spite of his fuck-ups (rape charges don’t count, Kobe). So, rather than slob Jordan, Complex gives you the moments that proved he was mortal. Read on to watch 10 moments MJ would probably rather forget…

Year: 1990
Lowlight: Someone steals Jordan’s game jersey in Orlando, forcing him to play in 12. Based on his slip, we’re gonna say it wasn’t his lucky number.

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Year: 1993
Lowlight: New York Knick John Starks posterizes Jordan with a dunk. OK, he didn’t actually slam the rock down on MJ, but it sure looks like he did in the poster if you squint!

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Year: 1994
Lowlight: The greatest basketball player ever retires to play minor league baseball—and is one of the shittiest players on the field.

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Year: 1996
Lowlight: Jordan gets dunked by cartoon aliens. Not dunked on—DUNKED!

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Year: 1997
Lowlight: Allen Iverson leaves Jordan cross-eyed. Fortunately no ankles were harmed in the filming of this crossover.

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Year: 1998
Lowlight: Reggie Miller and his 78 lbs. of skin and toothpicks shove Jordan back and beat him for the game-winning shot in game four of the Eastern Conference Finals. Lean back, MJ!

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Year: 2002
Lowlight: MJ misses a wide-open dunk in the All-Star game. Apparently somebody replaced the air in his Jordans with stale farts.

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Year: 2001
Lowlight: Basketball exec Jordan selects Kwame Brown for the Washington Wizards with the number one overall pick in the NBA Draft. MJ would later call KB a “flaming faggot,” helping motivate him to become one of the greatest (busts of all time).

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Year: 2001-2003
Lowlight: He was so bad as a Wizards exec that he made a comeback with the team just to help them win a few games. Despite the ticket-selling move, the team still missed the playoffs and stank like whiz.

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Year: 2006-present
Lowlight: Jordan, who still has yet to make a smart move as an executive, is currently a part-owner and Managing Member of Basketball Operations of the woeful Charlotte Bobcats. On the bright side, his team would be almost decent if they played in the NCAA!

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Jesus isn’t the only one, either. Complex believes that figures from all major religions could make Kobe look like a D-League benchwarmer. Check it out as we pit them against 24 in a one-on-one showdown. It’s holy war on the hardwood! Of course, if you’re a dismayed Kobe Bryant fanatic, keep the faith. According to most religions, miracles do happen…

KOBE VS. CONFUCIUS
• Big C doesn’t have the hops that he used to have, but he’s definitely the wiser of the two. Confucius says: Slyly throw an elbow in Kobe’s groin and walk away, letting him rant and rave until he gets himself ejected. Put that shit on a fortune cookie, sucka!

KOBE VS. MOHAMMED
• Remember how Kobe impressed LeBron James by waking up earlier than anyone else on Team USA to hit the weight room? Well, that kind of work ethic pales in comparison to Mohammed’s self-discipline. When was the last time Kobe fasted for a month? Chew on that, Mamba!

KOBE VS. BUDDHA
• Buddha gave up all his worldly possessions and lived a life of selflessness. Kobe hogs the ball and gets his 40 by jacking up 55 shots. Which one do you think teammates would harder play for? Besides, you know Phil Jackson would sell Kobe out for a little Zen wisdom (or another book deal).

KOBE VS. MOSES
• Moses parted the Red Sea to help Jews escape slavery in Egypt. How hard do you think he’d find it to split his defender? Literally!

KOBE VS. VISHNU
• Kobe has been tested by defensive experts Bruce Bowen, Ron Artest, Shane Battier, and Raja Bell, but he’s never tried to shoot with four hands in his face! You’re our boy, Blue!

KOBE VS. APHRODITE
• It’s no coincidence that the Greek goddess of love and beauty forgot her uniform in the locker room. She knows Kobe’s weakness for attacking the rim.

KOBE VS. TOM CRUISE
• OK, Kobe could definitely serve Scientology’s most recognizable advocate—but he wouldn’t if he wants to work in Hollywood again.

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Das Gamer: Take a first look at Sony Playstation 3’s Heavy Rain. [LINK]

Sneaker News: ACG Boots are the new cool. [LINK]

Bastardly: Shenae Grimes is looking amazing. [LINK]

Nice Kicks: You know you want them, but you can’t afford ‘em. Kanye’s Louis Vuitton sneakers are dropping very soon. [LINK]

On Smash: Remy Ma is still the queen, even in jail. [LINK]

SlamXHype: Comme as you are, des Garcons that is. [LINK]

Planet Xbox360: Jay-Z and Em are teaming up on a new video game. [LINK]

NBA housecleaning usually happens after the playoffs, but not for Lakers superstar Kobe Bryant and his wife Vanessa Bryant. Their former housekeeper, 48-year-old Maria Jimenez, has sued them, claiming they harassed and humiliated her and failed to provide the health insurance they’d promised her. While everyone thinks of Vanessa as a victim of infidelity, Jimenez paints a different, stinkier picture. She alleges that Vanessa verbally abused and demeaned her, once ordering her to “put her hand in a bag of dog feces to retrieve the price tag for [a] blouse.” (Note: We’re left to wonder if this is what Kobe meant when he told Marc Ecko that he doesn’t like dog shit.)

