There’s no word that we can think of—with the exception of maybe “HoopzSexTape”—that gets us as excited as “free.” Really, who doesn’t love free shit? However, “free” always comes with a cost, as KFC, Oprah and millions of chicken-lovers recently discovered. In his entertaining book, Predictably Irrational, economist Dan Ariely writes: “Most transactions have an upside and a downside, but when something is FREE! we forget the downside. FREE! gives us such an emotional charge that we perceive what is being offered as immensely more valuable than it really is.” Companies are fully aware of this, so they’re constantly baiting us with the promise of free stuff. But more often than not, “free” turns into fuckery.

With that in mind: For absolutely FREE!, we present six examples of free giveaways gone wrong. Read on for a humorous look at marketing misfires, and remember…it’s all for FREE!

FREEBIE: CASH MONEY!
FREEBIE GIVER: CashTomato.com
WHAT WENT WRONG: In February 2008, a fledgling video-sharing site decided that it would be a swell idea to hand out free money in NYC’s Union Square Park. What ensued was like a strip-club “Make It Rain” scenario…except with bums instead of naked dancers. “There were a lot of street people,” said a CashTomato.com exec. “I didn’t expect that.” It is any wonder that the site no longer exists?

FREEBIE: TOYS!
FREEBIE GIVER: Shawty Lo
WHAT WENT WRONG: L-O’s charity Xmas toy drive turned sour when one disgruntled mom started wilin’ out. We’ll leave the commentary to a WSHH poster: Cheap broke bitch! how u gone be broke and ungrateful? i swear some women are just plane ole stupid! Nothing havin bitch should have gotten a job, where the fuck d lil faggots dad anyway? fuk u lookin for someone else to buy em toys for. dusty bunny ass broad! Yeah, what he said.

FREEBIE: YANKEE TICKETS!
FREEBIE GIVER: Pepsi
WHAT WENT WRONG: For stupid soda schemes, we were tempted to include Dr. Pepper’s Chinese Democracy stunt, but other than some slammed servers, that wasn’t a total L. We’ll reserve the 12th letter for Pepsi, who promised to give away 250 pairs of opening-day Yankees tickets to fans in Times Square and instead delivered 100 pairs of tickets to a game in June. The only thing missing was a bag of dicks.

FREEBIE: AKON CONCERT!
FREEBIE GIVER: Fields Shopping Mall in Copenhagen, Denmark
WHAT WENT WRONG: Already at over-capacity, a free mall concert featuring Akon really went haywire when some clown pulled the fire alarm, ending the show. A brief riot ensued between police and Danish girls who had spent weeks tirelessly learning how to “make it clap.”

FREEBIE: AIRLINE TICKETS!
FREEBIE GIVER: Hoover
WHAT WENT WRONG: The vacuum/washing-machine company’s 1992 promotion—free airfare in Europe and U.S. for those who spent more than £100 on Hoover products—was one of the worst marketing fiascoes ever. The company endured an estimated $72.6 million (USD) in losses (and countless “Hoover sucks” jokes) due to the harebrained giveaway.

FREEBIE: ROLE ON AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL!
FREEBIE GIVER: Tyra Banks
WHAT WENT WRONG: It was sheer bedlam outside an NYC hotel last March when thousands of would-be models starting getting brolic, leaving six injured and three arrested. We don’t know about you, but we’d watch the shit out of a show called SMACK THE SHIT OUT OF AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL.

Perhaps it’s a sign of web video overload that the release of last week’s hilariously awful Garner Fructis shampoo ad with Memphis Bleek went largely unnoticed'either that, or Bleek really is that irrelevant these days.

But in his defense, you can’t really eat off the rap game any more. And besides, Memph man is far from the first rapper to embarrass himself while endorsing a product (he is the first MC to shill for women’s shampoo, so throw up the Roc for that). We went deep into the archives to dig up the worst-ever ads featuring rappers. See our cringe-inducing collection, as well as Bleek’s awesome ad, below

RAPPER: THE FAT BOYS
PRODUCT: SWATCH
YEAR: 1985

Funny how our oldest ad is probably the least offensive. It’s also funny how the “stiff=white; fun=black” tropes haven’t changed much over the last 20 years.

RAPPER: KID ‘N PLAY
PRODUCT: SPRITE
YEAR: 1991

All we can say is: Damn, these muthafuckas are hyped for some muthafuckin’ Sprite. Give ‘em a two-liter bottle, they’re liable to start French-kissing each other.

RAPPER: MC HAMMER
PRODUCT: KFC POPCORN CHICKEN
YEAR: 1992

Seriously, who directed this ad? David Duke?

RAPPER: CHICKEN MCNUGGETS
PRODUCT: MCDONALD’S
YEAR: EARLY ‘90S

Damn, never thought we’d see the day. Those McNuggets fucking sold out, big-time.

RAPPER: REDMAN
PRODUCT: KARL KANI
YEAR: MID ‘90S

This is actually dope'we just wanted to put an example of a rapper ad done right. “Old folks put a ‘K’ on their pacemaker.” Props also go to the St. Ides collection and the mid-’90s Sprite classics.

RAPPER: SIR MIX-A-LOT
PRODUCT: TARGET
YEAR: 2005

Just goes to show that you can live off one gimmick song for the rest of your life. In other words, get ready for a “Super Glue that hooooooole” ad in about 20 years.

RAPPER: FAT JOE
PRODUCT: EASTERN MOTORS
YEAR: 2006

Here’s the equivalent of George Clooney doing a TV ad in Japan. Don’t think we weren’t gonna find this, Joey! We actually have mad love for Eastern Motors and their awesome jingle. This is worth a look for Joe’s awesome acting skills.

RAPPER: DIDDY
PRODUCT: SEAN JOHN UNFORGIVABLE COLOGNE
YEAR: 2007

What’s worse: (1) how seriously Diddy takes himself in his cologne ads, or (2) how flagrantly Ryan Leslie has swagger-jacked Puff’s whole steez. We’ll go with number two.

RAPPER: KANYE WEST
PRODUCT: ABSOLUT VODKA
YEAR: 2008

This shit is so aggressively “hip” that it’s aggressively wack. You know this ad took the brainpower of 16 white people in khaki pants, along with two “urban” kids hired to consult them. Viral our ass!

RAPPER: MEMPHIS BLEEK
PRODUCT: GARNIER FRUCTIS
YEAR: 2008

Bleek can’t be struggling for money (Hov!), so we wonder how this collabo was born. Our best guess is that Bleek was drunk and high at a club and unwittingly signed on as some balding ad exec pitched him while dancing awkwardly to “Big Pimpin.’” Something like that.