Hillary’s officially back in the building, bitches! I applaud Obama’s decision to select her for international diplomacy. I’ve always felt that sending in a sophisticated woman to engage in tough negotiations is far more affective than sending in the goons. But there’s a lot of work to be done. So here’s some tips to help us win back the affection of the world community…

#5: TAKE DONATIONS FOR THE CLINTON FOUNDATION

• There’s no telling how long this gig is gonna last, so she better make it worthwhile. Access to every foreign dignitary is a great way to curry favor for donations. It’s a win-win situation for everyone. For a small monetary gift, world leaders gain special treatment for their agendas while pumping short-term money into the world economy.

# 4: EMBRACE EUROPEAN CULTURE

• After years of being insulted as “Old Europe”, it’s crucial for Hillary to embrace our allies. To start, she could stage a photo-op at an Amsterdam coffee shop with Obama’s half brother or American hero, Michael Phelps, to show international solidarity for cultural pastimes. And per David Shuster’s suggestion, she could even pimp out Chelsea, literally.

#3: OFFER BILL’S “EXPERTISE”

• Although Hillary is clearly a capable diplomat, it’s no secret that part of her appeal is having Bill’s expertise. As a gesture of goodwill, Bill could interview potential interns for foreign leaders and identify the ones most dedicated to satisfying their boss. He could also entertain diplomats’ wives while Hillary discusses business.

#2: EXPEDITE BUSH AND CHENEY TO THE HAGUE

• After arranging for their war crimes indictment, Hillary could make the UN blush by quoting the internationally celebrated Tupac Shakur: “Revenge is the sweetest thing next to getting…”

#1: END THE IRAQI WAR

• Obama just recently admitted that he “screwed up” by nominating tax-evading Tom Daschle to his cabinet. Even though she already payed the price with the election, Hillary could repent for her politically miscalculated vote to go to War and end this bizarre, disturbing chapter. Not only would it rectify our image, but it might also help her sleep at night.

No one except Complex, that is. Yes, always at the vanguard of technology, we dispatched our Twitter spies to get a peek at what certain Washington insiders were saying during today’s historic proceedings…

BigO @Bush41 Yaaaawn. Hurry it up, oldtimer. It’s time for change, not time to look geriatric and deranged.

OBinLaden BEST. SPEECH. EVAR. Wait a second, kidney failure! *dies*

Yep, the Double-D dynamo who ran for California Governor against Arnold in 2003 and again for Lieutenant Governor in 2006 has announced that she’ll be on the ballot this November for the California State Assembly election. In a statement about her new campaign, she said, “I want to energize people into caring about local politics again'much like we've seen in the national primaries. But unlike one of the presidential primary contenders, I'm actually a politician you'd want to get screwed by!” Ouch.

And Clinton better watch her back, because M.C. might be giving her a run for her money if she still wants the job in 8 years. In her gubernatorial concession speech, Mary let her true ambition shine: “Thirteen years from now, when I’m old enough to be eligible, you may see my name on a presidential ballot!” For a refresher on Mary Carey’s nuanced policies, watch a TV ad from her 2003 campaign below.

[VH1Blog]

He recently formed a new side project group with Philly singer Res called Idle Warship, and they’ve recorded a track called “Fall Back” with Star Trak’s Chester French. The song is a response to Hillary Clinton’s insistence on staying in the Democratic primary race, even when it’s mathematically impossible for her to surpass Obama. After the jump, listen to the song and watch accompanying Clinton-filled web video.

Idle Warship f/ Chester French “Fall Back” (2008)

[Nah Right]

[Baller House]