3/16/09: JENNA JAMESON GETS NEW TWINS
• When you leave porn, remove your implants, and get pregnant, it’s all but cosmically ordained that you will have twins. In this case, the undisputed queen of ’90s skin flicks popped out Jesse and Journey Jett, and by sticking with the double-J pattern of her own nom de freak all but ensured that her daughter would continue the cipher in 18 to 20 years. Tempting fate is a motherfucker…literally!

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3/17/79: STORMY DANIELS BORN IN BATON ROUGE, LOUISIANA
• You know in The 40 Year Old Virgin when Paul Rudd brings the box of porn over to dude’s house, and then he eventually tries to—oh, let’s just say “pleasure himself”—to a movie called Space Nuts? Yeah, that’s where you’ve seen her before. Also, the ragin’ (boner-inducing) Cajun may end up being a senator!

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3/17/80: KATIE MORGAN BORN IN LOS ANGELES
• It’s the classic Hollywood story: Home-schooled girl with genius-level IQ grows up in Porn Valley; girl gets busted at 20 transporting 100 pounds of weed into the country from Mexico; girl gets into porn to pay off plea bargain; girl becomes a taut helium-voiced breakout star; girl fully crosses over, getting a series of HBO shows and documentaries about her. Please to notice that we didn’t say “cockumentaries.” Because we’re 100% class.

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3/21/22: RUSS MEYER BORN IN SAN LEANDRO, CALIFORNIA
• So you’re 14, and your divorced mother pawns her wedding ring to buy you an 8mm camera. What do you do? Become the greatest sexploitation director of all time, of course, and make a career out of casting impossibly buxom women to roll around with each other in gloriously cheesy movies. So thank you, Russ Meyer—thank you for blazing that trail. It may not have led to the Oscars, but it certainly shaped the sensibility of this very website.

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3/21/07: KIM KARDASHIAN’S SEX TAPE RELEASED
• We’re not saying we’ve seen Kim Kardashian, Superstar, we’re just saying that Reggie’s a lucky man. And that T-Pain was right. AYOOOO!

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• CLICK HERE FOR MORE COMPLEX MOVIE POSTS!

You know most of these dudes have taken major L’s in the cage. So what do you do after you get your ass handed to you? Well, luckily for some of these guys, after they take that ass-whooping, they have someone to make them feel (slightly) better. Turns out MMA fighters happen to have some really hot WAGS to go home to. Kinda makes you want to become a MMA fighter, right? Well, check a few of the hottest ones below…

10. SABLE (BROCK LESNAR)
• Remember the sexy wrestler girl from WWE Smackdown? Yeah, she’s up there in age, but she still has that body.

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9. TEA ARIADNE (WANDERLEI SILVA)
• We’d try to holla, but she’s married to the Axe Murderer. Not trying to get hacked to bits here!

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8. BRITTNEY PALMER (DONALD CERRONE)
• She’s an MMA fighter in the making herself. Check her out as she trains—looks like she’s got a one-two punch, and we wouldn’t fight too hard if she had us in a rear naked choke.

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7. MARINA (FEDOR EMELIANENKO)
• You know what they say about Russian Girls—something we don’t understand. Who cares though, Mrs. Emelianenko doesn’t look bad at all!

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6. KIM COUTURE (RANDY COUTURE)
• You might know Mrs. Couture, because she’s an MMA fighter as well. Just look at her stance. She’s ready to knock some teeth out!

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5. MELISSA PELLEGRINO (KURT PELLEGRINO)
• Blonde with a Colgate smile! What? Of course we ain’t gonna say nothing sideways about Mel-Pelle—her husband could kick our ass.

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4. SHEALEN UAIWA (BJ PENN)
• His chick is hot, but we’re kinda intrigued by this BJ pen. So it writes, too?

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3. JENNIFER MIR (FRANK MIR)
• Not only is she bad (as in good), but she saves MMA careers. What a woman!

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2. JENNA JAMESON (TITO ORTIZ)
• Any time you date one of the hottest girls of the porn game, be prepared to be hated on. Although there’s probably only so much hate a guy who pummels people’s skulls for a living has to put up with.

