Complex Blog » Kimbo Slice

History’s Greatest Failed Sports Leagues

jerwin — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 21:36:42 +0000

After Kevin “Kimbo Slice” Ferguson’s defeat earlier this month, it was just a matter of time before the final gun went off on EliteXC, the MMA league that put on his fights. It seems even the promise of more cauliflower ears couldn’t save Elite, and yesterday they announced they were shutting down. Of course, Elite isn’t the first spin-off sports league to have “performance issues” (they couldn’t keep it up). Read on for the defunct leagues that we’re inducting into the Hall of Shame…

ELITE XC

YEARS ACTIVE: 2008
MISSION STATEMENT: CBS bets Kimbo Slice can take MMA mainstream.
HIGH POINT: Opening night on May 31, EliteXC debuted to an audience of 6.5 million on CBS.
MOMENT IT TURNED FOR THE WORSE: About 14 seconds into Kimbo’s fight with pink-haired Seth Petruzelli.
END: Two seconds after Kimbo Slice’s fight with pink-haired Seth Petruzelli.
LEGACY: You ready for Kimbo Slice kids’ books?

XFL

YEAR(S) ACTIVE: 2001
MISSION STATEMENT: Pro football x pro wrestling. NBC and wrastlin’ honcho Vince McMahon figured a few rules changes (Opening Scrambles replacing kickoffs) and cheerleaders in stripper outfits would attract both wrestling and football fans. They figured wrong.
HIGH POINT: On opening night, February 3, 2001, the league scores a 9.5 Nielsen rating for NBC’s broadcast of New York/New Jersey Hitmen vs. Las Vegas Outlaws and Chicago Enforcers vs. Orlando Rage games.
MOMENT IT TURNED FOR THE WORSE: Pretty much as soon as that first night ended (although a dislocated shoulder suffered on the initial Opening Scramble was probably a bad sign). The next week’s games scored a 4.6 rating, and the March 31 Chicago/NY-NJ matchup pulled in a 1.5 share, at that time the lowest ever for a major network primetime broadcast).
END: Less than three weeks after the season’s end, McMahon pulled the plug on the league.
LEGACY: The NFL took on a few XFL players (Tommy Maddox, Rod “He Hate Me” Smith) and some XFL innovations (sky cam); Vince McMahon no longer allowed within 200 yards of NBC offices.

WORLD FOOTBALL LEAGUE

YEAR(S) ACTIVE: 1974, half of 1975
MISSION STATEMENT: The NFL x American Basketball Association
HIGH POINT: The Philadelphia Bell average 60,000 fans for their first two home games.
MOMENT IT TURNED FOR THE WORSE: Maybe two months into the season when two franchises relocated? Or a month later when two teams folded? Nah, probably when one team’s uniforms were impounded after they didn’t pay their laundry bill.
END: Halfway through the league’s second season.
LEGACY: Dope team nicknames: Birmingham Vulcans, Shreveport Steamer, Charlotte Hornets

AMERICAN BASKETBALL LEAGUE

YEAR(S) ACTIVE: 1996-1998
MISSION STATEMENT: Girls can play too!
HIGH POINT: Signing more members of the 1996 gold medal-winning team than the WNBA.
MOMENT IT TURNED FOR THE WORSE: When they decided to go up against David Stern and the WNBA.
END: League filed for bankruptcy December 22, 1998
LEGACY: Way more Jennifer Rizzotti wet dreams than we’d care to admit to.

SLAMBALL

YEAR(S) ACTIVE: 2002-3, 2008(!)
MISSION STATEMENT: Basketball with trampolines.
HIGH POINT: When Bouncers gunner Chris Young took the nickname “Ghetto Bird.”
MOMENT IT TURNED FOR THE WORSE: Whaddaya know? In researching this blog we discovered that Slamball is back this year! With a “Championship” game November 2 no less. But given the resounding success of the first edition we’re gonna say the moment it turned for the worse was the moment they decided to bring it back.
LEGACY: Plenty of compound fractures from the let’s-try-this-at-home crowd.

5 Potential New Careers For Kimbo Slice

dscott — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 22:51:55 +0000

Well, that was quick. Only four fights into his highly publicized mixed martial arts career and Kevin Ferguson a.k.a Kimbo Slice, the street fighter turned savior of the MMA world, was knocked the fuck out on Saturday night by some no-name dude with pink highlights. In 14 seconds.

