Sports 7 Religious Figures Who Would Shut Kobe Bryant Down

Few Kobe fans remember the miracles Jesus could work with a roundball.

Sports are big on hyperbole, but Denver Nuggets coach George Karl went steroidal and sacrilegious with his when, after losing the Western Conference Finals to the Los Angeles Lakers, he told reporters, “I think Jesus would have had trouble covering [Kobe Bryant].” There’s no question that 24 is crazy nice, but we wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s a basketball god, or even the son of a basketball god. If we had to wager, we’d put money on J.C. completely shutting Black Mamba down. After all, Jesus is said to have turned water to wine. What’s to prevent him from turning a well hydrated Kobe into a 60-percent-alcohol mess? Kobe might still spin and fade away, but the only rim he’d hit is the toilet bowl (and even that would be a feat with that much adult grape juice in him).

Jesus isn’t the only one, either. Complex believes that figures from all major religions could make Kobe look like a D-League benchwarmer. Check it out as we pit them against 24 in a one-on-one showdown. It’s holy war on the hardwood! Of course, if you’re a dismayed Kobe Bryant fanatic, keep the faith. According to most religions, miracles do happen…