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1. FEITICEIRA (VITOR BELFORT)
• Her name is Portuguese for “witch”—put a spell on us? Yes!

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BONUS: MONICA GELLER (PETE)
• In this episode of Friends, Monica’s boyfriend (played by Jon Favreau) decides to become an MMA fighter. Lesson Learned: Don’t get your ass lumped up in front your woman.

RELATED:
• THE TOP 50 MMA DOMINATIONS OF ALL TIME
• THE 100 HOTTEST WOMEN OF THE 2000s

Using hot chicks on skate decks goes back to the beginning of time, and while a definitive history would border on impossible, check out a breakdown of our favorite Hot Famous Chicks on Skateboards below…

Rosa for Shorty’s: (1990s)
Shorty’s pimped out Rosa like crazy in the ’90s—she was on every poster, catalog, skate shop wall and deck. She even made it to video.

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Claudia Schiffer for Blind’s Jason Lee pro model (1992)
Illustrator/artist Sean Cliver put this image together for Jason Lee’s signature board. Chances of Claudia having officially signed off? We’re going to take the over/under on “not so high.”

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Kobe Tai and Heather Hunter for Birdhouse (Late ’90s)
Birdhouse liked Lee’s model so much, they got Cliver to come over and do some Vivid girl graphics for them a few years later. Kobe Tai and Heather Hunter: you will always have a place in our pre-pubescent hearts.

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Bettie Page for Stink Skateboards (2000)
Before the Internet really got poppin’ you could make a T-shirt or skateboard out of anything and by the time they found you with that cease and desist order, you were already sold out. RIP Ms. Page.

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Jenna Jameson for Zoo York (2008)
Jenna started her adult career in 1993, the same year Zoo got on its feet. Fifteen years later, the two went in on a collab. Jenna leant her boobs, Zoo lent the wood. Sold out right away, but there’s always eBay.

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Yuko Ishida for Manik and Kiks TYO (2009)
These decks were put together for Kiks TYO’s 3rd anniversary and feature Japanese pop starlet Yuko Ishida. Hit up Goods in Seattle if you’re looking, they might have some of these left in the back room.

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Sunny Leone, Nikki Jayne, Hanna Hilton and Meggan Mallone for Control MFG (2009)
The Vivid girls teamed up with the obscure Canadian skate company Control MFG last year for a Jan. 2009 team series. Getting your name plastered all over the porn “fan sites” is one way to get your name out there.

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Kate Moss for Glimmer Skateboards (2009)
We’re not co-signing Glimmer Skateboards at all, but we figured there had to be a Kate Moss deck out there somewhere. If you were wondering, here it is. Oh Dissizit also jumped on the “Kate Moss clipart” tip and made these in 2008.

SUNRISE ADAMS
Game: Backyard Wrestling 2
Character: Herself! Except instead of having rough sex for money, she kicks your ass for the fun of it.
Most Recent Adult Title: Virtual Vivid Girl: Sunrise Adams. We’re glad that came out, so we didn’t have to mention her last movie, Slit Happens. Oops, we just did!

JENNA JAMESON
Game: GTA: Vice City, Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4
Character: Pornstar Candy Suxxx and an unlockable skater named Daisy, respectively. Did we really need that “respectively” in there?
Most Recent Adult Title: Being Jenna. Apparently, doing girls-only titles is a convenient sidestep around that whole “I’m retiring from porn!” thing.

RON JEREMY (sorry, sorry!)
Game: Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude
Character: A fairy who gives Larry tips and advice. Tip #1: Don’t trust a fairy with a nine-inch cock.
Most Recent Adult Title: Gloryhole Confessions. Seriously? Gross.

KIM KARDASHIAN
Game: Facebreaker
Character: Herself! She’ll take shots to the face if you play your cards right.
Most Recent Adult Title: Kim Kardashian, Superstar. Don’t blame us, we’re not the ones who let a munchkin film us giving dome!

TERA PATRICK
Game: Saints Row 2, Backyard Wrestling 2
Character: An microbiologist named, uh, Tera Patrick in the downloadable mission “Ultor Exposed” and herself as a roof-diving wrasslin’ dynamo.
Most Recent Adult Title: Sex In Dangerous Places. Like Even Seinfeld’s house? That dude’ll cut ya.

