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Captain Knick: 5 Reasons To Get Excited About The Knicks

One way or another, the Knicks will blow up this year!

It’s been a long off-season for the New York Knicks and their number one supporter, Captain Knick (they get considerably longer when you’re eliminated from playoff contention a month into the season). After hiring new General Manager Donnie Walsh and replacing disgraced Coach and Chief Executive Officer of Sexual Harassment and Xenophobia Isiah Thomas with former Phoenix Suns coach Mike D’Antoni, there’s reason to believe something better is in store for the Big Apple.

Look, the preseason hasn’t even begun and already the Knicks are tied for first place! Before they lose a game and the shine wears off, check out five reasons Cappy is amped for the ‘08-’09 season…

Captain Knick: Isiah Thomas Gets Shafted By New Post

If recently fired ex-President of Basketball Operations Isiah Thomas’s new position with the Knicks actually had a title, his business card might read “Assistant to the Assistant to the Deputy Knicks Janitorial Assistant, Siberia Division.”

In March 2007, the head of Cablevision, James Dolan, gave Thomas a midseason multiyear contract extension because he’d already won a whopping six more games than Larry Brown, whose Knicks team had matched the franchise’s shittiest record ever one year prior. Regardless of the fact that he’s since failed to make the playoffs twice, matched that same shitty 23-59 record, splintered the team he’d assembled, and embarrassed MSG with a sexual harassment lawsuit, the money is all Zeke’s. But rather than simply pay him his money to leave, new Knicks President Donnie Walsh has given Thomas a rather unfortunate post.

Out of concern that he might further taint the franchise he guided to a 56-108 overall record (or literally try to get female employees to touch his taint), Walsh made Thomas a title-less scout/advisor. He reportedly has no office and is not allowed to speak to players. He reports to Walsh but absolutely nobody reports to him—especially nobody with a vagina, or even guys who have man-tits. It’s all pretty embarrassing for a onetime NBA superstar. After the break, Complex revisits a shameful moment in Zeke’s life that, relatively speaking, he should be proud of.

Captain Knick: Broomsday

The Knicks feel dirty while getting swept by the Celtics.

It seems like it was just last year that three of the NBA’s marquee franchises were stinking up the joint while planning big off-season fishing trips. Oh wait, it was just last year. Since then, the Boston Celtics, Los Angeles Lakers, and New York Knicks each pulled off big trades that were supposed to turn them around (Boston acquired KG and Ray Allen; L.A. stole Pau Gasol; New York admitted head case Zach Randolph to the asylum). Now the Celtics (65-16) and Lakers (56-25) are the cream of their respective conferences and favored to win the title, possibly in an epic clash between the two. The Knicks (23-58) are fiddling with their poles and feeling fishy.

Last night, the Celtics reserve players gave Ew York a Boston creampie, sweeping their season series with a 99-93 defeat while the stars rested for the playoffs. With a season-ending loss tomorrow night to the Indiana Pacers, the Knicks would tie the franchise’s record for L’s caught for the second time in three seasons. As a Knick fan, I’m Celtic green with envy. And vomit. After the jump, see highlights from the 45-point November blowout that signaled just how different the Knicks and Celtics seasons would be.

Puma x No Mas First Round NYK

Knick fans are hopeful that Isaiah will be ran out of town by the time these No Mas First Rounds drop. After locking down Boston, and L.A collabos, the only street-fashion brand with any real sports knowledge heads back home for this NY-friendly make up. Someone send Derrick Rose over some DS pairs, we need homie to run the point next year. Release date info is sketchy for now, we’ll update you as soon as we know.
$150, nomas-nyc.com

As seen in Complex’s April/May issue.