GIADA DE LAURENTIIS
• One thing’s for sure—the hottest girl on the Food Network can definitely smell what the fuck she’s cooking.

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TRACEE ELLIS ROSS
• Girlfriends was the perfect show for fetishizers. Tattoo lovers got Persia and nose-ass lovers got Tracee.

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SOFIA COPPOLA
• Sofia’s an Oscar-winning director, a Louis Vuitton bag designer, Francis Ford Coppola’s daughter, and our not-so-secret crush. Wifey for real!

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PARIS HILTON
• That hooked nose screams aristocratic bitch/secret S&M queen. We’re down.

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KERI HILSON
• We’ll assume that having a beak nose means she has bird tendencies. Brrrrrrrr!

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AMEESHA PATEL
• This Bollywood star has one hell of a schnoz. Wonder what we can fit in there…

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JESSICA SIMPSON
• Big nose, big eyes, big hair, all-big everything…

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LEONA LEWIS
• Leona’s big, beautiful nose was a big, beautiful target for a crazy fan yesterday. Who the fuck snuffs female soul singers? SMH.

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LADY GAGA
• Crazy gear? Check. Questionable grill? Check. Possible hermaphrodite? CHECK! And now this. Fuck it, we’re gaga for Gaga anyway.

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BONUS: MISS PIGGY
• Don’t lie, you thought she could get it when you used to watch The Muppet Show. Who doesn’t love pork?

• CLICK HERE TO SEE MORE COMPLEX GIRLS POSTS!

She’s fat, she’s skinny, she’s a blond, she’s a brunette, she’s dating this douchebag, she’s dating that douchebag…we can hardly keep up with Jessica Simpson these days. But when it comes to this month’s Vanity Fair cover girl, one thing’s for certain—well, two things really: We’ll just never tire of ogling the breastest singer in pop.

To that end, we’ve compiled an unfuckwittable collection of Ms. Simpson’s greatest pictures—and boy, there sure are a lot of them. Get your click-finger ready for The Hottest Jessica Simpson Pics of All Time…

GQ, 2005

Click NEXT TO SEE MORE HOT PICS OF JESSICA!

Peep this KiD CuDi performance left over from SXSW. [Nah Right]

Check out these mugshot illustrations of G.I chicks. [Bamkapow]

Converse continues to make rock-themed Chuck T’s. Here’s the Pink Floyd version. [Nice Kicks]

This vegetable-made car is retarded. [Like Cool]

This road kill carpet is perfect for the veteran outdoorsman. [Like Cool]

Winter wifey or just a tease? Either way, she's ok to look at. [DoubleViking]

Kanye West jumps on a Teriyaki Boyz track and does Nigo and Pharrell a favor. [Nah Right]

The grape Supra Cruzier's are available now, get them here for $80. [Daily Drop]

Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo is under a lot of pressure lately, and no, this time it’s not because a beastly defense is gang raping him. Last season was cursed by controversy as star receiver Terrell Owens claimed that Romo was conspiring to not throw him balls that he could in turn drop (yes, the same Owens who showed public support for his QB a year earlier by crying when the press criticized Romo for losing yet another playoff game). Such turmoil may have led to the Cowboys getting reamed 44-6 by the Philadelphia Eagles in their final game, putting an exclamation point on a late season collapse.

This week, Romo caught more flak as teammates anonymously bitched that his inconsistent practices affected game day chemistry and Hall of Fame Cowboy Troy Aikman called him out for not taking the biggest job in Texas seriously enough. The ’90s star said that Romo should know that, regardless of whether or not he was prepared for his playoff game, vacationing with Jessica Simpson in Mexico on a bye week last year gave people the perception that he isn’t focused on winning (and that he loves these hos, a definite no-no in professional sports).

As a result of all the cow shit being shoveled on him, Romo spoke to the Dallas Morning News and vowed to be a more active leader next year. Complex has five steps that ‘Mo will have to take to lead the Cowboys to glory.

1. Spend less time sucking face with Jessica Simpson (or whichever blonde tackling dummy he’s replaced her with) and spend more time tonguing down his attention-starved teammates. Romo needs to understand that, like all women, T.O. has needs.

2. Concuss Troy Aikman in the hopes that he’ll retire from broadcasting when he can no longer form simple sentences, remember clichés or reminisce about the D’s ’90s glory days while shitting all over Romo.