GINGER LYNN ALLEN
Game: Wing Commander II and Wing Commander Prophecy
Character: Chief Technician Rachel Coriolis
Most Recent Adult Title: Three releases this year–at the age of 46!–including Cougar Club 2, White Mommas, and When Ginger Met Nina. Hopefully, her going rate includes a senior discount.

RIO (nee TINA YUZUKI)
Game: The latest game in the Ryu Ga Gotoku Yakuza franchise
Character: A cabaret hostess, from the sound of things (fingers crossed!)
Most Recent Adult Title: The inexplicably titled Maison S1 Hotel Annex, Come For Shiofuki And Orgies.

Heartbreaker? Really, Jenna? We were expecting a slightly more memorable name from the woman who has starred in adult classics like 1995’s Smells Like…Sex. If you were Jenna’s marketing advisor, what would you call it?

TELL US YOUR SUGGESTIONS IN THE COMMENT SECTION BELOW…

This graphic, created by The CollaBros, is limited to 500 pieces and dropping at select skateshops for $75 this month. Or, save your money and Click Here to find out how to win one for free. Your choice. See more pics of the deck below…

Think Sarah Palin is scary? We agree'scary sexy, that is! So of course we’re eagerly awaiting the release of Hustler’s new politico-porno Who’s Nailin’ Paylin? starring VPILF lookalike Lisa Ann. And with the news that shooting had begun this weekend (complete with appearances from Bill Orally, Hilly Clinton and Condi Rice), we got to thinking: What other female politicians would we like to see featured in their own gonzo flick? See our wish list below…

TITLE: “NANCI GETS POLEOSIED”

STARRING : Sasha Grey as Squirter of the House Nancy Poleosi
TAGLINE: “Negotiations go long and hard as Congress’ most-liberal rep meets various heads of state!”

TITLE: “ON THE CAMPAIN TRAIL WITH JANITT REAMO”

STARRING : Belladonna as Asstorney General Janet Reno
TAGLINE: “The nation’s former top cop puts 1000 new cops on the streets'and between her cheeks!”

TITLE: “HILLARY ROD’EM CLIT’IN”

STARRING: Shyla Styles as Hillary Rodham Clinton
TAGLINE: “Fighting for women’s rights'to get fucked by other chicks!”

TITLE: “PUTTING IN WORK WITH ELAINE CHAO”

STARRING: Maria Ozawa as Labor Secretary Elaine Chao
TAGLINE: “The longest-serving member of the Bush Cabinet isn’t afraid of the longest members!”

TITLE: “BETTE SUCKIN’”

STARRING: Jenna Jameson as Ohio’s 13th District Congresswoman Betty Sutton
TAGLINE: “Betty’s eager to know her dickstrict!”

Thanks in advance to the producers and analysts who allow the broadcast to be sidetracked by this bullshit. While you try to focus on the actual game action, check out ten of of the most discussed athlete-starlet couples and vote on which is the most annoying.


San Antonio Spurs point guard Tony Parker & Eva Longoria

New Orleans Saints running back Reggie Bush & Kim Kardashian

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady & Gisele Bundchen

Los Angeles Galaxy midfielder David Beckham & Victoria Beckham

New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez & Madonna

Retired tennis pro Anna Kournikova & Enrique Iglesias

Mixed martial artist Tito Ortiz & Jenna Jameson

New York Islanders center Mike Comrie & Hillary Duff

IndyCar racer Dario Franchitti & Ashley Judd

Politicians have been getting it in with their mistresses for a minute. We asked who had the hottest jumpoff. [LINK]

Madden launched, and we took a look back at the greatest football players in video game history. [LINK]

We took a look at the best of the worst, anti-Asian racism. [LINK]

And From The Complex Network:

Nah Right: Check out behind the scenes footage from T.I's Paper Trail photo shoot. [LINK]

Das Gamer:BioWare Co-Founder Dr. Greg Zeschuck Talks Dragon Age: Origins. [LINK]

