5. AL REYNOLDS

• Target: View host, gastric-bypass denier and self-delusional blowhard Star Jones
Despite a pre-nuptial agreement, this fool proposed at the NBA All-Star Game, then spent the three years of their horridly publicized marriage on the DL (no Hughley). Also continues to deny that he’s super, thanks for asking.
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4. MARK HARRIS

• Target: Martha Raye, denture wearer
Who? Oh, you know, just another example of the age-old story: boy meets boy, boy spends life as a gay man, then boy marries a 75-year-old woman with Alzheimer’s who’s 35 years older than him (a month after meeting her), boy fights the woman’s daughter to block her from the estate, boy eventually inherits $4 million when the woman dies a double amputee. It’s the stuff dreams are made of!
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3. STEDMAN GRAHAM

• Target: Jizzillionaire Oprah Winfrey (seriously, we’d nut if we had that much money)
Thought you were about to cake off, huh? Oprah’s too smart for that, Stedman! No marriage for you! Now go change your name, you sound like an Austrian dessert.
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2. KEVIN FEDERLINE

• Target: Hot teen, not-so-hot twentysomething, and nonshaver Britney Spears
If you can actually convince a senseless multimillionaire to marry your unemployed ass, and then let you wear a sweatsuit that says “PIMP DADDY” to the wedding party, then we can’t even hate. Popozao, baby.
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1. GUY RITCHIE

• Target: Human-tarantula hybrid, scourge of insular cultures, and soy-latte drinker Madonna
She shit on your movies and stepped out with the most annoying baseball player since Crash Davis. We’ve got your back, homie; now go get that a milli a milli a mlli (repeat 61 more times).

Related: The Shotcaller: Guy Ritchie

Regardless of what happened, it seems like Guy has become the forgotten solider in this saga. Until now. Complex would like to announce that we’re riding with Team Ritchie. In case he ends up getting a divorce, we’ve compiled a list of other cougar '80s pop stars who might be able fill Madge’s shoes. See our choices after the jump.

Kylie Minogue

After recently taking top billing in a poll that asked British men who they'd love to date, it's apparent that Ms. Minogue still has it. The 40 year old is a resilient beauty'a few years ago she beat breast cancer before releasing her tenth album. Since she knows a little bit about comebacks herself, Kylie could definitely help Guy plot his own.

Lisa Lisa

Those beefcakes from Full Force had her back throughout the '80s, so we never got a stab at this sexy around the way girl, who put Freestyle music on the map with the Cult Jam. Nowadays, L-squared has settled down into the domestic life, playing a mother on a short-lived Nickelodeon show and raising kids of her own. You know she would treat that adopted African baby like it was her own.

Debbie Gibson

Teen pop idol Deborah Ann was way ahead of her time. Back in 1987, she was the youngest person to write, produce and perform a song that hit #1 on the billboard chart (until Soulja Boy came along). Sure she's 38 now, but her figure is still in check. Don’t believe us? Check out the March 2005 issue of Playboy.

Shelia E.

Even at 51, this '80s drummer/singer looks fly, making recent cameos on American Idol and The Next Great American Band. Come on, Guy…anyone who thinks Prince is normal enough to hang out with for an extended period of time has to be down for anything.

Janet Jackson

It’s conceivable that Janet could be ready to replace her baby-Gap boyfriend Jermaine Dupri. After all, he did screw up two of her albums in a row. And if there’s one thing Guy learned from making Swept Away with Madonna, it’s to keep business and pleasure completely separated.

The film revolves around a crew of London criminals'led by 300’s Gerard Butler'who scramble for a piece of the pie in a Russian mobster’s real estate scam. Also appearing in the film are Thandie Newton, Jeremy Piven, Idris Elba and Ludacris. The movie comes out on October 31 in the U.S., so watch the first trailer after the jump.

[Empire via AICN]

Well, the swoosh has outdone themselves this time. Nike premiered its new ad during yesterday's Manchester United v. Barcelona match, and it turns out it was directed by Madonna's boo Guy Ritchie (with music from the Eagles of Death Metal) and features cameos from a host of futbol heroes, including Arsene “The Professor” Wenger, Cristiano “Man Bag” Ronaldo, “Let's Talk About” Cesc Fabregas, Marco “The Headbuttee” Materazzi, Ronaldinho, and Ruud “Horseface” van Nistelrooy. Titled “Take It To The Next Level,” the advert puts the viewer in the boots'er, shoes'of an up-and-coming professional player'sort of like Fifa 08's “Be a Pro” mode, only it's actually good. Not ashamed to say that we've already watched this commercial five times today. See the full advertisement after the jump.

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