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Under Burress! 5 Athletes Who Should Be Doing More Time Than Plaxico

intern — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 19:17:09 +0000

Nobody’s ever accused football players of being the sharpest cheeses in the larder, but we’re thinking Plaxico Burress may be the dumbest yet. You’ll recall that last fall, Plax shot himself in the leg at a New York nightclub; now Manhattan DA Robert Morgenthau is saying that Burress can expect at least two years in prison for the mishap. Stupid Plax! He could’ve killed somebody and done half the time!

We don’t want to trivialize unregistered gun usage, but plenty of athletes have done far worse and done far less time than Burress. And we definitely aren’t in favor of locking more people up, but if the former Giants receiver is getting two years, we’ve got 5 Athletes Who Should Be Doing More Time Than Plaxico…

5. TONYA HARDING
CRIME: Conspiring to assault opponent Nancy Kerrigan
PUNISHMENT: 3 years probation, 500 hours community service, and $160,000 fine
• While Burress is staring down a bid at Sing-Sing for kneecapping himself, Harding kneecapped her opponent and ended up with a weed whacker at some cemetery. If it’s any consolation to Plax, at least he won’t have to face Tonya’s post-conviction white trash spiral of sex tapes, DUIs, and prescription drug abuse. We hope.

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4. JIM LEYRITZ
CRIME: Vehicular homicide while driving drunk with a suspended license
PUNISHMENT: 10 days in county jail
• So let’s see here: Leyritz kills somebody, blames them for it, and gets 10 days. If it’s any consolation to Plax, at least he’s not going to hell.

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3. DONTÉ STALLWORTH
CRIME: DUI and second degree manslaughter
PUNISHMENT: 30 days in jail (24 served), 1,000 hours of community service, 2 years of house arrest, and 8 years probation
• Stallworth pleaded guilty to the charges and reached a settlement with the victim’s family, but no amount of community service will change the fact that dude mowed down an innocent construction worker with his Bentley. Of course using the Plaxico example, if Stallworth had run over his own foot with the Bentley, then he’d really be in trouble.

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2. LEONARD LITTLE
CRIME: Vehicular manslaughter while driving drunk
PUNISHMENT: 90 days in jail, 4 years probation, and 1000 hours of community service
• The poster dude for NFL DUI fuckery, Little took a slap on the wrist for drunkenly running over and killing a young woman. He was then arrested again for speeding and driving drunk and walked away with only the misdemeanor charge of speeding.

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1. O.J. SIMPSON
CRIME: ~~Double homicide~~ Failing to find the real killers
PUNISHMENT: $12.5 million fine in a civil suit
• Ok, ok, so O.J. was never convicted, but if he did it, he got away with a doozy. Wait, they’ve never actually proved that it was Plax’s DNA on that gun, now have they!

Hybrid Knife-Gun Keeps Haters At Bay

dscott — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 22:05:20 +0000

At Complex, we don’t condone violence unless it’s done in self defense. If some one steps to you, handle yours. But now-a-days, fewer and fewer people choose to shoot the fair one, opting instead to just shoot. What happens when you literally bring a knife to a gun fight?

If you had this pocket knife gun combination, you’d be ready for anything. Details are scarce, but from the looks of it, if you feel like a blade just won’t save your ass, you load low-caliber bullets into the handle of the knife, close it shut and let off. We doubt it’s legal, but this is a pretty sick hybrid weapon. Watch a video of it in action below.

[DVICE]

Rappers Remember Sean Bell

treats — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 22:44:19 +0000

Today the three New York Police officers that gunned down Sean Bell were found not guilty. With New York in an uproar over the outcome of last November’s shooting in front of Club Kalua, and protests by Al Sharpton in the works, rappers like Mickey Factz, Prodigy and Queensbridge affiliate Un Pacino also expressed their feelings about the trial before the outcome. Listen to both songs after the jump.

Prodigy “Field Marshall P” from H.N.I.C. 2 (2008)

Mickey Factz “I’m Sean (50 Shots More)” The Leak: Vol. 1 (2008)

Related:

- We Really Like Prodigy's H.N.I.C. Pt. 2

- Prodigy's Supporting Cast Shows H.N.I.C. 2 Love

The Game Ends Speculation On Release

treats — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 16:30:44 +0000

As it turns out, the Game was in fact released from prison last week according to an MTV report.

“Due to the sensitive negotiations on this matter I felt it appropriate not to give an exact date on my release.”

And the winner is…The Game! Despite the six days he spent in jail compared to Paris Hilton’s 23-day sentence, his street cred is unaffected by his short stay, especially given the circumstances of his felony charge for gun possession in a school zone.

[Via MTV]

The Game Free After 8 Days In Jail

treats — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 22:19:15 +0000

Jayceon Taylor, a.k.a The Game was released today after serving 8 of his 60 days in jail. Paris Hilton, who served 23 on a 45-day sentence was unavailable for comment on her booming street cred.

UPDATE: Seems as though Jayceon is still behind bars, and was only moved to another housing facility causing the confusion, and rumor that he was released. We’ll continue to keep a close eye on the Paris/Game race for street-cred.