Legal proceedings will determine if any of this is true or just a woman’s attempt to get paid to shut up, but it wouldn’t be the first time an athlete had a crazy wife. With this mess in mind, Complex presents the six craziest athlete wives. And for anyone who’s about to go ape shit when they don’t see Craig Hodges’s wife Carlita (doused him with gasoline and threw lit matches at him) or Nick Harper’s wife Daniell (attacked him with a knife), we’re talking non-domestic abuse crazy. We’ve learned you can’t throw punch lines at crazy violent women without getting arrested…

SHERRIE DALY (JOHN DALY)

• Aside from allegedly attacking John with a steak knife in 2007, his fourth wife pleaded guilty to a federal charge involving a drug ring and an illegal gambling operation in November 2004 and was sentenced to a five-month prison term. She was already caught up in dirt as early as 1996 and met John in 2001, or we’d gladly make a joke about the alcoholic golfer’s liquid assets running low.

ANNA BENSON (KRIS BENSON)

• While Kris was pitching for the New York Mets in 2004-05, his ex stripper wife told Howard Stern she’d sleep with everyone on the team (including the ball boys) if her husband ever cheated on her, showed up to the organization’s Christmas party dressed like a cast member from XXX-Mas Cums Early and snidely said that Dominican General Manager Omar Minaya was putting together an all-Latino team. You know your wife is crazy when a professional baseball team that has dealt with scandals ranging from cocaine to steroids trades you because they can’t deal with her insanity anymore.

JANET JONES (WAYNE GRETZKY)

• This former actress and dancer won the lotto when she wifed the Great One in 1988. It turned out she liked games of chance a little bit too much, though. In February 2006, Janet and several NHL players were linked to a New Jersey-based sports gambling ring (the NHL forbids anyone associated with it to gamble). To her credit, she did try to shield Wayne from the scandal. For not snitching, we’ll just say she’s “crazy…in love.”

JACKIE CHRISTIE (DOUG CHRISTIE)

• Jackie stands by her man—literally. When Doug was playing for the Toronto Raptors from 1996-2000, his overprotective/suspicious/insecure wife accompanied him during interviews with certain female reporters to be sure there was no funny business. She also felt uncomfortable with female Raptors staffers having access to the players’ locker room, so Doug changed clothes in a separate locker room. As crazy as these practices are (and we haven’t even mentioned the wretchedly romantic hand signals or annual marriage ceremony), nothing trumps the time a young female fan in Toronto approached Doug for an autograph and a kiss and Jackie summoned the voice of Beelzebub and screamed on her. She shoots for three (sixes)…nothing but net!

BRENDA WARNER (KURT WARNER)

• Back when Kurt was with the St. Louis Rams in 1998-2003 and losing, his ex Marine wife used to call talk radio programs and bark on the media and Kurt’s coaches. Fine, but why’d she have to look like female Johhny Unitas while doing it?

Shaq is back! Yes, Phoenix Suns center Shaquille O’Neal is playing well after struggling through injuries that made him look like a broken down codger. But more importantly, he’s regained his shit-talking form. His latest shit storm started brewing during Tuesday night’s 111-99 loss to the Magic, when Shaq attempted to draw an offensive foul on Dwight Howard with a highly offensive flop after the Orlando center gave him a light elbow tap. The tomfoolery led Magic coach Stan Van Gundy, who coached Shaq on the Miami Heat, to say that he was shocked by the cheap move and that O’Neal should play like a man.

Never one to let his manhood be challenged, Shaq shot back that his flop reminds “master of panic” Van Gundy of his whole career. This is the press conference version of Shaq power dunking on a rival and hanging on the rim to ensure they get a nice strong whiff of his crotch funk as he teabags them. It’s good to have the big man back in full force. Hopefully he keeps it up and is even able to surpass the hilarity of these six classic emasculations…

SHAQ GIVES THE SACRAMENTO KINGS A SEX CHANGE

SHAQ-MASCULATION RATING:

• Fast forward to 2:14 to see Shaq ending the war of words between his Los Angeles Lakers and the Sacramento Kings by calling them the Sacramento Queens. (Get it? They’re either women or Sweet ‘N Low!) Personally, we would have made a joke about Sac-town not seeing clearly due to their Arabian goggles.

CLICK NEXT TO SEE SHAQ’s TASTY TREAT FOR KOBE

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The Pink Ladies, as we like to call them, will probably generate crazy buzz for the game, but really…could they have assembled more of an obnoxious cock-boy band? If you're like us, you probably hate each one for a different reason. Watch the video below, than vote in our poll to decide who’s the biggest douche of the bunch. Hating on a Friday, gotta love it…

[via Just Jared]

Though he’s always seemed like the better guy, it turns out that Shaq may be as big of a sleazebag as Kobe, if not bigger. Last Thursday, his former jumpoff, Alexis Miller (a.k.a. Maryjane, the Atlanta rapper you’ve never heard of), filed a restraining order against him, claiming he’d stalked, threatened, and harassed her after she ended their relationship. The development gives Complex pause and cause to rethink the Shaq Vs. Kobe hate debate. Check out our head-to-head comparison and cast your vote to determine who’s sleazier.

Click Here To Start The Analysis…