A year ago, even haters had to begrudgingly root for the Boston Celtics. After sinking to new lows in 2006-07, honoring recently deceased coaching legend Red Auerbach with a 24-58 record and a franchise worst 18-game losing streak, the once proud Celts organization finally did something right when general manager Danny Ainge teamed Paul Pierce with Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen. Perennial All-Stars who’d given their best years to shitty Minnesota Timberwolves and Seattle SuperSonics squads, respectively, they formed “The Big Three,” a trio of hungry aging ballers who would push their mamas down stairs to win a ring. KG, in particular, changed the culture of the team, convincing guys who’d only known losing to hustle and think of the Celts as a brotherhood (James Posey then added the awkward extended man-hug to the mix).

KG’s borderline psychotic passion and intensity rubbed off on everyone, including non-Celtic fans, who wanted to see him triumph, even if it meant spoiled Boston drunks fans getting yet another title. But now that the Celtics are defending NBA champions, it’s officially OK to hate them again. In fact, it’s the right thing to do. Read on to for five reasons that you should hate the C’s.


INSIDER TRADING
• The trade that brought KG and a championship to Boston was made possible by Kevin McHale, the hopelessly inept Minnesota Timberwolves GM who happens to be a former Celtic great. Thanks to him, Minny was destined to do nothing, so he figured he’d help his Boston boy Ainge out by giving them an All-Star and fan favorite in exchange for one possible future second fiddle (Al Jefferson), some bench players, two cotton candy vendors and the promise that he’d get half off on a replica ring if they won it all. If Martha Stewart had to serve time for her stock dealings, McHale and Ainge should be sharing a prison cell for the next decade running the pick and roll on each other’s pubes.

CRYING GAME
• It’s impossible to respect Glen “Big Baby” Davis after he cried and threw a fit on national TV because KG reprimanded him for sucking. In Davis’s defense, the arena was dusty. And his thong was really pinching his labia.

YOUNG PUNKS
• The downside of KG’s chest-thumping, shit-talking and psycho stares is that he has the lil c’s thinking they have license to brag and get in people’s faces too, even though they won on the backs of greater men (lengthy NBA pause) and are little more than weed carriers. Tell ‘em, Lil Cease.

JOCK SUPPORTERS
• Boston’s miserable, often drunk, often racist fans used to think they were special because their teams always lost. Now they think they’re special because their teams always win. Win or lose, it’s officially time for a Boston Teabag Party.

CHAMP CHANGE
• The Big Three are old (some might say geriatric) news in 2008-09, and the NBA needs a new champion. This year it’s all about LeBron James and the Cavaliers bringing a title to depressed Cleveland so he can fulfill his promise to his home state before promptly fleeing to [optimistically insert your city here] as a free agent in 2010. Of course, you could also root for Kobe Bryant to win a ring without Shaq. If you’re a fan of anal adultery, that is.

New York Jets QB Brett Favre is a lock for the Hall of Fame. He’s also a world-class dick. While jock-slobbering media types would have you believe the good ol’ boy gunslinger is the perfect teammate, the truth is #4 is only out for self. According to FOX’s Jay Glazer, the former Green Bay star tried to cock block the Packers by revealing offensive secrets to their week two opponent, the lowly Detroit Lions (who still couldn’t win the damn game).

Favre was apparently bitter because the Pack wouldn’t let him come out of retirement and automatically reclaim the starting QB job from Aaron Rodgers, or go to a division rival, where he could try to punish them twice a year for their mistake. Sadly, snitching isn’t Favre’s only offense. Read on for five more reasons why Brett Favre is a dick…


UNETHICAL RELATIONSHIP WITH THE MEDIA
Most athletes cheat on their wives as quietly as possible with call girls and groupies. Favre prefers to have his balls licked publicly by NFL analysts/announcers/fluffers Peter King and John Madden. Reached for comment, King had this to say of their wholly inappropriate relationship: “Gobble gobble gobble slurp.”

LAYING DOWN FOR A FRIEND
According to the liberal media, Favre is the most competitive player of all time…and yet he took a dive in 2001 so his pal Michael Strahan could break Mark Gastineau’s single-season sack record. For that, he gets another sack'right on his chin.

BEING AN OLD FART
Favre shares secrets with his enemy’s enemy, but what does he give his own teammates in the huddle when they’re looking for guidance and leadership? A big ol’ hi-larious ass-burp. Pfft-thetic.

RAISING THE STEAKS
What’s beef? Brett Favre’s Steakhouse contributing to Wisconsin’s public health problems. Aside from throwing a touchdown pass for the Jets, nothing gives #4 greater pleasure than spotting livers (pronounce “lirves”) with Favre Chardonnay and making sure his old fans sweat cheddar on their deathbeds.

FONDLING GON-ADS
This is what we took from watching Favre’s Wrangler Jeans commercial: He’s comfortable…with keeping a team of young male models chained up in the shed in case he needs to feed his hunger for extremely-soft-touch football. Pats on the ass all around.

Be sure to read more on B.o.B. in the April/May issue of Complex magazine on newsstands now.