Hollywood’s Most Entertaining Male Gigolos

intern — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 22:36:06 +0000

What could be better than spreading your seed around town? Spreading your seed around town and getting paid for it, son! And what’s even better than that? Well, according to critics, HBO’s new series Hung is. The dark comedy, which premieres this weekend, is about a well-endowed, down-on-his-luck high school basketball coach (Thomas Jane) who becomes a male escort to make ends meet. And meet ends he does!

HBO is hardly the first to tap into the gigolo genre. Something about the concept of a male prostitute is oddly tantalizing for creative types, and the idea has found its way into movies, television shows, and music over the years. In honor of the market for meat, we give you our list of the most entertaining gigolos. Trust us, it pays (to read on)…

MIDNIGHT COWBOY, 1969
• Not only does this movie exemplify Dustin Hoffman’s pimp swagger, literally, it also features a young Jon Voight who plays a prostitute that dresses up like a gay Ken doll. Best line of the movie? “I’m walkin’ here!”

AMERICAN GIGOLO, 1980
• Richard Gere is the most classic example of a cinematic ~~pimp~~ whore. But it was a sad day when we learned that “You’re a very pretty girl and you like me, I can tell,” doesn’t work in the real world, unless of course you’re Richard Gere.

UNDER THE CHERRY MOON, 1986
• Prince isn’t your conventional gigolo in this overly dramatic black-and-white flick. But some customers like men who look like women who look like men. Who are we to judge?

COCKTAIL, 1988
• Tom Cruise isn’t exactly what you’d call a “prostitute” in this prelude to Coyote Ugly, but he does bang his boss to get ahead in business. Scientology says: Beware of rising Thetan levels!

LOVERBOY, 1989
• Patrick Dempsey delivers the goods in this late-’80s man whore masterpiece, posing as a pizza boy who makes sure “his customers always come first.” Unfortunately for delivery boys, few real women get turned on by the promise of a “greasy sausage slice.”

MY OWN PRIVATE IDAHO, 1991
• Keanu Reeves, River Phoenix, and Director Gus Van Sant teamed up for this rather homo-erotic movie about two street hustlers who sell their bodies to anybody with money. Keanu credits this for helping him whore himself for The Matrix 2 and 3.

DEUCE BIGALOW: MALE GIGOLO, 1999
• This classic Rob Schneider flick made it funny to sell your body to fat narcoleptic chicks. Don’t sleep.

SONNY, 2002
• After returning home from the army in the 1981, Sonny Phillips (James Franco) returns to the only life he’s ever known: whoring. Who the fuck needs a 401K when they can make 401K fucking?

FLIGHT OF THE CONCORDS, SEASON 2
• After falling on hard times, Bret and Jemaine try their hand at the gigolo game. Check out their song about it. It’s in the key of D, of course.

IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA, SEASON 3
• If you’re going to be tricked into the sex trade, who better to trick you out than your dad? Pops goes the weasel for real!

MICKEY AVALON
• Love him of leave him (or love him and leave him), real-life former gigolo Mickey sold himself out and not his music. At least until he did that Boost Moble ad.

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Hollywood’s Most Entertaining Male Gigolos