There’s no way Complex is waiting three years for the film (film!), so we’ve taken the liberty of providing a few updated casting choices, complete with references to the original actresses. So please, kick back with some SPF 40 and a Piña Colada and enjoy our picks for the Girls of the New Baywatch Movie. Just don’t bring your Vaseline to the beach, homies. You know, sand and such…

Marisa is America’s current All-American blond beach girl and Pam was America’s original All-American Canadian blond beach girl. Sounds like a (near) perfect match to us.
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Does this mean we can also go ahead and pencil Audrina in for the inevitable BASEketball remake before she fades into obscurity? If there’s a god it does!
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OK, so this isn’t such an exact match, but we had to have Jessica in the list and she can be the mature (ha!), intelligent (hee!), reasoned (please stop us) member of the crew. Minus the man’s haircut.
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Burns’ original character’s name was Jessie Owens; Rafaeli only gets the job if she does the high jump…oh who are we kidding. If she can pass our mouth to mouth exam, she’s in.
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Look, tokenism in Hollywood sucks and it isn’t anything new, and we hate to reinforce it…almost as much as we like looking at pictures of model/video chick K.D.
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Carmen’s got a mix of Irish, German, and Cherokee ancestry; Kim’s Armenian, Scotch, and Dutch. How different would the world be if Carmen had grown up when it was acceptable to have a great big beautiful ass?
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The show’s name was changed to Baywatch Hawaii when Stacy joined the cast in ‘99, a nod to her homestate. We’ll call it Baywatch Trailer Park as long as our hot Hawaiian homegirl Jarah agrees to be a part of it.
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Kelly’s character’s last name was “Giminski.” We’ll give Hayden a more eloquent surname in our version.
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Mitzi played Alex Ryker, the mother hen of the Baywatch crew. Rachel can sit on our eggs any time she wants.

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Eleniak was the original blond Baywatch Babe, before Pam Anderson joined the cast and stole the show in season three. We’re hoping that Scar-Jo’s skinny-dipping swim scene in He’s Just Not That Into You was just a warm up…not that we watched that movie.

The abstinence rock song is amazingly terrible. [Holy Taco]

Who doesn’t love jello wrestling babes? [CoedMagazine]

Pharrell and Fam-Lay get their work up. [Nah Right]

Consider this the NotCot of pretty girls. [DoubleVikingHotties]

Our sneaker homies spend five minutes with Terry Kennedy. Pause. [Nice Kicks]

Monica Cruz looks hotter than ever. [Lossip]

Eminem and Jimmy Kimmel are holding a concert for the unemployed. [PopCrunch]

Neighborhood Knockout: Kristen Bode [Flisted]

We’ve all seen Britney Spears’s up-skirts. Cameron Diaz’s modeling nudes, too. Now, at long last, we get to see another one of Justin Timberlake’s chicks bare-ass. That’s right, this weekend we finally get to watch Jessica Biel dancing topless in her new movie Powder Blue. She plays a single mom who strips to pay for her injured son’s hospital bills, and hers is one of four interwoven stories about coping with loss seeing Jessica Biel naked.

We can’t think of a better way for her to expose herself than playing a stripper (trust us, we thought long and hard on it). Biel is continuing a great tradition of actresses hitting the pole for roles—and we don’t mean on the casting couch. In honor of her glorious reveal, Complex remembers the best starlet stripteases in movie history. Enjoy, and maybe wait a while before you stand up and walk around the office…

KIM BASINGER, 9 1/2 Weeks
• Joe Cocker? We hardly know her! (But yes, definitely.)

KEEP CLICKING NEXT TO SEE ALL THE SEXY CLIPS!

Keep holding your breath, America: Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are not engaged! JT addressed the rumors that we were completely unaware of on Oprah Friday–but that didn’t stop JB from, uh, going diamond shopping (we can pass along secondhand news as well as anyone, thun!). Presumptuous or not, it raises the inevitable question: is Biel a wifey or a trifey? Check out reasoning below, then vote for yourself…


WIFEY: She’s Turned On Her Heartlight
As co-founder with her father of the Make the Difference Network, she tries to connect small charity organization with donors–because everyone deserves a chance. We agree, but she just won’t answer our e-mails.

TRIFEY: …And Her High Beams
One too many wet-clothes Roles for our comfort. Not that we don’t enjoy watching them, we just don’t know if we’d be so down with the Nippledemus & Pliers act if we were her man. Diddly-whoa-oh-ohhhh!

CLICK NEXT TO SEE MORE HOT PICS OF JESSICA BIEL

Click Here To Start The Countdown…

Yesterday, Jessica Biel wrote a lengthy blog for her first entry, introducing herself to the blogosphere via MySpace. Sure, it was mostly shameless self-promotion of her upcoming projects, but at least it sounds like she’s actually writing it and not having her assistant handle the posts like some other A-listers. But JT’s wifey isn’t the only web-savvy woman out there. After the jump, we compiled some of the 'net’s best part-time she-bloggers and rated their skills.

OLIVIA MUNN’S MYSPACE BLOG

Watching the brilliant G4 personality (and former Complex cover girl) on cable isn’t enough. Olivia satisfies the never-ending appetitie for her goofy antics, and rampant sexual innuendos.
RATING: 5/5

LILY ALLEN’S MYSPACE BLOG

The British pop-singer that generated most of her buzz on MySpace is always wired to the net. Lily religiously updates her blog in a personal diary style sharing thoughts about her personal life'misscarriage, public intoxication, and doesn’t hesitate to e-thug every now and again.
RATING: 3.5/5

ALYSSA MILANO’S MLB BLOG

Since retiring from Who’s The Boss, the throwback hottie analyzes developments with the LA Dodgers ball club on her blog titled “Touch ‘Em All”. Her bases are loaded, trust.
RATING: 3/5

CASSIE’S MYSPACE BLOG

Cassie is a stunna. So the best way for her to blog is through video clips where the goddess can be seen and heard. Watch with the volume up or down, it really doesn’t matter.
RATING: 4.5/5

OFFICIALKIMKARDASHIAN.COM

Keeping up with our favorite Kardashian just got easier via RSS, nuff said.
RATING: 5/5