What kind of peanut butter and jelly bullshit is that, you ask? Hell if we know. But either that was a set up for a rematch or Kimbo Slice’s MMA career may be coming to an abrupt end. Now, we’re sure the people that run EliteXC won’t let him fall from grace before milking a few more dollars out of him, but if, for some reason, Kimbo felt the need to find another line of work, we have a few suggestions…

BECOME A RAPPER

Rap is all about posturing and posing. You really don’t even need to know how to cleverly put words together. All he would need to do is get a video camera and have one his duns record him taking shots at an unassuming rapper. And with Kimbo being from Miami, all he has to do is holler at Khaled, and he’ll probably get thrown on the next We The Best Music Group anthems.

BECOME A PORN STAR

Before he started fighting professionally, Kimbo was hired muscle for the Reality Kings crew, i.e. the same dudes that bring you such memorable, wholesome entertainment as MILF Hunter. It would be nothing for Kimbo to put in some work in front of the camera. [pause]We’re sure he’d be able to give Mr. Marcus a run for the crown [/pause].

BECOME A WWE WRESTLER

If Mike Tyson and Floyd Mayweather Jr. could get a spot on WWE, Kimbo would have no trouble fitting in among Big Show, HHH and Shawn Michaels. And if he’s not quite polished enough for WWE, they can always throw him in ECW. No one knows who those dudes are anyway.

BECOME A CHILDREN’S BOOK AUTHOR

Kimbo has six kids, and'not that there’s anything wrong with being an MMA fighter'we’re pretty sure he doesn’t want his youngin’s following in his steps from street fighter to ring brawler. To help guide them and other kids that may not have such a loving Pops, he could pen children books teaching kids the dangers of illegal activities. Word to Tookie.

BECOME THE 2012 VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE

If there’s one positive thing to be learned from John McCain picking Sarah Palin to be his VP, it’s that anything is possible. Anything. Anything at all. And since things are looking pretty good for Obama right now, we think Kimbo should start getting his political career in motion so that by 2012, he can be in the running for the Republican VP pick. After seeing his arrival at the Country Music Awards, we know they’d love him in the red states. And this could be the last shot for Republicans to get black voters down with the GOP.

Punch Anyone In ‘FaceBreaker’ Boxing Game

donniek — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 21:11:57 +0000

In the nearly three years since EA’s Fight Night Round 3 revolutionized boxing video games, we’ve been starving for another console puncher to hold us down until Round 4 drops in ‘09 (sorry, 2K, but Prizefighter was trash). This week, Facebreaker (360, PS3, Wii) steps into the ring, and unlike the Fight Night series, it’s a simple button-mashing cartoon brawler, not a boxing sim. That’s good news for all of us who heavily fucked with Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!! and Ring King back in the day.

Like in Punch-Out!!, the comical characters in Facebreaker play on stereotypes (the brute Russian, the Latin lover, etc.). What’s especially cool is the Photo GameFace feature, which allows you to upload real-life photos to create new characters and share them online. Looks like it’s finally time for that 50 Cent vs. Joey Crack fight to pop off. Check out the brand-new Kimbo Slice Facebreaker commercial below…

ProElite’s Pact With CBS Sends Kimbo To Primetime

sethk — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 17:30:30 +0000

Kimbo Slice, a.k.a. Kevin Ferguson, hit the mixed martial arts scene last November when he destroyed Bo Cantrell. It took Slice 19 seconds to score his first pro victory and elevate himself from Internet pit fighter to professional athlete. Now it appears he has elevated the entire sport into the mainstream. Today ProElite announced a deal to broadcast four live, two-hour fights on CBS this year. It will be the first time mixed martial arts has made it to network television. Putting the pact solely on Kimbo’s shoulders may be a bit of an overstatement. And when asked to confirm that Slice would fight on a CBS show (he has only appeared on Showtime and YouTube so far), Pro Elite p.r. responded, “Kimbo fights for EliteXC so, like all guys that fight for EliteXC, I think it means all could be appearing on either Showtime or CBS, or both, from time to time.” We don’t know why they’re even bothering to play coy. Get ready to watch Slice crack skulls on primetime.

Kimbo Slices Up Tank

complex — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 17:05:41 +0000

This past Saturday night, internet brawling sensation turned MMA superstar Kimbo Slice gave fellow striker Tank Abbot quite the beating. Looks like all that training paid off pretty well. With the crowd feverishly chanting his name, Kimbo came out swinging and knocked Tank Abbot down to the canvas within the first 30 seconds of the first round. Then a few moments later came the devastating punch that TKO’d Abbot for good.

Goldberg Goes Toe to Toe With Kimbo Slice, Kind Of

complex — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:37:26 +0000

Here’s a great clip teasing up the event that violence-seeking MMA fans have been anxiously waiting for: the February 16 EliteXC battle between backyard street brawling internet sensation Kimbo Slice and former pro wrestler Tank Abbot. Bill Goldberg took a look at Kimbo’s training routine to see the progress in turning the notorious striker into an all around mixed martial artist for his debut fight.