3. If T.O. gives him even the slightest problem, replace his usual protein powder with ultra weight gainer. Owens may cry more than usual but there’s no way he’ll draw attention to himself when he’s developed super-sized Texas man tits.

4. Include teammates in his fraternity karaoke sing-alongs. On-field harmony begins with getting together with as many big sweaty dudes can fit in a private room and hitting high notes while doing belly shots off each other.

5. Stop looking like a fresh faced pushover and start looking like a man who has the balls to play under center in Dallas. It’s time Romo grew some real stubble. Brett Favre is proof that the more grizzled you look, the less likely people are to call you out when you display an historic ability to complete passes to the other team.

The Lone Star State’s on our mind this week for a couple reasons. One, the habitually slept on Friday Night Lights with Minka Kelly (above) starts its third season on Friday, and two, next Tuesday the state gets its village idiot back from Washington. To celebrate these two developments, we present the hottest women in that hot state’s history.

Click here to see who the 9 hottest Texan women are.

There’s something else we can handle, and that’s photos of what InTouch Magazine called “Hollywood’s Greatest Rack.” Take a break from whatever it is that you’re doing and check out the breast moments in Jessica Simpson’s recent history…

[Click on any set of boobs to see the full image]

#5: DRUNK AT MARC JACOBS’s PARTY IN NYC, September 2008:

#4: IN ESQUIRE MAGAZINE, May 2008

#3: AT THE MET FOR THE COSTUME INSTITUTE GALA, May 2008

#2: PUSSYCAT LOUNGE 2ND ANNIVERSARY IN VEGAS, May 2007

#1: “I CAN’T FEEL MY SHIRT”: Out and about in Los Angeles, April 2007

Thanks in advance to the producers and analysts who allow the broadcast to be sidetracked by this bullshit. While you try to focus on the actual game action, check out ten of of the most discussed athlete-starlet couples and vote on which is the most annoying.


San Antonio Spurs point guard Tony Parker & Eva Longoria

New Orleans Saints running back Reggie Bush & Kim Kardashian

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady & Gisele Bundchen

Los Angeles Galaxy midfielder David Beckham & Victoria Beckham

New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez & Madonna

Retired tennis pro Anna Kournikova & Enrique Iglesias

Mixed martial artist Tito Ortiz & Jenna Jameson

New York Islanders center Mike Comrie & Hillary Duff

IndyCar racer Dario Franchitti & Ashley Judd

With the release of her new video “Come On Over,” JS is pitting herself against nubile teen starlets like Taylor Swift. Does she still have what it takes to stand out amongst Nashville’s leading ladies? Check out her competition after the jump…

Carrie Underwood

The multi-platinum American Idol winner was linked to Jessica's current boyfriend, Dallas Cowboy's quarterback Tony Romo, from 2006-2007. So the sloppy seconds factor puts Simpson down 0-1 already.

Miranda Lambert

With two Grammy nominees under her belt, this Texas native matches talent with beauty. Her Crazy Ex-Girlfriend album title presents a bit of a red flag for us, but there's no way she could be as much of a headache as Joe Simpson.

Kellie Pickler

Another American Idol alum, Kellie Pickler is the beauty with the most cred out of the group. With her dad being an alcoholic and drug addict who's been jailed multiple times, she's probably one seriously down-ass chick.

Jennifer Nettles

Nettles is best known for lending her vocals to Bon Jovi's 2006 smash hit “Who Says You Can't Go Home.” She was recently-divorced and is now living single in Georgia, on the rebound.

Taylor Swift

At 18 years old, Swift is the fresh-meat of the country scene. We know that sounds really sleezy, but we’re just following the law, folks. Plus, she has that free-spirited hippy vibe, so we’re hoping she’s into that whole “free love” business.

Lance Armstrong and Oakley teamed up on a pair of shades Dog Chapman would go nuts over. [Acquire]

'Ye's letting everyone know he's more focused than ever since the passing of his mom, and is staying up till 3 a.m being creative. [Kanye's Blog]

And you thought the NYC-subway system was crowded; The Japanese have it much tougher. [Holy Taco]

We're guessing this big F you statue is American Apparel founder Dov Charney's response to Woody Allen's recently filed lawsuit. [Animal NY]