For those too young to remember, or were too rocked during this part of American History or Social Studies class, Deep Throat was the guy who anonymously tipped off two Washington Post reporters to the Watergate scandal that brought down Richard Nixon. In Honor of Mr. Felt’s legacy, we’ve compiled a list of the most infamous snitches in American history…

THE ORIGINAL SNITCH

Name: Joseph “Joe Cago” Valachi
Snitched On: The Genovese crime family. He was the first Mafia member to testify that an actual Mafia existed.
Consequence: The Mafia was no longer invisible to the world. After an attempted jail cell suicide, Valachi died of a heart attack in 1971.

THE PRIME-TIME SNITCH

Name: Chris Hansen
Snitched On: Potential child molesters on To Catch a Predator
Consequence: Dudes getting completely embarrassed on national television. Many families torn apart. Chris Hansen’s inflated self worth.

THE UNTOUCHABLE SNITCH

Name: LeRoy “Nicky” Barnes
Snitched On: 109 Harlem drug associates, including Gary Fisher.
Consequence: Most of Harlem’s drug lords were locked up and Nicky Barnes was released into witness protection.

THE HIP-HOP SNITCH

Name: James “Lil Cease” Lloyd
Snitched On: Lil’ Kim. After being subpoenaed, Cease testified against Kim’s assertion that she wasn’t at the scene of the ‘05 Hot 97 shooting with her two friends Damion “D-Roc” Butler and Suif Jackson.
Consequence: Lil’ Kim sentenced to a year in prison. Kim’s pre-prison album awarded 5 Mics by the source, BET gives her a reality show and Lil’ Cease still has no career.

THE BITCH SNITCH

Name: Linda Tripp
Snitched On: Monica Lewinsky with phone calls that were recorded without Lewinsky’s knowledge. And Kathleen Willey. Yeah, we didn’t know Billy smashed her either.
Consequence: Do we really gotta tell you?

THE ANIMATED SNITCH

Name: Spongebob Squarepants
Snitched On: Best friend and neighbor Patrick after they both stole a balloon on free balloon day.
Consequence: None. It’s Spongbebob Squarepants.

THE SORE LOSER SNITCH

Name: José Canseco Capas, Jr.
Snitched On: Jorge Delgado, Damaso Moreno, Manuel Collado, Mark McGwire, Jason Giambi, Rafael Palmeiro, Iván Rodríguez, and Juan González in his book “Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant ‘Roids, Smash Hits & How Baseball Got Big.”
Consequence: Ruining the Hall of Fame prospects of certain players, bringing about the Mitchell Report and being an overall douche bag.

THE WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND SNITCH

Name: Salvatore “Sammy the Bull” Gravano
Snitched On: John Gotti and the Gambino Crime Family
Consequence: John Gotti sentenced to life imprisonment. After entering the witness protection program, Gravano moved to Arizona, where he wrote a book and started selling over 25,000 ecstasy pills a week with a local white supremacist youth gang known as the “Devil Dogs.” He got caught and is now serving 19 years in prison. He was snitched on. Ha!

THE NEPOTISTIC SNITCH

Name: Jesse Jackson, Jr.
Snitched On: Rod Blagojevich for helping deny his wife the job of director of the Chicago’s Lottery Commission.
Consequence: Blagojevich looking like an extra, extra grimey dude after getting caught trying to sell Obama’s Senate seat. We’ll have to see if the criminal charges stick.

Look, it’s only corruption if you get caught. If we threw every politician in the bing for pay-for-play tactics, we’d have no government! How is a Joe the Plumber supposed to financially compete with a Mike Bloomberg if there’s no money-for-favors options?! Sheesh. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. With that said, there’s clearly an art to avoiding the wrath of prosecution and I gotta give it up to the slime balls that stay low-pro. So lets reflect on some of the most high-profile corruption suspects of ‘08 that couldn’t stay off the paydar….

5. SENATOR NORM COLEMAN (R-MN.)

You seen homie’s dentures? You know them bitches cost more than a flight to Minneapolis. Plus he’s in a dead-heat recount with the Saturday Night Live guy. He called up some of his CEO riders and they hit him with a loan. Scared money don’t make money!

4. REPRESENTATIVE JESSE JACKSON JR. (D-ILL.)

I don’t know, I smell a setup with this one. They say he offered the Governor of Illie a-millie for the senate seat, but c’mon, you know Obama’s been gunning for the Jackson clan ever since Senior made that homo-erotic statement on FOX. They knew lil’ Jessie would fall for the bait to redeem his family name. But he’ll need one helluva Rainbow Coalition to paint this scenario in favorable light.

3. SENATOR TED STEVENS (R-AK.)

I feel like once you hit 80 you’re not entirely responsible for decision-making. Even so, I think Stevens saw how our elders have been abandoned with all the evaporating 401K saving plans. Being the shrewd capitalist that he is, Grandpa Ted took a couple donations to put money away for his grandkids so they can run for office in 20 years. Duh.

2. GOVERNOR ROD BLAGOJEVICH (D-ILL.)

This guy. Even for a jaded cynical asshole like myself, I was somewhat surprised by his sinister hustle. Pronounced Blog-oya-vich, this fund raising titan desperately wanted to be Al Capone. He tried to pull back funding for a Children’s Hospital because the CEO wouldn’t hit him with 50 stacks?! Damn, that’s gangsta!

1. VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY (R-WY.)

So let me get this right. After eight years of indiscriminate war-profiteering, the only thing that Dick gets charged with is some indirect association to an abusive private prison? He shook that indictment off like “bitch please” and went back to his kill-for-cash program. Who said crime doesn’t pay?