Nice Kicks: Converse drops a What If? Pack. [LINK]

On Smash: Curren$y dedicates a track to Brett Favre. [LINK]

Bastardly: Relax, Alicia Sacramone is 20 years old, and it's totally normal to look at her.[LINK]

So of course we thought, What if the two porn queens took it to the vocal booth? Both are known for outstanding oral work, so it stands to reason that a rap battle between the two would be an instant classic. So obviously we had to come up with lyrics for this hypothetical battle'check out the verses below then vote on who has the better spit-game…

Jenna’s Verse:

Bad look in BlackBook, talking so yeasty
I'll wipe my bleached asshole with some T.P.
You can't see me, Queen of Porn, Jenna Jameson
Your last feature had you billed as “that nameless cunt”
I'm such a success, I stopped filming fuck flicks
The only mainstream you know comes out a sucked dick
“Former Ford model” is code for “rusty clunker”
Used-ass ride every dude been in the trunk of
True, you used to be fly, now you look beat up
Lost weight, lost tits, got the DD-cup re-up
Say you natural but that's some bull
We see the Spalding logos on those basketballs
Scary-ass tranny, at least you're a great actress
Who could forget Soul Plane and all those other classics?
Oscar-worthy player, always real and raw
So believable in Tara Patrick AKA Filthy Whore
Your acting career stops at the casting couch
And pretending that you love doing ass to mouth
While you shag your spouse, way to get about something
But Evan's Seinfeld'his dick's about nothing
And nowadays, you only make him semi-hard
He saw better ass in the Oswald prison yard
And he's the only one willing to knock it
Cause you fucked Biohazard and now the pussy's toxic
And you only get more ink than me
When Evan's fucking you while he thinks of me
What's an FHM? I've never heard of it
I've been on Family Guy, all my work's legit
And I did Vice City. You? The 2nd Saint’s Row
My POV, you're bottom bitch from every angle
I'm shitting down your throat like a dump truck
Call it “2 girls, 1 cup,” one star, one slut

Tera’s Verse:

I’m the Queen of the Valley, ma, I’m runnin’ Saints Row
I ride high, you hang low, so I’ma let the brains blow
I got brains, you just blow–takin’ shots? Hi, hater!
All you take is more D’s than a vibrator
I’m queen imperial of spank bank material,
I heard you’re pregnant–gonna name the kid Venereal?
Eggs must be scrambled from the gallons of sperm
You better stay doin’ them Kegels just to carry to term
I lox it down like bagels, make dudes cream for the cheese
You half-man like Sable, lookin’ mean and diseased
Can’t do numbers no more–you just old, washed up,
Ass-out like “2 Girls, 1 Cup”–YUP!
So sad you’re so saggy, vulva look like Richard Nixon
Call you Ticonderoga ’cause you had so many dicks-in
So now you on blast like bukkake, you can’t stop me,
Baby daddy’s the albino retarded version of Rocky
He ain’t Sly, you ain’t slick–no ass, no hips,
Steady lookin’ like a drag queen with them fake-ass lips
And those beach-ball twos ain’t doing nothing for your image
Irrelevant in this business, you the porn Dennis Kucinich
The last time that you was hot was back in 1995,
The little man in the boat, he musta shriveled up and died
So now it’s crossover appeal you goin’ after, please stop it
You look like a canned ham when you hit the red carpets
Trying to take a shot at fame, but Fame be takin’ shots at you
And he brought Billy Danz too–all aboard, choo choo!
Zombie strippers? Listen up: you are not an actor, hon,
I tried to read your book but got the clap by Chapter One
Penicillin did the trick, my pen is illin’ on you, trick
The only way you gainin’ weight is penis fillin’ up your shit
Anorexic-ass heffa, fall back like a recliner
Or TP goes T3 and Schwarzeneggers your vagina…

This bartender is sick with it. 253 cocktails in 60 minutes? Dude is definitely wearing the crown. [TheBachelorGuy]

Stay on your New York shit with these vintage Subway signs. [Uncrate]

Think of this watch as the G-Shock for faux-fashionistas. [Acquire Mag]